Week 329 – Remembering Stewpot, Wondering If Two Snowflakes Are Frightened Of Everything And China Crisis Did Some Good Songs.

It’s Saturday afternoon.

It’s Twelve O’ Clock.

And this is post 329.

I hated ‘Crackerjack’.

It was a kids show that ended with a quiz. If the kid got a question correct, they got a prize that they had to hold. If they got it wrong they were given a cabbage. If they dropped anything, they got another cabbage.

But on the bright side, the wee stupid weans would at least have coleslaw and soup to eat for a few weeks!

Those were the days when you learned to lose!! Nothing like these days of praising kids for shit art, shit music and shit sport prowess!

Following on a little bit from last week with something that came up this week, I’d like to mention another returning theme – profanity.

There are two arguments that are always used.

1. You have very little to say if you use profanity.

2. There is a vast vocabulary so why use it?

My two answers to that are:

1. That is fucking insulting! The world is full of very articulate and intelligent swearers.

2. Because it is used!!

I will over-simplify (I excel at that!!) When you are writing a story and are using dialogue, ask yourself one question – Would my character swear in any of the situations I’ve put them in?

If the answer is ‘Yes’, then use it. ‘If the answer is ‘No’ then don’t.

There are not many of my stories where there is no colourful language and that’s not because I have a potty mouth, (Although, by fuck, do I!!) it’s because my characters would swear.

In my own life, I reckon I’ve only known three people who never swore and I can’t even say that with any authority, as I’ve never been with them all day every day. I come from a place where it is commonplace to hear things like:

Fuck sake.

Bastarding fuck.

Jesus fucking fucking fuck!

Stop fucking swearing, there’s a wee old wumin in front of us you ignorant fucker.

Fucking…Fucking…Fucking BOO!!! (A nod to Fred MacCauley for that one. I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before but it is worth another tell.)

Your weans fucking language is atrocious.

In the name of fuck.

Every one of these I have heard. (Apart from Fred’s) The more generic ones on a daily basis. So how could I write about what I see and hear without using profanity??

I reckon that using profanity in writing has nothing to do with lack of intelligence but it has a lot do with recognising who your characters are!

I’d like to go back to me saying that I couldn’t be sure about those three un-swearers due to me not being with them all day, everyday. That makes me think on the idea that no two snow-flakes are the same?? How the fuck can anyone say that with any confidence? I’d be happy to do that as a job. Work at a Pole and study snowflakes, looking for two the same. It would be great to stare up at the stars and realise that some fucker had stolen my igloo! (Sorry – That is a very old postcard joke about two penguins.)

I’ve worked with a lot of people with addiction problems and at one training session I was told that every addict smoked. It has a logic to it. If you have none of what you are addicted to, then you will replace it with something else. However I was determined to find someone who was an exception.

It took me a few years but sadly I did. The wee fellow was a raging alcoholic but he’d never smoked. The reason I said ‘sadly’, was I’d worked with him about twenty years back. I came across another two old workmates, a cousin and three ex-classmates. That makes you take a bit of stock of your life! (And they all swore! I think they had reason!!)

Okay onto this week’s stories.

For the first time in a very long while, we had no newbies.

This is just as exciting as having all newbies! It shows that our long established writers still have a passion for the site. The writers that we showcased this week have around two hundred and fifty stories between them!

And we need to congratulate Doug Hawley into the ‘Under Three Percent Club.’ He is one of only a very few who have reached double figures with his stories.

Our topics this week included; mourning, skudiness, a whodunnit, bigotry and loss.

As always our initial comments follow.

First up was The Legend.

Tom Sheehan continues to send us a vast body of quality work. ‘Temporarily Unemployed‘ was another.

‘Very amusing.’

‘I love the opening line.’

‘The idea of her going to the unemployment office naked is brilliant!’

On Tuesday, Yash Seyedbagheri was next up with ‘Front Seat.’

‘So much loss and sadness.’

‘There’s always a freshness to a common theme within these stories.’

‘You get the idea of someone trying to make sense of it all but still trying to keep going.’

Marco Etheridge broke the back of the week on Wednesday with ‘The Fall Guy.‘

‘Great tone with believable characters.’

‘Really good story, well told.’

‘It all holds together very well.’

There is no introduction needed for Fred Foote.

He nearly finished off the week on Thursday with ‘The Name Of The Game.’

‘I’m crying!’

‘It will be an honour to publish this!!’

‘It is always a privilege to read Fred’s work – This one is up there with his best!’

And on Friday, we had Doug Hawley with, ‘Half‘.

Keep Rockin’ In The Free World Doug and congratulations once again!!!

‘Some very clever bits to this.’

‘Really enjoyable, it was different.’

‘This was judged beautifully. Considering the subject matter, it could have went maudlin but Doug controlled it superbly.’

That’s us done for another week.

Please remember brain fingering and comment. (I had to use it again!!)

And we’ve picked up another two folks who have sent us in some Re-Runs. You will see them over the next month or so. But we are always looking for more!

Just to finish off

I need to hold back a bit here as I could rant for so long. Last week we had the G7 summit in Cornwall. I couldn’t believe my eyes on the day that they were discussing climate change and the reduction of carbon footprints, they were treated to a display by the Red Arrows. I don’t think irony is a word our leaders understand.

When I saw them on the beach all I did was pray for an old unexploded WW11 bomb to be set off due to the sound waves from the Red Arrows. Now that would have been an irony I could have lived with. Unfortunately that didn’t happen so all I’m left with is wishful thinking.

Hugh