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Week 309 – Beef Pavlova, The Twelve O’Clock Rule And Kids – Do You Really Know What Snail Mail Is?

Do you ever wonder why you do things?

Me, I contemplate why I throw salt over my shoulder, why I touch my collar and knee every time I see an ambulance, why I touch black when I see a hearse, why I need to close doors, why I need to remove a plate that I’ve finished with, why I work harder than my body allows, why I write these and more importantly why I don’t really kill some folks.

But hey-ho – Most of us are probably in the same boat. Well those of us who have embraced our madness and don’t simply want to talk about it.

And if anyone takes offence to that last sentence just fuck off and accept that some of us don’t want to talk about anything. We’ll let the not talking fuck us up severely or not depending on what you believe.

Being Scottish is about taking every fucking thing that annoys you and being vocal about it but also not being true to yourself and ramming it so far down your throat until it eventually comes out your arse when you die. That’s when folks remember you and say – He didn’t mention ‘that’ but he sure as fuck talked out his arse.

‘That’ is like ‘Them’. It’s vague and ambiguous but we all know that is them without names!

Why am I writing this? Well it could be some sort of self-help shite or I’m making a deep meaningful point about writing. Here’s a thought guys, maybe I’m just pished and not in control of what I’m writing!

Nope – That’s not it – If I wasn’t in control, fuck me, topics would be a lot worse and some people would be wished dead in some very inventive and imaginative ways!!

The reason that I am writing this is…

… Answers on a postcard!!

Okay, I don’t want a *postcard – Fuck! There are kids out there who don’t even know what that is!!

Anyhow – I’m talking in a round-a-bout way about ambiguity and no reasoning (Is it true that Japan has no round-a-bouts?? Are there more countries who know nothing about the joy of a four lane death trap? Is a round-a-bout only a British thing – I know not.)

And yep I’m making a point about writing, but me being deep and meaningful is like a meringue with mince, it just doesn’t happen.

We’ve had a few submissions that we haven’t a clue about. Now this is the weird thing, sometimes when this happens, we’re happy to be puzzled, but other times, it simply irritates and we haven’t a Scooby what the difference between the intriguing and annoying is.

In a way the writers of this type of story are very brave because their work will go one way or the complete opposite.

I have a suspicion that the successful ones are those stories where the writer is puzzled. The others, where the writer has an agenda and a secret reasoning are maybe the ones that come across as irritating. But I really don’t know. All I can say is if you write in this way, expect an easy yes or a very strong no, there will be no discussion about merits or pitfalls. It’s simply a decision of:

This is fucking pish and this prick is so far up their own arse they could kiss their tonsils.


By fuck is this intriguing – I haven’t a clue to what is going on!!

So if you write this way are you brave, stupid, up your own arse or a genius???

…Answers on a post…Oh fuck I’ve done that already – Maybe I lied when I said I wasn’t a bit pished!!

There is no rhyme or reason to this. I think I would say that as writers, you all know when something is special no matter whether it makes sense or not.

That little flutter in your stomach when you’ve written something good tells you!!!!

Okay onto this week’s stories.

We only had one new writer, one returning author and three well established stalwarts.

Our topics this week included; taking, them, removing, a cowboy and a safe place.

As always our initial comments follow.

First up was Thomas Howarth with his second story for us.

Right Honourable Friends‘ got us up and running on Monday.

‘It was like tofu, only better’ – I think I feel sick!’

‘Amusing and worrying.’

‘Different, clever and a brave subject to take on.’

The Truth Will Set You Free‘ was Alex Sinclair’s ninth story.

This was published on Tuesday.

‘I was pretty much hooked on this.’

‘The writing was edgy and imaginative.’

‘One of Alex’s usual jolly jaunts – Brilliant!’

Our only new writer broke the back of the week. We extend a very warm welcome to Jazeen Hollings.

George And The Horse‘ was next up on Wednesday.

‘This was wonderfully grim.’

‘Great build up of tension.’

‘Sad, scary and dreadful.’

This writer has been sending us in a wonderful body of work lately. You will see more of him in the coming weeks.

Yash Seyedbegheri had his fourth story, ‘Bathroom Throne‘ published on Friday.

‘Great tone to this.’

‘Them stocking the fridge with the type of food that they did was rather poignant.’

‘Yash does this type of story quite brilliantly.’

And we finished with the site legend.

Nothing needs to be said except, there was Tom for the 130th time!!

Scrawleg And The Turban Man’ was next up on Friday.

‘I enjoyed reading this.’

‘The images of the sheep being herded was very well done.’

‘The characters were so visible.’

Well that’s us for another week.

Usual folks.

I see there were a few new folks who commented, please keep doing so.

And have a go at the Sunday Re-Run. Check last weeks posting for an explanation!

No mucking about here – I’m writing this on the anniversary of the liberation of Auschwitz.

We all need to remember.

I always thought that Alex Haley’s ‘Roots’ and Gerald Green’s ‘Holocaust’ should be compulsive viewing in schools. But in the madness of this PC day and age would some argue against the idea of this being compulsive?

If they do, they are wrong.


*For all the youngsters – A Postcard was a version of a **letter that wasn’t in an envelope so anyone could read what you had written. (A bit like when you send pictures to your ‘friend’ who is actually fifty seven and will share them with the like-minded.)

** A letter was a form of communication when you actually wrote words and the spelling was all up to you. You put it in an ***envelope and attached a ****stamp.

*** An envelope was a packaging for a letter which you stuck down by licking a pre-gummed edging. Doing this always caused you to cut your tongue but you were happy about this as the taste of blood took the horrible taste of the glue out of your mouth.

**** A stamp is a certificate of payment to show that the *****postage was paid for. A stamp is also pre-glued and has a picture of the most powerful and privileged woman in the world on it. Feel free to use different and more unacceptable bodily fluids to rub into the back of its head. (I’m not sure what pronoun it would want me to use as The Illumanati are notoriously difficult to sex.)

*****Postage is the price it costs to send a letter. It is rising as we speak and is projected by this time in 2025, to be akin to mortgages.

Hugh, I think this is definitely one of your more ‘obscure’ posts. It is amusing of course and there are valid and valuable points made in among the total mayhem. hmm as this is the day after Burn’s night I have to wonder if that has bearing on the writing.

#Yes there are quite a number of other countries who do not have traffic roundabouts. I well remember approaching one in Oman in a car driven by an American friend who said – ‘I have no idea what to do here’ hmmm – ah well we survived. Australia doesn’t have them – but they do have venomous spiders so that’s probably enough danger for one country to cope with.

##Yes, we must always remember the holocaust, of course. As for compulsory viewing – I’m not sure they can do that anymore without offended outcry quieting the voice of reason. But surely something so horrendous and dreadful should, at the very least, be mentioned because of the horror perpetrated on thousands of innocents and also because once we forget then the way is open for such evil to rise again.


Image: Auschwitz – Image by Carl S from Pixabay 

8 thoughts on “Week 309 – Beef Pavlova, The Twelve O’Clock Rule And Kids – Do You Really Know What Snail Mail Is?”

  1. Ignorance of the Holocaust is caused by the same thing Wiesel brought up when he wrote to the effect that the main reason we now worry about nuclear war ending the world stems from the human race sitting idly by and knowingly allowing Adolph Hitler to murder millions before doing something about him. I, for one, do not hold God accountable for any of it.


    1. Hi Leila,
      Thanks as always!
      I can’t imagine how the soldiers who liberated these camps felt and subsequently handled what they saw.
      I do not for one minute believe that this travesty was a surprise to any government in Europe or America.
      Blame – Well that may not be 100% one way. Compliance and ignoring may have contributed to a small percentage of that blame and I wouldn’t have wanted the conscience of that minority! (Whoever decides to own it)


  2. Apocrypha and other much loved fossils from the past I once lived: Postcards written with an eye to space, the interminable joy and pain of lay-away at Christmas, the foul taste of a stamp on a cold morning, roundabouts taken at full speed in an old work truck, around and around without exiting, until my son squealed that he was going to puke, madness hurled into a night without stars, and kicking holy fuck out of a holocaust denier. It’s a bit like singing “My Favorite Things,” but without the saccharine shite taste left in ones mouth.


    1. Hi Marco,
      Thanks so much for the comments!
      I think Blake Edwards missed a Trick with S.O.B – I reckon he should have had Julie Andrew’s topless sequence played to ‘Favourite Things’!!
      All the very best my fine friend.


  3. Fun post. I hope writing it gave you a flutter in your stomach, Hugh. Roundabouts are becoming more common in the states, particularly where roads aren’t on a grid. Now if I can just stop closing my eyes when I enter one.


    1. Hi Dave,
      There is a four lane round-a-about with traffic lights just as you come into Ayr. It doesn’t matter when you work out what you are doing as there are so many folks who just do what they want. The best way to navigate round is hit the left hand lane and be quicker than anyone else.
      Thanks as always for the kind words.


  4. As always your posts/rants are very entertaining and wonderful glimpses into the past and into your psyche. I love postcards/letters and sending and receiving them. I find it sad that it’s become a thing of the past and thanks to the high cost of postage stamps (at least in Canada) that is another contributor to the decline of that wonderful idyl from the past. Say what you will about texts and emails, there’s nothing like getting real mail in your postbox.
    You are also entitled to hold onto your beliefs as most of our beliefs are rooted in personal experiences but always leave room for dialogue. What is funny though is watching people manage in a roundabout, at least here in Canada where we have so few. Yet they would be so cost-effective vs the current cloverleaf system we have. But people really are freaked out by a roundabout as were we on our first trip to the UK. Once you think about their mechanics, they are a great solution. Thanks again for enlightening me.


    1. Hi Monika,
      It’s not often I have been told that I enlighten.
      Annoy – Yes. Enrage – Definitely and Repel – More times than I care to mention – But that’s families for you!
      It is so good to read your take on things and I can’t tell you how much we appreciate your comments.
      All the very best.


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