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Week 308 – Does Anyone Remember: Old Blind Jack Getting Carried Away By Dwarves? When A Competition Needed To Be Worked At? And Dr Who In A Skirt Before Dr Who Could Wear A Skirt?

Well it’s now Week 308!

I have no inspiration this week so I’ve decided to do something a wee bit different.

I was hoping that I could write some plaudits regarding John Higgins after some of the best snooker I’ve ever seen with his match against Ronnie O’Sullivan in the quarter final of ‘The Masters’ but he was beaten in the final by a twenty year old. (Fair play to Yan Bingtao though! That boy has some bottle!)

It is very writing relative as it is a total play on words. Not the snooker! The thing that is a wee bit different!

To explain.

I was an avid radio listener up until around 1986. The music got shite after that. Well to be truthful, what I mean was that there was a higher percentage of shite to good songs and that has continued since then. Before ’86 there were more good songs than bad.

I also think I had a premonition that in the next ten years the bastardisation of rock would be formed into fucking coldplay. (Fuck them – I’m not even capitalising them)

I listened to Radio 1 when we had the genius of Adrian John in the morning. (I heard the donkey!!!) and Steve Wright’s characters in the afternoon (Uzi Nine Millimetre!!)

Simon Bates ‘Our Tune’ was hysterical for all the wrong reasons – The sincerity was awful and the sad stories made you hurt yourself laughing. There were a few I could write about but by fuck would you judge me!

And we won’t go down the Jimmy Saville or Stuart Hall road!! DJ for some sick fucks stood for ‘Dicking juniors’.

At one time, we had The Breakfast Show presented by ‘The Hairy Cornflake’ who was a bit of a tit and only knew one ‘interesting’ word which was ‘Hersuit’. His name was Dave Lee Travis and he had an interest of The Charge Of The Light Brigade’ (Fuck knows how I remember that!)

Anyhow he did a segment called ‘The Cringe’ and all you had to do was say what wasn’t said and that would give you the name of a song. The one that I was proud to get was this.

In olden times there were two absolute rivals, fierce rivals, specific rivals, Nomatter and ‘Hicks’.

Hicks always got the better of Nomatter as he used the water around Nomatter’s Fort to attack from.

Nomatter eventually got wise to this and he filled in the water.

Hicks didn’t like this one bit. He disliked this immensely.

If you summarise what is written, you get a song. Can you name it?

One clue I would give you is the singer of this song said, ‘You can’t help who you fall in love with.’ (Hah! I don’t think it is quoted anywhere!! Although I have mentioned it a few times.)

Okay onto this weeks stories.

We had two new writers and three old friends of the site.

We extend the usual welcome to our débutantes.

Topics this week include; siblings, dogfights, a slogan a scheme and an ending.

As always our initial comments follow.

First up was Yash Seyedbagheri.

Even though this is only Yash’s third story for us, he has many more coming up.

More Ice Cream‘ got us up and running on Monday.

‘This was a real tear-jerker.’

‘The spilt ice cream was what made him finally lose it.’

‘This was a realistic representation on the effects of a broken marriage.’

Our first new writer was next up.

We hope that Tom Clarke enjoys his time on the site.

Fallen From Grace‘ was Tom’s story for us on Tuesday.

‘Excellent ending.’

‘There is some brilliant imagery throughout.’

‘A case of an MC thinking deeply.’

And what can I write about Wednesday’s writer?

To say that adding up Leila’s stories is a complicated endeavour is an understatement. Not only has she a multitude of work by a few personas, she also has some of the longest titles which means you can’t trust to count single lines as one story.

But what I do think I have got right is the amazing fact that Leila has now seventy seven acceptances in a row! That can’t be done but she has done it. (And very fecking easily I might add!!)

When you look at the quality of her work, could you argue with any one of her acceptances??

Leila keeps knocking them out the park.

Peety The PDQ Pilsner Pigeon‘ was her latest offering.

‘A fantasy but when you think on it, there is a logical sense to it that holds it all together.’

‘You think you’ve got her by spotting a plot hole but then she covers it effortlessly!’

‘Leila is fearless in some of her content.’

On Thursday (Does anyone remember that I banned the ‘P’ word??) we had our second new writer.

We add us wishing for a long association with both of them as well as the welcome and us hoping that both of them have fun on the site. (That is a very cack handed way in saying what I normally do! I’m having a conscience issue with repetition at the moment – Please see further on!)

A Hunger In The Depth‘ was Patrick O’Connor’s story for us.

‘It’s different but makes a lot of sense.’

‘Really well thought out.’

‘Science Fiction isn’t my favourite but I really did enjoy this, it was clever and entertaining.’

And to finish off we had another legend.

Fred K. Foote was published on the site for the sixty sixth time, ‘Goodbye‘ said ‘Goodbye’ to the week.

‘It makes you realise the benefit of being able to talk openly.’

‘There is only a touch – But you get a clear idea on each relationship.’

‘The MC came across as realistic and honest.’

That’s us for another week.

I actually hate this part as it is so repetitive.

I’ve tried mentioning Miss Anderson, I’ve even at times advised folks to look back but no matter what I have to type what I am just about to. I need to. If it takes me another thousand times and two people think ‘I’m gonna huv me some of that’ then it’s worth it.

Please keep commenting guys. And for those who haven’t, please start commenting guys.

Have a go at a Sunday Re-Run. Just pick an older story that you’ve enjoyed and write a spiel or an introduction for the story. Throw in a few questions for the writer and we’ll publish exactly what you send us. (You can even say bad words like ‘gosh’, ‘golly’ and ‘damn’ but we would prefer ‘fuck.’)

I even had a look to see if there were any good quotes on repetition but I have to say, most of them are really boring.

Although, I did like:

Repetition does not transfer a lie into a truth. (Roosevelt.

And I’ll add one that always makes me smile.

I’m hoping to put his love for repetition to good use one day. (Amy about Sheldon Cooper in ‘The Big Bang’)

I was saddened this week to read of the death of Andy Gray.

This might not mean anything to many of our friends overseas but Andy was a brilliant Scottish character actor.

He was in a comedy series called ‘City Lights’ which was about a guy called Wullie Melville who was a terrible would be writer. And Gray played his pal ‘Chancer’. Wullie Melville was played by the late great Gerard Kelly and there was also another very funny actor, Ian McColl who played Big Tam. Sadly Ian McColl also died some years back.

I hope the three of them are having a pint somewhere!

I have great fondness of these comedies and some of the Scottish actors started out in a show called ‘Naked Video’. It was a sketch show and it, ‘A Kick Up The Eighties’ and ‘Not The Nine O Clock News’ were a delight to watch. (Not to mention the legendary Rab C Nesbitt – Have a look at Andy Grey as a sleazeball and David Tennant in a skirt – )

And just to finish – This is as Scottish as it gets

…There was a scene in ‘City Lights’ where Wullie and Chancer were looking after a German Shepherd. Wullie said to Big Tam,

If yoor oot at the shops, get a bone for the dug.

Tam’s reply was:

How? Ur we making it soup?


Image –

3 thoughts on “Week 308 – Does Anyone Remember: Old Blind Jack Getting Carried Away By Dwarves? When A Competition Needed To Be Worked At? And Dr Who In A Skirt Before Dr Who Could Wear A Skirt?”

  1. Ummm “The Battle of New Orleans”?


    All right “Puff the Magic Dragon”..


    Oh! Oh! Wait…is it “The I’m Going to Pretend It’s No Big Deal Because Only a Snooker Ball Cares if it Ever Gets Solved, But I Really Do Care Song” by Hicks and Antimatter?


    1. Hi Leila,
      Thanks as always!
      Sort of glad that I got you thinking. Although when I told Diane the answer, she didn’t know the song – Which now that I think on it is a bit of a problem.
      I’ll email you the answer on the hat thread. (Just in case one other person wants a go!)


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