Short Fiction, Writing

Week 305 – No Idea, No Coal And No Difference.

Saturday 2nd January 2021

Here we are at Week 305.

Before I start you will see the date at the top of this page – That’s for me. I’m working from the 1st – Don’t know about the second, have been on the next four from when I’m writing this, which gives me two days off in between.

All that means one thing – I haven’t a fucking clue what day it is and need reminding, hence the date.

Anyhow, I hope that you all had as good a Christmas as possible.

I’m not sure how hopeful any of us can be about anything but as long as when you wake up and stick your elbows out to your sides and don’t feel pine, then that’s about as good as it gets.

I saw my niece’s wee pup for the first time and my nephew and his partner also had their first Christmas with their baby. It was good to see some smiles from the pup and some growls from the baby. I have that effect on kids.

I wonder as I write this if any of you have any writing goals for this year??

Is there anything that involves us? What about a few submissions being sent out to publishers or printed magazines? Do you want to start or complete a book? That sort of thing. If so, I wish you all the best with it. I reckon our writers are as good as is out there but we have mentioned commercial success before and no matter your skill, you need a shit lot of luck.

Personally, I never have any hopes or dreams, I find that way I’m not disappointed. Well I say that but life can be a bastard and even go lower than your expectations. It was Depeche Mode who sung the line, ‘I don’t want to start a blasphemous rumour but I think that God’s got a sick sense of humour and when I die I’ll find him laughing at me.’

I’ve quoted that song many times along with the legend that is Jimmy Nail as ‘Big Os’ stating ‘Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you want.’

I try to forget about those quotes but by fuck do they come back to haunt me. Those are two lines that I wish I’d written. You know the type, the ones where you read them and there is a familiarity due to your outlook but they’d only whispered at you and never surfaced.

It may sound as if I get a bit maudlin at New Year but that’s not true, I’m a miserable bastard all through the year. Consistency is my only endearing feature!

New Year can be depressing for some folks but why let a sodding date effect you? If you feel that way, pick another date and think away all your sadness then, that way you can enjoy a hauf and a wee bit of Black Bun on Ne’erday.

(Black Bun is as Scottish as Ma Broon’s tits. It’s a very heavy fruit cake with over thirty ingredients. A cookie dough is spread over the top of it and that turns into a sort of delicious crust. And Blackbun goes with any whisky but for me, the peatier, the better. Smokehead would work beautifully but I will warn you, that is as strong a flavour as you will get, that’s why it would compliment the Bun.

To be honest, like so many traditions, this is dying out and there are not many bakers who make it anymore.

Oh and ‘cookie’ – Not as in what Americans have with milk, it’s more a sweet roll, a bit like a brioche.

Okay onto this week’s stories.

We had two new writers, two who are adding to their back catalogue and a man whose backlist reaches onto three pages.

To both our new writers, we welcome them, hope they have fun on the site and most importantly, we want to see more of their work.

Our topics this week include; hockey, growing, a fight, excess and future contact.

As always our initial comments follow.

It’s a pleasure to finish the year’s last week with a writer who has adorned our site since August 2015.

Tom Sheehan’s stories continue to grow and are reaching out to a double century.

The Ice Of Old Lily Pond‘ was our first story of the week.

‘A really lovely piece of writing.’

‘I was quite moved.’

‘What a wonderful way to grow up. It makes you feel quite sad about these days.’

Food Cowboy‘ was Leah Sackett’s second story for us.

She was next up on Tuesday.

‘The ending was excellent.’

‘There was a superb pace to this. Leah controlled the story brilliantly.’

‘This was an interesting take on the premise.’

Our first new writer broke the back of the week.

On Wednesday we published Jared Cappel’s, ‘Nine Minutes Into The Future.’

‘Very well put together.’

‘It was so visible.’

‘A lot of imagination and forward thinking has went into this.’

This next writer works very hard at her craft.

We were delighted to showcase Jane Houghton once again with her ‘Long Live Carl Mar

‘A sympathetic piece of writing. It went beyond the outer shell.’

‘It was a story of them trying to get by and make sense of it all.’

‘The characters were likeable, you felt for them.’

And we finished off with as brave a writer as you will read.

Paraffin Lamp‘ was Alex Sinclair’s eighth outing for us.

‘Well this is a walk in the dark side!’

‘As always – Fearless!!’

‘It whacks you between the eyes with so many issues.’

The usual reminders guys – Comments keep the site alive. And if you don’t comment, you make Jesus cry. He is aware of the site as he has submitted a few stories under the pretext of calling himself they.

They were all pish though and we had to refuse due to his infatuation with panties. (Judas’s panties to be precise. Oh and now Diane is hating me for typing the word ‘panties’ three times. I should deny that as I am for whatever reason, falling into an Easter vibe!)

You may think he has a cheek crying over you not commenting as he doesn’t. But how can you have any religion without hypocrisy?

And regarding the Sunday Re-Run. The reading figures we get are excellent and the responses from the writers are always very interesting so why not have a go??

It’s also a wee bit of self-promotion and idea inspiring.

Join the wonderful Leila and write a spiel or an introduction for an older story that you’ve enjoyed. Throw a few questions in and we will publish exactly what you send us.

Just to finish off this year even though this is published on the second, it wasn’t when I was writing it as already mentioned in a very boring paragraph at the beginning, motto’s interest me. Not those pretentious pieces of pish that are written into some in-bred fuckwits Coat of Arms, but what folks live by.

I sort of went with ‘Plod On’ for the first two years of my adult life but that was when I was upbeat. Now, I’ve more of a ‘Tae Fuck – Everything’s tae Fuck’ sort of outlook.

That actually started out as a toast to our cat but the more I look at it, it works as a motto. Or maybe an observational comment.

I was wondering if any of you have any that you find yourself thinking regularly??

And finally…

…On the stroke of midnight going into the New Year, for reasons we refuse to mention – I’ll raise my glass not to all the folks who want to get back to their normal; with holidays, socialising and spree shopping lives. I’ll raise my glass to those poor souls who’ve had their own motto this year. They may sound callous, they’re not. They may sound envious, they’re not. I’m having a drink to those who have stated time and time again this year,

…’Welcome to my world.’


Image – google images

10 thoughts on “Week 305 – No Idea, No Coal And No Difference.”

  1. “Goals” remind me of sagacious advice given by Homer Simpson, which I (and I think Hugh) have paraphrased before: “Kids, you tried and failed. Let this be a lesson, never try.”
    Anyway I cannot think of a better philosophy to begin at–for, unlike unrealistic “resolutions” that seldom see February, the words of Homer linger throughout the year like fish cooked in a small apartment.
    I can only imagine what Homer would tell me if he knew that it is my birthday tomorrow. I imagine he’d advise me to have one of Moe’s Forget-Me-Shots–after a night of imbibing Flaming Moes. I like the way Homer thinks.
    Happy New Year

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Leila,
      All the very best for tomorrow. Maybe the fiends will not be too demanding!
      I don’t think Homer would be too happy you drinking a flaming Mo instead of a Flaming Homer!!
      Do as the wise man does, invent your own drink that doesn’t make you go blind. (Remember the cough syrup) and listen to some Aerosmith.
      You can take your birthday a bit further. Chain a stone around your neck, strip naked, join a secret mens only group and realise why Steve Guttenberg is a star!
      I’ll toast you tomorrow with a glass of Smokehead!!


      1. I love the Goot, my favorite film of his has to be Batteries Not Included.
        Also, I admire your Simpsons knowledge. It is indicative of intelligence.
        Thanks again


    1. Hi Dave,
      I totally agree.
      Knowing what day it is shows routine. Who likes routine?
      …I suppose that depends on the routine!
      All the very best to you my fine friend.


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