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Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeelll, (I checked Phonetically) Chic Young Is A Legend And Who Wants A Pasty When You Can Fuck A Sophia Loren?

Well, we are now at Week 304.

I hope everyone had as good a Christmas as possible.

I do think that today, not the day that I am writing this, but the day that you are reading it, unless it is any other day than the day that it was posted, is the most depressing day of the year. It feels like those depressing Sunday nights where Monday mornings loomed.

Maybe it’s just me and I don’t know why I feel that way. Maybe something happened to me in a past life.

Boxing Day has had its share of disasters, the 2004 Indonesian Tsunami being up there with the most heartbreaking.

I had a look and I saw that ‘The Exorcist’ was premièred on Boxing Day in 1973. Nothing says more about Christmas overindulging than pissing yourself and copious amounts of vomit.

‘The Beatles’ also released ‘I Want To Hold Your Hand’ which, let’s be honest, was terrible but the B-Side, ‘I Saw Her Standing There’ was excellent. (Regarding B-Sides, for anyone under fifty reading this ask your parents. For anyone under forty reading this, ask your grandparents and for anyone under twenty reading this – By fuck are you the coolest!! Don’t let any of your no friends tell you otherwise – And Diane loves you!!)

There are another couple of B-Sides that I know of that were brilliant, depending on your musical taste or level of madness. Bowie’s ‘Space Oddity’ is beyond timeless but on the other side there is also a belter of a song, ‘The Man Who Sold The World’. And I hate to say this but Lulu did a superb version of that song. And she actually heard that being performed by the absolute genius that was Alex Harvey. (Check out his version on YouTube)

My curiosity of the other side had nothing to do with the early demise of my Uncle Bill, it had to do with me realising that I loved ‘To Remind Me’ more than ‘Solely Solely’ by ‘Middle Of The Road’.

I always thought it ironic that their lead singer was called Sally Carr.

And there are some more hidden gems that I remember like ‘Sugar On The Floor’ by Elton John which was partner to ‘Island Girl.’

I think it’s sad that we don’t have the joy of finding these wee bonuses anymore. It’s the same as a double yolker, that was at one time a pleasant surprise, now you can buy them guaranteed. It’s just not the same.

Even finding a fiver in your jeans pocket doesn’t raise your spirits now-a-days. I suppose you could always treat yourself to one double yolker from a Farmers Market. Although you’d have fuck all left to buy a loaf for soldiers.

Okay, onto this week’s stories.

We only had four stories this week as we thought there wouldn’t be much traffic on Christmas Day and that would have been unfair to whoever was scheduled.

We had three new writers and a total legend.

To all our new writers, we welcome them, hope they have fun on the site and as always, we ask them to send us more of their work.

Our topics this week include; swimming, branding, infidelity and a conclusion.

As always our initial comments follow.

First up on Monday we had the continuous legendary Tom Sheehan with his well into the hundreds story ‘Rough Immersions

‘So much in amongst the story’

‘This is full of more than just the moment’

‘The way Tom is going, the double century may be done within the year!’

Meg Croley was our first new writer.

Her story, ‘Quarters‘ was next.

‘The emotions were captured so well.’

‘This had everything going for it.’

‘The suicide is something that you want to mull over.’

Newbie number two broke the back of the week.

Simo Tchckni had their story, ‘Boundless Growth‘ showcased on Wednesday.

‘Enthralling.’

‘A Story with emotion and passion.’

‘The beginning was very well observed.’

And we finished off the week with our last new writer, Jessica R. Clem.

Her story, ‘Remember To Shift‘ was published on Thursday.

‘Beautiful, poignant and enthralling.’

‘We don’t know where she is going, we can only conjecture.’

‘This is one of the loveliest pieces of writing I’ve seen in a long time.’

That’s us folks for another year.

The usual reminders.

Please keep commenting, it really does make a difference.

And why not have a wee resolution to yourself that states that you will send in a Sunday Re-Run even only three times next year. We’d enjoy the good intentions and be saddened by the normal broken promise.

Just pick an older story that you’ve enjoyed and write a spiel or an introduction about it. Throw in a few tricky questions for the writer and we’ll publish exactly what you send us.

To finish I thought I would write you a wee parable.

It’s called ‘The Parable of Lucky Winston.’

Winston was born into money.

His parents could afford to show their dislike of him and he in turn could express his boredom with them.

He grew up gender identifying as a Cornish Pasty that had a shelf life of three weeks.

Winston fell in love with a mirror but was repelled by the reflection so it (Winston now used the pronoun ‘it’) paid to have it removed.

Winston and his mirror lived happily ever after.

Winston considered himself the luckiest Cornish Pasty with a shelf life of three weeks in the world.

But the removed reflection didn’t fair so well and was bitter and twisted.

He, as he was a he, sneaked into Winston’s bedroom and lifted the mirror from Winston’s arms and smashed it over its head with it.

Winston was cut to pieces.

Winston was bleeding and as it looked in a sliver of mirror it realised that all this time it was identifying as a Cornish Pasty with a shelf life of three weeks who had fell in love with a mirror without a reflection, it had been wrong. It wanted the same as it saw in that sliver.

…Winston finally came out of the box as a gender proud pizza and bought Dominos so it could have as many sexual toppings as it wanted. (The pronoun stayed the same which was a bonus).

Winston considered itself the luckiest Meat Feast in the world.

The moral of that story is…

…Don’t finish your bottle of brandy whilst writing one of these postings.

…You end up writing an awfy load of pish!!!!!!!!

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to everyone!!!

Hugh

PS – Lots of love to my absolute rock – Diane!!

And three guys I’ve had the privilege to have in my life at one time or another, Nik, Adam and Tobias.

PPS – I think I’ll leave stories with morals to the wonderful Leila!! All the very best to you, you lovely enigma!!

PPS – If anyone gets anything out of my parable please seek professional help – You are well and truly fucked!!

Ah, Hugh the inconstant love of the Cornish Pasty with a shelf life of three weeks. So fickle, so self absorbed, so unfaithful. thank heaven’s I say for the salvation of the meat feast. dd Love to you and Gwen and all the very very best for the coming – oh lord – coming whatever!!! dd

Image: A feckless food

8 thoughts on “Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeelll, (I checked Phonetically) Chic Young Is A Legend And Who Wants A Pasty When You Can Fuck A Sophia Loren?”

  1. ‘Tis a fine parable. To it I offer an “Amoral” of my own: “Winston tastes good, like a Cornish pastry should.”.

    I unsuccessfully suggested to the cats that we take up the old Boxing Day custom of switching master/servant roles for the day. Neither consented to be degraded and displayed their displeasure in the usual ways.

    And I saw about ten minutes of the most dreadful A Christmas Carol ever made. It’s “new” I guess, and I think I saw a scene in which an incredibly callus Scrooge was attempting to extort Cratchit’s wife into bed. Holy Jesus, stories like a Christmas Carol or It’s a Wonderful Life NO LONGER WORK when you subtract their corniness. I killed the thing before the old bastard put the moves on Tiny Tim. “God bless us one and all”? I wonder if that’s what Dickens said to his wife when he kicked her to the curb for a younger and thinner model?

    Anyway, be sure to check out the 60’s 70’s group “Up With People” on YouTube. And you’re right about The Man Who Sold the World. I loved the Nirvana version, but Bowie’s is so damn wonderfully weird you cannot top it. I will steel myself and watch the Lulu version. But I must be wary of the singer of To Sir With Love.

    Regards to all and to all a…shit, that doesn’t work…
    LA

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Leila,
      Thanks as always, I always enjoy your take on, well, everything.
      – Liked the idea of swapping rolls with the furhats!
      I’ve had a look at ‘Up With People’ and I have to say I’m speechless. I’m not sure in a positive or negative way!!
      I think I’m speechless because of the musical quality or lack of it!!
      There is a song that is banned by Blue Mink called ‘Melting Pot’ which I think was done with the best of intentions but was so misjudged. It does open up the debate about language being more important than good intention – And that is one for the liberals and bigots and activists and censors and racists and visionaries and fascists to get together and debate calmly with mutual respect for each other.
      …I don’t think I’ll see that in my lifetime.
      …I don’t think if Methuselah was re-born he’d live to see that either.
      Hugh

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      1. The Up With People theme song was once performed by a punk band (maybe the Dead Kennedys). It made more sense that way. Since you bravely engaged UWP I took a gazely gaze at Bowie by Lulu. For more of the same flavor I suggest that you take a shot at viewing Klatuu’s “Calling Occupant” as performed by the Carpenters–which, believe it or not, is a key plot element in a novella I’ve been trying to write since Fall. I unabashedly admit my love for Karen’s voice, but th-that song and video are priceless for altogether other reasons.
        Regards,
        LA

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    1. Hi Dave,
      I quite like the idea of the dish and spoon being a mixed gender couple!!
      Thanks as always, it’s a continual pleasure to read your comments!
      Hugh

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  2. Hi Diane,
    I was never a fan of the pasty. I’m more a Scottish Pie lover and don’t get me started on the travesty that is a Greggs Sausage Roll!
    I’ve had a few Scottish Pies in my time and sadly I’ve known a lot more!!
    Hugh

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  3. Interesting that you explained B-sides to the younger pups of the world, but you left off an explanation of ‘a Sophia Loren’. Then again, she is/was indescribable, they broke the mold. Therefore you can’t fuck a Sophia Loren, there is only one: The Original.

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    1. Hi Monika,
      Hah! I hadn’t thought of the youngsters not knowing who that lady was.
      They probably just think she is the pizza!
      And we should steer clear of ‘Goodness Gracious Me’ with another legend…The PC brigade would have a stroke.
      Thanks so much for commenting – It means a lot to all of us on the site!!
      All the very best.
      Hugh

      Like

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