Short Fiction, Writing

Week 299 – Hell Getting Fuller, Plunging A Prick In A Prancer Pullover And Crocogaters Living On Tropical Islands.

Here we are at week 299.

Our sixth year anniversary was on Tuesday but we will deal with that next week on our 300th posting.

We are still not publishing plague stories and do as much as we can not to mention it, you may have noticed.. But we do have something to thank it for and that is the removal of Peter Sutcliffe from this planet. I’m hoping that it has a job in hell repeatedly killing Thatcher only for it to make it redundant.

I’ve had a few anniversaries this week. Me and Gwen have been together for thirty six years. I have been working for thirty seven years and left the school thirty seven years and a week.

To be truthful, the thirty seven years working life is fucking depressing. I can honestly say that my work life has never filled me with much joy. I used to be jealous of those who were happy going into their work, you know the type, those enthusiastic fucks that you just want to punch of a Monday morning. Now, I would go a stage further than punching them.

It’s a bit like sobriety – There is nothing more depressing than going through life sober. You see the shite and not having the numbing aspect of alcohol makes everything rather intolerable.

As you may see I am already getting into the Christmas spirit!!

Christmas is for those who have the time to enjoy it and the ability. One of those can be sufferable, the two of them is for the very fortunate but having neither isn’t much fun and makes you want to kick any bellend who is wearing a stupid fucking jumper.

If you know anyone who is struggling and you can manage a scratch card, send them that instead of a card with bells on. Let them have a few seconds of hope instead of an ugly card that has killed a tree.

On a happier note…

…Nope. I’ve got fuck all today!!!

Okay onto this weeks stories.

We had one new writer, one returner and three well established friends of the site.

Our topics this week include relationships, fake-tan, gangs, birds and suffering.

As always our initial comments follow.

First up was our new writer.

We welcome Fiona McGarvey, hope she has fun on the site and we want to see more of her work.

Kenny Women’ got us up and running.

‘I enjoyed the downplay delivery.’

‘The pace was excellent – Well controlled.’

‘I liked her bravery, her keeping on nursing and looking after her son.’

Tim Frank had his second story published on Tuesday.

Orange Girls’ was next up.

‘Weekend debauchery taken to extreme.’

‘The plight of the girl who was trying to escape was very well done.’

‘It’s a cutting extension of a stereotype done very well.’

The brilliant Leila Allison broke the back of the week.

She is ploughing towards her eightieth story.

‘Cormorant The Misophonyx‘ was published on Wednesday.

‘I laughed out loud at ‘…to dye myself yellow and volunteer at the mines.’

‘Animals with a higher intelligence than humans works for me.’

A total gentleman and a pleasure to converse with was next up.

Marco Etheridge had his seventh story ‘Hell Cat Laid Low‘ showcased on Thursday.

‘Some excellent character writing.’

‘The bit where they all stood up to leave the bar was exceptionally done.’

‘What times those must have been – Stinking and violent but you knew that you were very much alive.’

To finish off the week, we had one of our braver writers. He never shirks and is happy to give us a story warts and all!

Haunt Me Like You Hate Me‘ was Alex Sinclair’s sixth story for the site.

‘This is really strong.’

‘Terrible in it’s real sense.’

‘I was completely enthralled.

I’m sorry to bore to but the usual reminders.

I wonder if I had a wee thing for Miss Anderson – Not sure…I just think I would like to have taken her to the dark side. That sounds sexual but I mean religious scepticism!

But what the hell, I respect anyone’s beliefs – What they believe in though, is up for ridicule!! If their faith is strong enough, no matter what I say, shouldn’t make them angry. If I can piss them off regarding religion, well, they should maybe re-evaluate their idea of faith.

Anyhow, keep commenting. It has been brilliant this week as we have had a few one-offs. It would be even better if they become more than one-offs!

And Leila has told us that if she doesn’t get company soon her cats will eat her. But they will do that anyway. Don’t be the cause of her premature consummation (I really am not sure if that’s the right word.) Do as her cats ask and join in with the Sunday Re-Run. Just pick an older story that you’ve enjoyed and write a spiel or an introduction for it and throw in a couple of questions for the writer.

We will publish exactly what you send us.

Just to finish off, we had a few British deaths this week including Ray Clemence – Goal keeper for Liverpool and England who probably went to his grave still regretting that Kenny Dalglish *nutmegged him.

But hats off – He was a brilliant keeper and was there in Liverpool’s glory years. RIP!!

And I need to mention a guy that I grew up with watching on the TV – Des O’Connor. I loved how he was quite happy to laugh at himself. I think his version of ‘The Skye Boat Song’ with Roger Whittaker is spectacularly bad!! But he did game shows and talk shows (See the clip about the German War planes with Stan Boardman, which made all the papers the next day that it was aired. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-8Yf5B6GbYk)

That is not what makes me smile. He did a song called Dick-A-Dum-Dum which ties this all in to a guilty pleasure of mine which is ‘Carry On Films’. Jim Dale is a stalwart and he also did this song – The guy wasn’t that bad – But the song was fucking awful!

‘Carry On Screaming.’, ‘Carry On Up The Jungle.’, ‘Carry On Cleo’, ‘Carry On Up The Khyber’ and ‘Carry On Follow That Camel’ (Which had the genius that was Phil Silvers in it) were my favourites, which to this day, I still watch.

The best line ever was Caesar played by Kenneth Williams when he got stabbed in March…

…Infamy!

…Infamy!

…They’ve all got in Infamy!!

Although in ‘Carry On Columbus’ when asked ‘Would a shark eat me whole’

The reply was, ‘No, I think they spit that bit out.’

Carry On Films – Folks love or hate. They were a happy part of my childhood and I always remember them with a smile.

When looked at now those were the days when PC was totally ignored and too far to the wrong.

Now PC is too far to the right.

Middle ground is what it should be but sadly, in this day and age, never can be.

Hugh

Great idea about the scratch card Hugh. dd

Image by Please Don’t sell My Artwork AS IS from Pixabay 

Happy Anniversary – love to you and Gwen xx

2 thoughts on “Week 299 – Hell Getting Fuller, Plunging A Prick In A Prancer Pullover And Crocogaters Living On Tropical Islands.”

  1. I actually watched a documentary about the Yorkshire Ripper this summer. The theme of the show was Police Bungling. I’ll admit that interviewing the guy a bunch of times over the years, and a bit of trouble adding two plus two successfully was apparent. But we are a little hard on the past; I shiver at the thought of having to dig into thousands of documents to find what maybe ten minutes on Google might accomplish today.
    Funny thing about terrible people who should be executed. Unless the law allows you to hang them they live fairly long lives. Anyway, you’re right. Sutcliffe’s death only proves that there’s still plenty of space to fill in Hell. Just wonder why it took so long for the devil to fetch him?
    Excellent post. Cheery thought to part on: You are thirty-seven years closer to spending your days in a pub listening to the jukebox and cudgeling those who dare select Coldplay.
    LA

    Like

  2. Hi Leila,
    I saw one of the victims sons asking for an apology due to how his mother was portrayed by the police and the papers. I totally agree with him – It was disgusting, the victims never deserved to die at the hands of a sick murdering bastard. There should have been nothing else to add.
    Oh and regarding those thirty seven years of pish – If I could club instead of cudgel, that may be worth the long wait.
    Thanks as always, much appreciated!
    Hugh

    Like

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