Short Fiction, Writing

Week 293 – A What Of Writers, Freeing Motivations And Fucking In Scotland

Here we are at Week 293.

I was wondering what constitutes a large amount of writers? What numbers are we talking about?

That made me curious to see if there is a collective noun. I couldn’t find any. I think I’ll use ‘A Scepticism Of Writers’

Maybe that should only be for the old hands. The newbies could be ‘A Disappointment Of Writers’

And before anyone digs me up about that, the name has fuck all to do with talent, more the inexperience of having hope!

Generically and no matter what your experience, ‘A Depression’ could work.

‘A Sobriety’ isn’t an option!

I wonder if there is a higher percentage of writers who are happy overall than are not?

Oh and I’m not talking about those children book writers, they are just fucking weird or worrying or both.

Anyone who wants to get inside the head of a child should do some serious time. Or become a Priest or a TV presenter. (If you didn’t see that joke coming -Shame on you, your naivety knows no bounds).

You don’t get many nursery workers becoming writers and there is a very simple reason for that. If you tell them to vary their phrasing from:

The big… /…Aren’t you… / and Wow, they are fucked!!

I’m not totally sure but I reckon that we have around a thousand writers. We have no comparisons on other sites so I don’t know if that’s a lot or not.

A high percentage of those folks are one-offs and I was wondering why.

Is the old idea that we all have one story in us the reason?

Is it a bucket-list type of thing?

Or do they realise how difficult it is and it makes their head hurt so they give up?

And of those who keep writing, what makes them stop at three, ten, or two hundred stories?

I think there may be a few reasons:

1. Run out of ideas.

2. Fucked computer.

3. Fingers fall off. (And don’t give me any of the Stephen Hawkins technology pish – This is an example as of my very limited understanding).

4. Gave up on being published.

5. Won the lottery and are too busy buying their dreams.

6. Realising that there isn’t enough time to get through Netflix.

7. Just scunnered.

Every one of those reasons tells you something about yourself and your initial motive. None are wrong, none are right, they are all personal to you. But anything that we do and give up on, we should always study the reason why. It can be enlightening.

I remember speaking to my nephew when he was around ten years old and I asked him if he’d like to pull on a Scottish Football Strip one day and he nodded. He then asked me how much he’d get paid.

His motive was more money than national pride.

Most serial killers stop when they get caught.

Their motive is more intervention and interference by The Criminal Justice System.

Most men stop playing sports.

Their motive is inability – The inability to move that extra three stone or have a fully functioning liver.

Some folks stop handing out unwanted criticism. Their motive is self-preservation.

Being this honest about yourself is so empowering and you can answer any criticism with a well chosen cutting retort.

For example, let’s say that someone rightly states that you are a prick. All you do is take a deep breath and shout as loudly and proudly as you can – I FUCKING KNOW!

When you know exactly who you are and what you are, no-one can push your buttons as you’ve made peace with it.

So in the same vein, for all those folks who want to change the world with their words, if that’s truly true, best of luck with it. But if you are only in it for the hope of earning some money, don’t mention that to any publishers you submit to!

Okay, onto this weeks stories.

We had two returners, two old friends and one débutante.

Topics this week include; transformation, little opportunity, an interview, fairies and a lighthouse tenant.

As always our initial comments follow.

We started off the week with the amazing Leila Allison.

She is chapping the door of her seventieth story.

Mary And The Photo Bomb Fairy‘ continued her unbelievable run of acceptances.

‘So Conan Doyle, Cottingly Fairies and Mersey Ferries – A hard act to put together unless you are Leila.’

‘The standard of these stories continues to astound.’

‘These are an absolute pleasure to read.’

Keys In A Sewer‘ was Dave Gregory’s second story for us.

It was great to see him back on the site on Tuesday.

‘Very entertaining – The MC was weird, the couple were weird, only Boomer the dog was a bit normal!’

‘This is one of those stories that make you wonder what other readers will make of it.’

‘Maybe I need to visit the neighbours more – Maybe not!!’

Our second seconder broke the back of the week.

The Scrapheap Centaur ‘ by Alex Sinclair was published on Wednesday.’

‘This grabs you from the beginning.’

‘Dark and superbly well put together.’

‘You are taken into such a bleak world brilliantly.’

Harrison Kim has now had fifteen stories on the site and every one is a gem.

The Purpose Of Screaming‘ was next up.

‘This story leaves you with so much.’

‘You really do worry for the girl.’

‘The whole situation with the kid makes you upset.’

And on Friday we had E.F. Hay who was new to the site.

We welcome him, hope that he has fun and as always, we want to see more of his work.

Brigadier Robert D’Alby‘ finished off the week.

‘The visuals were very visual – That was a bit worrying!’

‘Some very clever ideas throughout.’

‘I can’t get over the adverbs and how well they fit. I’ve never said that before!’

Well another week bites the dust.

Keep commenting folks.

I’m not mentioning the shy folks who don’t comment or won’t comment on not commenting, I think they are all sleeping or someone said a dirty word and they are hiding under the bed.

And why not have a go at the Re-Run. Pick an older story that you’ve enjoyed, write a spiel or introduction and throw a few questions in for the writer. We will publish exactly what you send us.

Just to finish off:

I’ve written a lot about swearing in these posts and I’ve probably swore more than I’ve ever written. But I’ve just heard the best explanation for the use of the term ‘fucking’ in Scotland. The fearless Mr Frankie Boyle stated:

‘The word fucking means something different in Scotland. It’s simply used as a notification that another word is just about to follow.

Hugh

Image:- Pixabay.com

8 thoughts on “Week 293 – A What Of Writers, Freeing Motivations And Fucking In Scotland”

  1. And so number five does not relate to me. Buying a lottery ticket is a self-imposed tax.
    Note there are many words that are both a verb and an adjective and people can apply their own meaning, For example:
    There goes a fucking pretty girl!

    Like

  2. Hi James,
    It’s brilliant to see you around!
    Ah – Number five, the old ‘desperation card.’ I normally have a go when I’m feeling particularly low. I’ve now realised I can’t afford to be as miserable as I am!!
    And your sentence.
    You can place the word ‘fucking’ anywhere in that sentence and it makes sense but in a totally different way. Maybe putting it first is only a Scottish thing though!
    Hope you are well my friend.
    Hugh

    Like

  3. After much thought I say that “An intake of writers” is a solid choice. It describes the prisons, detox centers and squirrel pens writers often “visit.”
    Someone suggested an Anthology of writers, which is clever but is also as irritating as the thoughts of a small child.

    Like

    1. Hi Leila,
      There are a few that are good whereas the irritation of a small child is plentiful but not as plentiful as the annoyance of having to suffer their parents. They are just rainbow and unicorn believing fuckwits.
      I take it that ‘A Tolerance Of Writers’ doesn’t apply to me.
      Thanks so much!!
      Hugh

      Like

  4. In my experience, writers are solitary by nature. I could go on to say a great deal more about writers in general, but let’s just stop there. You can fill in the adjectives as needed. As far as a group of writers, based on the above I would offer up “An Antipodes of Writers.”

    Like

    1. Hi Marco,
      You are maybe onto something.
      I’ve always thought that writers groups were in essence an opposite idea than any actuality.
      It’s always a pleasure my friend!
      Hugh

      Like

  5. That was a funny E. F. Hay lighthouse story this week. Kind of a bit about writers, I think, in an oblique way, it’s rather a masochistic practice at times, and when you stop writing, you continue to blame yourself for procrastinating. Time to swim across to the mainland. As for kids, we were once all in a child’s mind…. I used to very much enjoy Grimm’s Fairy Tales… action packed and entertaining, esp. Jack The Giant Killer, I think that might be banned now he he.

    Like

  6. Hi Harrison,
    I loved how fucked up Grimms was. Whether it was them or the time that they wrote is another question.
    Life in those stories was simple then, if your kids pissed you off, you ate them. Incest was spousal replacement and expectations depended on status.
    I’ve been thinking for years what I could do with the essence of ‘Godfather Death’ The idea that he takes without distinction is something that should make us realise that we are united in the fact that we are all heading the same way. It’s mad that knowing that doesn’t make us all the more tolerant of each other.
    …But the difference of opinions on an afterlife moves the goalposts!
    I wonder who initiated that??
    Hugh

    Like

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