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Week 271 – Three Keys Of Hell, Considering Esther Doing The Nasty And Nice But Dim’s Reading Material

It’s difficult to get inspiration at this time.

Well I suppose it’s not but what is overkill should never inspire and be avoided at all costs.

I had a look back at this week in history. British music wasn’t that great the first week in May in years gone by. When I look at past music I go back from 1986. Most music beyond ’86 is shite. Especially 1994 to 1996 that was when Bieber was born, Celine Dion’s ‘Think Twice’ was in the charts and Coldplay formed. A hellish trio if ever there was!

And when we have a look at the news we have the usual good news bad news balance.

The Hindenburg Disaster was in 1937. No offence, what the hell were the inventors thinking. The word ‘disaster’ could be changed for ‘inevitability.’

Hitler took his own life (Allegedly) Eva went with him. You judge her, don’t you? If the saying is true about behind every great man is a greater woman, what the hell does that make her?

Behind every murdering psycho sick fuck bastard man there is a black-hearted psychotic beast bitch.

Talking of this ilk – Thatcher came to power in Britain in 1979. That was a black day for so many folks from an industrial background, Scots, Welsh, Irish, Northern English, kids who liked milk, future homeless folk, Argentinians, consumers looking for a standard price and people who had an interest in fashion and hairdos.

There was some good news in history though. Dallas went off air in 1991. I lost interest after Victoria Principle left. It is worrying that I now have a wee thing for Barbara Belle Geddes.

There was probably some really important world events but by thinking on Dallas we’ve covered all emotions and a helluva lot of over-acting.

We are continuing to get in plenty of submissions. We’re well in advance which is excellent for the site. But the problem with having so many submissions is the rejections. These are not much fun to do. We must have sent out around sixty in the last week. We hate saying no, but it doesn’t do anyone any favours if we were to drop our standards.

As I’ve mentioned before, it’s those that we simply don’t think fit the site that are the problems. A lot of writers can’t understand why their work isn’t chosen when it’s well written and the story is something John Boy Walton would’ve been proud of.

It comes down to the content and that wee spark that we’re looking for.

We’ll never refuse to read any submission, we consider them all but you need to ask yourself if you are sending in the same type of work and are being continually refused whether we are looking for what you are sending.

Lets take romance for an example (I wonder why I am picking on this genre?) There you are writing some perfectly punctuated beautifully grammered work about tree-like torsos, stoic green eyes and seeing your children in people’s pupils and we have refused the ten that you’ve sent. Does that not tell you something? Don’t be arrogant or naive. If the first couple of the same ilk don’t make it, the tenth one isn’t likely to change our minds.

If you are writing something that your church or writing group fawns over, well, I’ll tell you now, you’re up against it.

The only thing that’s worse than safe writing is safe subject matter. For this type to be elevated into something interesting, you would need to be one of those one in a million writers who can write the phone book and make it interesting.

Most of us can’t do that, that’s why we need to find something else that will make our work stand out.

So if you’re are being inspired by the diary entries of John Boy Walton, think on something like him getting pissed on the recipe and burning down ‘The Mercantile’ after bludgeoning his family to death, especially that Jim-Bob bastard, with his typewriter and writing his diary in their blood. (Diane – I just want you to know that I re-wrote this section about a dozen times. Who says I can’t see when I’ve went too far? To be honest, I’ve never been good at writing debauchery…Pity, I had plans for Grandma!)

OK, onto this weeks stories.

Only one new writer this week, three old friends and me.

Our topics included; A Cockroach, meeting people, an echo, a queue and looking after each other.

As always our initial comments follow.

 

I can’t believe that Harrison Kim’s first story for us was less than a year ago. He is now in the three percent that have reached double figures.

That is a return to be proud of.

Harrison’s tenth, ‘The Straight Road South‘ was first up.

‘Visible characters with a brilliantly understated weirdo.’

‘It was sadly poetic that the reason for his journey returned his letter unopened which he received when he got home.’

‘Fascinating characters and a wonderful atmosphere.’

 

It was my turn on Tuesday with ‘Perfectly Split.’

I still get such a kick out of seeing my work on the site so as always I thank Nik and Diane for still accepting my nonsense.

I was delighted with the comments and the take that each of you had on it.

 

It’s been a wee while since we’ve had a story from Mitch Toews but it’s been worth the wait.

He broke the back of the week with ‘Regrets de Foie Gras‘.

This was Mitch’s seventh story for us.

‘You just go with this!’

‘You are always guaranteed great writing from Mitch.’

‘I love the phrase, ‘Dandling an ankle!’

 

We nearly finished off the week with the enigmatic Leila Allison.

The site wouldn’t be the same without her.

‘Fiona And The Footfall Follower: A Feeble Fable Of The Fantasmagorical’ was Leila’s 62nd story for the site.

‘Leila’s imagination is endless.’

‘The point about sampling compared to plagiarism is a sound one.’

‘Leila doesn’t have a bad writing day!’

 

Our new writer was Matilde Sorri Petersen.

We welcome her, hope she has fun on the site and we hope to see much more of Matilde’s work.

The week was finished off with her first story, ‘Far from Geyling.’

‘There was something in this that hooked me.’

‘It’s a strange story that leaves you with questions – But it works!’

‘Odd and puzzling and as good as I’ve read for a while.’

 

Well that’s us for another week.

Same old reminders, please keep the comments coming. I can’t stress how much the site benefits from them.

And why not have a go at the Sunday Re-Run.

Just pick an older story that you’ve enjoyed and write either a spiel or an introduction. Throw in a few questions for the author and we’ll publish exactly what you’ve sent us.

I mentioned the phone book earlier. I can remember the days when it was delivered to your doorstep. Due to its weight and girth, a hurricane couldn’t have moved it. These days, it can be put through your letterbox and blown away by a humming birds wing. (Aye – Just the one!)

Once upon a while ago, it was used as a strong man’s party piece. He’d rip the book in two without breaking sweat.

Now-a-days you only need the grip strength of Bieber’s moustache to get the job done.

For any teenagers reading this, ask your grandparents about the phrases ‘phone-book’, ‘strongman’ and ‘breaking sweat’. If you want to know what girth is, check with Google.

 

Goodnight Harrison.                                                                                                                                                    Goodnight Mitch.                                                                                                                                    Goodnight Leila.                                                                                                                                      Goodnight Matilde.

Hugh

 

If I may Hugh. the Hindenburg disaster has a strange place in my family history. My dad had a little brother ‘Joe’ who died when he was five. In the last few years my dad was collating an album of certificates – birth/death/marriage etc and he was upset that he could find nothing of his baby brother. All he knew was that Joe died on the night of the Hindenberg disaster. Thank goodness for the internet. From that little piece of information we were able to trace the records and make the album complete with the death certificate of Joe. Sorry for that and sorry for the quality of the image but sometimes stuff is more than it seems. dd

 

This photo, taken during the initial explosion of the Hindenburg, shows the 804-foot German zeppelin just before subsequent explosions sent the ship crashing to the ground at Lakehurst Naval Air Station in Lakehurst

This file is a work of a sailor or employee of the U.S. Navy, taken or made as part of that person’s official duties. As a work of the U.S. federal government, it is in the public domain in the United States.

5 thoughts on “Week 271 – Three Keys Of Hell, Considering Esther Doing The Nasty And Nice But Dim’s Reading Material”

  1. To the Ed.
    From the League of Easily Offended Johns (LEOJ)
    Sir,
    Ever since John the Baptist was relieved of his head we Johns have been the target of disrespect and mendacity. Typical issues here involve our fine moniker being used as a synonym for both toilets and
    prostitute seekers. And just when it seemed that things could not get worse for our noble line, in 1971, “John-Boy” Walton came out of the hills like a pernicious new strain of the clap, thus damning all Johns to hear “Hey, John-Boy” at least once in their lives (thousands for those Johns unlucky enough to have younger siblings).
    And now you, Sir, display the gall necessary to unzip John-Boy (also a Baptist) from his crypt and tether him by the facial mole to to the Hindenburg (which, by the way, John-Boy witnessed “going up” in Jersey in an episode of “The Waltons”), in some seemingly sadistic effort on your part to keep the John-Boy nonsense alive for another fifty years.
    Take fair warning, Sir. We Johns know everything. Sadly, knowing everything ain’t all that it’s cracked up to be. Plenty of knowing everything is like having God flash you his “Johnson” like one of those perverts who loiter behind Adult Book Stores. But rest assured that as soon as we understand the everything we know we plan on doing something about all the mendacity!
    Anal Retentively Yours,
    John Boyd Waldon, LEOJ

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Dear John or can I call you Ian?
      I will only say hello as goodbye seems a bit too cliched in letter form.
      I’m glad that you’ve been as easily offended as your letter suggests. Wouldn’t want you to be some sort of John The Fabricist.
      I’d like to tell you about a John that I knew. He wasn’t easily offended but he was backward and was known as noJ. He was never perturbed into silence. Even whilst getting beat up in a pubs car park he crawled under a restored Capri and shouted to the man who was administering the beating, ‘Your mother’s a lesbo!’
      The reason I mention him is that he could do a very acceptable rendition of ‘Mack The Knife’ and he was the only other person that I have ever heard being able to reference John Boy Walton to the Hindenburg.
      As per your threat about doing something with your knowledge of everything, we are not worried. The world is all about balance. Us Scots have alternative Johns called Jimmy and they know nothing. The Johns and the Jimmys of the world will neutralise each other and all we will have left are the Richards.
      Hugh.

      Thanks as always Leila, you’ve made me smile!!!!

      Like

  2. Sounds like more people are finding the magazine and contributing, which is good. I’ve had about 170 rejections so now it’s kinda par for the course.. like a lot of things, the first couple of dozen take getting used to. That is true, each magazine has its particular themes… One story was returned “this is definitely not for us, the main character is indecisive, the plot is scattered, and the story makes for uninteresting reading,” The good part was the personal letter from the editor about why the piece was rejected, which you don’t get that often, they’re so busy and they’re mostly unpaid. I could understand their reasons when I checked out the theme of the magazine, which I should have done in the first place. Then the next day I sent the piece to another magazine that accepted it within 3 hours, fastest acceptance ever. But this was a magazine that dealt in “Very odd and Bewildering Tales.”

    Like

    1. Hi Harrison,
      Thanks as always! Much appreciated.
      I sent some work to a publisher called ‘Blackheart Press’, I thought I was a shoe in. I wasn’t. I was scared to ask whether I was too chirpy!!
      All the very best my friend.
      Hugh

      Like

  3. Hi Diane,
    When I look at the image of the airship and the footage, I can’t believe that folks survived.
    Regarding your uncle, I always remember the year my sister was born as it was the year that JFK was assassinated.
    Thanks as always!!
    Hugh

    Like

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