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Week 269 – Hell Round Your Neck, Deformed Unicorns And Where Did That Portrait Go?

I know that a lot of people have read the classics and even more have claimed to have read them but I’m not one. If Dracula is classed as a classic, I have read that. I was forced to read ‘1984’ and ‘Of Mice And Men’ along with ‘Macbeth’. I think these books are what put me off seeking out more ‘classics’.

There are other contemporary books that I’ve never read, the Harry Potter books for example. To be fair, they’re probably the best examples of crossing over from kids to an adult market. Fair play to J.K. for doing that.

From there I began to think on other things that I haven’t done that most folks have.

There are many films but the most popular that I’ve never seen are ‘The Sound Of Music’, ‘Gone With The Wind’ (Vivien Leigh’s voice cut right through me. I managed ten minutes.) ‘The Breakfast Club’, ‘Goonies’, ‘Pretty Woman’, ‘ET’ and ‘The Green Mile’ to name but a few.

I’ve never been on mainland Spain.

Not once have I baby sat. (Is that the correct term?)

I’ve never picked up a child even if it has fallen. I refuse to cuddle or kiss them. It is off-putting enough when they are clean but when they have a cold and run at you looking like a glazed doughnut, it really does give you the boak.

Since my mother stopped buying my clothes over forty years back, I’ve never worn a polo neck. (Turtle neck)

And there hasn’t been a Christening that I’ve attended.

I’ve never put an earring in for anyone anywhere, even if that anywhere is much more interesting than an ear.

I will never vote.

And I’m hoping to reach one hundred years old so that I can never accept a telegram from the queen. I think it will still be her as that species lives for a very long time.

There is a portal where they are vulnerable but I hear she avoids Paris.

Electric blankets are a no-no and hot water bottles make me feel sick.

Where am I going with this? Well, we’ve not had one for a while so here’s terrible link number 140:

However, when it comes to our submissions, we’ll never refuse and we’ll give them a chance. Pish – I know!

I do like to be surprised with those topics that I would choose not to read. (I’ve mentioned it many times but I’m that impressed that I will continue to do so. ‘Short Straw’ by Louisa Owen, in my opinion, is the best romance we have on the site.)

But like any good surprises they are very few and very far between. That means for every three hundred or so I read, I’ll like one…Maybe ‘like’ is too strong a term – ‘Put up with’ – That sounds more like it. I’m not trying to discourage anyone I’m just pointing out the probability / possibility ratio.

Onto this weeks stories.

We had three new writers, a stalwart of the site and me.

To all our newbies, we welcome them, hope they have fun on with us and that they’ll all continue to send us their work.

Our topics this week included; Perception, a new mother, relevancy, a mix-match and loyalty.

As always our initial comments follow.


I started us off on Monday with ‘A Lone Ranger‘.

I want to point out that the picture was not a representation of my cooking skills.

Even if it was I’d never post a picture of something that I’d cooked. That would be *mince. Surely no attention seeking arrogant bastard ever does that?

I enjoyed writing about these two characters, they were fun to think on.

As always, I thank Nik and Diane for their help and continual support.


There is no introduction needed for one of our most imaginative writers.

Leila Allison isn’t only a wonderful writer, she is an amazing friend of the site.

Tabatha And The Tintintinbulator: A Feeble Tale Of The Fantasmagorical.‘ was next upon Tuesday.

‘Leila gives us a brilliant form of ‘improv.’ writing. She gathers all-sorts and uses them in her own unique way.’

‘This lady has the ability to make everything interesting and readable.’

‘The inventiveness continues to astound me.’


And talking about inventiveness!

On Wednesday we published ‘Taylor Martin’ with his unique story of ‘Bertha The Accordion Cow.

‘Weird and I’m not sure if it’s humour or horror – I don’t care, I loved it.’

‘Nothing prepared me for the accordion scene.’

‘You just adore reading when something like this comes along.’


The Mimic‘ was next up on Thursday.

The author was R.P. Serin.

‘This is more than social anxieties!’

‘Well written. Not overplayed and an interesting sense of the uncomfortable.’

‘There is no explanation and we are just left with the events and how they were perceived. That is all we need for this to work.’


And we finished off with a very determined lady.

Dianne Wielaard’s short story ‘The Thing‘ was published on Friday.

‘The scene with her mental struggle about hurting the baby was very believable.’

‘The chilling part was when she considered the fuss that would be made of her if anything happened to the child. This is moving from something understandable to something more sinister.’

‘You wonder if the MC was genuine or if she was trying to manipulate her reasoning?’


That’s us for another week.

I’ve noticed a few new folks on the site commenting – I just hope that they continue to do so.

As always a request for not just comments but for anyone who would like to give the Sunday Re-Run a go. Simply send us a spiel or an introduction about an older story that you’ve enjoyed and throw in a couple of questions for the author. We’ll publish exactly what you send us.

I’d like to go back to my hatred of children and their sycophantic parents.

Children write terrible stories. They don’t do much well apart from irritate. And don’t say that yours are wonderful, trust me, they’re not.

But there is something that annoys me more and I think I might have a phobia.

I despise Unicorns and especially terrible drawings of unicorns.

Unicorns have been over-exposed for a while now.

There are deformed toys, terrible cartoons, dubious gins and questionable clothing. But nothing bastardises the Unicorn more than a kid drawing it. They are quite obscene as they all look as if they have been based on the idea of a Conservative MP – They all look like Dickheads.

I don’t understand how more Primary School teachers haven’t called in Social Services when they see these drawings. What are the kids using as inspiration?

At one time we had Rolf Harris to address the art issue but then we found out, he was another issue.




*Mince – Shredded meat.

Crap / Rubbish / Bollocks / Nonsense / Mangled.

Image by chiplanay from Pixabay  – Well I had no choice did I – the only problem was choosing which one he would like the most!!!!! dd

5 thoughts on “Week 269 – Hell Round Your Neck, Deformed Unicorns And Where Did That Portrait Go?”

  1. Anything that makes me remember that there are bronies in the world before I’ve had my coffee and cigarettes treads dangerously. Still, you guys saved it.
    There used to be this bozo at work (whom I privately referred to as “Rainbow Bright”) with a tattoo on her hand which was verrry close to the creepy header pic.
    On another note, thank you for mentioning “Short Straw.” That’ll save me a trip to the vault.


    1. Hi Leila,
      Thanks as always.
      Yep there are some very dodgy tattoos.
      I always wanted one but Gwen didn’t tell me and got one before me. I spat out the dummy and refused ever to have one. I told her that both of us having tattoos was only a stones throw away from wearing the same jumpers.
      I must admit, I have been tempted on many occasions to get ‘Fuck Off’ tattooed on my forehead. I could replace my voice with a point. (That way I could also give them the finger!)


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