Week 243 – Greasy Pies, A Bloody Birdie And Hiding Tom Of Finland’s Toys.

Well here we are at Week 243.

I was watching The World Athletic Championships on Sunday.

Qatar doesn’t do spectator sport very well. The final of the Woman’s 100 meters was a brilliant race and it did your heart proud to watch the athletes perform to the best of their abilities. What didn’t make me happy was watching the winners do a lap of honour for around 27 people. At one point there were more people on the track than were watching. This was a travesty.

I don’t understand the politics of why this has happened. And I’m at a loss to work out who would benefit from any bribe.

You just wonder why any country whose stadiums wouldn’t be filled were even considered to host such events?

I think all sport has become so expensive to watch. The organisers are looking for corporate days and selling luxury boxes, they don’t want the punter who simply wants to watch the sport they love.

Take football for example – It was a sad day when a lukewarm pie and watery Bovril was substituted for a glass of Moet and a slice of Unicorn Quiche.

When I was younger I played a lot of golf and the quietest course I ever played was one of the most affluent. When you went into the club house the lockers were all beautifully polished mahogany. Embossed business cards were put into a glass display feature on the lockers. That was the first place I had ever seen a urinal splash bar – I had to ask someone what it was!

The course was always empty. No fucker was ever there – It was just status to be a member. Oh I might add, I wasn’t a member, I knew someone who was able to sneak me on. Their security was shite.

The local course I played did have lockers but they weren’t beautifully polished mahogany, they were more chipped metal and sooty black. They had been obtained from a primary school that had been burnt down by one of the kids.

There were no business cards. Some of the older members had scratched their names using a dart onto their metal locker. (The club-house had a dart-board but only two darts)

At one time the 18th Green had a burning Ford Escort on it. I think it had been stolen and set on fire by the same kid that torched the primary school. He’d moved onto secondary by then and had learned a new set of skills.

That was the same green that was for a few days, covered in fledgling goose blood as someone was giving their greyhounds a kill before they raced them.

I was once asked where I played golf and when I said, the person looked at me in horror and stated ‘But they let people play wearing jeans…And some of them have holes in them.’

That was true – I was one. The sparks off the Escort were a bitch. I also always had a litre of cheap wine and half a dozen cans of lager in my bag. It didn’t matter how good a golfer you were, you just joined up with someone with an equal amount of carry-out.

Anyhow – I was looking at 50 year old books for whatever reason and I saw three very random examples. There was ‘The Hungry Caterpillar’, ‘Papillion’ and ‘The Satanic Bible’.

I found it very amusing to see that they were all available from Amazon.

I just thought of a nasty Devil Cult Leader wanting to expand their knowledge. They wait in anticipation until they get the email from Amazon stating that their delivery driver ‘Leonard’ who likes going out for meals will be arriving at 1.00pm. That exciting fact will only enhance their reading pleasure as they finally find out if the caterpillar finds a juicy leaf to eat.

I wonder if Leonard gets some info on his customers? That’s a bit worrying. If he does, he may be able to guess what the package is without doing his usual and having a look.

Amazon delivery folks are like serial killers – They both have shares in parcel tape.

 

OK, onto this weeks stories.
We had two new folks, the legend, an author returning for the eleventh time and me.

Our topics this week include; A caregiver, marriage, a legacy, funerals and a keeper.

To both our first timers we welcome them, hope they have fun on the site and more importantly, we want to see more of their work.

 

First up was our ever present Tom Sheehan.

He started us off on Monday with, ‘Passion At High Elm.’

‘She didn’t accept the norm – She was a very interesting trail-blazer.’

‘A pleasant read with a nod to equality.’

‘Excellent verbiage.’

 

On Tuesday we had our first new writer.

Susan Jean DeFelice was next up with, ‘Roxxi.

‘Roxxi is brilliantly observed. Her flirts with hygiene, neediness, delusion, wanting contact with her sibling, sarcasm and paranoia are all touched on.’

‘This grabbed my attention – It became quite hypnotic.’

‘I thought the whole story revolved around the line, ‘Her life wound up a silentish, nodding provider bathed in a false notion of purpose.’ – The story was more about Mrs Lombard than Roxxi.’

 

It was my turn on Wednesday.

I took Percy Sledge and turned one of his songs into something nasty.

Thanks as always to Diane and Nik for all their support.

Behind Closed Doors‘ broke the back of the week.

 

On Thursday we had our other new writer.

Ethel Mequeda was next up with ‘Waiting.’

‘There is a bit unexplained but it works and it doesn’t really matter.’

‘A tiny look at something that is much bigger.’

‘Excellent tone.’

 

And we finished off with dm Gillis who added to his previous ten stories with, ‘Laying Vivien To Rest.

‘Dark and cold – I liked it.’

‘It’s a mad thought but you can see things going this way.’

‘A dark stain on the horizon of funeral care.’

 

Well that’s us for another week.

Just the usual reminders, please keep the comments coming.

And why not have a go at the Sunday Re-Run feature. Pick an older story that you enjoyed, write a spiel or an introduction, throw in a few questions for the writer and we will publish exactly what you send us.

Last thought on getting things delivered.

There is a little known fact that I would like to share.

The inventor of bubble-wrap wasn’t worried about the lack of protection of items in transit. He was actually trying to hide the fact that he was supplying anal beads.

 

Hugh

Image by Rupert Kittinger-Sereinig from Pixabay

8 thoughts on “Week 243 – Greasy Pies, A Bloody Birdie And Hiding Tom Of Finland’s Toys.

  1. Great stuff, I once played a round of golf with a person (nameless), he claimed he could only play when he was drunk – and needed the cart to carry his booze. He was wrong, he couldn’t play golf – drunk or sober. He crashed the cart. It was, believe it or not -a great day out.

    I suspect having two darts in the bar keeps the arithmetic easier.

    Like

    • Hi James,
      Thanks so much for your comments.
      I was an excellent golfer when I was drunk. Also, when drunk, I’m delusional and can’t count!
      All the very best my friend.
      Hugh

      Liked by 1 person

  2. What’s missing from foot races is violence. The National Football League is essentially a long foot-race punctuated with spectacular acts of violence. No sparse crowds in the NFL–you can’t afford a ticket unless you sell a kidney online. What helps make this foot-race/violence so popular is the chorus of hypocrisy that accompanies it. The same tongues that scream for blood on Sunday, mourn the long term effects of getting repeatedly smacked in the head on Monday. This gives everyone involved something human to feel about until the hounds of hell are once again released come Sunday.
    LA

    Like

    • Hi Leila,
      Contact Ping-Pong is a bit of a laugh. Serve the ball long and when your opponent goes to collect it, run over to him and hit them with the bat.
      Thanks as always!
      Hugh

      Like

  3. Although this has nothing to do with anything, I have just learned that “Sir” Sid Haig died last month. I owe him a debt of gratitude. In The Devil’s Rejects there is a scene in which Sid asks a little boy “What’s amatta kid? Never see a clown before? Doncha think we’re fucking FUNNY?” For whatever reason, it’s one of the funniest things I have ever seen. Farewell slimey prince.
    LA

    Like

    • Hi Leila,
      I was having a look at his career and he was in a helluva lot.
      I don’t know if he made the three biggies where most American Actors appeared; ‘The High Chaparral’ and ‘Colombo’ were two and the third – Well, I would have paid money to see Captain Spaulding abuse Jessica Fletcher.
      (That sounds even weirder and more disturbing than I meant it to!!!)
      Hugh

      Like

  4. Indeed, pro sports are expensive to watch. I prefer the amateurs anyway. You get way better seats. Golf… my family has a tournament every year, complete with trophies. I’m the only one who doesn’t participate, except to drive the cart some years. Bad back. Some interesting stories this week, indeed.

    Like

    • Hi Harrison,
      The diversity of the stories is something that we are all immensely proud of. And that doesn’t have much to do with us, it is all from you who submit.
      We can only publish them if they are there in the first place.
      There are some weeks when we do look at the reading list and think, ‘Well, you couldn’t get much more different!’
      So you have prompted me to thank all the writers, like your good self, who want us to showcase their work!!
      All the very best my friend.
      Hugh

      Like

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