I was wondering this week if I should offer my seat to older people when I am on the bus? What if they are younger and fitter than me but just don’t look it? Granted that might be difficult due to my white beard, fucked side, bags under my eyes, limp and general scowling.
I am close to being an old person but the one thing I wouldn’t do is randomly tell a stranger about my son in America. I don’t want to hear their pish. Neither does their fucking son, that’s why he moved to America! If we ever colonise another planet, I bet the sap would move there just to get to fuck further away from them.
Have you noticed that most old people make a fuss of babies?
I think it is because they hope that they are going to be reincarnated as one and this is the fascination. It’s quite ironic that they need to start over, shitting themselves again so soon after they were still doing it.
I don’t like young children and it has nothing to do with me believing in being reincarnated. I do wonder about me being classed as an old person though.
There is an advert on the TV with the irritating June and the prick with the parsnips going on about how wonderful a Senior Citizen Over Fifty Plan is. It isn’t wonderful, you don’t see the money as you’ll be fucking dead. Anyway you are guaranteed to be accepted when you are over fifty. I’m over fifty and unfortunately that is the only guarantee I have in my life. Well, that and a knowledge that I will be irritated and sore as soon as I get out of bed. I am at the time of life when I could consider myself as a haemorrhoid.
Talking about being irritated, I would like to request something about a request that we sometimes receive. If we are asked for feedback, we do our best to pull something together. This entails re-reading the story, going through our comments, taking out Diane’s swear words, tying them together, medicating Nik and putting together a helpful critique. It takes a bit of time. So all we ask is, could you have the good grace to say a simple thanks. To be fair most do and some folks have come back to us and are now published on the site. But there have been some who disregard our efforts like a used hanky in the bottom of a twin-tub. (For anyone who doesn’t know what a twin-tub is, you have missed a very stress relieving activity.)
If you can’t say thanks, don’t ask us to do this!
So onto this week’s stories. We had three seasoned campaigners and two new writers for your entertainment.
Our topics this week included; an affliction, shelter, absolution, manipulation and trading.
As always our initial comments follow.
On Monday we had one of our stalwarts to start us off. Fred Vogel writes very interesting stories and is a total gentleman to work with.
‘Simple Pleasures‘ was his ninth outing for us.
‘This is distasteful (All good!) and beautifully held back.’
‘Some great lines, particularly about the horse shoe being lucky.’
‘I am shit at titles and don’t normally pay attention but this, from Fred, was inspired.’
And to another writer who has become a friend of the site. The lovely A Elizabeth Herting was next up with ‘Corpse Flower‘ which we published on Tuesday.
‘Very powerful – Nothing else needs said.’
‘Maudlin. But most good literature is!’
‘If you look at both parts, they are very strong and when added together, they make the whole thing even more so.’
On Wednesday we had our first new writer, ‘Brett Hill’. We welcome him and hope he has a long association with us.
‘Winter‘ was his debut story.
‘Tackling this story from a kids point of view gives it a different angle.’
‘Gripping and it left you wondering what came next.’
‘An unusual slant on the usual Dystopian theme.’
Another writer who has become very much part of us all was next up.
The enigmatic, talented Leila Allison was published on Thursday with ‘This God Is Going To Happen‘.
‘There are comments on male dominance, maturity, parenting, regret, disassociation and emotions through-out.’
‘Complex! Recognisable! Brilliant!’
‘An enjoyable, imaginative read. I love the world that Leila has created.’
And lastly, we had another new writer. We send out the same welcome to John McLaughlin and we hope that both our newbies enjoy the site and send us more of their work.
‘Threelancers‘ finished off the week on Friday.
‘John didn’t over-explain things, he just went for it at pace and took the reader along for the ride.’
‘A solid bit of Flash Science-Fiction.’
‘Pointed towards a specific audience but that didn’t matter, this is very enjoyable.’
I was having a wee break and having a look at the paper before I finished this.
I have just seen that the legend in his own mind, Kanye West, has changed his name to ‘Ye’.
Now, no offence my American friends but when Puff Daddy did this and called himself ‘Diddy’, in Scottish he was calling himself a tit.
Mr West hasn’t done that but he has given us reason to add. You see, ‘Ye’ in our language is short for ‘You are a…’
I suggest such words as ‘Tit’, ‘Dobber’, ‘Wank’, Bell-End’ or my personal favourite…’Fud’!
After ‘Ye’ murdered ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ he really should have joined the Scientologists and fucked off to Jupiter whether they were ready to go there or not!
I don’t normally copy and paste when it comes to these postings but for the sake of my laziness:
Just a reminder that we have our new feature coming up on Sunday.
We already have a few suggestions with introductions and critiques from two of our author / readers and you will be seeing these in the coming weeks. So why not get involved. Have a look back and give life to an old story. Your spiel will be as you send it with no interference from us. Oh and I can assure you, you will make the authors day!!
PS – I hyphenated ‘Bell-End’ just to see if Diane will check. Her browsing history must be very worrying. Hopefully more worrying than any downloads!
Banner Image: No Hyphen !! My search history would have me arrested – as a crime writer you have to just throw caution to the wind and hope that nobody thinks that you have a body/stabbing/murder/drugs fetish. p.s. You can apparently make it all one word!
4 thoughts on “Week 194 – Reincarnation, Twin-Tubs And Diane Checking Out A Bell-End.”
I once read a study that said people consider anyone at least 20 years older than them to be “old.” OK, I didn’t actually read the study. OK, it wasn’t actually a study. It was more like a remark. By a comedian. But it would make a good study.
I quite like that thought. That means I’ll never be old.
Well, only according to the line. As I try to get off the couch, my body tells me other-wise!
It’s always a pleasure my friend.
Twin tubs! Don’t talk to me about twin tubs. I once came home to find the kitchen had been hit by a tsunami and suggesting my ‘dearest’ should perhaps wear swim arm bands before she does the laundry was not appreciated…my scars are still visible.
Years back, my dad was trying to watch the golf and my mums twin tub kept breaking down. He moaned due to the interruption from his whisky and Severiano, he got it going twice. The third time, he really was pissed off and forgot to switch it off at the plug. He went wheeching across the kitchen and landed against the casing of the machine. He sliced the top of his arm and ended up in A&E for five stitches. He didn’t see the end of the golf. We gave him the usual level of Scottish Sympathy…We pished ourselves!