All Stories, General Fiction, Humour, Romance, Short Fiction, Writing

If… by Hugh Cron – Warning Strong Adult Content

“Mum, mum, I’m just going to come right out with it…I’m straight.”

“My God!”

Janice crossed herself and burst into tears.

“Look at what you’ve done to your mother. You are disgusting! How did this happen? You are finished. No-one will employ you. Wait until your grandfathers hear about this! They’ll be devastated.”

“You need to take a breath mum or you’ll end up like mum. Mum, breathe into your bag, you’ll be fine.”

“Who’s the bitch?”

“There isn’t anyone, I like a lot of women?”

“What! Who are these people? You mean there is more than one?”

…I think your mum is just about to pass out, you selfish horrible little perv!”

“Please don’t be like that. I mean there are a lot of celebrities who are heterosexual.”

“Yes! There are! And that’s because they can afford a trend. What about the real celebrities, the ones who trail-blazed so that we could all be who we wanted to be and have kids. There’s many a statue of Saint Elton in our chapels. Do you think it was easy for him all those years ago?

It’s taken three generations since his first adoption for us all to have the sanity of same sex families. Elton fought for that, we don’t need to. It’s all there for us.”

“Come on mums, I haven’t changed. I’m still your son.”


“Surely you are not going to say that?

…Mum, what about you? Can you not take your face out that bag and speak to me?”

“How dare you speak to your mum like that. I don’t care who you think you are my lad, but that is not just your mum, she is my wife!”


“…And what about the mechanics. How did you work that out. Your grandads told you about mutual masturbation, oral, chunnelling, rimming and felching. Good God I feel sick. How did you find out about heterosexual sex? Oh no. Don’t answer! I’d rather die in ignorance!”

“It’s not a crime.”

“Well, we all know that it’s a grey area. It’s all still recorded. I mean, you can be with a penis as you have one and that is easy to understand. I can stimulate your mum’s vagina as I have one. But the thought of putting a penis anywhere near me, it’s, it’s perverted!”

“I can’t help what I am attracted to.”

“Really! Well let’s go the full hog! Are you attracted to me or your mum’s vagina? Is that what you are telling me?! Do you want to have sex with either me or your mum?”

“Of course not.”

“Oh! What is wrong with our vaginas. Aren’t they good enough for you? Do your skanky friends have some sort of special vaginas?”

“Christ! I think there are other issues there…Like incest!”

“No! That’s not the point and you know it! You’re just trying to turn everything!”

“This is pointless! Do you want me to leave?”


“What about you mum?”

“She doesn’t want to talk to you. I can speak for my wife and your mum…Just leave.”

“Do you want me to tell grandads?”

“No! They’ll just blame me.”

“OK…I’ll pack some things.”

“…Before you go. Here take my bank card. There’s enough in it for you to get settled.”

“Thanks mum, mums.”

“Don’t thank us. We didn’t do it for you.”

“Thanks anyway.”

“…And if you end up in the hospice, don’t expect us to come and see you. You’re dead to us already!”


Hugh Cron

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8 thoughts on “If… by Hugh Cron – Warning Strong Adult Content”

  1. As always, clearly conveyed via dialogue. Only one description. Also makes wry observation that consensus dictates morality. We don’t want to believe that, but we do that. And as it sadly goes with every “revolution,” it winds up meet the new boss, same as the old boss.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Leila,
      I don’t do description very well and only write it if I have to.
      This maybe me making excuses but pictures describe. Words explain. Yep that sounds lame and an excuse, I’m just shite at description so opt for dialogue!!
      Thanks as always for the kind words and continual interest.


    1. Thanks Dave,
      It’s interesting to take a well worn theme and try to turn it on its head and get something out of it.
      (I have just read your latest submission and think you have done the same – Email coming your way soon!! – I may get into trouble for giving you a heads up here!!)
      But what the hell, I’m a rebel without a clue!!!!
      …Truthfully, that’s all bravado, I’m a bit scared of Diane!!!
      Thanks as always my friend.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Another thought: Your story reminded me of another fine story I read a long time ago in which it was socially acceptable that mothers perform oral sex on their sons, as to bond. Despite that beyond icky to the nth part, it was very good. “Riders of the Purple Wage,” I think.


  3. Oh, my new ID pic. I had to negotiate a likeness use deal with one of my cats, Miss Izzy. Along with higher quality litter, I can no longer awaken her in the middle of the day to snap yet another pic of her. I believe that this is all clear in her peeved expression. And yes, yet another goddam pet pic instead of the person. Today is Cliche Day. Be grateful I didn’t choose to substitute a greenbean casserole in place of my magnificence.


    1. Hi Leila,
      Miss Izzy looks perturbed and indifferent. I like that.
      The thought of a green bean casserole makes me feel perturbed and indifferent!

      Give her a tickle behind the ears.


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