Week 563 – It’s Amazing What Can Smoke, R.I.P Another Legend And All The Very Best To You All!!

Another week closer to another year!

I’ve been thinking on smoking. I see that some programmes have trigger warnings. Or to be more precise, ‘A Nonsensical waste of words by fuckwits for fuckwits!’

There was an old panel game called ‘Joker In The Pack’ which is being repeated and you can hardly see the contestants due to the fog of smoke.

The amazing Comedienne, Dave Allen sat at his chair with a pack of cigarettes and a large whiskey. (I didn’t spell that incorrectly, he was a proud Irishman.)

‘The Wheeltappers And Shunters Club’ was filmed in a Working Mens Club and you could hardly see the audience!

Anything that was filmed early 2000 and beyond had smoking restrictions. Before that actors and / or their characters puffed away happily.

Myself and my sister being between seven and eleven and ten and fourteen. Hi Doug, sure you could work out Tracy was four years older than me! After we both had our birthdays on any particular year!! We were tasked with waking my dad up for his nightshift. My mum would make him a coffee and we had to go into his bedroom, try to shake him awake and light a cigarette for him. We stuck it in his mouth and we knew he was awake when he started puffing. One night though, he must have been dreaming as during this nightly ritual, he started eating the cig. My sister had the presence of mind to take it off him. I was just curious to see what would have happened when he got to the warm bit??

Now that was an amusing story about my dad and his smoking, but here is a belter!…

I was reading in my bed and I heard my mum scream out laughing…Folks, I don’t want to tell you what I thought…But my mum did tell both of us at the dinner table the next day what was the cause of her hilarity. When my dad was at his work, he went to the toilet for a piss. Whilst he was peeing, he lit a cigarette and unfortunately the head of the match fell off onto a part of his anatomy that you really wouldn’t want bunt. My mum’s laughter was when he showed her the blister!!

As a counter point against this light-hearted look at smoking – My dad had a horrible death when lung cancer hammered him for the last seven weeks of his life. We knew, we were there.

However – My dad was a realist and he knew that he reaped what he once sowed. I wasn’t crass enough to ask if he regretted all the cigs / pipe / cigars / chewing tobacco. He had given up for over twenty years, but the damage was done.

The cruelist thing about my dad’s death was he lost the ability to speak with any meaning. He couldn’t say what he wanted to. And the old bastard was too proud to use a paper and pen. (But then he was maybe scared that he couldn’t write.) So we could say what we wanted, but he couldn’t.

The reason that I mention this is I saw one of my favourite episodes of Frasier the other day and one of the funniest scenes was completely cut out.

I’m going to show it so maybe I should give a Trigger Warning – Fuck that, if it effects you – Get over yourself!!! I’ve seen the worst of this and it’s still real and fucking funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’ve never been a cigarette smoker, but that clip made me want to start!!!!

I read this years back, and it’s a bit like ‘You’re So Vain’ The Carly Simon song. At the time there could have been a few contenders but I think it was meant to be about Warren Beatty.

The quote is:

‘I used to be arrogant but now I’m just perfect’

Any thoughts??

There was a Monty Python sketch years back when three generations of miners were telling how hard their lives were. They got more and more harrowing until the last guy stated, ‘I got up two hours before I went to bed.’ (It may have been ‘That Was The Week That Was.’)

I think that idea has evolved when I read this week, ‘Kids these days are so soft. When I was ten, I died and my mother made me walk it off!’ (Thanks once again Mr Cowan!)

This is going to be a three clip week!

I was so saddened to hear of the death of the genus that was Stanley Baxter – Him and Rikki Fulton creased me as kid.

You don’t need subtitles – It will all be explained!

Onto this week’s stories.

We had four new folks and a quick returner.

To all the debutante writers, we welcome them, hope they have fun on the site and most importantly, they continue to send us their work.

As always, our initial comments follow.

We began the week with Tatiana Samokhina and her story entitled, ‘Maddie Is A Prison’.

‘I found this to be quite enthralling.’

‘The parenthetic inclusions were very good.’

‘There is an excellent style to this.

This was a very quick turn-a-round for Gareth Vieira. His first story was last week, his second this week.

‘Imaginary Friends’ was his story on Tuesday.

‘There’s a sort of chipper darkness to this.’

‘The ending was a real shocker.’

‘All the foreshadowing made sense.’

Tom Phillips broke the back of the week with, ‘The Lives Of Gadu.’

‘One of those tales told by a side character.’

‘Very readable.’

‘Elements of this reminded me of ‘Walter Mitty’

Jacob Cohen was published on Thursday with ‘The Summer He Let Me Be General.’

‘The flow was excellent.’

‘This has depth.’

‘There is genuine feeling throughout.’

We finished the week with Karl Luntta and his story, ‘Hear, Hear.’

‘This keeps you reading.’

‘I was rooting for him.’

‘This got stronger and stronger.’

That was the week that was!

Thanks for all your input – Just keep on doing what you do!!

This is the last of the new stories for this year.

From tomorrow we will be having a Crime Week of Re-Runs. Then on the 28^th until 2^nd January, we will be celebrating Fred F Foote as he is only the fourth person to reach a centenary of stories.

We will be back to normal on Saturday 3^rd January.

Okay, I was talking about my dad’s smoking so maybe I should look a wee bit inside myself.

If this song included Malt, Brandy, Bacardi, Lager, Absinthe, Gin, Vodka, Metaxa, Whisky, Whiskey, Stout maybe it would be relevant to me!

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!!!

May all your dreams come true!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hugh

And for all of you, who know the words sing loud sing proud– Let’s have a wee chant of Deano! Deano! Deano!!!!!!

Merry Christmas to all! And for the third year running, I too, offer a song.

And a happy New Year,

Leila

And a very happy Christmas and a wonderful New Year to everyone. Thanks for all the stories, and thank you for the comments and general interaction.

dd