Hello there folks!
Here we are at Week 546. The year is fair flying in!
I’m trying something that I’ve not done before and I hope it works. You see, fingers crossed, this posting will have four clips on it!!
…I just wondered why I was crossing my fingers and the answer came to me, my arthritis is playing up!
There is something that I’ve been watching this week, not so much with interest, more with a sort of fanging feeling!!
How many of our writing friends have tried to be published and have been bombed out?
Probably more than a couple of you??
That is why the Scottish Press and even the TV News have pissed me off lately…Jimmy Fucking Kranky, also known as our previous first minister has just released her book and the media have been all over it!!
Check out the resemblance!!
And it’s not a Scottish thing – I ain’t got a clue what she is talking about!!
What pisses me off is that she talks about arrest, bullying, losing a kid, being disappointed with a workmate and sexuality.
Now wee Jeannie fae Dalmilling could write the same but she wouldn’t get an advance of £76500 for it!!!!
I reckon that every single person on this site has more of a talent than many authors that I’ve read except one!
…HAH!!!! Let’s see who is insecure?????
All joking aside, there is no-one here at this time that I’m talking about. This was a one-off person that I hated. But in the realms of democracy, they were put through as my fellow editors at that time were on drugs, glue, Carlsberg Specials and Kerosene…But Hey-Ho, we all have our mind-bending benders to follow every now and again!!!!!
£76 500 FUCKING QUID!!!! All I have ever received from a publisher was the price of a second class stamp on a rejection letter!!!!!
But as they say about a lovely beer, ‘Like the Murphy’s, I’m not bitter’
…It’s difficult to write sarcasm!!!
And now, onto this week’s stories. That should calm me down.
We had three new folks, a returner and a well-established writer for your entertainment this week.
We welcome all our new folks and hope they have fun on the site. And most importantly, we all hope to see more of their work.
As always, our initial comments follow.
First up was Michael Smith with his second story for us entitled ‘Here To Serve’.
‘Short and sweet.’
‘I enjoyed the soup at the end.
‘No matter what advances, things still going wrong sounds about right.’
Michael Sawyer is new to the site and he was published on Tuesday with, ‘The Milkboy And The Vampire.’
‘It’s rare when a story is mainly dialogue.’
‘I enjoyed ‘The kinky vampire.’
‘Very well done!’
Next up was another first-timer. ‘The House Guest’ was written by Ed Ahern.
‘This won me over.’
‘The threat at the end was well done.’
‘It’s great to see Edward on the site!’
Mick Bloor has now reached the quarter century!! Well done sir!!
‘Literary Imitations And Mental Health’ was published on Thursday.
‘This will generate some interest.’
‘It would be funny if he received some replies to his emails!’
‘Mick writing to the standard that Mick has brilliantly created!’
Friday had our last story of the week entitled, ‘The Sound Of The Spare Key’. That story was by our final new writer, Zenith Knox.
‘There is a dark centre to this.’
‘I rather hoped she’d offed him!’
‘Well thought out and great writing.’
All done and dusted.
Keep the comments coming and please keep submitting!!
Thanks to all of you who are involved in whatever capacity!
Before I finish, I nearly joined a discussion group until I read all of the comments and realised that a lot of them were snobbish eejits. I had been drinking K Cider and wondered where the K came from. Seemingly, it’s a notification of a higher grade of cider. I did not know that. So within my searching I found a discussion amongst a bunch of fucking arseholes who stated that a cider like this, White Lightening and ‘Frosty Jack’ were only for the homeless who wanted to get drunk quickly. That’s a load of pish!! These ciders are expensive. Go and get a litre of supermarket brands, that’s cheap…Although please don’t go to Tesco…They need boycotted and they need to go to the wall because of how they treat their staff. CUNTS!!!!!
Anyhow, I love Foie gras, Chateaubriand, Chateauneuf-du-Pape. I also love Pot Noodles, Crispy Pancakes and K Cider! I adore a Laphroiag but also love a Bacardi and coke. ‘Gaslight’ and ‘Sleuth’ are two of my favourite films but I haven’t watched them as much as the ‘Carry On’ series My point is, like what you like and don’t be put off by any social convention or mis-placed expectations!!!!
Talking about what is acceptable, this had been slated when Charlene did it. There was a link in my head to this as Leila mentioned that it had been playing in her Never-ending Jukebox.
However this has given me a sad tie-in. This whole film was brilliant!!
R.I.P Terence Stamp!!
I think that film is underrated. Please check it out and ‘Pride’ Especially if you remember the cunt-bitch thatcher years. ‘Love, honour And Obey’ sees Ray Winston giving the best one line ever and ‘Wedding Belles’, I think, was written by Mr Welsh. If you can be bothered and take a look at these, please let me know what you think!!!
Oh, before I go, I’ve just read about the best incentive EVER!!!
The freezing food shop Iceland is trying to do something about the amount of shoplifters who are helping themselves. In their wisdom they have stated that any customer who reports a shoplifter will receive on their loyalty card a whole £1.00
That quid will be totally worth getting your head staved in for being a grass. I think frozen food shoplifters should be applauded. How do you fancy having a frozen lamb leg and two litres of Neapolitan Ice-cream down the front of your trousers??
But let’s get by the nonsense and have a real piece of music. This was one that came up in our discussions…But I couldn’t remember where to post?????
I must have heard this before but it was the film ‘Mad Dog And Glory’ that really did draw my attention to it. I think that was the only film that Bill Murray and Robert De Niro starred together???
Image: Geni, CC BY-SA 4.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0, via Wikimedia Commons The name on a can of K Cider and a glass full of the drink.
literally stories 
Hugh
So much to love! I hope Bowie got paid for that “interesting” version. Did that woman have a stroke or does she speak like a typewriter?
I knew literature was sunk when “Cactus Jack” of WWE had the number one book on the New York Times list. I am sure he did not write it. Many say that it is the art that has the value. But, as Dorothy Parker once said, the lovliest two words in the English Language are “check enclosed.”
I recall Prima from original Jungle Book “If I were like yoo-hoo-you…”
Another great post!
Leila
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Just A Gigilo
Jump, Jive, and Wail
I remember Keely Smith his wife in a Robert Mitchum movie with fast cars running liquor I think.
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Hi Leila,
I’d forgotten about King Louis!!
Literature went downhill when celebrities picked up a pen!!
I think four of my favourite words would be ‘I don’t need to.’ Sadly that very seldom applies!!
Thanks as always!
Hugh
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you made me laugh a few times with this, not least the lamb and ice cream. You make a fair point! I do agree about liking what you like. It’s nothing to do with anyone else. I’d rather do that than eat something I don’t like just because it’s the done thing. Olives are a case in point, then again so is tripe!! Thanks Hugh. dd
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Hi Diane,
I used to hate olives but then I discovered Martinis!
I prefer a Gibson but a mix of both is delightful!!
I don’t know about England, but here in the PF’s wisdom, it was decided that unless it was over one hundred pounds, shoplifters wouldn’t be prosecuted. This was to save the courts time and money. Whether that has worked, I don’t know but it has cost the shops and the punters a helluva lot!
Thanks as always!
Hugh
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Interesting post and good use of videos. The one, as you said, is indecipherable. Been ages since I’d heard Just a Gigolo. Louis Prima had a subtly unique quality to his voice. Another winning week for LS.
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Cheers Dave!
If I could have been bothered I would have put the sub-titles on. In fact now that I think on it, not knowing what a politician is going on about happens whether we can understand the words or not!!
Thanks as always my fine friend.
Hugh
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Dear Hugh
I have to run off and complete some errands I can’t get out of, but before I do so I want to compliment the TITLES for your Saturday posts. Not just today’s, but all days you’ve done this. (I wonder how many Saturday posts you’ve written for Literally? Your sheer determination and the volume of these all on its own is truly impressive.)
But your Saturday post titles always remind me of James Joyce’s half-mad book FINNEGANS WAKE which was written in a language Joyce himself invented. (I’ve never read the whole thing and hardly anyone ever has but it’s fun to jump around in and read a page or two here and there, etc.)
Which is to say that your Saturday post titles always strike this reader as really original, wildly strange in a good way, half mad in another good way (“mad” as in funny, hilarious, out of control, in a good way!).
And the energy in the prose of these posts always matches the titles, too!
A strong PERSONALITY always comes through, and that’s the most important thing there is these days, BY FAR, that such be there, and with you, it always is! Congrats and thanks!
Gotta run for now. Later:
Dale
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Hi Dale,
Thanks for the kind comments.
I try and incorporate some of what I have written about within the title. I try not to repeat words and that is why it can be a wee bit vague at times. (The Motorhome refers to one which was seized from Sturgeon’s mother’s house as there were questions where the money came from to purchase it. Ah! A politicians expense account is coincidentally like their wish list!!
I think I have written around 360 of these. It amazes me how much nonsense is in my head!!
Stay happy and healthy my fine friend.
Hugh
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I got up to bring in groceries and Akismet made me start over. I just got a note that my DraftToDigital version of The Vernonia Trilogy had earned me $.76. I suspect that Payenemy would charge me ten dollars to get it (a part of Elmo Mutts empire I think). After learning no D2D versions would be on paper it was clear to me not to go back D2D. So far my writing has earned me low three digits in dollars, but cost me hundreds in Duotrope and other subscriptions and Happy Hours when I get accepted.
But hey, as hobbies go it is safer and cheaper than fast women and cars.
Keep on mocking in the freek world, MM.
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Hi Doug,
I think my earnings from writing is exactly, zilch!!
But as you said, it’s a safe hobby and it does give me a lot of pleasure and an outlet for my insanity!!!
All my very best to you and Sharon my interesting friend.
Hugh
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Hi Hugh
Crazy how it all works!
That ‘s funny about those cider Cretans! How dare they dump their ignorance onto the homeless!
That last clip, VanHalen did a version of it.
Christopher
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Hi Christopher,
Drugs and booze have a standing. If you come from an affluent area, no one bothers or calls it an addiction. If you are on the street sipping some fortified wine, that is a different matter. That is a life choice and a social problem!! The hypocrisy knows no-bounds as ‘Professional’ people snort themselves to oblivion!!
Oh, I quite liked this line from Kevin Bridges – If Facebook was a pub and you saw those people, you’d get to fuck out of it pronto!!
Thanks as always my fine friend, much appreciated!!!
Hugh
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