Here we are at Week 491.
Getting close to 500 – Don’t really know what that means but surely it means something!!
I had something happen to me this week that emphasised how old I’m getting. Okay apart from the usual aches and pains and hating the world for existing!
I was visiting my mum and came away with some pruch.
Pruch is a cracking Scottish word and is pronounced the following way:
P – As in ‘pup’
R- As in ‘rough’
U – As in ‘us’
CH – As in how we pronounce Loch (Loch – Not Lock – NEVER Lock!!! Kill your fucking self if you say Lock!!! – Bit like ‘For Auld Lang Syne – The S in Syne is an ‘S’ sound not a fucking Z!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Now, if it had been food, alcohol, memories of some form or a trinket or two, I wouldn’t be writing this. But no it was none of these, it was foot care products. A heel support, foams for corns and corn plasters.
…Where the fuck did it all go wrong???
In a weird tangent I wondered if my reading choices have changed since I got older? Is it only feet, knees and legs not hurting that I strive for or am I looking for new reading material?? (I told you it was a weird tangent!!)
I think I was a mature reader when I was young, not the classics. NEVER the classics! More horror writers like King and the legendary Herbert when I was around twelve. I enjoyed cartoon books like ‘Marmaduke’ and I found the absolutely brilliant ‘Beau Peep’ late seventies.
I actually wonder where me and my sister Tracy got a love of reading. I don’t think I’d ever seen my mum or dad pick up a book never mind rave about one!
Tangent’s again. The death of my dad was two years back on Friday there and I’ve realised something – I haven’t watched The British Open these two years. That was one thing that we spoke about. We played golf together up until I was about thirty and then work commitments fucked that in one way or another and I wish I could remember the last round we played together. But as Auld Franky sung, ‘That’s Life’!!!
Back to the books – As I’ve got older, I still love ‘Beau Peep’, it’s so stupid but clever. I still love horror books. I have an affection for the ones that I’ve read and probably should read again. (The discipline of reading shorts on the site has fucked me up for reading novels though!) But here’s the thing, unlike the advancing of my fucking sore feet, I still have no inclination to seek out the classics. I think they would hurt me just as much as this bastarding corn!!!
Okay onto this week’s stories.
We have three new folks a twenty sixer and someone out for the third time.
To all our newbies, we welcome them, hope that they have fun on the site and more importantly, we want to see more of their work.
As always, our initial comments follow.
First up was our first new writer, Margo Griffin. ‘Nana Won’t Rise From The Dead’ got us up and running.
‘This gave me the eebii- jeebies!!’
‘The tone changed brilliantly.’
‘This was that bit different.’
On Tuesday, we had our second new writer, JJ de Mello with ‘Poisson Regression.’
‘What an awful way to have to live.’
‘Very well done,’
‘Strong weirdness.’
Three in a row of newbies!!
LS Engler was next up with, ‘Flesh And Feathers.’
‘This had charm.’
‘A good piece of folklore.’
‘This will be enjoyed by many a reader.’
On Thursday, we had the superb writing brain of Mr Marco Etheridge. This man is perceptively clever and he has graced our site an impressive twenty six times!
‘Mussolini’s Monkey’ was his next story for us.
‘Marco’s tongue is firmly in his cheek with this one.’
‘Very well done.’
‘Great style and I want to believe it.’
The last story of the week had a title that has made me smile.
Michael Henson was showcased for the third time with, ‘ Ta Da Dum Bing.’
‘Well written.’
‘Enthralling.’
‘The forlorn and sad world we live in was emphasised.’
That’s the review of the week done and dusted and you know for those who read this regularly, I will bore you now but as Billy Capperauld told me regarding working with teenagers, ‘You keep chipping away and sometimes it sticks.’
Please comment!
Please say thanks if you have been commented on.
And have a look at our other features and give them a go.
I always feel a weed tad uncomfortable about touching on another country’s politics, as to me, it’s up to you to put in whatever wanking, paedo, robbing, lying bastard that you want. (I use that phrase to cover every one of the low- life self centred PD bastards!!)
But I do want to say one thing to my American friends:
trumps ear may turn out to be the same as thatchers ‘Falklands’.
1982 was a cracking year for that thing. It gained popularity when it shouldn’t have. I may sound bitter but check out the figures. Since it came to power Scotland LOST TWENTY TWO PERCENT of its work-force. (Coal, steel and shipyards to name but three.)
Nothing like a wee war over an Island of sheep to get the mad patriot blood boiling.
Soldiers died. But that cunt made a further career from it.
So a ‘hero’ with a sore ear’ole should maybe be regarded as something a lot less than Superman???
I loved how it stated that it wasn’t frightened as it knew that god was with it, I think that may be a bit off as I always thought that thing thought it was god!!!!
And to finish off, a nod to a legend. Ray Reardon died this week. He was one of the first snooker players that I remember watching. (He would have made a superb Dracula!!)
The man worked in the mines and survived a cave-in. He became a policeman but after he won an amateur snooker contest, he turned professional and became a six times world champion.
Now, I probably should have shown you a clip of that great man, but I think he would appreciate the total genius that is this!!
(A wee change from the music)
If anyone has ever picked up a cue to play snooker or even pool, you will understand the impossible shots that you are watching.
Reardon, Spencer, Mountjoy, Charlton, Werbeniuk, The Davis brothers and the absolute legend that you are about to watch are hopefully having a cracking wee tournament between themselves somewhere we don’t know exists!
Image: Black snooker cue case with the word Master in gold below is a broken cue from google images.
literally stories 
Hello Hugh
I am touched by the closeness you had with your Dad.
Never underestimate the power of effective foot care products. I spend a small fortune on my feet just to have them adapt and find a new way to torment me.
I too find it harder to read books anymore. But I often read more than ten thousand words a day. Forty pages is enough with everything else.
Great shooting. A skill as foreign to me and as difficult looking as flying a space shuttle.
Top post as always.
Leila
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Thanks Leila,
If I’m honest, I ain’t sure about the relationship I had with my dad. For every positive there were a helluva lot of negatives. I’ll get my head around it one of these days.
I was privileged to watch Higgins win the World Championship in 1982. I can’t remember his 1972 win as I was only five!
Thanks as always for your kind words.
Hugh
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I can’t imagine how his brain makes the computations to make that shot. I can’t even get the sticky thing to whack the bally thing let alone tell it which direction to go in. It’s no wonder my grandsons like to play against me, it’s a guaranteed win.
There is little more miserable than sore feet – it seems to be so insignificant – until it happens. I hope you’re problems are cleared up quickly care of the magic plasters.
Great post as always. Thanks – Diane
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Hi Diane,
Thanks so much.
I sometimes think that our bodies are only here to torture us in one way or another!!
I miss playing golf and snooker, golf I can’t go back to but I should get up off my arse, stay out the pub and play some snooker!!
The problem is I can get a beer in the snooker club so six pints in I give up and go to a cheaper pub!!
All the very best!
Hugh
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Good post. Now I know I’ve been mispronouncing Nessie’s home my whole life. Yeesh. I also find that the older I get, the more things I hate. I hate that.
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Hi Dave,
You have a point! A list of what we like would be a damn sight shorter than a list of what we hate!!
Oh I’m on the second series of ‘The Detectorists’ It’s one of those weird wee programmes that I’m enjoying immensely but can’t really explain why!!
Cheers for the tip!!
Hugh
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Dear Hugh,
Thanks for this post, because it rang seven bells with me this morning.
First, the description of losing a parent and how we stop doing some things, or start doing others, without knowing it when a parent passes on (it happened for me with my mother).
Second, the nature of growing old and how irritating it can be. My feet seem fine so far, but my knees are not. I feel this daily when getting my regular exercise by walking my two Siberian Huskies and one pit bull (I also had a stroke on May 3, 2024, at the age of 57, which definitely was a memento mori).
Three, the way you discussed the Scottish dialect. Robert Burns and James Boswell are two of my favorite writers. When I read their work, I often wonder how it would sound if there were recordings of them reading it aloud, not unlike the many recordings that exist of the US writer William S. Burroughs. The quieter and more monotonous the better.
Four, I too once read many novels all the time, but can’t any longer. So many novels, even most of the classics, are packed with filler and weak writing in order to make them longer (Dickens’ best work is “A Christmas Carol,” which is a long story). The more discerning a reader becomes, the less tolerance for filler. I sometimes wonder if novels are a genre for younger folks, teens, twenties, thirties.
I don’t believe The Orange One was hit by the bullet. This is why he won’t release his medical records. Maybe a piece of shrapnel. No wonder the FBI wants to interview him on this. It would be a world-wide disaster if he gets in again. If he doesn’t, he’ll do everything he can to start Civil War Number Two in the US of A. The degree of paranoia and mass delusion in the USA right now is beyond shocking.
I agree that there must be a mysterious significance to the number 500 (and all numbers).
Thanks for ending on “somewhere we don’t know exists.” As Alfred, Lord Tennyson, said, “If I didn’t believe in that, I wouldn’t be able to eat my dinner.”
Thanks again!
Dale
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Hi Dale,
I’m jealous of the dogs!!
We worked with dogs for a few years and although our business failed, those were the happiest years, work wise I ever had.
There are a few breeds that are sort of banned in Britain and an American Pit Bull is one of them.
Me, well I believe that dogs can be like people, they are either good or bad, (Mainly good I might add and any bad is normally due to the human influence!) it doesn’t matter what they are or where they come from. They shouldn’t be labelled! There are more viscous snappy wee shits that get away with it due to them not being able to do much damage but a bite is a bite!!
We had so many breeds on our books but the three that stand out for me were the Vizsla, (Velcro Vizsla – Once they take to you, they stick to you!) Tibetan Spaniel (Wee Arnie who was deaf as a post but watched you all the time) and a huge Long Haired Japanese Akita.
The more I worked with dogs, the more I realised how much I didn’t like people!
I see we are both the same age and I’m sorry for your health issues. I think when we do get to a certain age we think of a morning, ‘What now?’
There is an episode of ‘Two Doors Down’ where they are trying to teach a Yorkshire-man how to say ‘Loch’ which is really funny. (‘Two Doors Down’, ‘The Scotts’, Rab C Nesbitt (Except the last couple of series) and the absolutely brilliant, ‘Still Game’ shows Scottish humour at it’s darkest and very best.)
Thanks so much for your time and comments my fine friend.
Hugh
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As someone who started writing for publication (50 years after a college freshman writing class), my stories have a lot of death, both fiction and non.
Started reading sci fi and mysteries as a youth, never drawn to drama until a few years at college. Ignore / avoid the classics – closest I’ve come that I can remember are “The Last Temptation Of Christ” and “Lolita”. Although nothing like I write, “Wild” by local Cheryl Strayed was involved in restarting writing ten years ago. Hummer comes naturally, and horror comes from SKing and a book I took on vacation. Romance is definitely non-Hallmark.
I’m surprised when someone says I write like x, someone I’ve never read.
I know, who cares?
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Hi Doug,
I think the ‘write like’ and also ‘that plot reminds me of…’ can be those writing coincidences that happen from time to time.
With the thousands of submissions we read, we have on occasion seen these coincidences. Maybe a prompt somewhere in the writing world can cause them or maybe it’s that six steps of separation, Kevin Bacon type idea as we all are linked in some way.
I know that I will be slagged for this but emmm, any of The Classics that I’ve read have bored me senseless!!
Hope all is well with you my fine friend and stay being you!!
Hugh
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Dear Hugh
Thanks for sharing your love of dogs and the wide variety of types and sizes they come in. I can’t say I love dogs more than people in a general way, but I can look at my own behavior and realize that I often seem to spend MUCH more time around dogs than people (sometimes it feels like they understand me better) except for a few select humans and my kids (17-year-old twins).
I also agree that almost all “bad,” mean, vicious or aggressive dogs get that way through the abuses of people. Pit bulls can do serious damage up to and including death, but they never do so without being trained in that direction. When trained properly and showered with love and affection, they are one of the most happy, humorous, gentle, and loyal dog breeds I’ve ever met. They want to be good, and they ARE good if given the chance.
As for the Siberian Husky, this breed is the closest thing to a wolf (without being a wolf) that exists. Their fur is as amazing as their personalities, and even though they can easily survive in the wild like the wolf, they are uncannily human-centered (and gentle toward humans). They have that atavistic connection with the first creature that crossed the line into the firelight to seek peace and comfort (and food) with humankind, thereby leading to the domestication of every other animal that has been domesticated, and thus to the rise of civilization itself.
All three of my animals (Boo, Bandit, and Colonel) are rescue dogs. I got them as puppies, for free! Every time I think of this, I can hardly believe it. It bolsters the old adage about the best things in life being free.
Thanks again, Hugh!
Dale
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Great post as always and made me reflect on my reading habits – 25 years ago I couldn’t get enough of the Beat Generation and Bukowski, but doubt I’d get anywhere near the same pleasure nowadays. I also realised I read many more books in translation now than otherwise – I have no idea why.
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Hi Paul,
Thanks so much for your continual interest and participation.
Maybe as we get older we look at things differently and that causes our taste to change rather than ever becoming tired of something??
Who knows?? – You like what you like – Very true, but maybe we should add ‘You like what you like when you like it!’
All the very best my fine friend.
Hugh
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