Week 465 – Colonel Jessup Said It Best, You Don’t Want To Be Able To Hide In Budgie-Smugglers And ‘R’ Will Always Be Their Favourite Letter.

Here we are at Week 465.

I honestly think that January seems to be one of the longest months in the year. It drags on for ever. It is like the two minutes is to a cat when it’s food bowl is empty.

I know we don’t advocate talking animals but this little section emphasises my point:

‘It has been thirty seconds since I had food. The human is pretending to wash my dish whereas I know that they truly mean to starve me to death. I feel the life force draining from me. If I do survive this day, I shall make them pay. I will be as vocal as my weakened state allows until this matter is resolved or more likely, I die. These may be the last thoughts of me ‘Satan-Shoe Shitter!’

SSS was fine and let’s just say, he lived up to his name.

I was thinking this week, how many times can we handle the truth?

Let’s consider in life, can a kid handle a parent telling them that their art-work is shite and ‘Is it fuck going onto the fridge’?

Same kid being told, ‘You can’t sing, you can’t dance, so what the fuck are you doing in the Nativity Play?’

What about the question – ‘Do these trousers make my arse look big?’ Can they take the answer, ‘No, it’s your arse that makes your arse look big.’

And we have the very loaded, ‘Did you feel the earth move?’

Would anyone be accepting of an answer of, ‘I didn’t even feel you move’

(That has reminded me of a rebuttal from a rebuttal as in –

‘I didn’t realise your organ was so small’

‘I didn’t realise I was playing in a Cathedral.’)

Those examples of talent, appearance and sex emphasise the three biggies that are difficult for us to be truthful about. Not only us being honest with ourselves but those whose opinions we seek. (We shouldn’t ask, we really shouldn’t!!)

There is an idea that there are only four things that are truly truthful – Young kids, drunks, leggings and Speedos!

If you can be truthful with yourself, then nothing comes as a surprise or a shock. If you can accept exactly who you are, what you are, the limitations you have and the strengths that you can play to, you will have a sound knowledge on your own life and life-skills balance.

That takes me to a few points that I have made before but they are worth re-visiting.

Writing is a bit different as sadly we have to rely on other folks’ opinions. All you can do is make sure that you are totally happy with what you are submitting. Never leave any section with questions where you assume the reader will ‘get’ it.

Edit it to death – Spelling, punctuation and grammar always matter.

…And the tie in is quite simple…Be brutally truthful…Ask yourself, ‘Is this good?’

If you think that it is the best thing that you have ever read you have a 1 in 129 864 880 on being right. (I looked it up. Oh and that doesn’t include books from 2010 or those one or two self-published!)

Maybe the best answer that you can come up with is, ‘I’ve read worse’????

When it comes to us, we tell the truth as in, we tell the writer whether or not they are being published!!

But I suppose if you ever receive a letter which states, ‘Do you want a comment on your ill-fitting trousers?’ You may take out of that what you will.

Okay, onto the stories…

We always have interesting weeks and this week was no exception!

Only Leila wasn’t a new writer. (There is an example on how to make a very easy phrase clumsy!!!)The other four were all debutants.

We welcome them all and hope they have fun on the site.

As always our initial comments follow.

First up on Monday was Karley Cisler with ‘The Ending Of Us: Toxic Love During The Apocalypse.’

‘Bleak and scary done very well.’

‘Very good writing.’

‘A lot went into this.’

Our own wonderful Leila was published on Tuesday with ‘Wuthering Goat’.

Even though we had four new writers, this week’s authors have a combined tally of 132 stories between them. I think that tells you the amazing out-put of Leila. The out-put is astonishing but the continual quality and imagination is beyond anything that I’ve ever come across!!

‘Gobsmacked!’

‘This is wonderful.’

‘Perfect.’

Jennifer Maloney broke the back of the week with ‘Dirty Summer.’

‘This leapt off the page at me.’

‘An excellent final line.’

‘The scene setting and character drawing is very good.’

Next up on Thursday was Gary Earl Ross with, ‘One Known Drop.’

‘It is interesting that people obsess on this.’

‘Really well constructed.’

‘Interesting point making.’

And we finished off with Joanne Parson’s ‘Evenings’

‘Tense Little Thing.’

‘Strange.’

‘A mind bouncing off the guardrail due to extreme guilt.

That’s us all done and dusted and rounded up for another week.

It’s always great to see that we are still attracting an influx of new writers. Hopefully, they will bring some more visitors to the site.

To everyone out there who is involved with us in whatever way, please spread the word. If you know anyone who is thinking about writing shorts, please point them in our direction.

Usual reminders.

Keep the comments coming.

Check out the Sunday Features and get involved.

I was checking out the birthdays and for some reason, Captain Kidd appeared. I couldn’t find an actual date. I didn’t know that he was Scottish. I also didn’t know what a shit Pirate he was! I think he only Pirated one vessel. (This was my inspiration for some music)

On the day that I was typing this, I noticed that it was Linda Blair’s birthday. I wonder if anyone can get the movie reference from the first quote or the more relevant second one. Don’t look them up, that’s cheating and makes fly mary cry.

1. NICE FUCKING MODEL!!!!!!!

2.I lived through the Black Plague and had a pretty good time during that. I’ve seen the EXORCIST ABOUT A HUNDRED AND SIXTY-SEVEN TIMES, AND IT KEEPS GETTING FUNNIER EVERY SINGLE TIME I SEE IT

Some music to finish off.

Here is something that I didn’t know was a type of music until a few years ago and a fellow I worked with told me about it.

I give you some Pirate Rock!

Hugh

Image: Pixabay.com – close up of a tabby cat with bi coloured eyes staring at the camera – I think this is the shoe shitter.