Well here we go again and by fuck this might be random.
I loved when a kid who I worked with in the hostels used that word in a way that I had never heard.
I asked her if she was going to the Youth Group and she said with the venom that only a teenager can express, ‘Um a fuck! Whit kind of cunt do you think Ah um if I wis to mix wae they randoms – Fucking retards’ (And for all you sensitives – Yep that was a real quotation!!!!!)
While I’m at pissing folks off, I ask you a question due to my being a twat. Have you ever found out something, that was obvious, I might add, in later life.
As I sit here typing this and listening to some 50’s music, I’ve just realised that the Isley Brothers were black – I did not know that. Maybe I was always getting confused with the whiter than white ‘Righteous Brothers’ – Now again, before the enraged get their frillies in a twist, I am simply stating a fall-down on my musical knowledge, which, trust me, I take on more as a slight than anyone can insult me about!!
I want to apologise to the Isley Brothers and it has nothing to do with their colour – It has to do with me confusing them with the fucking blander than milk with the milk removed ‘Righteous Brothers’!
‘Unchained Melody’ was fucking awful, I don’t care what anyone says!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Back to my original thought for this posting, yep I did have an original thought…There was an old film that I love that made me think in a weird way that it was the epitome of a short story, not for the whole film but for the last twenty minutes or so.
You watch as they get ready and you don’t know what is going on until the last few scenes.
Then the sting happens in ‘The Sting’!
It’s quite brilliant!
I think when we write shorts, we should watch that. That’s if you want to surprise. But I’ll warn you, be careful of that! If the reader spots where it’s going then you have the opinion of ‘…Fuckin’ knew it!!’
Now, since I’ve mentioned the stunning Mr Newman – He could have turned me gay! I loved the conundrum the promoters of the brilliant ‘The Towering Inferno’ had. (I love that film – A heartbroken Fred Astaire makes me laugh every fucking time!! – Oh and the hope of the Robert Wagner’s character with a face cloth over his head when hell is being unleashed is even funnier!!! – ‘I did the hundred in six (I’m exaggerating) seconds still wasn’t fast enough – The cunt would have to have been The Flash to have any chance!!)
…Oh and was that the first attempt at acting that OJ did??
– Man he fucking improved in that court!!!!
You see, according to folklore, the ego that was Steve McQueen wanted top billing but the film executives thought that should go to Newman so they came up with this:
McQueen’s name was first but Newman’s name was second but higher!!
Completely changing the subject, once again our comments gave me something to comment on – Leila had asked us about Rolf Harris and his involvement in Britain.
(This may not be strictly correct but it is the way that I saw it.)
I advised that he was an artist who used wall paint brushes and was commissioned by RandyandyPandy to paint his (The paedo’s) mother.
He also sang ‘Jake The Peg’ who had an extra leg and we all now know what that extra leg was. He did ‘Two Little Boys’ (That wasn’t meant!!) which was brilliantly covered by ‘Spud’ from ‘Trainspotting’ at ‘Tommy’s’ wake. Check that out on YouTube folks.
And this made me think of the paedo harris’s catch phrase which was, when he started painting, ‘Can you see what it is yet’
I heard a wee guy fae Govan said, ‘Aye, yer fuckin’ cock, pit it away or Ah’ll set it on fire wae ma blow-torch!’
Ah from the mouths of babes!
Okay, enough of this nonsense – Onto this week’s stories.
We had a legend, a gentleman who is adding to his back catalogue regularly and three new folks.
To our first-timers, we welcome them all and hope that they have fun on the site.
As always, our initial comments follow.
On Monday we had Tom Sheehan. It is very difficult to flick through the site without bumping into his work. It is impossible not to be impressed with whatever you read!
‘Bill Adam’s Book “Miles” (With Shan’t (Shall Not))’ (Hope I got the punctuation right!) was Tom’s latest story for us.
‘To make something so realistic takes a lot of skill.’
‘I was totally convinced.’
‘This man makes me admire him more and more.’
Tuesday came and we had our first new writer.
Dillon Cranston’s story, ‘When Every Breath Is A Blade’ was next up.
‘Very well written.’
‘Maybe for a limited audience but it does have something.’
‘Very well done.’
Sara Weiss was our second new writer of the week and her first story for us was called, ‘Worthy?’
‘This looks at the issue from another angle.’
‘Good writing!’
‘The pace is controlled brilliantly.’
J Bradley Minnick is closing in to those exclusive double figures. (Less than 3% of our writers have managed that) His sixth story for us was entitled, ‘The Slow Guiding Drifts Of Identical Things’
‘An odd little piece.’
‘Brad brings those times back to life.’
‘An interesting look back.’
And we finished off with our last new writer, Ashley Laughlin. She completed the week with, ‘The Clown And The Kid.’
‘I don’t really know why but this really does work!’
‘Excellent stuff!’
‘It tells you enough but not everything – That shows a confidence in a writer that you can’t teach!’
Just to finish.
I love nature. I have huge respect for the old ladies’ wisdom but I hate nature programmes. They are full of misery.
‘…And here we see the weak cub who has a limp.’
In other words some big fucker with teeth will eat him.
Or
‘…And here we see some big fucker with teeth who is starving.’
Cause there is no weak cub with a limp for him to eat.’
Either way, it is fucking miserable and depressing.
With that in mind I was dismayed to see that Mr Attenborough (Wee Greta’s wank thought) at 97 was just about to have another nature programme be shown.
I had to change my thinking. If a man at 97 still wants to make these programmes it shows me one thing.
He is a greedy money grabbing auld bastard.
And now for a song, the last couple have actually been very good, so time to bring it down a few notches. And it ties into that last section.
Enjoy!!
Images: Google images – The Isley Brothers in garish costumes. Poster of the film Towering Inferno and a red banner image.
literally stories 
Hugh
Great stuff. Ah disaster pictures. Karen Black landing the plane. Loved the pirate look that so many performers wore in the seventies. Saw Earth Wind in Fire in 77, and those were some cool outfits. At least twelve people on stage (including backup singers) and they all flowed in silk. Then grunge came and dirty nails took over.
The American version of Attenborough was Marlin Perkins. The joke was that he’d wait in the jeep and narrate while his assistant Jim Fowler was getting his ass kicked by whatever beast’s habitat they had invaded.
Maybe Saville and Harris sing You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling together on Karaoke Night in Hell.
Happy upcoming 55th to Diane and Ian!
Leila
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Leila,
I think those guys look like a charity shop wedding party!!
I watched the saville dramatisation staring Steve Coogan. He did some job!!
What with that and his stint as Stan Laurel, he is showing what a talented and versatile actor he really is.
Cheers again!!!
Hugh
LikeLike
Oh thank you so much. Incredible how the times flies when you’re having fun.
I have mixed feeling about David Attenborough. On the one hand I do actually think he cares deeply about the planet. On the other hand I couldn’t agree more about nature programmes. It’s like Bambi’s mum and the lion cubs dad -and that other old classic Black Beauty oh yeah and The yearling – I could go on. I just think Why. We know already, everybody wants to eat everybody else and stuff dies willy nilly but can’t we just watch pretty things and live in a nicer place for just a little while. There is so much beauty around why concentrate on the vicious and ugly. Great post Hugh – I’m not sure how many you have offended with this one but I reckon it could be one of your best. x
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thanks Diane and also congratulations once again!
I am also at a loss to the fascination many people have for nature programmes.
I find them very depressing.
All adverts are annoying but for whatever reason we need to be force fed images of thirsty donkeys. It is horrible and puts you off your cornflakes!!
As for me offending, I’ve found throughout my life, I never try but it just sort of happens!!
All the very best to you both!!
Hugh
LikeLike
Best Isley – “Twist And Shout” (covered by some British pop group), “That Lady”, “It’s Your Thing”, “Shout”.
Try this Righteous Bros “Little Latin Lupe Lu”
Robert Wagner vaguely involved in death of wife Natalie Wood. Dropped in on friends of ours when he went to a wrong address in LA.
Rolf Harris known in USA for “My Boomerang Won’t Come Back” and “Tie Me Kangeroo Down Sport”. Didn’t get the pedo news in the USA.
Keep on rocking, ranting, riting, rolling reading.
Personal nature program (turned into a 50 word story Butterfly of course). Pleasant day on front porch, beautiful red butterfly (cool story – original reasonable name flutterby was inverted) flew by immediately eaten by a bird. After all that time waiting as a caterpillar.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hi Doug,
Thanks as always.
Check out Alex Harvey singing ‘Shout’.
Did I read somewhere that Christopher Walken was also on the boat with Wood and Wagner??
All my very best to you and yours.
Hugh
LikeLike
Hugh – Yes to Christopher Walken. The incident has been investigated and re-investigated. Irony that Natalie was afraid of water from an earlier incident. Many theories about what “really” happened.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hey Hugh,
A bit of Towering Inferno trivia and, yes, it concerns Steve McQueen’s active actor ego. McQueen (an actor I always loved, BTW) tallied up his lines versus Paul Newman’s lines. He insisted that they should have an equal number of lines. And so it was if you believe the Hollywood stories. There’s more, mostly about McQueen trying to upstage Yul Brenner in The Magnificent Seven.
Anyway, great post, thanks, tralala, and all of that. I’m off on a four-month walkabout so I will be scarce from the site. I’ll return with outlandish stories of far-flung locales if I survive.
Marco
LikeLiked by 2 people
I’ve heard at least one upstate Yul story. When both were riding on some wagon he kept shaking a cartridge.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Steve upstaged Yul in the end by dying of lung cancer first. That showed the skin-headed jackwagon!
Leila
LikeLiked by 2 people
Hi Doug, Hi Leila,
So many stories about the Magnificent Seven. McQueen was the up-and-comer while Brenner was the star king. Yul was a short guy. He would make a mound of dirt to stand on. McQueen would kick it away before the shot started. If you watch Yul’s scenes with Steve, McQueen is always messing with his belt, his hat, anything to steal the audience’s eye. Yul called him out on it. Years later, when McQueen was the big star and Brenner was dying, McQueen apologized.
That’s it from me…
LikeLiked by 2 people
Upstate? No, upstage.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Hi Marco,
Ah actors and their egos are cause for many a story!!
Have a great trip my fine friend and thanks so much for the comments!
Hugh
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s uncanny when you list those Rolf Harris song titles and relate them to what we later found out about him – like fucking hell!
I once had the misfortune to meet Jimmy Saville – I was in Scarborough in the mid-90s going through my embarrassingly pretentious beatnik phase, wearing all black, sitting in a coffee shop, probably reading some Beat Generation poetry – and the evil wanker walked in and said to me and my similarly clad friend ‘Cheer up lads, it might never happen.’ – luckily for us ‘it’ never did happen.
LikeLike
Hi Paul,
I reckon there should be an entry in the dictionary under ‘Sick fuck’ and that should be saville.
The dramatisation was brilliant and it gave me a reason to hate thatcher even more – It was her, when she got her jotters that gave him his knighthood!
All the very best my fine friend.
Hugh
Oh and please tell me it wasn’t a black polo neck you were wearing!
Those things give me the fear.
If I ever win the lottery I will pay someone whatever they want to photo-shop (Or whatever you call it) Gene Hackman’s polo neck out of ‘The Poseidon Adventure’ – Not only is it one of those fucking being born jumpers – It is fucking wet!!!!!!!!!!!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
He was the epitome of a sick fuck. I lived in Scarborough at the time, as did he, and he was known locally as being a creep, yet we never knew the horrific extent of it of course.
As for polo neck top, I can assure you I never took it that far!
LikeLike