All Stories, Crime/Mystery/Thriller

Cause and Effect by Diane M Dickson

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The sound was awful and those who lived on the ground floor knew right away that something was terribly wrong. It wasn’t the clang and clatter made when kids chucked stuff over the concrete balconies, and it wasn’t the soft thud like the time the nutter on the tenth floor threw all her clothes over in a bin bag. This was a heavy ‘thunk’.

Josie sitting in the gloom at her place on the corner thought it sounded like the You Tube video of someone smashing their head into a watermelon. In fact, this was a sort of reverse truth and a darned good analogy according to the police.

Josie dragged back her curtains to see and Bob and Mary were already outside. Mary was hiding her face on Bob’s shoulder. Then again, she was always a bit of a drama queen. Bob though was simply staring, frozen for a moment. Josie pushed open the window to shout over and the noise brought him back to himself and he scrabbled for the phone in his pocket. His voice was high-pitched and panicked and Josie dragged her cardigan from the back of the settee blew her nose and went out to see. Later she would say that she wished she hadn’t but that wasn’t true.

By the time the police arrived, all screaming sirens and pulsing lights, a crowd had gathered. They knew who it was, or rather who it had been before his head had done the watermelon thing on the flags and his bones had fractured and punctured his flesh. Bob pushed forward to speak to the officers and Mary stood keening into her palms, making sure she was noted as being one of the first on the scene. She even managed a moment of high hysteria until Stella slapped her across the face. Josie reckoned that was fulfilling a long-held ambition but of course, this wasn’t the time to say so.

She watched the little huddle of uniforms, kids on bikes watching as Bob gave his account of what had occurred. She could have told them the exact time, and so much more, but then they already had that from Bob’s call, so she drew in air to her lungs and blinked away the moisture in her eyes. What would happen now was already in train and she just had to wait.

The ambulance arrived. The blokes in green didn’t even bother to open their cases and bags. One look told them they were going away empty. The whole circus of tents and paper suits and medical examiners were probably on their way already and, unless the wailing woman needed their attention, there was nothing for them to do.

Bob pointed up to the sixteenth floor with a shaking finger. Mary used the action as another excuse for a bout of loud sobbing but by now nobody was taking much notice. The mortuary van arrived, and a couple of police personnel carriers. The place was awash with white suits and scene tape. Kids on bikes and boards swarmed from all across the estate. A few of them jeered and cat called but the spreading pool of gore was enough to keep most of them quiet and two of the younger ones puked on the pavement so the police moved them back. Well, nobody wanted to have to step in that and it wasn’t going to be cleaned up for a while yet.

Everyone knew when the boss arrived. The uniforms made more of an effort to look proficient, and the detectives gathered around nodding heads and pursing lips. A couple of press photographers and a bloke with a recording machine honed in on Bob and Mary who were more than willing to give their account. Josie slipped further back into the little crowd of neighbours. A couple of them tried to engage her in excited speculation and horrified gossip. It was the most thrilling thing that had happened for ages. For most of them. She couldn’t talk though. Not with him there on the pavement. His black hair was matted with blood and his arms and legs were twisted and splayed. She didn’t reckon she would ever unsee that and she had thought the other thing was what she would hold in her mind’s eye forever. It just went to show you, you never knew.

For a moment she could feel the ghost of his hair between her fingers and the warmth of his legs beside hers and the echo of his arms around her. Then she could see those other eyes, pleading and horrified and feel those other fingers, grasping and tugging and she glanced down at her scratched and blooded hands, tucking them up the ends of her cardigan sleeves.

Three of the detectives trudged toward the main door and she watched until she saw them emerge onto the walkway way above. A couple of them stopped and leaned over and shook their heads.

It was too far to hear them knock on the apartment door, the bell had been broken for months. They must have knocked. Josie supposed they wondered why nobody from the flat up on the sixteenth floor had come out. She imagined them pushing open the door and walking down the narrow hallway. She thought they would probably go into the living room first, there would be nobody there and they would look in the kitchen and then when they opened the bedroom door their work would get a whole lot more complicated. Mind you they probably wouldn’t throw themselves over the balcony because somebody had done that- that awful thing to his wife.

Diane M Dickson

Image by wal_172619 from Pixabay – Front of a huge tower block of flats. 

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Published by literallystories2014

19 thoughts on “Cause and Effect by Diane M Dickson”

  1. Diane

    This is a perfect example of active writing. It moves along in the moment and doesn’t allow you to consider the possibilities until the end is upon you. There’s a fine line between an active narrative such as this and “tell.” You skirt it expertly. Great work!
    Leila

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  2. Hi Diane,
    I’m just going to re-post my initial comments.
    But before I do, just a reiteration that it is brilliant to see you back on the site with a story!!

    – Loved the pace and control with this!
    – Excellent detail and the description is well judged.
    – Right at the beginning with the section about sound is spot on. It’s weird and you have made me think on this, but there is a difference between loudness with no issues and loudness with. You can’t explain the difference and strangely it isn’t always the type of sound but a feeling that you get.
    -‘Thunk’ …Are you playing with a wee sound effect?? The pixie that you are!! This works where so many don’t. I think the difference is a sound for effect is mince but if it is onomatopoeic, then it works.
    – The neighbourhood reaction is very well observed!
    – My only concern, but also what I love about this is the last paragraph. I’ve read this a couple of times now and I honestly can’t get a total grasp on what has happened – But I like that. (HAH!! That can be an excuse for my stupidity!!) I thought on things like revenge murder / suicide / haunting / mistress / guilt / abuse and I like that they are all swirling about.
    There are so many stories that I like being left with – Even if it is me not grasping. I think on these types as the taste a full bodied wine, a peaty whisky or a good cigar leaves you with!

    I think I added to this and said something like-

    Anything that is as simple in plot but as deep as deep is a wonderful piece of writing!!!
    Hugh

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      1. HAH!
        I change so many times but I think what comes back to me is you playing around with ‘Done that awful thing to his wife’ – This was beautifully ambiguous because when we initially read it, we reckon that the husband had also thrown his wife over the balcony and that really puzzles us. But if we read it and consider that the awful thing is how the Police found her. (As did her husband.)
        So I suppose I keep going back to Josie and him having an affair – Josie wanted him to leave his wife but he wouldn’t and pleaded with her not to tell her. Josie didn’t only tell her, she wanted her out the way and killed her. (The scratches on her hand may point to stabbing, as does the idea of so much hate. The guy returned home, saw what had happened, knew that it was all his fault and decided to throw himself off the balcony. You did point to his character when you used the word ‘pleaded’
        He may truly have loved his wife and couldn’t live without her, but more probably guilt and fear of being with someone who was capable of all that rage made him do what he did. If he had went to the Police, he would have lost both of them anyway but I still think it was guilt and fear of his own involvement.
        No matter what way I look at this, he doesn’t come out well!”!
        …I’m Probably a mile away!!!!!
        But as I’ve said, I love when a story goes off in the readers tangents – It gives it more meanings and lives.
        Hugh

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      2. It’s funny, isn’t it. When I wrote it the whole scenario was clear in my mind. It’s a balancing act to give away enough but not too much. I love it when a story makes you wonder. I don’t think it works as well in books. When there is a cliffhanger ending it makes the reader wonder if the author was only interested in sales. I would rather have a satisfied reader and a kind review.

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  3. This is impeccable story telling. Detailed but not drowning out the narrative. The pace is perfect, and it flows in the direction which you want it to go, yet keeps me, the reader, always in anticipation. 👏👏🙏

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  5. Wow. Great first paragraph. And just when you think you’ve figured out the plot, you read the very last sentence, which makes you realise it’s a lot more complicated, so that you have to go back to the beginning and start again. Thank you.

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  9. At first I thought it was a straight suicide and the story was about the reactions to it. This was well described and clear. Josie, for example, was just sitting in her living room when this unexpected thing happened. The ending made things far more puzzling, as it seems Josie knew more about the situation, and might even have been involved somehow.

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