Short Fiction

Week 415 – Spartans, 65 Days Short Of A Year And 8 Off Of Whatever The Fuck Off Of A Peugeot.

This is week 415 but it is something special for me as I think(??) I’ve reached posting number 300.

Well slap me sideways and call me Susan.

Oh and let’s start where I’ve always been – Fuck off you snowflake cunts, I’m not advocating beating up women. In my life history that would never have happened for two reasons:

1. Respect of the strong and all ladies in my life.

2. Fear of the strong and all ladies in my life.

…I mean, I’m very surprised that I’ve reached Saturday Post number 300!! (I think! I’ve included yearly posts but as is my file, this is number 300)

I thought I might have been dead or dried up talking pish. (Nope!!! That will never happen – Ask Gwen! The talking pish thing is a consistent given – Death will come…Maybe not..I’m meant to suffer!! Some Local Authority Wanker will be telling me when I’m two hundred how much I owe in Community Charge!!)

Anyhow, I thought about typing ‘The Best Of Shug’ but when I looked back, I had a few cracking capital letters and the odd cheeky wee comma but that was about it.

So fuck it, I thought, I’ll do what I normally do and type up some random pish!

I hope I’m not talking out of turn but the main reason that I took this on was that Adam was struggling with sending out rejections and the little interest that we had at the time. The soul took the burden of negativity for a year!

I had a look and my first one was on the 7th November 2015. Weirdly Diane had two stories (‘You’ve Got Mail’ and ‘If Only’, Fred Foote who I’m sure will reach the century had ‘True Love’ published. We had a one timer, Joseph Novak with ‘Dead Air’ (Where are you Joseph??) and me with ‘The Second Coming’) HAH – Blaspheme is something that I’ve always played around with!

That was what we had to do then, we had to stick our finger in the hole to stop the floodgates of very little sweeping us away. I would like to state that even though we held up the site, there were still no shoe-ins – We still had to be accepted by the majority of the editors. Actually, when I think about it, we had a scoring system then. Eventually, we realised that it would be a lot easier just to say yes or no!!

I’ve always been thick skinned so the negativity didn’t phase me. That was my life growing up!!

My Granny wasn’t a very loving woman! But I hope that when I do send out a rejection I try and inject a wee tad humility into it. I’ll admit that for the first timers it is a standard rejection but if someone comes back to us, I take the time to type something, even if the structure is a bit familiar.

Adam passed on the negativity – But do you know what…I’m happy doing it, not cause I get any pleasure from saying NO! (But I’d be a liar if I didn’t admit there are times, with horrific arrogant submissions, I don’t think ‘Just fuck off!!’) I’m happy to be a part of a process that we all need to go through, learn from and accept!

At time of doing this we have just went through a spell of receiving many a submission. We have just cleared out over forty rejections. I, in my three hundredth post (Have I mentioned that??) would really like to thank all the folks who have a look at the guidelines, the site and take it from there with their initial submission.

The other folks…The ones who don’t bother their arse – Shame on you you discourteous twats – You ain’t doing yourself any favours.

And here’s the thing, it’s not just us. Any site where you send to, you are inclined to be binned immediately.

I was going to take a lead from Leila and type up a couple of lists of the three hundred things that I love and I hate.

I realised something though. If I categorised alcohol as one thing I would fall woefully short with my loves. And when I think on things I hate, three hundred slots are also woefully short. So I have decided to pass on the lists.

…Although it might be fun to type a list of anti-lists, you know the sort of thing, a list where there is only one thing on it.

For example, ‘prince andrew – Good points’

1. His puppet was brilliant in ‘Spitting Image’

…and then we are fucked.

Or The british cabinet and their wealth.

1. It makes them targets for kidnappers.

…and then fucked again.

And finally Justin Bieber.


…Nope! Can’t even think of one good thing about the wee fud!

Okay onto this week’s stories.

We had two returners one guy nearly at double figures and two new folks.

We welcome our first timers, hope that they have fun on the site and more importantly, we want to see more of their work.

As always our initial comments follow.

First up on Monday was Richard Leise for the second time with ‘The Other One’.

‘Very weird.’

‘There’s no way I’d let those kids in!’

‘The line about solving a problem at a different level of thinking on what created it is excellent.’

Tony Osgood is really putting together some cracking stories. He is an exceptional writer.

He was next up on Tuesday with, ‘Keep Dancing.’

‘Tremendous depth.’

‘This might well put the kittens among the birdies.’

‘The way that Tony lets the situation slowly reveal itself is brilliant.’

Our first new person was showcased on Wednesday.

The Darkroom‘ by Freya Williams broke the back of the week.

‘Very well done.’

‘Some excellent writing.’

‘Makes your skin crawl.’

And we followed one newbie with another.

David Christopher Johnston had his ‘Bad Elf’ published on Thursday.

‘This is evil!’

‘Very well done.’

‘Makes ‘Bad Santa’ look like Julie Andrews.’

On Friday Todd Mercer returned to the site with ‘The Kid Who Thinks He’s Grown.’

‘Something in this reminds me of ‘The Sultans Of Swing’.

‘Todd writes the odd odd tale!’

‘There is just something about this that makes you think and enjoy!’

Well folks that’s my three hundredth round-up rounded up. (Have I mentioned that previously…I think I may have.)

Okay, I’m just squeezing this in ’cause some prick has annoyed me. Fucking ‘Submission Guidelines’ strike again. I know that I’ve already touched on this but this has just this very second happened.

All I can say is if you are submitting for the first time – Fucking follow them, if you don’t you are gubbed. We try but when things like this happen we get to the stage where we think ‘Sod you this will be a NO!’

Here is an interaction that I have just had.

We received a submission that had no email content, no introduction, no word count, no genre and the story was in the body of the otherwise naked email. How many of you wonderful REAL writers would have ever done that as an introduction????

I sent this as an answer –

Hi ???? (I’ll use Dickwad just for the sake of using a name) could you please have a look at our guidelines and send in as instructed.

We look forward to you getting back to us.

Hugh Cron on behalf of Literally Stories.

The person then sent in a retort –


What would it have taken to include a link to your guidelines?

I’ll pass on any online journal this prissy.  I don’t do well with being “instructed.” Stand on ceremony if you must

I probably should have ignored it but I must admit I was a tad pissed off, so I answered –

Hi (Cuntbubble – Dickwad isn’t strong enough),

Really sorry that you feel that way.

We don’t mean to be prissy and the only reason that we ‘instruct’ is to stop writers wasting their time.

If a writer doesn’t follow a specific site’s guidelines (And they are all different when you take into consideration word count, structure due to system restrictions and genre for example,) all that is liable to happen is their submission won’t be looked at. We all know this through bitter experience as we are all writers in some form. That is why I ‘instructed’ you the way that I did with all good intentions but it is quite apparent that you didn’t take it that way.

I wish you all the luck with your writing career as having the attitude that you have, you will need it.

Hugh Cron on behalf of Literally Stories.

This is the shit that we receive from some idiots that haven’t a courteous or professional bone in their body. They know nothing about the whole process and overall I reckon that they are naive, selfish and arrogant human beings.

But hey-ho! As I said, I shouldn’t have let them get to me.

But the one thing I am proud of / disgusted with is that I didn’t tell them exactly what I thought of them.

Ahhh submissions, they are the hardest part of all this.

Mainly because you can’t grab the twat and pull them over a desk when they need grabbed and pulled over a fucking desk!!

Just before I let you hear some terrible / brilliant music, I’d just like to share my fucking energy bill. It has doubled from this time last year.

Gwen works for the NHS and there has been a forced wage rise of around £80.00 a month (This is still being fought over.)

I love how the government (Net worth of cabinet around ½ billion) states that they can’t afford any pay increases. How the fuck can people afford, even taking that wage rise I’ve mentioned with an additional outlay of double heating cost which for us is around £400 this quarter alone. The mortgage has went up for the fourth time this year which adds another £75.00. And this isn’t even thinking on the price of food or fuel.

What really pisses me off is the five large oil companies have made around £160 billion this year in yet those wank bag friends of theirs in our governments won’t fucking tax them any more as they state ‘The oil industry is volatile’ – Not as volatile as pneumonia or starvation for our old folks or just folks in general!!

I can’t tell you how much I hate the uneven wealth in this fucking world and in a way, I hope I do see the fucking place blow up just to smile as I know what a leveller death and destruction is.

…Oh and also to shaft that Greta fucker. She’ll regret not getting pished, doing drugs and shagging throughout her teenage years like any normal kid, the torn faced wee shit!

So for you Greta, listen to the title of the song and give yourself another ulcer!!

(NB – I can only do three dances – Pogo, Waltz and Gay Gordons so I tip my hat to ‘The Exploited’!!)


Image: Original header from Tobias.

17 thoughts on “Week 415 – Spartans, 65 Days Short Of A Year And 8 Off Of Whatever The Fuck Off Of A Peugeot.”

  1. Hugh
    Congratulations on 300th wrap and I am glad you published that rejection.
    Cost of living raises are a farce. When I began work in 1977 the average rent where I lived in Seattle was about a hundred a month. I earned 2.10 an hour at minimum wage and got by. Today I believe the minimum in Seattle is about 15.00 an hour but rent is over 2500 a month. It leads to things like ten people sharing a one bedroom apartment. And so it goes endlessly.


    1. Hi Leila,
      Thanks so much for all your support!
      Wouldn’t the world be a better place with no money and no divide.
      Ahhh Communism – An idea that in principle is good but in theory will never work due to human one-upmanship and greed!!
      We are told that we now live in a civilised society but that society still consists of those and such as those and the ‘Don’t do as I do. do as I say’ leaders.
      Utopia – That’s what we have – A hellish, selfish Utopia!!


  2. I risk being serious. There are to many people fighting over a diminished supply of resources. I won’t bother to check, but there may have been half as many people in 1977. My home Oregon was a pleasant place of a million or so when I was born (Feb 10 1943, feel free to wish me a happy bidet), now it’s over four million. As a species we way overdid multiplication. The scarce is dear.

    Ranting about guidelines from the other side with a side of suckup. After a very few unsuccessful subs, I will not Shunn regardless of how a good a pub sounds otherwise (OK, million $ upfront, guaranteed screewriting credit). Reviewer can’t remember the title of a three page story unless it is on every page? He has to know the physical address of the author? I’ve pointed out that LS is one of the good guys that doesn’t Shunn. Shunn on a thousand page novel might make some sense, three page story emphatically no.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Good sign for me, bad sign for the country. You probably knew that. There are no good choices. “too” not “two” dammit. Renting close to Portland State College circa 1962-65 – $100 a month split several ways. I wrote about that too. Sex, drugs, and rock and roll. Some drugs, lots of rock and roll.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Doug,
      Cracking observation regarding population.
      Society states that it is everyone’s right to have a family but surely there needs to be a balance about having a planet first??
      Fuck me! Am I on a same sort of teeny ball-park as Greta???
      Probably not as I have said this for years, well before she was born!!
      Thanks so much for all your comments and interest in not only these types of postings but the whole of the site!!
      Stay being you!!


  3. Congratulations, Hugh, on your 300th. That’s is one angry video. Maybe you should send a link to it to submitters who make no effort to follow the LS guidelines, which are user-friendly. I agree with Doug re. Shunn although I don’t always shun them.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. David,
      For years now, I have smiled as soon as I see you have commented or submitted!!
      Thanks so much for the kind words.
      Regarding the videos. I started with a list of eight, I’m now up to thirty and it keeps growing as I remember others!!
      Hope all is well with you my fine friend.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Hi folks,
    Before I reply to the comments there are a couple of things that I wanted to add but to keep separate.
    I need to thank Diane and Leila and previously Diane and Nik for allowing me the opportunity to write all of these. They don’t know what it means to me to have been given a free reign and for them to show a continual interest in what I wrote / write!!
    I think between them, I’ve only been censored twice!!! And within what I estimate to have been around 250 000 words, that shows their tolerance and open-mindedness!
    Talking about that number, that is the other thing I need to thank them for. I don’t do bucket lists (That’s just depressing – Oh not the death part, the part where I know there is no point as there is no way that I’d have the means to do any of them!! But what ambition I do have is to write those million words.
    It would take me a helluva long time to calculate this accurately but with these postings covering a quarter of that ambition and all the other bits and pieces that I have done being roughly counted in my head, I reckon I will get there. I don’t think I’m quite there yet (Maybe I am) but I know if I’m not, then it will be achievable and soon.
    Lastly I thank them all for their friendship, support and help!!
    Cheers guys!!!!!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hello Hugh. In response to your ‘thank you’ the thing that you are overlooking is the fun you have given us with these post. We literally (ha see what I did there) have no idea what you are going to say. The ones where you send them in and say something like ‘I might have gone too far’ are a highlight for me ! These posts are honest, don’t pull their punches but more often than not they are hugely entertaining. I am impressed regularly by your knowledge of the cinema and by your quirky music choices. I’m sure you’ll make it to the million words, I know the story output has slowed recently but I look forward to it picking up again as I’m sure it will. Congratulations on this post and please just keep on doing what you do, it enriches my life. x


      1. Thanks so much Diane.
        In the words of a wee sales rep who I knew and didn’t want to kill – ‘I am humbled!’
        Mr John Keast used to say that every month he was in the bakery after we gave him some soup, pies and tea-bread to take home.
        …His wife had red-carded him!
        When my dad died, I phoned to tell him and we got talking about times gone by. There were a few things that I mentioned and he cheered me up no end when he stated – ‘I’m humbled that you remember me telling you that!’
        Thanks again Diane. I hope the writers realise what your in-put and knowledge means to their successful submissions!!!


      1. Hi Doug,
        I saw that you had posted a couple of, emm, well, postings so I left one to answer to wish you a very happy belated birthday.
        The world is a lot more interesting with you in it. (Film??)
        And also I have played around with some lyrics and never been able to match your use of Mr Young, I may have mentioned this before, maybe not…I think my favourite lyrics are all of John Lennon’s ‘Imagine’ all of Queen’s ‘Is This The World We Created’ the chorus of ‘Blasphemous Rumours’ by Depeche Mode or the single line of Fergal Sharkey’s ‘A Good Heart’, ‘My expectations may be high, I blame that on my youth’
        I leave you with that one!!
        Keep the celebrations going and sod it, have a birthday month, not just for the day!!!


      2. Sharon and I do about a week of celebration. She missed her purveyor of stuffed cabbage and had to find a new one. I’m really good at old man. Get off my yard you dang hippie. Where did I put my glasses and hearing aides.


      3. Hugh – I like Imagine, but you may remember the hit it took when celebrities sang it from their mansions during the beginning of the pandemic.
        “Roll With It” Winwood
        “Wreck Of The Edmund Fitzgerald” LIghtfoot
        “Even It Up” semi-local Heart
        “Got To Give It Up” Marvin Gaye


  5. Hi Doug,
    Collaboration is work of the Devil!!
    There are only two of them (Thank fuck) but check this out. I hope that you poor American folks haven’t been subjected to this throughout the years!!!
    This is definitely a case of knowing the words isn’t enough!!


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