Well here we are at Week 236.
This is one of my favourite weeks as it is ‘Bonnie Baby’ competition week in my local press. Please don’t think that I’ve been influenced by the duet of Gadd and Harris’s ‘Two Little Boys I Love You Love’.
I like to study all those angelic faces and try to work out which ones will become serial killers and which ones will leave their elderly parents in a puddle of urine?
I only jest!
…They are not angelic, they are very fucking ugly.
I refuse to apologise to all the parents out there who are delusional and believe that their offspring are beautiful, they are not. Young animals are beautiful and they learn from an early age that if they don’t get off their arse and onto their feet pretty pronto and be able to fend for themselves, they are fucked. I reckon kids should be the same. Give them a few months and then let them run / crawl free. If they don’t return you can believe that they’ve made something of themselves and have become upstanding and useful citizens. This will be exactly the same shite you will tell everyone as you lie rotting in a terrible nursing home.
What is even more amusing is looking at the names. I’ve mentioned this many a time and they don’t get any better.
What type of person do you need to be to label your kid; Tesla, Fanta, Brazen, Aesop, Jetson, Yoyo or Darth. And the boys’ names are just as bad.
Oh, I am being insensitive. There is no such thing as gender names now, they are all; fluid / asexual / non-specific / persona-genitalia-no-matter / amoeba or whatever we call people now-a-days.
Darth can wear a tutu if it wants. (Is ‘it’ a wrong term?? If you can’t say ‘he’ or ‘she’ what do you say?)
And you mustn’t comment if it likes to go fishing and its ‘mother’ wrote its name on its waterproof trousers – ‘Darth’s Waders’ is nothing to laugh about.
When I look at that list, I reckon ‘Yoyo’ is the most relevant name for the kid and the parents should all be called ‘Together’ and ‘Shot’!
No fucking wonder the kids will want to either kill them or let them drown in their own pish.
With those names and sexuality in mind, I think I have an outline for a story:
Brazen looks into Fanta’s orange eyes and decides to chance their luck, they slip the hand which is neither large or small and it did or didn’t have nail polish on. It gently caresses Fanta’s non-matterable. Fanta smiles and asked Jetson and Yoyo to join in. They don’t know where or who or what they are joining, and where they were putting what, and become frustrated. They kick Aesop in the unmentionables and decided to buy a carry-out of beer and Presseco and go fishing with Darth.
It turns out that Darth was neither Fanta’s mother or father so on their return, they all kicked Aesop in the no difference.
(Nine months later, Brazen and Fanta have a child but the details are sketchy. They are entering it into a Bonnie Baby Competition which only considers ears. Earings are optional. But not one of their friends have the balls (Metaphorically or not) to tell them that it is a waste of time as baby Bi-Degradable is ugly, especially her / his or its ears.)
It’s a winner!
I’m just wondering what the genre would be??
Onto this weeks stories.
We have one new writer and three old friends for your reading pleasure.
Our topics this week include; a poisoning, memories, tipping, mind games and unappetising food.
As always our initial comments follow.
First up we had our new writer.
We welcome Charlie Fish to the site. We hope he enjoys his time with us and continues to send more of his work.
‘Gonzalo Hermenegildo‘ was our story on Monday.
‘He skilfully intermingled the facts with the story.’
‘I don’t normally like Historical Fiction but I enjoyed this.’
‘Charlie handled the two sides very well which built up to the reveal.’
On Tuesday we had ‘Penny Faircloth’ with his third story for us, ‘Life On Life’s Terms.’
‘The last few paragraphs are very powerful, they were so nonchalant it was quite chilling.’
‘A real twist – A twist on a twist.’
‘A difficult read but it was well worth the effort, this was exceptional.’
Adam Kluger is now in the 40s. This is his 41st story for us.
‘Larry The Writer‘ (Here’s a tip) was published on Wednesday.
‘Tipping seems to be more of an issue for some countries – We really just give what we want.’
‘This struck a chord with me as it is an issue in France.’
‘This story may raise some wrath!’
The next writer is now on his 6th outing for us.
It is a continual pleasure to showcase Michael Grant Smith’s work.
‘Covered Dish‘ was next up on Thursday.
‘I like the touches towards the idea that suburban life is grotesque.’
‘The descriptive elements were brilliantly distasteful.’
‘I was hooked thinking on this.’
And we finished up with the legend that is Mr Tom Sheehan.
We will do a count down when he is getting closer to that magical century of stories.
Our story on Friday was ‘Johnny Igoe Spellbinder Remembered.’
‘I really enjoyed reading about the old boy. Tom did him proud!’
‘I was entranced.’
‘A boiled tattie and a whisky for lunch sounds fine by me.’
Well that’s us for another week.
Just the usual to finish with:
Thanks to all those folks who comment and ‘Aww are you shy?’ to those who don’t.
Why not have a go at The Sunday Re-Run. Suggest a story that you’ve enjoyed, write a spiel and throw in a few questions for the author. We will publish exactly what you say.
Last thing on the no-sexuality theme.
I wonder if there will ever come a day when there will be communal group showers for everyone. You would still get the perverts showing up but you would never know who was the object of their desire.
…Unless they pointed.