Week 210 – Arsehole Letter Writers, Bastard Councillors And Enraged Twats With Expensive Postcodes.

Here we are at week 210.

I don’t know about anyone reading this but there is a tradition in Ayr that showcases all that is bad with writing. It is the weekly release of the local newspaper.

We all say the same thing, ‘Oh I need to buy my Ayrshire Post on a Wednesday…I don’t know why.’

I think that we are all conditioned to look at the ‘Hatch, Matched And Despatched’. We then look through for photos of folks we know and then we read the stories to see how many of our relatives have been locked up.

But what I am talking about is ‘The Letters Page.’

This is a feature that brings out the worst in people. In fact, I think I can accept the worst in people but inane, mindless, petty and self importance is all a bit off putting.

No matter what is happening in the world, most letters are about the three biggies:

1. The local authorities ineptitude at refuse collection.

2. The issue of parking in the High Street.

3. Dog shit on the pavements. (Although every fucker calls it poo.)

So what happens is we have the romantics, the fantasists, and the science fiction brigade passing comment.

Lets take the romantics first and the gist of their letters on those topics:

1. One day my prince will come and the streets will be beautiful.

2. There is no need for parking as my carriage will disappear at midnight.

3. I just imagine that it is all Unicorn poo-poo and that is the nicest type of poo.

 

Fantasists next:

1. The local authority has done a great job.

2. The local authority has done a great job.

3. The local authority has done a great job.

 

And lastly, the Science Fiction aficionado.

1. I’m sure that there is a way we could use this refuse as food or fuel and save the planet.

2. I’m sure that there are teleporters being invented at this very minute that will allow us to beam into the High Street.

3. I’m sure that there is a way we could use this poo as food or fuel and save the planet.

 

To go with all this nonsense you normally get one of those generic, no matter what the topic, ‘Will somebody please think about the children’ letters. These are normally signed by ‘A concerned mother / A concerned father of two children.’ I just hope that the wee fuckers end up murdering their parents.

What is worse than anything is all these topics and issues give our local Councillors an excuse to answer so not only do we need to listen to their lies, fantasy expenses and excuses for child molesting, we need to read about their reasoning for fucking up the job that they are supposed to be doing.

And I nearly forgot, there is always a twat that writes terrible poetry. (That’s the worst thing about staying in Rabbie Burns country…A lot of older people, mainly ladies seem to think that they have some-sort of poetic gene. They don’t, they’re pish. (Sorry about the ladies reference but that is a true observation and not a sexism.)

I am a bit saddened about the state that my home town has become. There are empty buildings, closures and property that is only good for demolishing. But it isn’t really for those reasons that I am upset, it’s just that the inane letters are now steering towards those issues. It was much more fun when there were more random topics like ‘Buskers being a public nuisance’, ‘Why don’t the common people just thank South Ayrshire Council’, ‘We don’t want to see the depraved pole-dancers, strippers, casinos, outdoor concerts here in our town’ and the bread and butter complaint of idiots – ‘The Sabbath should be respected.’

These letters are normally signed ‘Infuriated Of Alloway’ (Alloway is a place where your first ninety percent on the value of your house is for the postcode)

I just haven’t the time to answer them all even though it wouldn’t take much time. A generic, ‘Why don’t you just fuck off!’ would suffice.

Onto this weeks stories.

We had three new authors, one returning and a lady who is as varied as the best of them.

Our topics include; being someone else, a journey, revenge, imaging and living pages.

As always our initial comments follow.

 

We thought Monday would be a good day to start so our first new author was first up.

TD Calvin had their short story, ‘December‘ showcased. It’s great to see TD as part of the site.

‘I loved the pace, it suited her gradual realisation.’

‘The relationship was superbly observed.’

‘I enjoyed the tie-in from her looking at the pictures, being part of them as a couple and finally being in one as an individual.’

 

Matthew Roy Davey was our returning author. ‘Summoning The Toads‘ was published on Tuesday.

‘A bit weird and the back stories were only touched on which was interesting.’

‘Ah witchy comeuppance, I love it!!’

‘Well written and this made me smile.’

 

On Wednesday we had the enigmatic L’Erin Ogle. Anyone who has not read any of her work should have a look back. She continually sends us interesting, exceptional work and ‘Paper Skins‘ is up there with the best of them.

Oh and I do need to mention that Diane’s choice of image was inspired!!

‘L’Erin in full flow is mind blowing.’

‘I love the double take revenge with the sister.’

‘The first paragraph is absolutely brilliant and totally sucks you in.’

 

Our second new author who we need to welcome is Desmond White.

His story, ‘Black Bear On White Paper‘ was next up on Thursday.

‘I like the imagery of life being eternal within the pages of a book.’

‘Charming and enthralling.’

‘Different and very well done.’

 

And we finished off on Friday with Riham Adly’s ‘Marlene Dietrich.’

We hope that all our new writers enjoy their time with us and continue to send us more of their work.

‘So much in so few words.’

‘The interaction is caught beautifully.’

‘It’s fun reading this as you know that her hate towards him will only grow!’

 

So that’s us for another week.

The usual reminders folks. We are always looking for suggestions for The Sunday-Rerun and those daily comments don’t make themselves so please get involved.

Have a look at those letter pages in your local newspapers, there is comedy gold in there, as well as bigotry and no end of madness. I did have a scrap book at one time but fuck knows where it is. I blame my local council. Actually that is wrong, for every shite thing that happens in my life, I can honestly only blame one person…

Me?

Nope!

Maggie Fucking Thatcher!!!!!

 

Hugh

Banner Image: To be honest I’ve forgotten because we had it at start up!!
Thanks for the mention on image choices Hugh, I was a bit pleased with that one for L’Erin’s story myself. Pixabay is a treasure trove it really is and people are so blithering talented.