Readers’ Advisory:
The Union of Pennames, Imaginary Friends and Fictional Characters (UPIFFC) has gone on strike. The reasons for this are unclear, but there’s a bunch of them outside my office window at this very moment alternately singing We Shall Overcome and making unflattering chants that feature my name and the accusation of miserly behavior on my part: “SAY HEY FREEMAN/HOW ABOUT A FEE MAN.” Don’t blame me, I didn’t say these were good chants.
Anyway, my penname, Ms. Leila Allison, seems to be the brains of the outfit, which is the only good news I have to report. Until she either gets bored with this rebellious activity, or the situation is in some other way resolved, I am forbidden to use the alias. Until that time, however, the show must go on.
Yours Truly,
JC Freeman
Sunrise comes late to New Town Cemetery. The graveyard is seated in the west face of Torqwamni Hill, and no matter the season the quick fall of the slope and a thick line of adolescent Douglas firs at hillcrest combine to delay the cemetery dawn by a hundred yards or so. New Town’s a pretty place; the winding paths are lined with fragrant, non-fruiting cherries and delicate Japanese maples; on clear days the Olympic Mountains fill the western horizon with their beautiful yet icy indifference, and there’re an abundance of old fashioned, winter-weary tombstones just begging to be charcoal-etched by artists and the sentimental at heart. A very handmade wood sign attached to the main gate informs would-be visitors that the cemetery is open from dawn to dusk. It’s been observed by the wise that dusk almost always finds its way to New Town just before the start of Happy Hour at the nearby White Pig Tavern.
Hardly old by world standards, New Town does predate the official existence of its home city of Charleston by a decade. The first graves were laid the 1890s; the city was founded in 1902. The cemetery takes up fourteen acres—or roughly a quarter of the west face of Torqwamni Hill. Originally, the community wanted the graveyard “way the hell out” of sight and smell of the settlement down toward Philo Bay, where the Puget Sound Naval Shipyard was coming together. The Alpha-Christians of yore had frowned on embalming because “pickling” the dead hadn’t been encouraged in the Bible. Carbolic acid, however, thrives in the highly fertile Pacific Northwest soil, and although few people who dabble in nostalgia make mention of a certain odor that attended cemeteries in the Good Old Days, rest assured, it existed, and plenty. Until an ordinance that required the embalming or cremation of corpses had been passed by the city in the 1910s, burials in high summer were often attended by mourners who held handkerchiefs to their faces for something other than the drying of tears. So it was no accident that New Town was founded two miles and mostly upwind from the original settlement.
The comings and goings of the Two World Wars caused humble Charleston to fluctuate in size like an unsteady star, and they were also responsible for filling more than their fair share of graves in New Town. Especially during the second disaster, sparsely populated Torqwamni Hill was utilized for housing the sudden influx of shipyard workers and their families. Rows of duplexes and cottage courts, which had never been intended for long term use, sprouted up on “T-Hill” like mushrooms (or warts, it depends on your sense of simile). After Hiroshima and Nagasaki had been leveled, Charleston slowly shrank down from an estimated wartime population of 100,000 to about a third of that, where it has held steady for decades. T-Hill has suffered the most from the loss of business. For whatever reasons, prosperity has never stuck to it. And the short-term duplexes and cottage courts that still stand are now, nearly eighty years gone by, cheap rentals for the poor. Temporary achieving permanence is key in poverty. “What we need up on the hill is World War III,” is a typical comment passed between the wise at the White Pig.
Even New Town Cemetery has witnessed the end of its hectic youth. The fairly small graveyard is “full up,” as the colloquialism flies. Minus there still being plenty of room for the ashes of indigents in a single potter’s plot, there remain only six prepaid graves to fill (all belong to women—and it might take some time; few things live longer than an American old lady). No living person knows the exact number of graves in New Town; the earliest records were lost in the Courthouse Fire of ‘33 (not to be confused with the Courthouse Fire of ’38)), and simply counting the stones is no good because many people couldn’t afford to buy one. No matter, whether the total is closer to the 2,312 counted tombstones or the estimate of 2,500, save for the six to come, there isn’t room for more.
According to many of the wise, New Town Cemetery has a resident ghost. “The Dow Lady” is said to roam the grounds, and she is sometimes even seen lounging about houses in the immediate area, especially after thunderstorms. A basic-cable-channel program, Ghost Safari, came by once to have a look for her, but as it goes in that industry, the results were inconclusive. One wise producer was overheard to comment, “I told the goddam network that looking for a ghost in a cemetery is the same as seeking a Saint in a church—Besides, these outdoor shoots suck; the only thing the motion detectors get are rats and raccoons.”
It’s difficult to guess what that producer and the collected wise might say if they knew that the sort of thing that they’d dearly love to see but most likely do not really believe in, in fact, exists.
****
Within those few precious minutes between the time the sun rises over Philo Bay and at last slants into New Town Cemetery, the Dow Lady may be seen without a special effort to “get across” being made on her part, but it takes a keen eye. Whenever visible comets enter the Earth’s sky, local observatories are often plagued by emails and calls that contain the same question: Why can’t I look right at it? Astronomers explain that highly ethereal objects like comets are further distorted by the natural turbulence of the Earth’s atmosphere; it’s why even the biggest of them come off fuzzy. This is how it goes with the Dow Lady. In her actual material state she’s best described as a moving distortion that lenses whatever is behind her. She knows about this and she avoids unwanted ghost hunters by remaining very still at the top of the highest graveyard trees.
On one recent morning, however, during the interval between sunrise and its tardy arrival at New Town, a space of time that she thinks of as sunswitch, the Dow Lady came out of hiding and thought-toward a pleasing shape for herself. During the night a man had snuck into the cemetery through the oft-unlocked side gate. Just another junkie who had hit on the novel concept of fixing inside the cemetery and, as junkies so often do, had fixed too well. He lay breathing heavily and propped up against the foot of an oak tree. It didn’t matter to the Dow Lady what had been in the needle. Judging other people harshly for their self-destructive actions was something she had given up long ago. What did matter to her and The Keeper was the backflow of blood that had dripped from the man’s arm and into the cemetery soil: dustfall.
The one thing that the man had done properly was select a well-hidden place not visible to passers-by in the streets. Junkies are like that; they hide as well as bedbugs. As she approached him, she could hear the man mumbling in the throes of delirium, as he had, on and off, for the two hours he had been lying at the base of the oak.
“Our dad was a funny guy,” the fellow slurred. “…had everybody rolling till he put the gun in his mouth.”
The Dow Lady reached down and touched the man on his left temple. A faint pop of static electricity could be heard when she did this.
The man, Lewis Coughland, thirty-two, and who would be the subject of a brief article in the next day’s Torqwamni Sun, awoke instantly, but he couldn’t move. He locked eyes with by far the most interesting face he had ever seen, but he couldn’t speak either. The woman, whom Lewis innately knew was neither dead nor alive, neither here nor there, smiled sweetly and raised her finger to her lips in an unnecessary hushing gesture.
When he was high, Lewis could believe in almost anything. Name it: God, fairness, UFOs, Voodoo, heaven, hell, just name it. As long as it didn’t rub his buzz the wrong way, he’d take it in with a philosophical ease. But this was something completely out of knowing. The Dow Lady? he thought, recalling yet another legend. Even though he knew that he had finally gone too far, it was impossible for him to be afraid or think about anything else other than this obvious hallucination that stood before him.
Everything was right about this Dow Lady. She had extremely long Titian hair that she wore in a single thick braid which looped once around her neck and still had enough length to drift down to her hips. Judging from her bright white nape to toe dress, matching waist-coat and gloves, Lewis thought that his imagination had decided that she had lived and died a long time ago—the only things missing were a wide-brim hat and parasol. But none of this mattered as much as her wonderful face. Not corporate beautiful, she was maybe thirty and had fair-skin and active, intelligent, friendly eyes that were the same color as her hair. She also had high cheekbones like a cat, yet her face was shaped in an oval. The whole thing came together beautifully with her smile; the slightest hint of an overbite gave her smile a leaning forward, just-between-us quality, and it was the kind of smile that manages to personalize itself for its recipient. Lewis knew for certain that no other person ever got the smile she had given to him, nor would he ever see what she showed to others. This made him both happy and sad and reminded him of the bittersweet feeling of falling into unrequited love. And although he tried his best, he couldn’t remember whose face his imagination had dredged up from the past to play the part of the Dow Lady.
Lewis’s subconscious called out from the deepest chasm in his mind and told him that it was not responsible for this vision; for what it was worth, Dow Lady or otherwise, this was, well, is. And Lewis began to notice incongruities and fine details about the woman that heroin would never have allowed to come in focus. For one thing, she didn’t blink at first, but she began to do so in a self-conscious manner after a moment, as though blinking was something she had to actively think about doing. And although she didn’t exactly glow, she seemed to be her own light source; for it was still dark in the morning shadows, yet she was perfectly clear. And she didn’t breathe; the eye misses that more than what you might think. Yes, there she was, and in his secret heart of hearts, Lewis knew that an impossible thing had come true.
The Dow Lady knelt down on the grass before him. Until then she hadn’t taken her eyes off of his, but she briefly glanced down at the needle in his arm and then back at him. She pursed her lips in a boo-boo face manner then smiled brightly. “I’m afraid you’ve done it this time,” her smile said. She then leaned toward him and kissed him softly on the lips. Upon drawing back, she spoke for the first time: “You will remember everything.”
****
Thommisina Lemolo was new to the Torqwamni Sun and she had never seen a dead body before. Tommy knew that her chosen career in photo-journalism would most likely put an end to that singular kind of virginity sooner or later, but she hadn’t counted on it happening during her first week on the job. And it wouldn’t have either, if the deputy coroner hadn’t called the Sun and asked for a photographer to help them out with an O.D. dead at the scene in New Town Cemetery because both of their guys were out with the flu. Tommy had wondered aloud to the Managing Editor ( a Neanderthal) why the county needed a professional to take pics of a corpse when anyone with a cell could do it on their own. “Knuckle-Ed.” brayed donkeyish laughter and told her that she’d get used to the pettifogging and mysterious ways of the T-County government soon enough, and not to let the door hit her in the butt on the way out. And, as usual, he had pronounced her name “Fommy,” which, as usual, caused the fantasy of driving his scrotum into his voice-box with one swift kick of a size seven Doc Marten to once more come together in her otherwise serene mind.
Tommy took the long way to New Town. She stopped at And the Horse You Rode in On Espresso and bought an almost novelty-sized looking mocha, which she charged to the paper. And she did a lot of muttering: “Crummy pushcart backwards assed third rate tabloid and its county butt kissing bosses,” on her way up T-Hill. She also stopped and pumped the $2.13 of gas that her tank would take and also charged it to the Sun. “‘Fommy,’” she said as she got out of her car at the cemetery. And once again she promised herself to end the backwards Lemolo family tradition of naming one girl Thommisina in every generation.
“You took long enough to get here,” the deputy coroner (him too a Neanderthal; you get a lot of that in T-County) said. He checked her credential and “Fommy” seemed to flicker into his mind, but something in her eyes caused him to keep it to himself.
It became clear why she had been sent for. The pushcart coroner still used film; and they insisted that she used the camera that some bozo had brought to the scene, instead of her own gear. It was one of those antique flash jobs you see in old movies. Although “point and push” has always been the soul of photography, no one on the scene seemed to be up for the challenge.
The constant onslaught of knuckle-, chowder-, hammer- and knotheads in general, with their provincial and set in stone ways, had temporarily nudged aside the content of the job at hand. It hit her like a slap across the face when she went to a magnificent old oak tree and saw the dead man lying at the base in a sitting position.
“Its name was Lewis Coughland,” the deputy coroner said. “I guess you can tell the cause of death.”
“Yeah,” Tommy said. The man’s arm still had the needle in it. A fly landed on the rivulet of dried blood that had flowed down his inner arm. Good thing it wasn’t human, right, asshole? she thought.
The sight of the man who wasn’t all that much older than her boyfriend stung. But the last thing Tommy wanted to do was show weakness or even a hint of human feeling to this group of shitheads. Still, she couldn’t help but know that this person had been up and alive as little as eight hours ago; maybe had a favorite color, and probably knew all the words to at least one song, as even the dimmest do. It’s the little things you think about that need to be shooed away before one can be called a true professional. Yet no amount of professionalism could have prepared Tommy for what she saw through the lens when she held the relic to her eye.
Tommy gazed through the lens for a good thirty seconds before she began to take a series of photographs of the man from several different angles, then of his arm and his works. She then asked a few questions just in case Knuckle-Ed. might let her write the story, which he did–all eighty-five words of it. The photographs turned out nicely, and, of course, they were of professional quality.
After Tommy returned to her car, and had made certain that no one could see her, she allowed what she thought she had initially seen through the lens enter her mind. The man and a woman in white sat and smiled at her as though they were posing for a portrait and then disappeared with a flash. Tommy had come within one thought of dropping the camera and demanding to know what kind of asshole thought that this sort of thing was high humor; but there was something in those two sets of eyes that had prevented her from doing so. Upon inserting her key in the ignition, Tommy decided that she’d file the event under anxiety and imagination while she was on the clock. Off hours? Well, that’s another story.
Banner Image: Pixabay.com

As someone who is named Douglas, knows a little bit about David Douglas, the Scot scientist and local high school, lives among Douglas Fir as close as my back yard, I can attest that it is Douglas Fir with but one “s”. I know, picky, picky, but it should be changed before this becomes part of a best selling novel or a compendium of short stories.
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Oh my mood runs darkly through the Douglas fir. By hard heart and goaded gizzard, my flight is downed; who’d have thought that a typo might bring me to ground? I would blush forever more, but I speak not on Thursday to woodsy Scots of yore.
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The S is dead – It has been culled. It is no more – gone, gone but not forgotten.
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On the plus side of my picky, picky, it has led to prose bordering on the elegance of fine poetry.
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Most enjoyable! UPIFFC – you gotta love it! June
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I’m less touchy today. I’m in that situation in which fools gladly fling away poems for sentence frags which into too much is read. I am the fool. I should know better, but it’s more romantic to know better not.
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Hi JC,
I have mentioned before how complex your writing is. You have probably given us as many characters as any writer but they are all individually recognisable. You have written about places, legends, apparitions and all are very clear. You never deter from the voice you are writing from, the place or the situation. It is a lesson that many of us need to take heed of when trying to put a story together. In fact, we don’t need a lesson when we have all of your work as a benchmark!
Excellent.
Hugh
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Dear Leila,
Congrads on this story of seven or so years ago, which commands enough material and range to be a long novel but is all neatly compacted into the bounds of a short story, which makes it especially original, impressive, and hard to beat as a piece of writing. It’s haunting, hilarious, realistic, and wildly imaginative all at once. From the alter ego author to the metafictional preface and the wide variety of characters, and the portrait of the place and the town (and the nation), this story is yet another proof of your greatness as a writer! The originality is all there, but it also conjures up other literature like much great story-telling does, especially Vonnegut and Flannery O’Connor. (I also heard Faulkner and Garcia Marquez or other Latin American magic realists). Like Shakespeare’s using Virgil for Romeo and Juliet or Ovid for a Midsummer Night’s Dream. The description of the drug addict’s cemetery death is mind-blowing. Tommy is a fully-fleshed-out, well-rounded character in a few paragraphs. Amazing! Thanks.
Dale
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Thank you Dale
Ha! I was running so many people and creators around at that time I forgot the JC guise. (There is a book to this, but I have yet to edit it .) I know JC had a purpose at the time, the idea being a faint shadow of Conrad’s Marlow. But at the conclusion of the related works, that pseudo wandered off into the desert.
Thank you again!
Leila
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Leila
Conrad’s Marlow is one of my long-time favorites, as is Conrad himself. Especially “Heart of Darkness.” I’ve always been fascinated by Francis Ford Coppola’s film version of it too, even though I can hardly stand to watch it, except for when Brando recites T.S. Eliot, which is surely one of the greatest film moments of all time, ever!
Conrad ain’t easy to understand, at all. To use him in this way too as you did is awesome.
Dale
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Dale
Conrad must have been a super genius because I believe English was his third or even fourth language. And yet he wrote Lord Jim and gave ol’ Marlow plenty of yarning material for long nights on the ship.
Take care!
Leila
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Dear Leila,
I had never heard of the “Braggart” by Parker before, but it’s a great poem, heartbreakingly beautiful. And Keatsian. William Butler Yeats is one of my favorites, great beyond belief (Dylanesque). I follow a similar practice as you do, with quotations, notes, pictures, etc., affixed to the refrigerator, walls, mirror, etc. and piles of books and papers covering many surfaces including the floor in all rooms and the kitchen table.
Another truly beautiful thing is this story, “A Journey Begun in Lovers Meeting.” It can be read many times and continue to offer the reader more as understanding increases. It’s so good that it can be used as “a manual for living,” as Leonard Cohen put it in a song. The Dow Lady is beautiful, a beautiful creation, as is everything she does and what follows from her as life continues in Tommy.
Want to let you know that I’m working on an essay about Stephen King which I plan on submitting for Sunday publication. It compares King to Shakespeare scholar Harold Bloom through their mutual obsession with Robert Browning’s “Childe Roland to the Dark Tower Came.” It focuses on King’s 1982 collection of novellas, “Different Seasons” (from which the two movies “Shawshank Redemption” and “Stand by Me” came). I’ll send when it’s ready for your consideration.
I’m wondering where the title “A Journey Begun in Lovers Meeting” comes from? Also how much time you spent on this story or how much it was revised, etc? A beautiful, and profound, piece of work.
Thanks!
Dale
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Hi Dale
We look forward to seeing the King piece!
I culled the title from Shirley Jackson in the Haunting of Hill House. MC Eleanor had this incredible dreamworld and going to Hill House, in her mind, was like a “Journey ending when lovers meet.”–or something like that. I’ve always figured that it came to Jackson from another source.
Thanks again!
Leila
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Dale
How can I be so obtuse! Shakespeare in the Twelfth Night is the original source.
I recall a story about a student reading Will for the first time “He likes to quote famous phrases.”
If I remember the play right there was a Falstaff “lite” in it named Toby Belch. The scenes with the lovers flirting at the fence are first class!
Leila
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Hi Leila
I just finished reading your story “It Varies from Fool to Fool.” This piece is a fantastic example of an amazing aspect to your fictional work, which is that all the separate stories, while they stand firmly on their own as separate stories, also all seem connected to one another, as if they were all chapters of one vast novel. This is a trick that Flannery O’Connor was able to do when she made her novel “Wise Blood” from separate stories, and William Faulkner was able to accomplish in his collection “Go Down, Moses,” which contains my favorite piece of work by him, the long story or short novel “The Bear.” Denis Johnson’s great book “Jesus’ Son” is a more recent example.
Very, very few fiction writers of any era can write in this manner. It resonates with “The Decameron,” by Boccaccio, which Bukowski used as a structural and spiritual springboard for his novel/series of stories, “Women” and other works. In small-press interviews, poems, articles, underground newspaper columns, and other places, Bukowski frequently encouraged his own readers to read Boccacio, just as Boccacio himself encouraged his readers to read Dante.
The way that your stories are all novelistic or your vast novel is all told as separate stories also reminds me of Shakespeare’s prime precursor (other than Marlowe) who is Chaucer, and his Canterbury Tales.
In graduate school and before, I studied Middle English so I could read all of the Tales in their original versions. (I can also read Spanish and German, with a dictionary in hand.) Later I used to talk a lot in my literature and creative writing classes about how Chaucer himself, as the character of The Pilgrim, was/is the real and true source for none other than the Fat Knight, Falstaff himself. (Orson Welles also agreed with me in retrospect, LOL).
The interconnecting and repeating characters in your stories are so realistic and varied, and true, that your work can be called Chaucerian as well as Shakespearean. As I’ve said before, it’s a truly mind-blowing accomplishment. And you’ve created a regional setting in fiction that can realistically be compared to Faulkner’s imaginary/real county in Mississippi, Yoknapatawpha, or Gabriel Garcia Marquez’s Columbia. Your work is also a mirror and a labyrinth of literature, as in that of story-writer, poet and essayist Jorge Luis Borges.
There is also a very true, and deep, wisdom in the voices of your narrators which comes through in a “simple” way, the way of John Lennon’s songwriting. The separate stories that are all connected in the same universe is also like Rod Serling’s “Twilight Zone.” Despite my fatal flaw, a Falstaffian tendency toward exaggeration, absolutely none of this is exaggerated at all.
And you never seem to write a bad line. I can’t wait to continue exploring more of your work. It’s a massive inspiration! I can’t begin to think what it must have cost you in blood, sweat, and tears, but there must have been/be endless laughter too, i.e. laughter in the pure joy of creation. Thanks!
Sincerely,
Dale
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Hi Dale
Thank you so much!
The idea was to write a little book in short stories specifically for the site (long before I was invited to be an Ed). The trickiest part was fitting in the backstory without it getting redundant.
It’s been a few years since this, but I had good luck with the little titles–one I heard spoken on the radio during one of those Sunday morning public affairs shows. The topic was sudden heart attacks that hit fit people during exercise. The host asked the guest about warning signs–she said. “The first symptom is death.” Which I snagged like a twenty lying on a sidewalk.
Thanks again for your wonderful comments!
Leila
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