Week 94 – Golf, Holes And Dirty Pringles.

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Only one major thing to comment on this week and that’s for me to congratulate The American Ryder Cup team. To use a rather colourful local phrase, ‘We wiz humped.’

Since ‘Sky’ has got the rights to The Ryder Cup, I haven’t seen much of it as I only have ‘Council’ TV. I feel a wee bit put out as I can remember watching this thirty odd years back when it was a diddy tournament, that no-one really bothered with. It was the same with The British Open, due to the world domination of ‘Sky’, this July was the first time that I hadn’t see any of the golf in about 44 years. I remember as a young kid, waiting for my dad to come home from work so I could tell him who was leading.

I used to play a lot of golf and I really did love it. Unfortunately circumstance have got in the way for many years and I probably couldn’t hit a bull on its arse with a shovel now.

The one thing I hated though was the snobbery. A guy I knew asked me where I played, I told him. He said ‘Dalmilling Golf Course…Dalmilling?? They let people with holes in their jeans play on Dalmilling!’

I answered, ‘Leave my jeans alone!’

To be fair those type of thoughts were not just directed at the holes but to the jeans as well.

I also played Glasgow Gailes throughout one particular summer and unlike the municipal course where I played, this was private. Unlike the municipal which was very busy throughout the summer, this one you could get on no bother. It was full of not so much golfers, but business cards. When you went into the locker room, instead of names scratched by a dart on a tin cupboard, the mahogany lockers all had a space for a business card. Oh and the only reason that I was there was I knew a guy who owned hotels and it was him who was the member…Nice guy but he watered down his beer! His wife was weird, she would sunbathe naked and wave to us when we came to collect him. Nice lady but she should never have been naked in public!

That clubhouse was the first time I’d ever seen a splash bar in a men’s toilet! Also, talking about snobbery, you had to wear a tie from the car-park into the changing rooms. That summer was boiling, so we would drive there, put on a tie, melt for fifty yards and then remove the tie. As long as you were smart on the course, you were fine. I had to leave my jeans at home. Chinos were so chic in those days.

Another thing that never happened on that course was weans nicking your ball. One hole in Dalmilling you would hit blindly towards a burn. When you walked over the rise, your ball had disappeared and the weans would try to sell you your own balls back. I remember one occasion when we were about fifteen and this happened. One friend, Neil, picked up a kid and threw him in the burn. (It was more of a ditch than a burn and the kid came out looking like a swamp monster!) The wee guy had some guts and ran at Neil, kicked him in the shins and covered his bright yellow Pringle Jumper in mud. We were rolling about laughing. Neil wasn’t. The jumper was his dads, it was brand new and his dad didn’t know that he had ‘borrowed’ it. We bought some balls off the wee guy to appease him. Neil was trying to clean the jumper with the dirty water from the ditch. I am sure that one of us finished our round with Neil’s ball. He’d gone off to find a launderette.

Sorry guys for that self-centred trip down memory lane but it was instigated from our loss and my nod to The American Team!

Now onto the stories.

Four newsters this week!!

Topics were as eclectic as ever. We had someone taking charge, teenagers, a boss that we can all recognise, a prisoner’s memories and a marital acceptance.

As usual, our initial comments follow.

There is no introduction needed. No praise that hasn’t already been said. The author is the brilliant Mr Tom Sheehan. He was first up on Monday with ‘The Boy Who Dug Worms At Mussel Flats.

‘Only Tom could make me NOT hate a story about two horny teenagers’

‘My smile was there at the beginning and kept getting wider.’

‘The settings and personalities were lovely.’

We now have a run of our new writers!

On Tuesday we had Pamela Hudson with her short, ‘Him‘.

We welcome Pamela and hope that she enjoys her experience of the site.

‘The thought of Linda staying there just to piss him off is brilliant.’

‘This was well done, convincing and the finale was perfect.’

‘A quality story.’

Wednesday was next and again we welcome and wish James Hannah every success with his stories.

We were very happy to publish his short, ‘The Sicilian

‘There were bits that freaked me out.’

‘This was quite creepy.’

‘The character using the circumstances to get his vengeance is well thought out and clever.’

Another ‘Hello’ to Thomas Elson! On Thursday, he was on site with ‘A Place For Those Without A Place‘. Oh I should have mentioned to Thomas and all our new writers that we hope that they continue to send in their work, the sooner the better.

‘He has a real understanding and it makes fascination reading’

‘I always enjoy a story that makes you look at the references.’

‘The Story is well researched and this keeps the reader interested.’

And the last welcome of the week goes to LaVa Payne. She was published on Friday with her debut story ‘Hells Half Acre’

We hope she enjoys her experience on site.

‘Huge fun to read.’

‘The simple line of ‘I lied’ made me laugh.’

‘This is quirky, has a charm and leaves you with a few thoughts and considerations.’

That’s us folks. Round-up has been rounded up.

Hopefully in two years time I will be congratulating Europe and not wondering what Danny Willett’s brother was thinking!!!

Hugh

 

Banner Image: Pixabay.com

4 thoughts on “Week 94 – Golf, Holes And Dirty Pringles.

    • Thanks for the read and comments Dave!
      Like a lot of sport, here in the UK, most of it is being priced outwith those who used to play. The football clubs are more interested in the corporate packages than the fan in the ground. Tennis and squash is extortionate and golf just gets silly as well. Years ago, you would come home from work and then either go to the football or the golf course as a regular occurrence, now it is a total treat. The problem with golf is if you are not playing at least twice a week you get into the ‘missing the bulls arse’ scenario, so it becomes an expensive frustration!
      Cheers Dave, keep reading, keep commenting and more importantly keep writing!!!
      Hugh

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  1. I had a bucket of Jack (here, it’s a seldom washed 2-shot tumbler–bet you thought I never read that, didja?) once and tried to hit a bucket of balls. The only thing I got out of it was shame and despair. I think it’s high time I congratulate you on having a full and engaging column ready every Saturday. If I had to do that, there’d be less Saturdays on the calendar.
    Regards,
    L.A.

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    • I never doubted that you hadn’t read! I am a bit disappointed it isn’t an actual bucket with a half litre covering the bottom!
      In the lists of ‘firsts’ that we all have, anyone who has played golf always remembers the first time they hit a ball over three hundred yards. The other ‘firsts’, well that depends on whether you are saint, sinner or serial killer!!
      Thanks for the kind words regarding Saturdays Post, I enjoy doing it even if I am only writing for a very small amount of people. (I always fancied a cult following instead of world-wide fame. Mind you I couldn’t be bothered with the sacrifice…)
      It is always pleasure to speak to you Leila. (So to speak!!)
      Stay as you are!!
      Hugh

      Like

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