“THAT’LL BE ME!!!”
The security guard walked over. Neil watched as the guard’s belly swayed from side to side. He couldn’t help himself as he began to gag.
Why the fuck do I imagine so many ugly people shagging?
“Have you a problem?”
Neil hit at his chest.
“No, not at all, I just have an attack of the dry boak.”
The guard pulled at the back of his trousers, “No, I don’t mean that, I mean your outburst.”
“MR BELL, I AM WAITING!!?”
“Oh, you mean like that?”
“The guard waved at the woman who had been shouting and pointed down at Neil. He leaned forward and whispered, “If you shout again, I’ll have you fucking out of here. And you know what that means you smelly bastard…No signing on, no money and fucking sanctioned for the next six weeks…I’ll see to it!”
Neil got up and headed to the third desk on the left. He refused to think of it as his Destination Point.
“I have got more people to see you know.”
“Really, is there many unemployed people?”
She ignored the comment.
“Are you actively seeking employment?”
“Can you navigate the website? Are there any problems?”
“The site is shite.”
“Mr Bell, I will warn you about your language.”
He considered her having sex and thought at the point of climax she cried out ‘Destination Achieved!’
She misunderstood his smile as compliance.
“Could you elaborate on the trouble that you are having with the site?”
“The site is a joke. As you have already pointed out to me, there are a lot of unemployed people here. If your site had the number of jobs that it said it had, then you would be using the site.”
“I don’t understand.”
He sighed again. He realised that he did this every time he had to repeat himself.
“The site has not got many genuine jobs on it. They are all recruitment sites. The jobs are there to entice you to sign up to the recruitment companies only to be told that they will contact you if any relevant jobs become available. Numbers. That is what the site is all about.”
“I agree it isn’t perfect.”
“It has also corrupted my computer. I don’t know how many pop-ups I am getting. It is probably full of viruses. If I wanted that I would have had a more constructive afternoon by down-loading some porn and having a bloody good wank!”
She pressed a button on her computer and put her pen down. Neil realised that she was trying to make a point.
“Mr Bell…One more comment like that and I will call over security and you know what that will mean.”
“Only too well!”
He refused to sigh this time.
She picked up her pen again. Neil stopped himself from laughing.
“Ok, other than the small problems you are having in working the DWP system, what else have you been doing to find a job? Are you asking family and friends?
He held his hands out, “But of course, we had a family get together a few months back, it was the twenty-fifth of December. I remember it well as my sister paid for everything. After a dessert full of shame, I said to them all ‘Family, now don’t forget I have no job’. They were glad of the reminder.”
“Are you checking shop windows for vacancies?”
“Yes. And thanks to the local council I have about one hundred and ten shops that I don’t need to bother with as they are empty. It saves a few pennies on shoe plastic.”
She glared at him for a second.
“Have you sent away any CVs?”
“Can I ask you something?”
“If a Double Glazing salesman comes to your door will you buy windows off of him?”
“I don’t see your point.”
“Oh I realise that but please indulge me. The same question, if a Double Glazing Salesman comes to your door will you buy windows off of him?”
“No. Not if I don’t need them?”
He leaned forward.
“Well what the fuck am I doing sending a CV to someone who doesn’t need an employee? That is what your fucking website is supposed to be for!”
Neil didn’t fight back as the guard pushed him out the door. He didn’t have the bail money.
He walked slowly home and tried to imagine him and Theresa having sex…He couldn’t. ..Not after having to tell her that he wouldn’t be getting any money for the next six weeks.