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535 Further Adventures in Wildlife

ireneallison12

I noticed that many species of male birds have low self esteem. Your basic Lady Pheasant is a sensibly attired person while the gent is as garish and loudly dressed as a grand opening of a supermarket.

Have a look at this fellow, a gent Ring-necked Pheasant named Ralph Beeker.

Ralph lives a short distance from me and I assume he is a pet since he is always in the same yard, and I’ve seen him plenty. Here, perhaps not his greatest moment, Ralph is giving the beak to his reflection in a tail light. So, all the wild colours might be necessary in aiding him to find a mate, since intelligent conversation is likely off the table.

And this guy (just down the road from Mr. Beeker) is a Northern Flicker Woodpecker. I call him Big Ed. At the time of the picture, he was up there jack-hammering the metal gutter to let the lady Flickers know that Big Ed is back in town and he’s ready to experience the miracle of love. He is a bird of perhaps false bravado. Anyone who has not heard a Woodpecker drum on a gutter or chimney cap, I can tell you it is hell loud. Football helmet designers should pattern their wares after the unknockoutable noggin of the Woodpecker.

Take the Bird of Paradise (I’ve never seen one in person, but I have seen the clips that most of us have seen at one time or another in our life’s journey spent mostly watching YouTube). The female is a pretty and tastefully turned out bird, while the male is a loud fashion disaster who has never met a bright color he can turn down. These guys are all strut and hard sell. If the male Paradise could get his wings on pyro, he’d use it. Nothing is too crass for him. He is a Kiss concert come alive.

Something tells me that the Lady Paradise Birds have fun with this and that they are more impressed with how far the guy will go to make a fool of himself rather than looking for a Mr. Right to sweep her of her talons.

I forgot to mention Elliot of the header. He usually goes for the direct approach and chases girls as they try to separate seeds from cigarette butts on the sidewalk. A Human being would get scolded, but it is normal Pigeon behaviour, and I doubt that a Pigeon can conceptualize “dinner and a date.”

Still, there is far more dignity in Elliot’s actions than there was in a human one I saw unfold at the park a Sunday or so back.

There was a couple in the park’s parking lot looking under the hood of their car. People all around. Kids everywhere. The woman was an obvious meth addict (no PC there, anyone who can’t tell a meth addict after having one shown to her is either headless or painfully stupid). She was twitchy and had that fast-forwarded face and voice similar to Pazuzu from The Exorcist. I wanted to feel pity for her but at some point a person must stand up and prove she wants to be alive.

The guy was apparently not an addict, looked younger, maybe twenty-three. And he was a punk. Not as in the style (he was one of those skinny wannabe jerks whose pants were down to his knees) but punk as in a guy who needs his ass kicked profoundly and often. (And he had eyes like those of a Sardine.)

This ritual ensued:

Woman: “Sorry babe…musta broke it”

Punk: “You [are] incompetent, bitch! You [are] stupid bitch!” (That’s how he spoke, like Tarzan, “You useless Jane!”)

Woman: “Heyheyhey!!!”

Punk: “You [are] pointless bitch!”

Woman: Something loud and unintelligible.

As you might guess the people in the park heard all this because it was shared at an extremely loud volume. Verbal abuse only, but you sensed it could go even more wrong. As anyone who has ever stupidly tried to get between a couple fighting in a tavern can tell you, trying to be the “Hero” in that situation is a very bad idea. The “victim” will rip into you, due to (in this case) her “training.” It’s best to drop a dime. Which is exactly what happened because a patrol car drove in and a very large policeman and equally capable policewomen had a visit with the quarrelsome twosome. The punk’s attitude changed swiftly, as it does with phony loud noises wearing Raider’s gear–all yessir, yessum. The woman just stood there (I assumed she had been taught not to say shit when he was talking) perhaps praying that they would not check for wants and warrants.

So, if anyone ever wants to know why I spend more time writing about animals than people, let the above serve as an example. Quite often it is demoralizing to observe the human race. Even dim Ralph Beeker can see that.

But lucky us! We get to move on to better things, written by people who have higher aims in life than making fools of themselves.

I am extolling six again this week. Two are written by long time friends, another by a recently acquired friend of no small talent and three by outstanding newcomers to the site.

The Sunday rerun was Michael Bloor’s Jack o’ Diamonds. It’s a rare and heartwarming thing that isn’t cloying or superficial. Mick has one of the best commands of plain language I’ve ever read and he uses his talent beautifully.

Robert Stone was the first of our new contributors. Prize. Humour is usually the kiss of death around here. But Robert’s story of “what would I do if…” is a fine bit of whimsy aided by wit and a likeable narrator. Makes you consider the possibilities and downsides of having your own large weapon.

Christopher Ananias has certainly been on a roll since first submitting to us last year. The Campground Dog is another of his tales that objectively explores lives that are not usually written about, unless in a stereotypical and/or mean fashion. It’s a tough read, but most serious pieces are.

Wednesday gave us Fallen by Northern Pike. You get a creature, two dangerous guys weapons and mistakes galore in this bit of action. The key here is its tremendous pace and how the writer delivers the storyline without bogging things down.

The Wheelbarrow Man of Hastings Street is longtime contributor and commenter, Harrison Kim’s thirty-fifth story in LS. Like Christopher, Harrison also writes well and honestly about people who have been called many things over the years–from riff raff, hobos, bums to street people. If an alien species ever lands here, they might ask us about the situation and we will not have a good answer. But maybe reading the works of people like Harrison (and Mr. Ananias) will shed some light on the question.

We closed the classy part of the week yesterday, with the publication of White Horse by Kate Mole. This is a wonderful bit of work that takes the reader to Cornwall (a place that is the focus of most of Kate’s writing). It also dips into the history of one person and comes together beautifully. Being an American who has never been to Europe, I imagined Cornwall as something out of the film Rebecca. All cliffs and thundering waves. But Kate has done something to ease my ignorance on the topic, which is a high aim for a writer!

This week’s list is about plot hitches in (mainly) films and TV that have always bothered me. As always there is room for many many more. It stemmed from again wondering about the seventh item in the following list. These are various mental toe stubbings that I’ve yet to get out of my mind.

  • An entire season being “All a Dream” on Dallas (talk about lazy assed writing!)
  • The Vulcan Inner-Eyelid (After Spock is driven mad by something that looked like a fried egg on a piano wire, Dr. McCoy figured that extreme light was the cure. But Bones used white light, which was unnecessary and it temporarily blinded Spock–but the secret “Vulcan inner eyed-lid” saved Bones McCoy from a malpractice suit)
  • Lee Harvey Oswald just happened to work at….oops that was real–according to some
  • The unlikely water gimmick in Signs. I doubt that life could evolve without needing H2O in some way. Moreover you could probably smell it coming a long way, like the gimmick itself.
  • In his brilliant The Big Sleep, Raymond Chandler forgot to add the killer of one of the characters. In fact he confessed to not knowing who did it.
  • Luke and Leia were clearly love interests in the original Star Wars (and there was a poster with her arm around his leg). Then they become brother and sister in later films. I suspect that Lucas hadn’t made the change yet in the first film or The galaxy far far away is in Arkansas
  • Again, No one has ever explained to my satisfaction what Fredo Corleone did to betray Michael in Godfather II. Did he open the curtains? Let guys with machine guns in? But he didn’t know it was a hit. Makes no sense.
  • Adam Sandler as a serious leading man in any picture. Ain’t buying it. It’s like imagining Jerry Lewis as Hamlet.
  • In the original Alien, the face grabber (and assumedly the creature’s) blood was an acid capable of burning through the hull of a spaceship. Gallons of it are/were spilled in the sequels to no similar effect.
  • Yours

Leila

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Published by ireneallison12

36 thoughts on “535 Further Adventures in Wildlife”

  1. Hi Leila,

    Northern Flickers and industrial adaptation: My pal “Burt” had a house in White Center. And a woodstove. And a Flicker. Mister “Come Hither” Flicker beat hell outta the woodstove flue. The amplified mating call echoed down the pipes, through the woodstove, and filled the house. Filled it. “Burt” would respond by sticking a portable airhorn into the woodstove and firing that sucker in long bursts. This was repeated on a daily basis. No one learned a damn thing.

    Marco

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  2. Hi Leila

    Love the bird pictures.! As an amateur nature photographer (mouth full), I’ve seen a lot of Northern Flickers. They are always a joy–most of the time they are grazing on ants. Regular ole flying aardvarks (first word in the dictionary). lol. They are quite beautiful with their yellow shafted tail- and heart shaped black spots–full on bird nerd. And they do have an amazing apparatus inside their skulls for doing what they do. “Hammer Time.”

    A great portrait of the meth-heads. The punk “(“needing his ass kicked everyday”–perfect) and his instructed woman. Loud fuckers in the park–every-time. I like how you explained the psychology of the woman making her seem diminished and brainwashed by this version of love (abuse).

    There is wisdom in this post that some people might learn the hard way about interfering with a couple. Cops know it well. That woman will go apes-shit for sure if you give Punk what he’s looking for. lol

    It was great how you compared the relative peace of nature (besides the hammering flicker on the gutter) with the human condition. The swell (sometimes beauty) and stink of humanity is never ending fodder for speculation.

    Christopher

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    1. Hi Christopher

      I like birds too! Any day I will see Bald Eagels (almost impossible to catch on a phone, always up so high), tiny Goldfinches (Washingtin state bird) and all kinds in between.

      Love the Flickers for their attitudes. Got lucky with seeing Big Ed. Not a great pic but the first time I have been able to take one that clearly shows the species. He was listening for a reply, which he got from another gutter or chimney cap a few hundred yards away.

      Meth heads and abusive a-holes are far less interesting!

      Thank you!

      Leila

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      1. Leila
        So cool! Love the eagles (not philly–go Chiefs). Indiana has a huge resurgence of the bald eagle–so majestic. Migration is winding down, but a lot of warblers are still moving through.
        Pheasants like Big Ed are hard to come by…I think I’ve only gotten one pic on a dirt road.
        What we call “A Lifer.” Birds are wonderful!
        The gold finch being Washington’s state bird is outstanding! Glad they are getting their due. They are bright and beautiful.
        I know what you’re saying about bird photography in my opinion it’s the hardest of all photography. They don’t sit still. I struggled in a whole series of trails and errors to find the right camera and lens–expensive proposition.
        Christopher

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    2. Hi Christopher

      I admire nature photographers who use actual cameras. Best photos in the world.

      Nearly got scalped by a Lady Pheasant who took off while I was crossing a field. Wasn’t anywhere near her spot, but she wanted to be sure!

      Leila

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  3. Good post and roundup topped off by a fascinating video. I agree with the sad but true observation that “at some point a person must stand up and prove she wants to be alive.” Can’t think of anything to add to the list. There seems to be a hole in my plot hole memory. 

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  4. Leila

    This entire post/essay is so HILARIOUS and so TRUE that it shows very clearly how a simple walk in the park or around the block is always an adventure of its own, IF you’re keeping your eyes and ears open! There’s no need to take fancy vacations and travel to “exotic” locales to find the mystery and wonder of life, including the human fools and the beautiful birds.

    It also reminds me of the scene in MOBY DICK where they’re on the ship and one of the characters asks What is on this side of the world? The other character points out at the endless water over the side of the ship. Then the character asks What is on the other side of the world? The other character leads him to the other side of the ship – and points outward at the endless water which is also on this side of the ship. Go here or go there and it’s all the same thing – human fools and beautiful birds are everywhere, from here in Illinois to India and everywhere in between. No more, and no less.

    And speaking of holes in the plot, I have always wondered why AHAB was THAT ANGRY at MOBY DICK for tearing his leg off. Ahab is otherwise a spiritual and deep soul with great wisdom and knowing. Melville goes through many gyrations to prove that it’s logical for Ahab to have become that mad and want to go get the Whale that tore his leg off in self-defense while he was trying to kill it. On one level, I can fall for it. On another level, it’s the biggest flaw in the greatest American novel ever written bar none except for maybe Huckleberry Finn.

    Thank you, Leila!

    Dale

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    1. Hello Dale

      Thank you! Yes I also wonder why someone capable of “this lovely light shines not for me” speech was so damn bent on killing a Whale. But Ahab is complicated (no stereotype Melville), but maybe it was to underscore a singular obsession leading to madness. But you are right, he never lost control. Still, no one will be dicussing Twilight a hundred years from now.

      Thank you!

      Leila

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      1. Leila
        Yes, second-guessing Melville is a fool’s game, that’s why I volunteered for the role yesterday!
        But you are 1,000 percent correct, Ahab is a LIVING personality who’s popular from here in Berwyn, Illinois all the way to India and Japan and many locales in between, and much of that has to do with his mysterious complexity.
        If he was EASY to understand, he would have been buried in the dust heaps of history long ago along with 99.999999 percent of the best-sellers from “back then.”
        It’s funny to read some of the contemporary reviews of MOBY DICK, a book that had a combined sales of under 2,000 in BOTH England and America in an era when a big bestseller (all those that have now disappeared into the void) might sell hundreds of thousands of copies.
        “Disfigured by mad, as opposed to bad, English,” was one gem from a review. No one remembers who the reviewer was or what else he did other than that – bashing Melville’s great book in a fog of complete, and snarky, misunderstanding.
        If Melville, and Ahab, hadn’t gone overboard (quite literally in Ahab’s case) nobody would know who they were now. It was/is their wild EXCESSIVENESS and their inexplicable UNIQUENESS which keeps them fresh to this day almost 200 years later.
        Thank you for understanding that sad and happy fact, Leila!
        Dale

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    2. Hi Dale

      This is for your second comment.

      I read that Melville wrote a friend claiming he had written “a wicked book.” I don’t know if he meant that he believed that it would mess with readers by stimulating debate, but if he did then he was certainly prescient. All the characters were well defined, even Moby!

      Leila

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  5. Marco

    We really must have seen each other way back! From 78 to 79 I rented a trailer in South Park down by the Duwamish draw bridge. Lots of friends in White Center and West Seattle. I can see what you described fitting in there very well. The big day for some was midnight bowling in Renton!

    I bet Hither was hell loud in that situation Big Ed’s blatings extend at least a half mile!

    Thank you!

    Leila

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  6. Yes, some of those feathered guys didn’t know when to stop with the added folderols and fussy bits. But yer blackbird, he’s a classy guy, I think. I’m gonna be black, but I’m gonna be so black I’ll look like a space in the universe, and Imma doing it with feathers. Respect, sir, respect. A great post as always. Thank-you. dd

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  7. Leila

    I had an intense moment with a Red Archbishop once. His hand with his ring were ready. I was undecided. I didn’t. He was okay with that. It was uncomfortable. It’s not easy being the representative of the lord, heaven knows. Nor easy being us.

    I noticed last month in Rome there was a lot of easy ring kissing. What are you gonna do in your red outfits and slippers but kiss each other? — Gerry

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  8. Your quote: ” So, if anyone ever wants to know why I spend more time writing about animals than people, let the above serve as an example. Quite often it is demoralizing to observe the human race.” Oh, hell, you just taught me something about myself as a writer, too. LOL

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    1. Hi Guylaine

      Thank you! Despite it all I find that I can learn more about life from a fella like Ralph the Pheasant (and Big Ed) than I can from the average person nowadays.

      Leila

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      1. Leila, I tried to comment (twice) on one of the stories and got cut off or maybe I did something accidentally ..anyway if it shows up in your bin, they are incomplete so just delete them. I think I maybe hit the ENTER button by mistake…?

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      2. Hi Guylaine
        That isn’t unusual with WordPress.
        I will look into that when I am on my computer. Either way it will be easy to fix. The site has its little Gremlins that come out of nowhere!
        Leila

        Liked by 1 person

      3. LOL well in the meantime I posted a short one for her. That went through. Maybe I was too LONG-winded, lol.

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      4. Hi Guylaine
        On my phone
        I see a comment pending, with “excellent and surprising.” It hasn’t been made public yet in case you wish to add to it. If so, go ahead and make the desired comment and we will post it and zap the other (which looks fine) into whatever dimension such things go!
        Leila

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      6. Hmmm, I will go in and slap it around when I get home tonight. What you wrote before might need to be rescued from SPAM. No problem, this sort of thing is good to happen three times a week and is always fixable with the right degree of violence applied to the format.
        Leila

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    2. Hi Guylaine

      It appears the site deleted the long and took the short. No reason for it. Just how it rolls. So,I zapped the brief one and you should be able to place a new comment on Kate’s story whenever you wish to do it!

      Leila

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  9. Leila – I thought birds of paradise where those plants we had in California.

    We briefly lived somewhere close to Dorset I think if Plymouth is anywhere close. I could look at a map, but maybe some Anglo will set me straight. It rained a lot in the summer.

    I hope to add some mystery writer bios to Sargun, but as a preview – Raymond Chandler was weird as were his stories. When one of his books, maybe The Big Sleep was being filmed it was noted that it was frequently unclear whodunnit, but it was oddly usually a woman. He married an older widow late in life. He learned what little he new about crime or mysteries from other books after failing at his job, possibly because of his drinking. Based on what I’ve read mystery writers were frequently weird. Take Patricia Highsmith (Strangers On A Train) or not.

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    1. Hi Doug

      Once upon a time a drinking habit was needed for crime writers like Chandler and Hammet (who really must have tied one on to wind up with icy Lillian H.)

      Birds of Paradise Valley!

      Leila

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  10. Hi Leila,

    Birds make me smile.

    I have a love for Guillemots – I once stayed at the harbour and loved watching them and their wee red feet!!

    Plot hitches – Well I only have one!! It was emphasised at The Oscars that year when I heard the pish that was said about The American Dream. (Not word perfect) ‘This film just goes to show that if you work hard and have a good heart then you will succeed.’

    ‘Forrest FUCKING Gump’ – That speech was as insulting as I have ever heard!!!

    How many folks who have had troubles in their life ended up with shares in Apple???

    Not only that – The film ripped off another film called ‘Bad Boy Bubby’

    And one other thing – That fucking insult of a film bombed out ‘Pulp Fiction’ at the Oscars – I think that was where all the PC shite started!!!!

    But thinking on Tom Hanks – I did love ‘Saving Private Ryan’ as his fucking ‘Sincere’ face died when he got shot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    …I’m calm…I’m calm!!

    …Honestly…I’m calm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Excellent as always!!!!

    Hugh

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    1. Hello Hugh

      I have never seen Forrest Gump or any other Hanks’ film since Splash (John Candy was grest in that). I never understood why people were joking “run forrest, run” until I gave up and asked. Hardly an original film, Charly with Cliff Robertson and Being There with Peter Sellers beat it to the screen by decades.

      I recall people getting pissed when Pulp Fiction (which I have seen at least twenty times) got shafted. But that was expected. The Oscars have been a joke ever since the 70’s–when films nobody ever watched began to win. The “important” (i.e. dull and pretentious) ones.

      My heartfelt thanks as always!

      Leila

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      1. Hi Leila,

        John Candy was a comedy genius! Although he brought a certain something to ‘JFK’.

        His performance in ‘Who’s Harry Crumb’ was outstanding!! Him going undercover as a jockey still makes me belly-laugh. The outfit was brilliant, but him trying to use the phone was beyond brilliant!!!

        Hugh

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