Last weekend I did something that I’ve never done before – I went for an Afternoon Tea. It was a mother’s day present for my mum.
We were in a lovely hotel in a nice area, the hotel sat right next to a church. The place was full of churchy folks doing churchy things and sipping tea and fizzy water. I stood out a wee bit as my tea and scone was also surrounded by a pint of lager and two double whiskies. (I’ve not drunk Black Label for ages!!)
The place was jumping and that got me thinking. You see my local is dead of a Sunday, well except for some rather bad folk singers…Maybe that’s why it is dead. But then again, the folk singers buy some booze, so there is no business reason in hunting them. That is one of those circles that can’t be broken!!
My point is, the hotel that we were in isn’t the cheapest. My local is. So the conclusion that I came to was that richer folks ain’t as skint as us poorer folks!
Now I know that is stating the obvious, but my wee pub could do with some of that income, so I have a solution. Maybe if the folk singers sung some hymns, the affluent churchy folks may spend their money in my local. There is food. Scampi Fries and Pork Scratchings are always available! But the question is, would the income be welcome with a down-turn in the clientele???
It’s been a while since I read the letters page of my daily paper. I had read it religiously and enjoyed the madness and randomness of it. (Dog shit complainers. Parking enraged. Litter louts and the noisy neighbour brigade. They all amused. But I stopped reading when it got all political. I decided to have another look and, well, it was still political. Stammer, Sweeney (Fuck me! I heard that prick talk at a ceremony and he was the most boring bastard in the world. At least Salmond had a bit of questionable oummmf about him. And him and the wee ‘Wee Free’ Sturgeon had something that imbued hatred. (That cunt sturgeon slapped a six quid rise on a litre of booze!! – Tea total nazi !!!)…Even trump (Flock Of Seagulls Grandpa!!) was a topic on the letters page.
I give you some of the madness:
The ‘See yoan aids, has anyone ever thought that it came from outer-space??’
‘I’m sure that it was alien love slime that ruined my petunias’
‘Here’s a poem about the state of the world…’
‘Ayr is in such a state that Rabbie Burns would have wept, but he would still have managed to write a poem. He is a Scottish legend as well as Andy Stewart and Sydney Devine! I saw Sydney in Glasgow, he had the ladies eating out of his hands. They even spat out their Barley Sugars to cheer and whoop.’
‘Isn’t it a tragedy who children can’t do writing properly.’ (I’m am a teacher and feel disparaged.)
‘I’m John Sweeney and just want to say, without much of ado, that me, without withstanding, in the case of this matter, must strongly, object, or agree that the point made was one with which I must take umbrage or agree with. I am the man of the people and with that, I will always look, investigate and take into consideration, all, yes I say all, thoughts and grievances…I see that you all want to drink some Jim Jones funny tasting orange juice…Me myself won’t partake. I think on Pineapple and Apple and as them being potential voters, I in my wisdom wish them to be inclusive. (There was another few million words that would have made David Icke (Check out the reference – He is as mad as a bucket of badgers who have been on drugs to make them madder than they would normally have been) proud but I cut this short!)
I like the use of brackets, you can make point upon point upon point!
And now onto this week’s stories!
Sorry guys a rant is coming on…One on steroids!!
As I’m writing this I just heard a news report about the successful return of the all female crew on the Blue Origin Rocket.
I also heard some scientist idiot stating that this showed that ‘Space is for everyone’
Now I may be being a bit brutal here but here we go.
1. I don’t give a fuck who was on the ship.
2. I wish it had blown up. (No guilt there!!)
3. The figures that I have read goes from a 150 thousand deposit to a 28 million bid for a seat.
I shall elaborate. 1. Whether it was women, men, politicians or even toddlers with rich parents…I don’t give a fuck. It’s an obscene amount of money. It doesn’t matter who the fuck the bastards are, that money could have went elsewhere and done a helluva lot more good.
If I was rich, I think I’d rather fund some water being pumped into a village that needed it than take a wee tour around the atmosphere!!
What the fuck are these people thinking – I hope there is a total disaster and some of ‘of our money men get the arse blown off of them. I pray that if there is a god, it is stated that ‘He who hathest seek out space exploration willest alwasest be prodded by a pointy pitchfork in the toasty fires of hell!’
…And to market this as some sort of equal equality sexist pile of pish, really does my head in. This has sod all to do with inclusiveness, exclusivity is more to the point due to the money needed. But here’s the thing, I have sod all money and even if I had, the last thing that I’d ever do is have a wee jaunt into space with a bunch of over-privileged wank-bags!! I pray that musk and his like, cut corners, use Blue-Tack and kill all the twats who want to buy a space jaunt for a fucking selfie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Back to sanity guys…I’ve had a wee swig of oxygen and a bigger swig of whisky and have calmed down!!
So now onto this week’s stories!! (Definitely this time!!)
Four newsters and a third timer.
To all the new folks, we wish them a huge welcome.
As always, our initial comments follow.
Our first new writer was Debbie Paterson, she got us up and running with, ‘Papa Nos’
‘The opening sentence repeated throughout the story.’
‘The end to beginning match was well done.’
‘This left a lot to the reader’s knowledge.’
On Tuesday Guylaine Spencer had her first story for us entitled, ‘Not For Sale.’
‘This has some verve.’
‘Very well done.’
‘The flow was good and this was an enjoyable read.’
The newbies just kept coming! Ed Davis was next up with ‘McKenzie and Sons’
‘Ed knows his music!’
‘Well thought out.’
‘Some of those guitars mentioned are as good and as expensive as a new car.’
On Thursday our last new writer was showcased.
The writer was Courtney Jean Day and the story was entitled, ‘The Accident.’
‘A well told tale.’
‘Brief but emotional.’
‘This has a pulse.’
Neil James finished off the week with, ‘Lions In Winter.’
This was Neil’s third story.
‘This is a terrible situation that happens daily.’
‘Tough but honest.’
‘The tone and message is something to consider.’
Another round-up done and dusted.
Keep doing what you are all doing. The number of submissions is still excellent and the comments continue to flourish.
And before some music, here’s my stupid joke of the week.
What do vegetarian Zombies eat?
…Gggrrraiinnnnsss!
Good song but…In the name of the wee man!!!
literally stories 
Hugh
Great rant! All in on that. Ten billion on a space telescope but we can’t pay for mental health cases on the street? A ridiculous world. Space for everyone? Try not wearing the helmet and see how inclusive it is.
I like my bars with a bit of poverty on them. One bartender I knew made a pet out of a Rat he could not trap. The richies would lose their minds. Bet anything the anti booze guy is a pill head.
Leila
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Leila
Reminds me of a story about the great southern writer William Gay.
He had a visitor to his cabin who noticed a gigantic spider hanging out in the middle of the floor. The startled visitor informed William of this. Gay just said about the spider: “He lives there.”
Thank you!!!
Dale
PS,
William Gay’s small book, WITTGENSTEIN’S LOLITA and THE ICEMAN, two short stories, is a great piece of work published by a very small press in Tennessee.
The epigraph is by Herman Melville:
“When the whole universe seems a vast practical joke it breeds a genial desperado philosophy.”
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Hi Dale
Indeed, sometimes we can make unlikely friends. The Rat was named Cecil.
Leila
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And a belated Happy Mother’s Day to all the UK moms, including Hugh’s and our own Diane. Doesn’t happen in America until May.
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Hi Leila,
I’m glad I’m on the same page (So far) as everyone regarding space. I see so many times that a kid of the early sixties wanted to be an astronaut or a cowboy – Maybe that was the idea behind the film ‘Cowboys And Aliens’ came from. Me, I just don’t want to have to work…Have some wanker tell me some shite that is illogical. Have folks with PD, OCD, OAP (No not the age – Obsessive Arrogant and Pedantic) tell me what they believe that they know is right.
Lets be honest – If governments didn’t think there was some tactical benefit of invading space, it would have been given up on years back!
Pubs are dying except for the flourishing chains which can buy in bulk and under-price the smaller chains or independents, which are becoming fewer and fewer because of the likes of Wetherspoons.
Thanks as always!!
Hugh
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I’d forgotten about A Flock of Seagulls. Their “White Bird” was one of my favorites many years ago. I think our local paper discontinued the letters page. At least it’s not in the digital version, which I switched to after the relentless price increase for the paper copies. Now their jacking up the price if the digital version, too, without notice. Good post and roundup.
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Hi Dave,
I don’t know that song, I’ll need to find it.
I don’t do digital papers. I pay what they ask for but bloody well grudge it.
Twenty or so years back if you walked by a newsagents around 5.30am, the entrance to their shop was covered with a mountain of papers. Now there are only a couple of bundles.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone under forty have a paper stuck under their oxter!!
Thanks as always my fine friend – All that you do is much appreciated.
Hugh
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Hey Hugh!
That’s a cool song and video, humorous in a good way and it captures something emotionally true that I think about quite a lot these days about someone (“wishing I had a photograph of you” hits home…)…
I love your Burns-like Scottish spirit that sticks up for the working folks and street folks of this world against the mad, greedy, selfish, self-centered, MORALLY BLIND, nasty, lying, hoity toity, super-rich folks of this world with their stupid, vain hair styles and uptight ways of dressing like clones and lemmings, both women and men. I believe that none of this madness is sustainable and there will be a comeuppance in the end for these evil creatures.
Makes me think of a story Jesus told. The poor beggar was at the rich man’s door with the dogs licking his sores. He asked for scraps from the rich man’s table: the rich man said go get your own. The poor man died. And was taken straight into the bosom of Abraham where he was comforted and had his dog friends with him and all the food he needed forever. The rich man died. And was cast into the fires of hell. He looked up and saw the poor man hanging out with Abraham. He begged for a drop of water. And Abraham said NO. There’s a wall between us and you now – forever. Go away.
“Blessed are the poor in spirit – they will be comforted.”
Many of the poor folks I know believe this story, or others like it, and the sentiments it expresses. Even if this kind of thing never happens when we die (who knows for sure), Jesus comforted billions by telling these kinds of stories. Those on the bottom rungs believe it won’t always be this way. And that makes it very much easier to bear.
One time I handed a black woman who was missing an arm and dressed in red rags 20 bucks outside a fried chicken store because she humbly asked for money. When I gave her the money, she turned away from me and in a righteous voice said, “Thank you Jesus…Thank you Lord…now I can eat.” She wasn’t talking to me, she was talking to him.
Though it sounds farfetched, personally I believe that these evil rich people will get what they so righteously deserve in the end. In the meantime, folks like you who voice this righteous anger are already blessed in my opinion: because you’re one of the few in this sin-filled world who’s doing the right thing….You are a heroic voice on the side of the oppressed and against the ones who are ruining the world through their greed and vanity. If even half of us were like you, the world would be healed…
THANK YOU HUGH!!!
Dale
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Hi Dale,
Thanks so much for the very kind words.
You’ve mentioned before about wealth and how much do some of them want? I reckon when you have more than your grandkids can spend, then it surely would be better off elsewhere??
An old gaffer of mine, the cantankerous Jim Gaffney and myself had a discussion regarding this. Jim was very well off (Had worked bloody hard for it mind! He was the man whose firm did all the lead work for Culzean Castle at one time. (That’s an interesting bit of history – There was bloodshed and rivalry from two Kennedy Clans. It actually emphasises about what the rich take from the poor. The land owners dictated that all the farmers in the area would lay the founds for the castle and they did this of a Sunday, their only day off. And were never paid. The ‘Grey Man’ by S.R. Crockett goes into all of this history as well as touching on the legend of Sawney Bean. HAH!! It was Auld Jim that lent me that book!!) Anyhow, Jim had lost his wife to complications with chronic arthritis. He had been devastated and stated that money meant nothing to him. I asked him if they had sought out help and he stated that he had taken her to America and Spain to see specialists. They went through the Private Medical Care system and they went through everywhere they were pointed towards. I gently pointed out that he had did everything that he could have and he agreed. Then I mentioned my gran who died after her seventh stroke. None of us had the funds to seek out anything other than what the NHS provided. The wealth that he had gave his wife the best shot at surviving. He looked at me, held up his hands and said, ‘Point taken!’
Wealth is fine up to a point but the distribution of wealth is obscene!! Unfortunately, that is not regulated bar their own conscience. And as most of the world’s wealthiest are narcissistic sociopaths – This will never change.
Thanks again Dale, you make me think, consider and ponder!!!
All the very best.
Hugh
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I don’t think you’re alone in the reaction to the space thing. It is pretty dreadful in this unfair world and appalling the number of people who don’t get that it’s an obscene waste of money. I don’t think I’ve ever done the afternoon tea thing. I quite fancy it but I’d need a new frock! fun post as always and I do like a Hugh rant. Thanks – dd
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Diane
Thanks for the hilariously ironic and witty picture for this!
Dale
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Hi Diane,
I bought a new frock. The charity shop was very happy with my tenner!!
You do wonder what quirk of fate makes the disgustingly rich rich and the poorest of poor?? Yep, area, social standing, background, blood all come into it but maybe it’s more luck, timing and being a cunt that actually decides!!!!!!
One thing is for sure, it is not an unfair world, it’s a cruel and selfish world when humanity goes out the window!!
Thanks as always for all your support and help.
Hugh
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Cheer up Hugh, some richies died in a submarine not too long ago.
Mr. Mirth
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Awww!! Thanks Doug,
You fair cheered me up!
I checked and a seat on that squashed can was $250, 000. Fish food has never been so expensive!!!
All my very best to you, my interesting friend and Sharon!!!
Hugh
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Hi Hugh
Tea with Mum is awesome! A nice thing to do.
I could hear your Scottish accent in the narration. It’s amazing how word choice can create a dialect. Very strong voice in your writing!
I know what you mean about newspapers and all the politics. I’m always “doom scrolling” MSN.com. Then it’s “Oh fuck no,” yep.
Space is for the elites. Sickening how it all works. If something goes wrong and if there are any poor people on board. Like a poor millionaire. They will surely set them adrift in the cold waters of space like they did on Titanic. lol.
Christopher
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Always a welcome blast of impiety to your writing! As Orwell said of Dickens, he was a man “GENEROUSLY ANGRY”. Gil Scott-Heron’s Whitey on the Moon also popped into mind.
Geraint
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Hi Geraint,
Thanks as always for the comment, much appreciated.
Gwen always describes me as ‘The big angry looking dour bastard’ I find that hysterical as she doesn’t mention that I’m bald or that I have a beard first!!!
And also, when she does this I ask her ‘Who made me this way??’
Hope all is well with you my fine friend.
Hugh
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Excellent post, and week of stories. I love the mention of the local paper’s letters page – those things can be great inspiration. There was a headline in my local paper years back I keep meaning to get around writing a short story about: ‘Woman Held Hostage in Own Home by Seagull’.
As for the Blue Origin nonsense, I’m with you, and it’s just sad to see so much dosh spent on so much ego.
Finally, used to love Flock of Seagulls – including the hairstyle.
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Hi Paul,
Thanks as always.
That must have been one well organised and determined seagull!!
The price of the space hop is on a par with the most expensive weddings ever. Try looking those up without swearing and being truly disgusted!!
It’s always a pleasure to see you around the site my fine friend.
Hugh
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