We have a bit of history between us all. In all sorts of ways and I was thinking on where our name came from. We threw a few bits and pieces together and ‘Literally Stories’ is what we came up with.
I’m not sure if I was completely for it, but who am I to argue as I’m shit at titles–I may have mentioned this off and on over and over and over the years.
Anyhow Literally Stories got me thinking. I have a pal who has the same sense of humour as me. (Sick, black, dark and nasty) but we do do some literal phrasing well—We get the same things and can bounce off each other. But the best literal comic is a wee guy called Milton Jones. Not sure if anyone will know him across the pond. Please check him out–You do need to think on his humour but he is quicker than you realise and very clever.
The first time that I heard him, he was telling a ‘story’ about his granddad. He stated that the old-boy became ill, and the family put goose grease on his back. After that he went downhill quickly.
I normally do these postings a few days before I go back to work, which I hate doing with a passion. (Not the postings – The job!!) The only job I loved was one I didn’t get paid for. (If some fucker needs to pay you for being there – That says it all!!!!) You see, I volunteered to help folks with literacies, numeracies and all sorts of shit. I had a background of working with the homeless, so I got a certain client group. The volunteers consisted of Tweedie (Jesus that shit is too warm and it fucking itches!!) folks, Digestives / Romance writers / Torys (I don’t even know if that is spelled correct!!) Sod it, conservative voters and some churchy types. To be fair, they couldn’t handle who I could, so I got pigeon holed. I loved it. The first student I had was a male growing a pair of breasts. I then had someone who was dyslexic, a guy who had found a body in a suitcase, and a wank who used to bully me as a kid. But what the fuck – I helped them and to be truthful, they helped me.
I would love to have done a job there. After twelve years, I had worked with dyslexic, ESL, folks with learning difficulties and those poor souls who had no confidence. But when a job came up, my gaffer wanted to put my name forward but she couldn’t as I had no qualifications. That was the end of me. I walked. I am a tit for principle. By fuck do I miss it but I couldn’t have looked at myself if I had kept going!!! It didn’t help that it was South Ayrshire Council’s greatest achievement, but to be fair, their list of achievements is, well, non-existent.
As always at this time in the proceedings, I would like to do the review of the past week’s stories.
We had one new writer, three returners and an old friend who has been with us for many a year now.
As always, we want to be as transparent as we can, so these comments are genuinely our first reactions to the stories.
First up was Rinanda Hidayat with her second story for us entitled, ‘Where Do Lost Memories Go?’
‘The dialogue was very well done.’
‘This story is that bit different that we are always on the look-out for.’
‘Well told and interesting.’
‘Death On Rotation’ was also a second story for Brandon Nadeau.
‘Excellent writing.’
‘This has some real quality about it.’
‘It addresses the horror of man’s inhumanity to man.’
On Wednesday we had Lee Conrad who has been with us since 2015, only four or so months since we began in 2014. It was an absolute pleasure to see another of his works on the site. This one was entitled, ‘Cheap Whiskey And A Crumpled Dollar Bill.’
‘The melancholy was so well done – You can’t teach that!’
‘The tone was superb.’
‘Nice touch at the end.’
And our last second timer had his story up on Thursday. It was a privilege to have David Newark on the site once again with, ‘The Mirrors Of His Eyes, The Thirst Of His Soul.’
‘This was wonderfully eerie.’
‘Quite enthralling.’
‘Some unusual ideas.’
All that is left for me to do is welcome our first and only first-timer of the week.
Saul Brauns completed our offerings with, ‘Remnants Of A Silence.’
We welcome Saul and hope that he has fun on the site and continues to send us in his work.
(Just realised that all our authors this week could re-work their stories into poems – Every title has a poetic vibe to it!!!)
‘Brilliant control.’
‘There’s real sentiment in this.’
‘We are lucky to have attracted some superb talent from the younger writers.’
That’s the stories for another week.
Just the reminders. The comments have been brilliant from our long-time-involvers and over the past few months they have been joined by quite a few more so please keep them coming – It keeps the site alive and interesting.
And check out any of the Sunday Postings we do and please get involved. (Re-Run, Essay, Writers Read.)
Before I finish, I saw that it was the brilliant Christopher Lloyd’s birthday this week. I had to pay tribute to his character of The Reverend Jim in ‘Taxi’ This segment shows what great writers can do, they change something so sad into a spit your drink out moment. To be fair My Lloyd was helped by Danny DeVito.
I also have to mention Judd Hirsch – I don’t think that man ages!!!
And with that clip in mind, there is only one song that is appropriate to finish with. It is not my favourite song of this artist but the older I get the more I realise how poignant it is. I hope to reach the ripe old age of 306 and am at a Karaoke bar somewhere dingy, steamboats and belting this out badly. That means that Gwen will be 304 and still shaking her head at me!!!
…And she’ll still be telling me that I have work in the morning as we have more cats to feed.
Image: A male figure with a pile of books instead of a head! from Pixabay.com
literally stories 
Hello Hugh
Helping people is the best thing a person can do. I focus more on animals because people talk too much, but as long as you give more than you take it’s alright.
Love Reverend Jim. There was Kauffman, Lloyd, DeVito and Carol Kane all on one crazy show. Hirsch deserves credit for being the center who held it together. My favorite Jim moment was at the DMV–“whhhaatt dooeess a yell-oh liiight mean?” Anyone who doesn’t know that one needs to see it.
Great stuff again !
Leila
To all: return next week for Doug Hawley’s guest appearance
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Woo-hoo – My favorite (not best) writer.
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Hi Leila,
Yep that was a belter.
I was sent (By mistake) the whole series of Taxi and have not seen it in years. I’ll need to get a new DVD player one of these days.
Thanks for the plug for Doug – I had forgotten what date it is!!
Thanks as always and I’d prefer to help animals as they don’t disappoint as much as folks do!!
All the very best!
Hugh
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Great post, Hugh. The Milton Jones one-liner is an absolute cracker. But he is not alone. How about this one from Tim Vine: ‘Urinating in a multi-story car park – that’s wrong on so many levels.’
Great Springsteen Clip. He was being interviewed on the tv last night: he’s off on another world tour, aged 75.
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Hi Mick,
Great line from Tim Vine!!
I should have mentioned another of my favourite Milton Jones ones…
‘It’s hard to say what my wife does…She sell sea-shells on the sea-shore.’
Good on Bruce. I think ‘The River’ was one of my first ‘grown-up’ albums I ever bought after my now brother-in-law lent me that, ‘Nine Tonight’ by Bob Seger and ‘Live At The Buddaken’ (Sp?) by Cheap Trick.Those three albums are still particular favourites of mine.
Thanks as always my fine friend.
Hugh
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Another entertaining post. You’ve had some interesting work experiences, Hugh. A deep well you can continue to draw up buckets of stories from. Taxi was a classic and had so many unforgettable characters and bits. Jim’s yellow light moment, as Leila points out, was one of the best. Good banner image!
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Hi Dave,
Thanks so much for the comments.
The problem with my work now is that it’s mind-numbingly boring and ran by fuckwits and greed-mongers. But I reckon the days of work satisfaction is well gone. Everywhere talks a good fight but none of them gives a fuck about their workers.
Thanks again – Hope all is well with you and yours.
Hugh
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another good post, Hugh. Thank you. I think we have already discussed between us that I also did some work with the adult literacy scheme. It is indeed really satisfying. The goose grease joke made me spurt my coffee so thanks for that! – dd
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Hi Diane,
I had a cracking twelve years there and met some characters. The guy who found the body had a talent for writing – He wrote exactly the way that he spoke. I had him as a student until he fell off the wagon and I never saw him again. I still think about him and hope that he is okay.
Thanks as always!
Hugh
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Dear Hugh and All,
Thanks for playing The Boss. Truly an American poet-storyteller whose best work captures and has always captured something in America no one else can capture as well. Sometimes he tells the same old stories over and over too often, and his worst work drips with a kind of maudlin sentimentality, but those are only his faults. When judged by his best, which all women and men should ultimately be, he’s one of the best artists we have. And he has a humanity about him that’s both enduring and endearing.
I saw him live in concert in Saint Louis, Missouri, in the 1980s, with a friend who later placed a loaded gun to his head and pulled the trigger, and the gun fulfilled the mission he wanted it to. So Bruce conjures up many memories for me.
I think the title of the site is great. The term “literally” is used by all kinds of folks and for all kinds of reasons, people on You Tube are constantly using it, you can hear it in conversation all the time, it’s used in combination with other terms and on its own, and the ways it gets used are sometimes not even literal, as when someone might say, “I’m literally run off my feet,” but they’re standing there on their feet right in front of you, so it can’t be literal. Because of the commonality and the resonance of this term in spoken English, and because I don’t know of any other titles where it’s used (but that doesn’t matter so much), it’s a great start for a title.
When combined with the word “stories,” it really hits its mark. The word stories, as opposed to the singular version of this word for example, or other words that mean almost the same thing, like tale, narrative, yarn, spiel, anecdote, both describes what’s done and contained on the site and fits really well with “literally.” Just the “sound” of it is good.
It’s also worth pointing out that “story/ies” aren’t always a so-called “GOOD” thing, as we also use the term to point out UNTRUTHs that are being told by a pernicious or slimy actor, such as when a romantic partner lies about where they were (even if that romantic partner is you), and the other party may say “Don’t give me any more of your stories.” Alcoholics are famous for telling LOTS of stories about why it took so long to get home from the bar again. A “story” can be a lie, OR a narrative that tells some kind of truth about life, so this word has tons of resonance. This word is a loaded word like few others in the language, actually. “Cover” stories for “bad” behavior, bedtime stories that comfort kids and put ’em to sleep at night, movies, music, “news stories” from journalism, the classic “short story” itself: all stories.
So I think it’s a great title! Independent literary magazines have a long history of using original, or just plain downright bizarre, titles.
The literary magazine which Charles Bukowski co-founded and ran with Neeli Cherkovski was called LAUGH LITERARY AND MAN THE HUMPING GUNS.
Ezra Pound had at least two small magazines: THE EXILE and BLAST.
I myself was once in a small magazine called EXQUISITE CORPSE, founded by Andre Codrescu. I was in it when it was one of the very first online literary magazines, in a time when online literary mag’s didn’t have street cred, which is of course no longer true. EXQUISITE CORPSE was ahead of its time. I was also once on the cover of a small newsprint magazine with Charles Bukowski long before the internet era, a magazine which is still around called THE CHIRON REVIEW, published out of the middle of Kansas. He accepted one story of mine and put it on the cover alongside none other than Bukowski in the late ’80s I think it was. I sent the same editor dozens more pieces after that and he rejected every single one with a regularity that became so disheartening I finally gave up trying.
I think LITERALLY STORIES is a great name. It sounds good, has complexity, is descriptive in an accurate way, and strikes a balance in originality. Thanks, again, as always, Hugh!
Dale
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Hi Dale,
Thanks as always for your in-depth, interesting and informative comments!!
I can’t tell you how much I appreciate them.
One of these postings I’ll put on my favourite Springsteen song – ‘Fire’. So many folks have that confused with ‘I’m On Fire’. I can’t believe I’m saying this but ‘The Pointer Sisters’ also did a cracking version of ‘Fire’.
I’m so sorry to hear about the mixed memories you have regarding your friend.
I wish I had thought on your reasoning when we were deciding on the name of the site. But the best I came up with was, ‘Nae bother, I’m easy.’
As always you enhance the site.
All the very best my fine friend.
Hugh
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Dear Hugh,
Thanks!
The Boss has many great ones, but my favorite Springsteen song is “Highway Patrolman,” but not in the Bruce version, actually in the version done by Johnny Cash. The lyrics to this one are absolutely a fully-fleshed-out narrative poem, or a complete short story in verse. Cash brings it alive so well, the tears will flow inside as the end of the drama unfolds.
Thanks again!
Dale
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I note that Hugh did similar work to BT, a mutual gamma (I don’t think either of us are good enough to be beta readers) reader of mine. Bill was some kind of social worker as well as other jobs. I think that jobs affect our lives and writing. After I quit teaching college (a very bad fit) and went into actuarial work I got to be removed from human contact, which worked out well for me.
Attractive blonde editor has volunteered for many years as a nature guide, a good fit for her. My volunteer work has mostly been killing things – 26 years of removing bad plants from parks, and more recently purging books that have not sold from the non-profit Booktique.
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Hi Doug,
Thanks as always for the comments.
Hope you are fine and well.
I’m looking forward to next week and I hope that you receive many a comment.
Stay being you my interesting friend.
Hugh
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Terrifically enjoyable post.
Thumbs up to that particular Mr Jones, punmeister & all round good egg.
I don’t recall who it was said ‘In labours of love, every day is pay day’, but certainly there are places where to quote it would be unwise – understandably, given the nature of some work places.
Great Saturday night’s read.
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Thanks so much for the kind comments, they are much appreciated.
I reckon when I die and spend time in purgatory, all that will happen is I’ll turn up at my workplace for another shift!
All the very best.
Hugh
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Hugh
Titles. Yes, titles!
I recently submitted a story to the American Literary Review. Hot shit, right? Nope. Northeastern Texas Podunk College of Dentistry. I was a ‘semi-finalist.’
I find what gives LS its flavor isn’t only the brain power involved and the quality of its stories, but no one seems to have a big head or a selfish agenda.
Literary folks can be, literally, assholes. Actually, at LS, I’ve yet to encounter one. [Maybe me.]
Gerry
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Hi Gerry,
That’s an interesting point about a ‘selfish agenda’. I think most of us who are involved have a genuine love of the written word and that takes away from any agenda. It’s all about the stories and hopefully that will always be what it’s all about.
That’s why we appreciate the comments on the stories!
Thanks so much for your thoughts.
Hope all is well with you my fine friend.
Hugh
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Gerry
I have to chime in here and say that “asshole” is the perfect term for many so-called “literary” folks. ARROGANT FOOL is another great term that applies to so many of them (not all). They think they know it all, when they really know so very, very little, far less than the average colorful wino on a Chicago street corner with his bottle in a paper bag and the unlit cigarette he’s nursing all day long, usually. AND they are also very frequently: timid at heart (scared and the opposite of bold), conventional (tame and safe), and imitative (copycats, followers, group-thinkers, trend-chasers).
SOCRATES himself said that the smartest people know one thing first of all: what they don’t know. So-called literary folks, in thinking they know it all, prove how little they really do know. ESPECIALLY (in my experience) literary folks from academia, but not only them. Also lots of very well-paid American novelists, critics, and literary agents, too. (There are always exceptions, but trends are obvious to the detailed observer.)
I believe you’re also correct in stating that LS does not deal in ANY of this kind of thing that runs so rampant in many other literary worlds. It’s a diamond surrounded by a dunghill in terms of the American literary scene at large, say I! (I can only speak for America, not Scotland, England, etc., b/c of my experience.)
Thanks for calling this out. You’re right!
Dale
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Hi Dale,
I know this is off kilter due to the site only allowing one comment to follow. Either that or I just can’t work it out. And to be honest there is a good chance of that!!
I reckon that Johnny Cash is the epitome of melancholy! He understates the overstated or vice versa, no matter what, it works!!
To me, only (??) to me, there ain’t many new story telling songsters out there now-a-days. Folks might argue but it is more an idea than a story. I reckon, the last of the best bands in Britain who did story-telling was ‘Squeeze’ but as I said, I’m happy to be bombed out as wrong.
All the very best my fine friend.
Hugh
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Hugh
That’s a great way to describe Johnny Cash! For some reason I think of him and Springsteen together, along with Lou Reed, who’s the hardcore urban heroin version.
There are two absolutely brilliant, genius, fabulous, great American folk singers working right now (that I know about). Bonnie “Prince” Billy, from Kentucky, and Conor Oberst, from Nebraska (born 1970 and 1980). I’ve seen Bonnie in concert, always small venues, which is all he plays. These two are really great. Lana Del Rey: equally great. (Born 1985.) A white Billie Holiday with the lyric spirit of Bob Dylan, who’s one of her main influences. She’s the real thing!
Dale
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HAH!!!!
Dale…On this coast of the pond if you mention ‘Prince Billy’ you would be criticised for not calling him ‘King’ The sectarianism here is hysterical / horrible!!!! Probably not as bad as it used to be…Hopefully…That’s what I love about our younger generation, they have so many fucked up problems but they are more tolerant to those who should NEVER have had to been ‘tolerated’, (FUCK!! That is a loaded statement that the bigoted idiots would crawl all over!!!!!!!!!!!!!) They should have simply been not thought about and accepted as a fellow human.
One wee confession about music, I’ve just found Taj Mahal and I thought what a brilliant ‘new’ artist, then I found out the guy is in his seventies…Fuck me!!! I missed him, when I should have found him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All the very best my fine friend.
Hugh
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Hi Hugh. I always enjoy your musings. I get new words to add to my vocabulary. “Fuckwits”. Love it. The Milton Jones line cracked me up. It took me twice to get it. The morning caffeine hadn’t kicked in yet. I was thinking was goose grease some kind of British folk medicine? Then it hit me lol.
I got to see Bruce in concert when he was first starting out. He opened for Chicago for our newly established concert arena. He was booed off the stage. People weren’t ready for him then. It was 1974 I think.
I guess I am one of the old timers here with a first story to you all in 2015. It gave me the confidence to keep writing. We have all had stories rejected but what I like about LS is the people that run it and the willingness to give writers feedback on why a story didn’t make the cut. You all are the best of the lot.
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Hi Lee,
Get onto Amazon and order some Goose Grease. Use it to roast tatties, you will be overwhelmed!!!! (Ten minutes boiling the potatoes, dollop of butter and rumble them in their pan) Stick them in the oven in hot goose grease, turning occasionally for about an hour. Serve with shallots (EMMM) Green onions / Sybies / Greentails??? Not sure what you call them?? And a wee of bit apple sauce and mustard – Trust me – Delicious!!!!!!!!!!!
It goes with anything but a slab of Gammon is best.
Thanks so much for the kind words.
You have a unique style which is a bit dead-pan and I don’t mean that in a bad way…I love it! The pace and any reveal is so controlled.
What I think I’m getting at is never change, no matter what. It will work for some and not for others but your style is all you – Fuck the rejections! Keep doing as you do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hugh
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Hugh
You are a true wordsmith, admirable, exploratory, open-hearted, brilliant, inspiring! Also, I know of Taj Mahal but am not too familiar with his work, but I’m looking forward to exploring/checking it out more now. Usually I start with a Wikipedia entry or some other short biography or small amount of background info, then move on to the first few songs they have on You Tube, before going deeper if I get hooked. (Or sometimes you don’t get hooked right away but they come back on you unexpectedly later). I find that it’s also a great idea to find one or two songs by an artist that you really like, then listen to it as many times as possible, sometimes even hundreds of times if it’s really good. Every artist should be able to boil it all down into one great song and if they can’t do that they may not be worth one’s time? (Not that the other work is worthless but there should be a central core, summation kind of thing.)
In Leonard Cohen’s case, for me those 2 songs are “Hallelujah” and “Everybody Knows,” plus maybe “Chelsea Hotel #2.”
Dale
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Thanks Hugh. Gammons? Had to look up that too lol. I will pass on the goose grease and stick with olive oil.
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Great post – Milton Jones is hilarious, as was Jim in Taxi (not to mention Latka!).
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Hi Paul,
Thanks so much.
Yep Andy Kaufman was something else.
That show even made Tony Danza look good – So some exceptional writing there!!!!!!
Stand-Ups – I can’t go by Connolly (A comedienne god!!!) and Frankie Boyle but I will throw in Milton Jones, Jasper Carrot, Jimmy Carr, Kevin Bridges and Mike Harding.
All the very best my fine friend.
Hugh
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Hey Dale,
Hope you see this.
‘Everybody Knows’, I first heard accopella (Sp??) in a film with Christian Slater called ‘Pump Up The Volume’. I sought it out and found out that it was Cohen. I think that was what got me into him…And the off-shoot from that was I then found ‘Concrete Blonde’ (We have a writer on the site who played with them)I found their version which was brilliant and they did ‘Side Of The Road’ which will always be a favourite!!!!!!!
All the very best my fine friend, you make me think and realise!!!!
Hugh
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Hugh
Just letting you know I saw this. “Everybody Knows” is all we need to know about life here on Planet Earth compressed into 54 lines! Thanks again!!
Dale
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