I hope you all have been enjoying the Olympics. I love most of the sports and enjoy watching those that I don’t even understand. (Yachting for example – Who the fuck can see who is winning??
Sorry to all the folks who adore Surfing but unless there is a circling shark, it’s shit to watch!)
And before any sensitive tells me that their gran was eaten by a shark – I apologise. (Bet the shark got the shits!!!)
I’ve been bored with a couple though. The however long walk – That was boring! It was just a load of folks walking. I can see that anytime…Hang on a minute, no I can’t, all I see is wee spoiled brats being driven somewhere by their idiot mums and dads. So probably fair play to those athletes (??). But do they need to wiggle their arses??? It seems more like an advertisement than a sport!!!
The biggest failure but greatest failure was the Pole-Valter who was knocked out cause of the size of his dick. He cleared it, nae danger (As we say in Scotland.) but his Boaby (Another Scottish word for penis, caught the pole on the way down.) The fellow lost but by I’m sure there is a wee smile on his face and some pride when he tells the story!!!
You would buy any guy a pint if he said, ‘I could have had an Olympic Gold but my cock got in the way!!!’ (There is footage on YouTube)
I actually had two things that I wanted to tell you about, but one turned into a story. (Still working on it and it’s still to be decided on.)
I’ve said this before and it’s the old habit (?? Insert your own Nun joke hear…HAH! Nun is such an apt word, none booze, none drugs, none sex, none sadism…Well…’ of reading the newspaper and finding some inspiration.
I read something the other week that creased me up. It made me think of all the insincere ‘Sorrys’ that I have ever heard.
I can’t remember that evangelist who was caught with a couple of Hookers and a lot of Cocaine who went on TV to say very dramatically…’I’m sorry! I have sinned’
Good on him.
…For the hookers.
…And the coke.
…The apology, well that is another matter.
…And to the daft fucks who swallowed it, sent in more donations, they should have been shot!!!
Politicians are another brand of those who say ‘Sorry’ that haven’t the decency or integrity to mean it.
Royalty, paedos in the public eye (Hope you die with arse cancer Huw Edwards – If you get a job with the BBC, do they insist you are a paedo? – Saville’s legacy lives on!!!)
I also said an insincere apology last week when my brother-in-law arrived around wearing a sleeveless denim shirt with cut down denim jeans, I said to him, ‘You look like Status Quo have went on holiday.’ As I said, I apologised and he accepted that it was insincere!!
Anyhoo, back to what I saw in the paper and that was an apology Burt Reynolds made – It is a belter!!!!
He stated: To anyone who knew me in 1978, I apologise.
Nine words of brilliance that say nothing but say so much!!
Okay onto this week’s stories.
We had three new folks who we welcome with open arms, a huge smile and a want to see more of their work!
We have a returner–I always love to see a writer get their second story published as they can be a victim of their own success. They have lain down the benchmark with their first, so it is difficult to get that second!!
And we have a third-timer which is getting into heady country!!
As always, our initial comments follow.
First up was Claire Massey for the second time with, ‘AI Husband.’
‘Unlike most AI things, this is about the human and her loneliness.’
‘In regards to the ‘guy’ who is constantly malfunctioning, this is nicely placed.’
‘This was a cracking read.’
Our first new fellow was Colby Loucks. His story, ‘The Yellowing Yellow Room‘ was next up on Tuesday. (Anytime I hear the word ‘yellow’ I think of ‘Coldplay’ – I’m sure I have mentioned this a few times before, I hate ‘Coldplay’ and judge anyone who likes them!!!)
I digress and back to the focus that should be left for Colby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry Colby for interjecting with my Coldplay hating wrath!! That was so unprofessional!!!
‘This rings so very true.’
‘The style and descriptions were brilliantly done!’
‘I enjoyed this, start to finish!’
We broke the back of the week with our next new writer, Todd Dodson.
Hopefully his first of many will have started with, ‘What’s Left?’
‘I had to look up ‘Reified’!!
‘So beautifully written.’
‘Todd did the melancholy brilliantly.’
Next up was our next new writer.
On Thursday we had Paul Crehan (One of the most interesting bio’s I have read!!) with ‘Felicia’ (Now that’s a cracking cat’s name. – Male cat that is – Keep the wee fiends on their toes!!!!!)
‘Great start and premise.’
‘Both sides of the god issue are well balanced.’
‘Paul worked on this brilliantly.’
And we finished off with Gene Bray, this is the third time out for this writer.
He completed the week with ‘A Nice Day.’
‘The interaction with the woman in the lobby is priceless and real!’
‘A different style from Gene done very well.’
‘There’s a real feeling of joy in this one.’
That’s us guys, the usual sound thrashing to those who don’t say thanks to those who comment.
A huge thanks to those who comment–You lift the site more than we can!!!
And please have a look at our Sunday Feature and get involved if you should so wish.
I normally have a joke or a wee bit of shite to finish with but this very minute I have read something that I want to share.
Stay with me here!!!
I write because I love to. I’m fucked off that I can’t come up with as many stories as I used to. (Anyone who is aware of my writing process knows that I need a line and an attitude to inspire.)
I am jealous of Dave, Marco and Leila’s imagination. (If I had one I would have written a lot more!)
I’m jealous of Diane’s technicalities and eye for detail…Again, if I had that, then again, I could have added to my back-catalogue.
Harrison’s depth, Doug’s tongue in cheek, Fred’s perceptional knowledge, Tom Sheehans – Well just Tom’s!!!!!!!!!!! Alex Sinclair’s courage, Mason and Rachel’s tenacity, I could go on and on – If I had a touch of each and every one of the writers mentioned, I would still be spewing them out!!!
HOWEVER – Back to my initial point:
Page 21 – The Daily Record August the 3rd 2024.
Had this as a story. (And I quote)
Dad gets it write at 89 for daughter:
A pensioner learned to write at the age of 89 to surprise his daughter with a heartfelt thank you letter.
Joe Miechielsens worked on the land during World War II as a boy so never learned to write at school.
But it was a dream of his to write a note to his devoted daughter Julie.
So the pensioner teamed up with carers from Ashbrook Court Care Home in Waltham Abbey, Essex.
Joe attended writing lessons, organised by the team, so he could compose the note. And the letter was presented to his daughter, Julie at a special ceremony.
Daughter Julie, a lifestyle co-ordinator in Chingford said: ‘This letter means the world to me and knowing the journey Dad went through to write it makes it even more special.’
…
I know guys, every one of us who have picked up a pen (Or typed) has wanted that ‘Best Seller’ but when you read about Joe–That’s what the fuck this medium is all about!!
…Don’t start the next great novel, send someone a wee note telling them what they mean to you!!
Next time I write one of these, I need to un-sully myself of this niceness!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay, I mentioned someone who is a legend to me – Mr George Bell, my Brother-In-Law so I’ll mix him up with my favourite ‘Quo’ song (Not sure though – ‘Stones In My Head’ and ‘Long Legged Linda’ are up there as is ‘Everything’)
Ah sod it!! This is a belting tune!!!!!
literally stories 
Hello Hugh
There are great Olympic sports made for TV and those only viewed by the athletes’ parents. Stuff that not even a sibling will sit through. Of them all I think cross country skiing in the winter games might be the dullest. And fencing could be improved by the removal of the tips in the medal round. That would prove who really wants it.
I hope that insult humour doesn’t succumb to the over sensitive types. My mother was raised by Nuns and I quote, not holding back, out of respect for her, now thirteen year’s dead–she said “Nuns are as ugly as Ernest Borgnine, but with smaller tits.”
On that classy note, great post!
Leila
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Mothers – what would we do without them?
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Hi Doug,
Maybe you have given a prompt for one of Leila’s lists!!
That could be interesting!!
Thanks as always and hope all is well with you my fine friend.
Hugh
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Indeed. They are the ones who bake the cookies
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Hi Leila,
Thanks so much for the comments.
I did enjoy most of the sport but you are right, there are some where only parents will be in the ‘crowd.’ A bit like those abominations called Nativity Plays!!
I wonder if your mum had a ‘celebrity’ nun in mind???
…I wonder who that could have been??
All the very best.
Hugh
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Hugh
Mom said that when she first heard of “The Flying Nun.” She looked at Sally Field on TV and opined no nun looks like Gidgit, Audrey Hepburn or Jennifer Jones. Most looked like Borgnine, Martin Balsam and the guy in American Gothic. Of course, she was biased, being she hated them for corporal punishment and going to mass umpteen times a day to thank Jesus for the shitty life of an orphan. On the plus side we never had to get up early on Sunday.
It appears you have attracted many replies this week!
Leila
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Great post! I agree that writing, or at least making a difference with writing, is better when it’s truer. Must’ve been amazing receiving that letter. I’m not sold on the olympics – wanting to beat everyone – Olympic golds are exhausting – and for what? Jumping, jumping with a pole, hop, skip then jumping. Kind of mad…I don’t mind some of the team sports though.
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Hi Otto,
Thanks so much for the comments.
Sport is one of those things that is personal to your own taste. Some you enjoy, some you don’t. What I don’t get is when someone doesn’t understand your dislike. Football for example, I have a pal who hates it. Anytime we have been in a pub and the discussion comes around to football and he states this, he is met by other punters asking him ‘What is wrong with you?’
Most of us Scottish people are guilty of Cricket-o-phobia. I don’t hate it. It’s a great way to cure my insomnia!!!
Thanks again my fine friend.
Hugh
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Dear Hugh,
I wouldn’t worry too much about being prolific or not, especially not since you’ve already created a body of excellent, memorable work. For all those interested in fine writing and a truly memorable drama-story, I’d point them to your piece “Dilemma – An Experiment.” This is Pinter as done by Bukowski as filtered and synthesized by you, creating a whole new object. This piece is fast, done in few words, and it lands a punch and leaves an aftereffect. It leaves the reader spinning around to see what really happened and then not believing their eyes, but knowing it’s true. Great work that explores the dark side, the shadow self of all of us!
Also, some writers who have passed into the great beyond but are still remembered here on earth, are remembered for nothing more than one, or two, or a few, stories. Ambrose Bierce and Shirley Jackson are two great examples (they both wrote other things but are mostly remembered for one or a few stories). One of America’s greatest writers of all time, Raph Ellison, only ever completed one novel even though he lived to be 80 (he also wrote many fine and great essays, mostly on literature and the blues). Going even higher, Leonardo da Vinci is considered the greatest painter of all time in the Western world. He only completed eleven paintings (that we know about). His greatest masterpiece is focused on a single person no one’s ever heard of, except as we all know her now through her smile and her mysterious eyes.
I totally agree with you about letter writing. It’s funny to think that writing a letter was probably the very first form of written communication, after keeping tabs on how many beans there were in store. I read something that said that an ancient letter was an average length of 90 words. I wonder what they were saying to each other back in those days (no letters this old still actually exist).
Also, thanks for the song! A great way to rock out on a Saturday morning (noon is morning for me most days).
Dale
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Hi Dale,
Thanks so much for such kind words on my story! I can’t tell you what they mean to me!!
When I was first using a type-writer, how I got to know what everything did, I would type out a formal letter with the spacing and such-like. When I got my first computer, I did the same and anytime I’ve been at an interview and they asked me to demonstrate my keyboard skills, I used this again.
I find it ironic that our text-generation who type shorthand as it may be, throughout the day, continually, would struggle to write a letter.
And The Quo are wrongly mocked!!
Thanks again my fine friend, all your comments to all of our writers are much appreciated!!
Hugh
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Thanks for some more Saturday entertainment. Excellent roundup of stories. Hadn’t heard this song before. It’s a good one. There was a tune of the same title popular in the US many years ago by The Standells. Neither song, of course, to be confused with the legendary Muddy Waters.
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David – Were the Rolling Stones named after a Muddy Waters song? It was one of the blues songs. Mr. Mirth
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Hi, Doug,
yes they were!
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Hi, Doug, yes they were!
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Hi Dave,
It’s always a pleasure to see you on the site my fine friend.
I can witter on about music for hours! I did a post once and mentioned ‘Guilty Pleasures’. I don’t use that phrase any-more, I’m too old to be embarrassed!! I’m happy to say what I like and what I don’t – It shouldn’t mean anything to anyone except me!
I think you can make a huge statement about your musical taste if you have the balls to be honest at the Juke-Box!!!!!
Hope you and yours are all happy and well!
Hugh
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Hugh – You don’t know where my tongue has been.
I gave advice to future male and XYXY pole vaulters about their poles in Twitter / X – tight jock straps. Don’t know it affected the hung vaulter’s social life. So far I’ve gotten bits from the games on Twitter / X videos. Great drama, great performances. A bit of a homer, yay USA.
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Hi Doug,
Hopefully in your mouth??!!?? If it’s lying on the carpet you may need to seek out some medical assistance!!
Don’t know why that has reminded me of one of my all-time favourite terrible jokes. ‘What stands in a field going ‘Ooo-Ooo-Ooo’?
…A cow with no lips!!
I’ll miss the Olympics. after a nightshift I could switch on the TV, watch some sport and not be bombarded with those terrible happy morning, magazine, every-one are pals piles of shit!!
Stay happy and healthy my interesting friend.
Hugh
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Thanks for the Daily Record story, Hugh. It stopped me in my tracks: shocked, I cant remember when was the last time I wrote a letter (as opposed to typing an email or clicking a text). Must’ve stopped when the last of my pre-digital older relatives passed on. Still write little notes inside some Christmas cards, and (honouring a long tradition) my brother and I send eachother holiday postcards, but fond letters have passed from my life entirely. And yet there was a time when my love life depended entirely on the postman. I’ve missed something that I didn’t know I’d missed.
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Hi Mick,
There was a sense of achievement when you wrote a letter. The only thing that topped that was receiving one!
It’s another simple thing that said so much that I think is sadly missed. We have just changed our phone to one of the old dial ones. Not one person who has came into my house can resist dialling it, just to hear that sound!! My nephew did ask, ‘How do you work it’!!!
Thanks as always – It’s always a pleasure my fine friend.
Hugh
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I know you a were involved in an adult literature scheme, Hugh as was I and I would recommend anyone who has the time to consider helping with that. It is incredibly rewarding, I found. My family still write thank you letters by hand and long may it continue. I think it helps if you have a nice pen and when I recieved my first decent royalties from my writing I bought myself a lovely fountain pen which I use every day for notes and what not. I would like a Mont Blanc but can’t justify the expense.
My other half intensely dislikes sports with the excpetion of darts and snooker and so I don’t watch much (International rugby and that on my computer with ear phones on because I can’t stand the tutting!!) I did watch the men’s diving yesterday because I was taking it a bit easy and I enjoyed that. With the fencing, my family used to be sabreists and I think the problem is that it is very complicated scoring so those of us who don’t understand it are bored. We want something out of Highlander and what you get is very much less.) I was surprised that they were now including Break Dancing but then when you consider it there is a great deal of athleticism involved so why not.
Great post. I enjoyed it. – Thanks – Diane
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Thanks so much Diane.
Good on your family for the note writing!! I like that!!!
I think it was Mr Bond who used a Dupont (Sp??) lighter and I think they also do pens. I would reckon that they will cost more than a ten pack of Bic!!
I knew that the head spinning folks were now at the Olympics and even though I can appreciate the skill, I’m not sure it works as an Olympic Event. To be fair a few of them are like that. Buy each to their own and no matter what you excel in competing for your country must be a blast!!
Thanks again and be happy and stay healthy!
Hugh
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The Burt Reynolds apology is superb – a short line with a huge story. I once met Jimmy Saville. It was during my pretentious beatnik phase (which I’m not convinced has totally ended) and was sitting in my all black outfit with my mate, in his all black outfit, in a coffee shop, and Saville walked in, in full shell-suit, and said, ‘Cheer up lads. It might never happen.’ Luckily for us it never did!
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Hi Paul,
Thanks for the comments.
I remember saying to Gwen when all the saville revelations began to come out that we had probably witnessed one of the worlds most evil men.
Don’t know if you have ever seen it but the dramatisation with Steve Coogan is brilliant. Also there are two documentaries that Louis Theroux did, one was about saville before all this was known and the second was the effect it all had on Theroux once he knew. All are worth watching.
Hope you and yours are fine and well.
Hugh
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