Here we are at Week 475…Man that’s a big number…Not as big as three squillion but what can you do?
We receive so many stories that are cliches and stereotypical. Now these all have to be considered. There is a reason that they are cliches and stereotypical and that is that they are there. We’ve mentioned this many times before.
However, there are some that on introduction, puts us off a tad.
These can include, the girl walking in the dark woods. The babysitter alone at night. The single mother bringing up the kids and such-like.
But there is one that is starting to annoy Leila and that’s the well lamented bad dad character. He’s the guy who sends his wife out to work, drinks all their (Her) money and beats up the weans. This got us into a ‘discussion’ about stereotypical male characters and the realism in them. I began to consider myself and I wondered if I wrote myself into anything, would I end up beating up the weans and staying drunk.
Never would I beat up children. NEVER!
There is a site on the dark web where you can sell them to some very nice families in Panama. The Hitlers do sterling work no matter what anyone says.
The staying drunk is a bit of a contention. So let’s ignore that!
…I’m back, had to fill up my…Emmm…water!
Our discussion went into the eating cold tinned food, living with stains on the shirt, having yellow coloured boxers and wearing miss-matching socks.
I began to consider myself, just, to hopefully, prove the two ladies wrong or appease myself that I would never be one of those if Gwen left me. (I judge her due to the fact that she hasn’t.)
I’m a bit of an enigma. Sadly not in a handsome, mysterious and interesting way, more weird!
(I would love to have been like Mr Connolly when he considered himself, ‘Windswept and interesting’ I’m more weather-beaten and bald.)
First off, I don’t think I’m OCD but I can’t function if I have a stain on my shirt. It has to be changed right there and then. I’m not perfect in my dress sense any other way I might add. I could only eat Spaghetti hoops for so long and then I’d want to cook – Cooking de-stresses me. I agree about the odd socks, both me and my legend of a niece, Kayleigh, state that life is too short to worry about matching socks. First two that come out the drawer do for me – I normally wear boots so it isn’t an issue. (I wouldn’t give a fuck if it was!) I also hate slippers and my feet being naked so I always have something on them. HA! Went to a Barbecue straight after work on a belting summer’s day (The only one that year) and Gwen had brought me a T-Shirt and a pair of shorts to change into, but she forgot my trainers. I was slagged all night due to my flowery shorts, plain T-Shirt and steel toe-cap boots…I thought I was quite the ticket!!!!
I only wear black boxers. You see, I sweat like a bastard so those sweat stains on lighter underwear would be mistaken for other things. So win win if you can’t see any of them!!
Anyhoo…
The reason that I’m writing this nonsensical shite is, I wonder if any of our lovely writers can spot any familiarities in themselves that they would care to share.
Now, if you are a stereotypical serial killer, please don’t put your name to your posting as that may be considered a confession…And we’d hate to lose a commentator!!
Okay onto this week’s stories.
We had three new folks who we send a very warm welcome and two well established old friends of the site.
As always our initial comments follow.
First up was the enigmatic Mr Doug Hawley. Doug has been around for many a year and ‘Twin Sisters’ was his eighteenth story for us.
‘I like how off-handed this is.’
‘A bit weird.’
‘Doug always gives us something a bit different.’
Our first new writer followed on Tuesday.
Dillon Cranston’s ‘The Trip’ was next up.
‘This is well done.’
‘A bit different from the father’s prospective.’
‘The restraint was very good.’
We broke the back of the week with our second new writer.
Malaya Downey was next up with, ‘Hungarian Rain.’
‘Lovely writing.’
‘Real and convincing.’
‘This developed beautifully.’
Our last new writer was published on Thursday.
As with all of them we hope to see much more of their work.
‘The Smiling Man At The Foot Of My Bed’ was Noah Love’s first outing for us.
‘This makes you consider a few things.’
‘There is a rhythm to this.’
‘Quite poetic in its way.’
And we finished off with the wonderful Fred Foote for the eighty second time.
‘Checking In’ finished off the week.
‘Very strong.’
‘Reminds me of Fred’s earlier stuff.’
‘Fred is getting close to the tonne.’
That’s us for another week.
Keep the comments coming.
Check out the Sunday features that we run and please get involved.
I’m going to try something different this week and set up a few bits and pieces. First off, I pay tribute to the amazing Louis Gosset Jnr. who died this week. He has a body of work to be proud of but ‘Midnight Sting’ (Digstown) is one of my all-time favourites. This film made me cheer. And as a very dour Scottish person, that doesn’t happen much. (Archie Gemmill’s goal against Holland in 1978 does it all the time.)
If you haven’t seen this, please have a look, it is funny, touching and uplifting. Woods and Mr Gossett are immense.
And watch it while you can as the wank-bag censors will probably cut this scene one day soon!!
Just to finish I want to share a discussion I had in my local pub and it was regarding the most diverse versions of the same song and this one was a clear winner.
Here is the original that I would normally always fall back on.
…But not sure.
Then we have the version that was my childhood into adulthood. I think there were around ten of us who frequented ‘The Plough’ pub in Ayr of a Friday night the year we were finishing school.
We all kept our heads down as we were only fifteen / sixteen at the time but when this came on, we all sang.
And the last one merits a mention due to how different it is from the other two.
To be honest Mr Manson probably eased me into Mr Zombies music.
I was a wee bit disappointed with Rob’s version of ‘The Munsters’, I thought he would have taken it somewhere a lot darker.
Image by Leo Caharija from Pixabay – Tin of mackerel fillets with a fork just ready for the lonely guy!
literally stories 
Hugh
So much, so much! Now some “tendencies” are unfairly labeled stereotypes. There was a fellow at one of my former workplaces who began cutting his own hair after his divorce. He kept missing those areas behind his ears, so, perhaps unfairly, I have seized on that as a sign of middle aged bachelorhood.
Now of course it is all in the beholder but I still claim there are certain “tells” of middle aged bachelorhood.
Discovering “Axe” at fifty.
Far more recycling as in liquor bottles and beer cans than trash in the bins.
Obvious use of the dryer in place of an iron.
Hitherto unseen facial hair (usually a beard)
Mysterious darkening of the home hair cut (usually the cheap black that reflects purple in the sun)
There are others and perhaps I should tread carefully because no one is aware of her own tells as other people.
I will always fondly recall Gosset saying “Are you eyeballing me, Mayo-naze?” Incredibly Louis was 57 when he appeared in Diggstown!
Another great post!
Leila
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Hi Leila,
I shave my head and have cut and missed bits more times than I care to care! One part that is more awkward than you would think is the top of the neck. But I just leave it to annoy Gwen!
I think I’m comfortable enough with my sexuality to state that Mr Gosset was a fine figure of a man. ‘Midnight Sting / Digstown’ is one of those films that always cheers me up. James Woods is also brilliant in ‘Cop’ and ‘Fighting Justice’ (Although the pony-tail in that one is horrific!!) He also held his own with the superb Michael J Fox in ‘The Hard Way’ But he shone so brightly in ‘Holocaust’ that it made me sad when his character was only a few minutes from making it.
Thanks as always!
Hugh
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Before marriage, I could have definitely have been spotted as a bachelor. Too young at the time for lost or gray hair, but poorly dressed and nasty facial hair (true again as old married guy).
I only knew “Tainted Love” by Soft Cell. It’s 5 on my intunes, but I’ve heard it is widely hated. Saw “Not Another Teenage Movie”. If you watch the clip closely you will catch Captain America before he was promoted. Had not heard the other two versions of the songs.
Keep On Mocking In The Freak World
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Hi Doug,
I was always fair but for some reason the facial hair grew in well. I was up at three to start at four and I couldn’t be arsed shaving so that was why I grew a beard all those years back. The ironic thing is I still hate shaving but have to shave the heid due to it’s sporadic growth. It takes me longer to shave than my face ever did!
I try and avoid super-hero films except any ‘Batman’ movies, most of them I have enjoyed…Apart form the Clooney one.
All the very best my fine friend.
Hugh
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Good post. Makes me want to watch Diggstown again. James Woods is also excellent. A bit frantic sometimes, but good. I wasn’t familiar with the Gloria Jones version but would give the nod to her as the original. I have a couple OCD twinges having to do with ensuring doors are locked at bedtime. Fortunately I don’t need to worry about anything having to do with hair. I do t think I’ve ever seen a man’s dye job that looked natural.
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Hi Dave,
A lovely lady called Diane that I used to work with in M&S always said, ‘A woman will never look at a man and say, ‘Whit a baldy bastard’ but she would say, ‘Look at the wig on that wanker!’
Nature knows best and you continually grow into your looks. That’s why Madonna and wee Tam Cruise look so fucking weird.
Thanks as always my fine friend.
Hugh
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Great post. That song just screams out for a weird video and there they all are. To be honest I’d rather just listen to it. I like to nose into the baskets in the supermarket and they are a really good guide to the recently lone male I reckon. But, I suppose we shouldn’t make assumptions, just because someone has six bottles of wine, a packet of fish fingers and some frozen chips it’s not decisive, he could just have an idle wife! Oh did I just say that out loud”
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Oh yes the guys with the one loaf of bread, a can of chili, bologna and three cases of beer!
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That would never happen as what would he do for the rest of the week???
Weirdly, I have only ever had fish fingers once in my life when I was about thirteen and went to a neighbour for my dinner (Lunch) as our house was getting renovated. I honestly don’t know why as they were tasty enough.
And there is no such thing as an idle wife as they are continually putting up with their husbands. (I edited that line twenty six times!!)
Thanks as always.
Hugh
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Afraid I only knew the Soft Cell version, but I do reckon the cover versions issue is an interesting one. In general, surely some of the very best cover versions (like John Cocker’s A Little Help From My Friends) are deliberately wildly different from the original. But I’m also quite partial to ‘respectful’ covers, like John Lennon’s covers of Stand By Me and Peggy Sue on his Rock n Roll album. Cant make up my mind.
(But as a born-and-bred Derby County supporter, I’m with Hugh all the way on the uplift from Archie Gemmill’s goals).
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Aaargh! John Cocker=Joe Cocker
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Hi Mick,
I think you have hit on two of the best covers. Lennon and Cocker were superb singing those songs.
And what can you say about wee Archie – He was in ‘Trainspotting’! That was just about as cool as the goal!!
All the very best my fine friend.
Hugh
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To list my foibles, from footwear choices, to perspiration tendencies, to ability to clean up after myself in a fashion deemed suitable, would require a dissertation of PhD length, so I won’t bother! Love that Soft Cell has made an appearance – their song Say Hello, Wave Goodbye is one of my top favourite songs and one that I think contains a plot for a great story.
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Hi Paul,
That is a good tune that you mentioned, it was an excellent album and I think ‘Bedsitter’ was also on it. (Non-Stop Erotic Cabaret, I think)
What I love about getting older isn’t the aches and pains but the totally ability to not giving a fuck how I look. So what if I’m having an Ugg Day – Mind you they are becoming more and more frequent but as I say, I don’t give a fuck!!
Thanks as always my fine friend.
Hugh
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I haven’t consciously written myself into anything. I have noticed that I tend to use a LOT of profanity. I also tend to speak that way, though. I grew up in the oilfields, spent six years in the Navy, and now close to two decades working with truckdrivers. It’s the fucking trifecta of profanity.
I also think it’s a bit generational. My parents’ generation didn’t swear much. My kids’ generation doesn’t. My generation, however, built on the work of Richard Pryor and George Carlin with Andrew Dice Clay and Eddie Murphy. Lewis Black was a bit later, but we’re close to the same age. I’m officially lobbying for “Gen X” to be the “FU Generation”. Or I would if I knew where to bring the case.
As for the socks and underwear thing – and I can’t believe everyone doesn’t do this – all of mine are exactly alike. I can put a sock on my… no, that’s not it. I keep 14 pair of identical socks (I can get through two weeks of not washing, too!). I don’t bother matching them. They go in the top drawer in a bunch and I just grab two. In that vein, all my underwear is identical, so there is literally no way for me to wonder what style or color I’m going to wear. You want to know true freedom? Unleash yourself from the tyranny of socks and underwear!
The Old Geezer Club requires members to lament about how good things were when we were young (even candy tasted better – probably because no one cared if there were carcinogens in the candy back then) and how the younger generation is pure crap (we’re going to be in trouble when they take over…). Also, inflation is a major topic of discussion. Things just shouldn’t cost this much! Hobbies have turned to things like lawn care, gardening, and bird watching from the kitchen window.
Relationships are a big thing. The passion of youth has become a faded memory that’s a bit embarrassing. We’ve made it past the part where we just tolerate each other for the sake of the kids. We’ve become ambivalent about each other – I understand I will never get her to signal properly when driving and she understands I will never scrub a skillet to her standards, and neither of us cares enough to continue trying. I would get confirmation of this, but I’m not up to poking the bear this morning, even if the bear smells nice.
The ultimate in ignorance, I believe, is to go through mid-life and maintain an ebullient optimism. Get that smile off your face, man! Don’t you know you’re going to die as soon as you retire?
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Hi Thurman,
Now that rant could have been extended into a story. Just don’t sign it if it becomes too biographical – Those Polis bastards would consider it a confession!!
I agree with the socks and have tried that – I buy the same ones but unfortunately those unimaginative relations buy me different ones for christmas and birthdays.
I was told a long while ago when I slagged off Gwen and let her retort be known, she probably called me a useless bastard or something worse. I actually think it was the WiseWummin Diane who stated that we must have a really good relationship due to the negativity that we can say about each other??? So let your good lady slag off your skillet cleaning prowess and you, well make sure your insurance is paid up and don’t sit in a car with her.
Now I need to explain something, I can’t slag off Gwen’s driving as I like being a passenger. I hate driving and gave up about ten years back. Also she hasn’t ended up in a cow’s field and written off a car, ran into the back of some prick due to them being a prick or hit a parked car while parking.
…I have a very little attention span…I think there might be something wrong with me.
My hobbies will never include any form of gardening – That is an activity that could turn me into a serial killer – I mean for fuck sake, you spend hours pulling out weeds for the fuckers to grow back. I don’t give a fuck if there is moss on my lawn. Snails, they are fine wee beasties. And who gives a fuck if the neighbours cat pishes on my weeds. Sorry folks but gardening is for masochists.
I suppose the only hobby I should have is helping my liver but fuck that, that just makes me thirsty!!!
Oh and I also swear a lot. I’ve said before, us Scottish people use a swear word to tell you that another word is coming.
…Usually another swear word!!
Love the comments my fine friend – Keep them coming!!!!!!!!!!
Hugh
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