Week 452: It’s All a Conspiracy; The Real Things and X Marks the File

The sixtieth anniversary of The Kennedy Assassination is rapidly approaching. It also marks the sixtieth anniversary of my memory because 22 November 1963 is the first certain date I remember (although I hold what are most likely older visions). It is also the sixtieth anniversary of the conspiracy theories that have dogged the event since.

I will make my stance clear. I wanted to believe that something fishy was afoot, but after examination of the evidence it is clear to me that a pip squeak (whom I shall not dignify with a name) got his big moment on 22.11.63. Only the coincidence of him working at the building raised questions–which, for me, evaporated upon considering that JFK was riding slowly in an open car just begging to get shot. The President could have been picked off anywhere along the route; once upon a time there was a world that believed that such things could not happen. Then again, tell that to Lincoln’s Ghost.

Some people, however, cannot let obvious situations go. We have people who swear the Moon landing is a hoax, that 9-11 was planned by nefarious forces inside the United States government and the Earth is flat and spins like a coin. I noticed that a conspiracy theory has our species capable of great cleverness in crime but inept scientifically. Five guys can fool the world yet ten thousand workers need ET’s help to erect a pyramid. It is amazing that naive people will automatically assume the validity of concepts that they cannot possibly understand if you hard sell them well enough. Most of this stuff is harmless nonsense, maybe even fun in an esoteric way, but when it turns to something evil like Holocaust denial, there can be a problem.

I avoid contradicting people who say stupid stuff like the Flat Earth thing. It’s not that I wish avoiding offending them–it’s because (as Mom once told me) it’s bad luck to fight crazy fuckers. But I cannot stand the idiocy given its due by outlets like the History Channel (which used to be quality, but now is as shamelessly filthy as The Globe). We live in a world in which appealing to the lowest common denominator practically guarantees high ratings, and is the driving machine of social media. Hence, we see stupid shit like “ancient astronauts,” the “real DaVinci Code” and all the other aforementioned drivel given hours of play while the plight of women and gays in the third world is ignored. And people are still sleeping in the street while athletes, news readers and actors make tens of millions of dollars. Perhaps in this regard, the depressing overwhelmingness of assaultive information, do informed persons suffer more than do the ignorant.

The main reason behind the conspiracy theory industry (let’s call it what it is) is money. Namely book sales. Some writers have made a lucrative career from this sort of thing. I’m not jealous because the wheel of Karma has a way of flattening the a-holes in its own time, but I am annoyed when a simple YouTube search involving the anniversary of the JFK assassination instantly attracts a barrage of theorists who have cobbled together a “documentary” in effort to peddle their book. I’ve noticed that most of these guys are middle aged and do not appear to be wearing wedding rings. The world of pages is so cluttered with this sort of thing that I say it is time that ninety-percent of the verbiage be pruned. But that will never happen.

To be fair, I’ve never read any of those books (nor the DaVinci Code for that matter), but I’ve never eaten dogshit, either–sometimes the packaging (or lack thereof) tells you all you need to know.

Still, I’m always for the writer–unless it is what I’ve heard described best as a “Gash-celebrity” (another fine contribution from Scotland, I believe) autobiography. The idea of a Kardashian making money for “work” best writ in crayon makes me pray for the comet to come. But for those middle-aged fellows who may have never been kissed, I hope that they make enough loot selling their wares to other middle-aged fellows who have never been kissed to make the journey worthwhile.

Speaking of worthwhile, it’s no conspiracy that five fine works highlighted the site this week, although this clumsy segue could have used an ancient astronaut’s help.

The week opened with World Tilting at Bedtime by Katya Lee. It is a spot on look at the conceptions of the dying as well as those who knew the dying person when she was in a livelier state of being. Livelier doesn’t always mean better. It’s like listening to a Nurse’s Aide tell you that your mother is so polite and nice and you laughing inside and thinking “if this was 1975, sis, you wouldn’t be talking like that.”

All I will say for my The Hobnob Standard is when NASA finally arrives at 16 Psyche they had better bring a credit card.

Mordialloc Pier by Matthew Lee corrected the high aim of the week on Wednesday. It is a rare piece that depends almost entirely on description to get across subtle shadings of class and culture. It is restrained and yet a bit cutting.

Ashley Laughlin debuted brilliantly just last week and returned this Thursday with Dead and Gone: A Reckoning. This is a wildly creative and entertaining look into a world of deep shadows and far flung hills and magic. Her use of dialect is masterful and the tale is consistent with the what comes round goes round nature of the universe, no matter what bizarre corner of it you examine.

The final stop this week was Tiverton Southbound by Matthew Roy Davey. This story is incredibly well measured and not at all predictable, which most of this nature are. A wonderful exercise in economy and clarity.

I now close with ten things I cannot believe in without further proof

• Nessie
• Jesus (and the other religious heroes)
• UFOs (From Space–not illusions)
• Bigfoot (I live in the Pacific Northwest–this creature does big business here as do UFOs in Roswell and Nessie in Scotland)
• Affordable, Competent Healthcare Systems
• Multiple dimensions
• Cosmetic surgery that doesn’t make you look weird
• Fairness
• Healthy Addictions worth having
• Yours

I do, however, believe in Ghosts. So maybe I’m a flat-earther at heart.

Leila