Life has hammered me.
I take another drink and lean over my balcony.
Balcony, that’s a fuckin’ laugh, it’s the breadth of my two feet and the stink from that clatty bastard two doors down makes me gag. They’ve a wee Jack Russell that they allow to shit on the balcony instead of taking him a walk. The wee soul needs to climb up a shit mountain to take another shit. When he’s having a crap I can look him in the fucking eyes.
That cunt is one lucky bastard. He wis on on my to do list, not the dug, that clatty bastard Malky. I wis going to drown him in that pile of shit as soon as I worked out how to get away with it.
Anyhow, as I wis saying, every fucking thing that could go wrong has. I worked shit jobs. Fuck me, shit seems to be a theme. She got fed up and started shagging my brother. I did time for that and when I was liberated – What a fucking word – Liberated. I know I have man-tits but I have no fucking bra to burn, I was housed in this fucking toilet of a maisonette. I always thought maisonette sounded so exotic. Maybe there are exotic ones, in California or wherever. In this fuckin’ scheme, no so much. They are balanced though. I’ve the smell of piss from the stairwells balanced with the dog shit from Clatty Cunt.
Jobs dried up for me. I’ve a record for attempted murder of my brother and I resent that. It wasn’t attempted, it would have been successful if those Polis bastards hadn’t tasered me. Fucking pussies. I can still hear them:
‘Let him go! Take your hands from his throat or we will taser you!’
Fair play to them, they did do whit they said.
I ended up on the flair doing the voltage break dance and I’m sure one of them kicked me in the hawmaws. I think it was that wee cunt whose nose I broke a few years back. Fair enough, he wis entitled.
I’ve hud a wee drink the day.
Eight haufs in an you don’t feel like a cunt, you actually can thole the world. I’d love to huv lived all my life eight haufs in. And the night, it’ll only be eight haufs as I need tae get some tuna.
Daughter Bitch. She told me she hated me but she’d do one last thing for me. I’ve got to be honest, I was hoping for a few quid but NO!!!! The last thing she did for me wis get me a kitten and told me that if I named it, she might think about giving me a phone-call every now and then.
I wis so close to saying fuck it and telling her to fuck off and then Attila climbed onto my shoulders. The wee cunt bit ma ear but in a weird way I sort of appreciated that.
…Fuck knows whit she wis thinking, I mean, a fucking kitten!
I cannae kill that cunt anymore, the shit balcony prick. Daughter Bitch told me she wouldnae look after Attila, she’d droon him. And she wid, she takes her cuntiness aff her mither. I’m a saint compared to that Pyscho Bitch.
So I need to go to the Pakki’s. He’s a gid cunt, he’ll gie me some tick tae get some food for the wee man, nae mair drink for me cause the shitty wee bastard needs litter and I’ll no take the piss wae Donald.
I need tae dae somethin’.
Fuck it, I’m complaining to the cooncil aboot the Shit Balcony Cunt and if the wee dug gets taken aff him, I’ll get him fae the pound.
Fearty Cunt willnae come near me and the wee dug fuckin’ hates him.
I think him and Attila will get oan fine.
Image – author.