I remember leading a rather ordinary life until the day I committed suicide. As I recall, that took place in late October in the year 1838. I don’t remember the actual death itself, but I know it happened because it was forty-eight Earth years before I was granted another physical body. I had never had to wait that long before. Not to mention the fact that my guardian angel, Thaddeus, had warned me many times not to make that mistake because it was one of the things the God’s frowned upon the most.
Being reborn again is something very special and something I should not complain about or question because only one percent of all souls are granted reincarnation. Reincarnation is the one term I assume most, are familiar. But sometimes it is also referred to as, “Entering the flesh again, Transmigration of the soul, Becoming again,” along with many other descriptions but it doesn’t matter because they all mean the same thing.
The majority of my rebirths, and I have had many, were the result of my bodies, indulging in material pleasures and not aspiring to make any spiritual efforts to obtain the grace and compassion of the gods. I asked Thaddeus many times why I am allowed another chance to make things right, and his answer has always been, “You’ll figure it out on your own one of these days.”
As soon as my soul has separated from a body I spend an indeterminate amount of time in what I call,” Form-land.” Some- time later, and I never know how long until it happens, my soul assumes another body.
The entire process is entirely controlled by karma. My soul, I believe, is eternal, but matter is another story. Karma, you see, is the sum of a person’s actions in this and previous states of existence and is responsible for deciding fate in future modes of being. Every action in past lives has resulted in a consequence that came to fruition in either my current or a future life. Karma is not itself, “reward or punishment,” but the law that produces a consequence.
Through the many different bodies, I have become convinced that my soul can change, even with my thoughts, and not just my actions. Thus, I conclude that if I simply think evil of someone it will produce at least a small increment of bad karma.
I’ve never actually seen Thaddeus. But I have become magnificently aware of his presence, superiority, and intellect. I do know, and I’m not sure how I know, that I am the only soul for which he is responsible. This puts me into an elite group because most of the other guardians I’ve learned are responsible for hundreds of souls. This must be the reason I have not deteriorated like so many others. I have come to feel an exhilarating kinship between myself and this most gifted specimen of mankind, Thaddeus. Every time I am renewed, I feel a more frequent recurrence of exalted moments breaking my routines.
I don’t remember any of my childhoods. It is a loss that, no matter how lightly I take it, is irreparable. For the longest time, I tried to remember and to relive those creatively challenging days that are only experienced by the young. It has occurred to me that I was possibly more intelligent when I was eight years old as opposed to the age of fifty. I feel now like I am deteriorating and in a rut. Many moments I have felt that I’ve been separated from a higher mental life. Only later to realize there was a vision, which put me within reach of my goals if only I had followed the nudge put there by Thaddeus.
I am now again in “Form-land” in the year, 2017. I was sixty- years- old when I passed this last time. As I said earlier, I was granted a new body after forty-eight years. That was in 1886. Then I was given my most recent body in 1955. You will probably be surprised to know that only when I’m in “Form- land,” am I able to remember things about my old beings. In fact Plato, and believe it or not, I met Plato, once said, “Experience takes away more than it adds, and young people are nearer to ideas than old men.” That statement brought me to believe that all children under nine or ten years of age are poets and philosophers. They pretend to live with the rest of us, but they are self-contained and continuously attentive to the magical charm of what they see inwardly. Their mental wealth is extraordinary. But past the age of ten, the child begins to notice grown-ups and to think their thoughts; they go to school and too often education imposes other people’s ideas upon them instead of helping them go back to their own. Education while helping us grow up, at the same time, unfortunately, hampers our creativity.
The moment a child is aware of fear or attraction, they resolve in their mind a set of images showing pictures of what is likely to happen. The intellect stops and the search for other possibilities are over.
I have come to the realization that I don’t want to deal with the repercussions of another new body. The after effect of all the changes, have taken their toll. I now know what Thaddeus was referring to when he told me I would figure it out one day. The answer is receiving a new body many times is not a promise but a punishment. Most would say that God knows everything but through my many opportunities, I would include that God understands everything. And that’s the real separation between mankind and the heavens. My soul was vacant but now is filled with heavenly images and emotions. My hope is Thaddeus will now allow me to rest and rejoice in eternity.
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