The air inside the main barroom is thick with the smell of Jovian jelly. I look the place over real good. Dames, guys, and bots in every combination slip in and out of the pleasure cells. I see a few couples – probably there to spice up the home stew. But no sign of her.
A blond on the flash ramp snatches my attention. She’s hot enough to boil your drink at 50 paces. Her honey locks reach down between her boobs like a tongue lapping water in a lunar oasis. Her legs are long enough to wrap around your wildest fantasy. Twice. As I move toward her, she retracts her hair. Her breasts disappear, chest broadens, clothes transform. When I get to him, he’s tall, dark, and handsome as an old Hollywood movie.
He says his name is Randy…and Randi. He asks if I’m looking for some fun.
“On the job,” I say. I tap my ring, and the holo of a tall, raven-haired beauty in a red dress appears. “A dangerous dame. Seen her here tonight?”
The bot morphs back into a woman. “Is she human?” she says with a voice that makes you think of bare skin rubbing on Egyptian cotton. Thousand count.
“From front to back and everywhere in between if you get my drift.”
“Not really,” Randi says.
All of a sudden an overweight guy with a beard cuts in front of me. “Hey, Randi. Told you I’d be back,” he says.
“Beat it, fella,” I tell him.
“Who do you think you are, buddy?” Fat Beard says.
I open my coat and let my badge do the talking.
Fat Beard scrams. I have a really big badge.
“Oh my,” Randi says. “I like your really big badge, but don’t be scaring the clientele.” She morphs back to Randy. “So what’d this doll do anyway?” he says.
“Just somebody I need to find.”
“Well, she hasn’t been in the slip tonight if you get my drift,” Randy says.
“Not really.”
Just then a funky lady cuts in front of me. “Hi, Randy,” she says.”Miss me? I’ve missed you. Randi too.”
I open my coat.
“Oh my,” Funky Lady says. “Would you like to join us in a cell?”
“Sorry, lady. On the job.”
“Baby, go get yourself a Hot Venus,” Randy says. “Put it on my tab. I’ll be right with you.”
“Don’t keep me waiting,” Funky Lady says and slinks away.
“We done here, officer?” Randy says, morphing.
“Detective,” I say, walking away. I melt into the crowd like a cheap Martian chocolate and watch the door. Before long Dangerous Dame enters looking hot as a sunspot. I’m all over her.
“Hi, Honey,” she says to me. “Sorry I’m late. The levitation lanes on the way here were backed up. I let SitterBot know we’d be longer than planned.”
I look her up and down. Like my eyes are hands. “I don’t know from what you’re talking about, Doll,” I say. “I’m Stone. Detective Stone.” I open my coat.
Her eyes widen. Wide as the elevator doors on the top floor of a building so tall you couldn’t fly that high if you wore the best levitation belt cold hard cash could buy.
“You know why I’m here, Doll.” I take out my cuffs and give them a jingle jangle.
She strikes a defiant pose. I brace for trouble. Then she shrugs and holds out her hands. When I let down my guard, she pulls a move and grabs the cuffs. Before I know it, she has jingle on my one wrist and jangle on the other.
As she leads me to a cell, Randall asks her if she needs any help and starts to morph.
“I’m all over this,” Dangerous Dame says. “If you get my drift.”
“Totally,” Randi answers.
‘I melt into the crowd like a cheap Martian chocolate,’ Haha, you have a wild and beautiful imagination. Love everything about this.
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Great read. A Sam Spade in a world from Men in Black – with a really Big Badge! Is she human? A sort of PKD world. Loved it.
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I usually read and write between three and five AM, which probably is responsible for “Jovian jelly” morphing into something slightly obscene in my mind. I also envision dime a dance bots and some contraption that looks like Peter Lorre skulking forth in the shadows. Good read, ya savvy?
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Thanks!
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Jac & James, thanks very much for you’re comments! Dave
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A seductive goulash of a bar story. Kept me in smiles!
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Hi Dave,
I’m not a great fan of Science Fiction. But this made me smile.
And you are left with the rather unsettling thought of ‘Well…Would you??’
Great to see you back with such an inventive piece of work!!
All the very best my friend.
Hugh
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Thank you, Hugh!
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Great story. Lots of laughs. I’m glad I’m catching up with older stories here, since I’m new. This was great fun.
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Hi Dave,
It’s great to see this get another showing.
It’s a superb example of your excellent story-telling ability.
If anyone is reading this review, I would strongly suggest that they seek out your very imaginative back catalogue.
All the very best my friend.
Hugh
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Thank you, Hugh. And the best to you as well.
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