Spring-Summer Diary by Tobias Haglund

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4.3..

Beef, potatoes, gravy, fork and knife to the left, glass to the right. The volume set to eleven and the table lamp lit, not the standalone lamp.

4.6..

Switched detergent!!!

4.8..

Bianca’s visit was cancelled so I had to throw away the pies. Also if I’m being honest to myself I don’t like pies.

4.9..

A raccoon family found the pies. The two trash cans were open and garbage all over our driveway when he left for work. I need to learn! How can I be so stupid!? My shirt’s ruined now of course. A shower will clean my face, but my shirt is ruined. The gray-brownish liquid. It’s in my hair! I need a shower.

4.19..

I finally caught the raccoon family. A few nights of rain were hopeless, I couldn’t hear a thing, but when it finally stopped raining I thought I heard something. I stuck my head out of the tent and… yes I saw them. Four small raccoons followed their mother on their way to my trap. Her spine snapped. She shrieked! I ran as quickly as I could, hoped he didn’t hear, and bashed her head in. She was stuck. The babies fled. I only managed to club two of her kits, but hopefully the others won’t survive without the mother. Or it’s my ass.

4.21..

My instructions were wrong! The volume should have always been at twelve. I need to focus. Another stupid mistake.

4.22..

No.

4.27..

His vacation is over. I try to sleep, but my back hurts a bit too much. I must be getting old. Yes, that must be it. I used to get more sleep, but with the back and all…

4.29..

I slipped a disc. I passed out yesterday and he told me I slipped a disc a few days ago, that’s why I passed out and why I haven’t been able to sleep as much as I always do. He’s taking me to the doctor tomorrow.

4.30..

It’s THIS tomorrow, not to today. I misunderstood.

5.1..

A slipped disc and a few bruises from my accident. Pain medication, stretching exercises and a number to call if I need to talk to someone. I only need to talk to him, so we agreed to throw the number away.

5.3..

I have the perfect man.

5.11..

Some nights the hours go by. We sit in the sofa, facing the same way, but not seeing the same thing. The flare of the television flashes in the window reflection. His hand on my thigh. As it slides closer I focus on the volume. He turns it to mute. I close my eyes and listen to my own heartbeat. Ba-dum… Ba-dum… A sharp discomfort and a slap back to reality. His hands clasp my throat. My heartbeat deepens. It is frightening as I gasp for air, but it’s the only moment I see him smile.

5.16..

Bianca told him she wished to never see me again. I’m better off, he said. He’s right. If she’s too good to visit us, she can go to hell. What kind of a sister cancels dinner at the last second? I made two pies for us which I had to throw out. I’m reading back some of the pages from a month ago, why was I so worried? I solved the incident really well, if I may say so. I didn’t like the shirt anyway.

5.19..

It’s not just… No I shouldn’t complain.

5.27..

The last few nights have been rougher than usual. I don’t know if it’s work or… I guess I’m partly to blame too. I accidentally misheard him, I must have been unfocused, I didn’t say YES to him. Not at first. Which kind of… I guess it could be interpreted as, well I don’t know, anyway of course it’s always a YES! I’m always in the mood. I’m taking a few days to think about my role as a woman. I left my diary in the house so that’s why I forgot to tell you, but now I have it, you, with me here… in the garage. And why the hell should you expect me to write every day? Do I owe you everything? Do I owe you anything!? Every action and word I say can be used against me. I know it will. Later when they discover it… I laughed at that sentence. I still have such an ego! Who are they?

5.29..

I have bite marks on my skin; we have rats in the garage. It turned him off. He hosed me down and shut the door. Locked. He came back with rat poison and nearly forced me to eat it. He was joking of course. Then he slammed the door. Locked.

6.2..

Rat poison.

6.4..

Beef, potatoes, gravy, fork and knife to the left, glass to the right. The volume set to twelve and the table lamp lit, not the standalone lamp.

6.5..

Beef, potatoes, gravy, fork and knife to the left, glass to the right. The volume set to eleven and the table lamp lit, not the standalone lamp.

6.6..

Beef, potatoes, gravy, fork and knife to the left, glass to the right. The volume set to eleven and the table lamp lit, not the standalone lamp. Lamp. Lamppppppppp.

6.7..

I still have my pills. My painkillers. I desperately reach for them when he enters me, then I see his smile and the sharpness transcends into numbness. I save them.

6.11..

Okay. If he finds you I’m done. I guess I always knew the dangers of writing, but now I know for sure. If he finds you… we’re done.

6.14..

The most effective rat poison takes time. The rat doesn’t even know. He eats and eats…

 

Tobias Haglund

 

Header photograph: By Steve from washington, dc, usa (Busted!!) [CC BY-SA 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

11 thoughts on “Spring-Summer Diary by Tobias Haglund

    • Thanks, Jason. Yes, I agree. The formay is tricky. Especially since I figured she would censor herself. ‘What if he finds the diary?’ By the end she becomes more daring and finally she reaches the point where it is inevitable; either it’s he or she. Thanks for commenting and reading of course.
      ATVB
      Tobias

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Reading someone’s diary seems invasive, it is a literally form of voyeurism, but then all forms of reading are to some respect. We get snippets of what is going on here, clues as to the writers state of mind and the controlling environment they endure that slowly all come to the fore. The racoons at first seem like a distraction but it gives emphasis to the hidden emotions and foreshadows what is to come. I enjoyed reading this because of the clever way the reader is drawn into a private situation, almost spellbound, uncertain with what is happening, collecting the clues along the way and then…wham.

    Nice one.
    jplmcewan.wordpress.com

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, James. I figured she didn’t want to kill the raccoons, but he forced her to. His hold over her made her mind more scattered which eventually caused her to deal with the situation the way she did. The format is tricky but funny to experiment with. Obviously a lot of her thoughts and actions are left out, especially in the beginning, as she censors herself. The point-of-no-return is when she realises that if her husband finds the diary it os over. But by then of course, it would all be over any way. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, James.
      ATVB my friend
      Tobias

      Like

  2. Very cleverly constructed. I started out expecting a comedic twist which made the realisation of the subject matter all the more shocking. Really good and inventive writing Tobbe. Cheers, Nik

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, Nik. The format is tricky, really tricky. As I mentioned in other comments, since she’s censoring herself it’s intriguing to write it but also difficult. I’m glad you think I managed to use it advantageously. Thanks for the kind words and your encouragement!
      ATVB my friend
      Tobbe

      Like

  3. Hi Tobias, horrific subject matter, clever structure and a disturbingly brilliant read. Every sentence makes the reader feel more and more pity for her.
    Unfortunately the realism in this story happens every day to so many people.
    Hugh

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, Hugh. I, just like you, like to play around with format. Her thoughts are naturally scattered and she censors herself but hopefully a story lies beyond what we can see. Thanks for your kind words! ATVB my friend
      Tobias

      Like

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