He wanted the whisky on his breath. The cigar that he had just smoked lingered, he was happy about that. It would remember both those details.
He considered sexuality. He considered power. He didn’t give a fuck about either. It wasn’t as simple as that.
The kid had been grabbed and he knew where he was taking it. Yesterday he had wondered if it would be a boy or a girl, but it didn’t really matter. To be a monster he would act as monsters do.
The child was simply unlucky. It was where it could be got at with no-one to interfere. He’d bundled it into his van and was disgusted as it pissed and shit. He considered how those others must have been total freaks. He wasn’t. He knew what he was but he found the bodily fluids distasteful.
As he drove he thought about his cravings, or was it wants? Or even needs? He didn’t know. If it was only about a release he could masturbate. But no. That was not enough.
He drove to the building. It was due to be demolished the following Thursday, he wondered how he knew this.
The kid was catatonic. There was no fight, no sobbing, no pleading for its parents. It had completely given up…
That answers that fucking question!
He threw the child over his shoulder and was quite amazed at how light it was. He realised why it was easy to do this. He carried it up the stairway until he came out on the roof. He stripped the kid and looked at its nakedness but again that meant nothing to him. He looked in the child’s eyes and saw nothing. He wasn’t a God. He wasn’t wanted. Hate wasn’t there. Nothing. But it didn’t matter. The urge was beckoning. It teased and it wanted. He knew that he had to feed it.
He thought back to those times. The hunger that he felt and how nothing would satisfy. He had run, he had drunk, he’d taken drugs. But the longing and the want was always there.
Tonight, for the first time he had acted on it. He felt weak but as he looked down onto the naked child he was empowered. He had control of his life. He had control of his urges for the first time. All he had to do was act. If he did, then…What? He didn’t know. He wondered if he would feel elated or disgusted. Would this be the first of many? He didn’t know. He touched the kid’s hair and his fingers tingled. He savoured the moment and began to cry. Thoughts came back to him of his own childhood and he smiled. He had loved his parents and they had loved him. He missed them. He leaned forward and looked into the dead eyes. His tears dripped onto the kid’s chest. He noticed the glisten as the light caught their union. He thought it was quite beautiful. He kissed the kid on the forehead and said, “Everything is all right now. You never need to be afraid again!”
Sam took off his jacket and covered the child. He walked over to the edge of the roof and jumped.