The Wolf and the Lamb by João Cerqueira

Ruth is forty-six, of medium stature, with brown hair and blue eyes. She is a biologist specialising in wolf behaviour. A week ago, she received a scholarship from a private institution to write a book about these animals. Ruth maintains that by means of howling, communication can be established between our species and theirs. Wolves can pass on lessons of cooperation, solidarity and affection. The Secret of the Wolf is the title she intends to give the book. This is why she is living alone in a cabin in the woods. Having gone through two divorces, and having no children or close family, wolves became her only passion; she even confessed to a colleague that she prefers their company to that of humans – “wolves don’t lie,” she said.

One morning she gets up at five-thirty, has breakfast and sets off into the forest, armed with a camera, a tape recorder, a compass, a notebook and supplies in a backpack. Fog is covering the sun, creeping through the trees, submerging the forest in a misty blur that reminds her of a dream. Ruth moves without fear through the unknown territory, as if taking a stroll through her garden. She listens to the melody of the birds as they wake, the hum of insects, and inhales the fresh scent of the trees. Occasionally she stumbles on a stone or slips on some moss; she breaks branches that are hindering her path and tears through cobwebs. She knows she will have to walk a fair few hours before spotting a wolf, but the deeper she goes into the forest, the better she feels.

In contrast to what she was expecting, instead of lifting, the fog becomes thicker. It’s now nine in the morning and Ruth can barely see her hand before her. She keeps her cool, however, despite feeling tired. Suddenly, in the distance, she begins to hear wolves howling, in a lament that pierces right through the fog as if seeking her out. Ruth turns on the recorder and moves towards the sound. Occasionally, she howls too, convinced that she can already communicate with them. However, after a few minutes she stops hearing the animals. She twists her head in all directions, in vain, before deciding to take a break. Leaning against a tree, she drinks some water and eats a sandwich. A short while later, overcome with drowsiness, she lies down.

Now Ruth is a three-year-old girl, blonde, with blue eyes. She’s wearing a green dress and pink shoes. She moves through the forest as if she were playing in her parents’ garden. She isn’t afraid of anything, because she knows that animals, like people, are good and friendly to her. The fog allows her to hide from the adults she supposes walk nearby. Her small hands pull back the branches, helping her through the trees. Suddenly she hears a howl and she returns the same howl, in her childish voice. The howl grows louder and Ruth feels it getting closer and closer. She runs towards it, howling too, overjoyed.

Then, out of the fog a wolf appears. It is a male, with grey fur and orange eyes, sharp teeth and a bushy tail. Drool is dripping from its mouth.

Ruth smiles. She has never seen such a beautiful animal.

The wolf sits down six feet from her.

“Don’t come any closer. It is very dangerous for you to be walking alone in a forest,” says the wolf.

“No, it isn’t. Everyone likes to play with me,” Ruth replies.

“You are a helpless little girl and I could eat you.”

“Wolves don’t eat little girls; they only eat lambs.”

“And you are a lamb.”

Ruth laughs.

“No, I’m not, I don’t have a fleece.”

“There are lambs without fleeces and those are the ones that arouse the hungry wolves’ appetites the most.”

“I don’t believe you, wolf.”

“Wolves don’t lie. And there is a kind of wolf that attacks you without you realising. He tells you it’s a game and you believe it. Those are the most dangerous wolves.”

“If a wolf attacked me, I would tell my mother.”

The wolf laughs, too.

“Are you sure? Sometimes girls attacked by wolves become so ashamed, so frightened, so lost, they aren’t able to tell anyone. They keep the secret to themselves, and because they are very young, eventually they forget it.”

Ruth shakes her head.

“I don’t understand anything you’re saying. Shall we play?”

The wolf gets up and starts to prowl around her.

“No. Listen carefully, girls attacked by wolves might forget what happened to them, but are left with a wound inside them. A wound that never heals and that will stay with them all their lives. Sometimes this wound causes such severe pain that they can’t stand it any longer and want to die.”

Ruth becomes flustered and doesn’t know what to say. For the first time, she’s afraid of the animal before her.

“I don’t want to play with you anymore. You’re mean.”

And she starts screaming for her mother.

“There’s no point in calling for your mother,” the wolf says. “She’s at a motel with a friend. And as for your father, he’s at a business meeting. You’re all alone, Ruth. Another wolf will come along and catch you. You’re lost now, but one day you may heal the wound if you have the courage to face it.”

Ruth opens her eyes. The fog has disappeared and the forest is bright with sunshine. She looks at her watch and see’s it’s eleven o’clock. She doesn’t know whether she fell asleep, if she hit her head on a tree and passed out or what happened to her. She can’t remember a thing. But she does feel anxious, and there is a pain somewhere deep in her chest. For the first time since she arrived, she feels alone and lost. She wants to return immediately. She gets up with difficulty, checks her compass and heads back.

As soon she enters the cabin, she locks the door and grabs a knife. She goes to the window and stares out of it for some time, as if a threat were lurking out there in the forest. Only then does she turn on the computer and try to start the book, but she can’t concentrate and gives up. She spends the day doing nothing, walking around the grounds. She gets an itch on her head and she scratches it until she bleeds. Suddenly, without knowing why, she starts crying. When she pulls herself together, she makes some dinner, eats quickly and takes four tablets to sleep. Then she throws herself into bed.

Ruth is three years old again and is at the kindergarten waiting for her mother to come and get her. She wears a green dress and pink shoes. The teacher comes to tell her that she has received a call from her mother to say that she can’t come. Her godfather, Gabriel, will come in her place. Ruth doesn’t care, she likes him very much. In ten minutes, her godfather appears, gives her a kiss and takes her to his car.

“Ruth, your mother is working and asked me to look after you until dinner. Let’s go to my house.”

“Okay, are we going to play?”

“Yes. Today we’re going to play a new game, but it’s a secret. We won’t tell anyone. Do you promise?”

“I do.”

“Good girl. Look, I brought you a gift.”

Ruth opens the box that is offered to her. Her blue eyes light up.

“A cuddly toy lamb. Baa.”

The car drives into a thick fog and for Ruth everything turns grey.

João Cerqueira

Image: Silhouette of a howling wolf against on a dark background from Pixabay.com