It all started when that fat fucker moaned about having to give me change. I don’t ever say ‘Fat fucker’ as I am a rather large person myself but honestly, ‘Jabba The Fucking Garage’ really annoyed me. ‘Is that all you have got’ he enquired with a sneer and a sarcasm that I just couldn’t ignore. I advised him that I would look further. I exaggerated looking through my pockets and this was also lost on this fuck wit, he
seemed to get a perverse notion out of me running my hands over my body…I knew what I was looking for and it was in my top pocket. My pen. It was a Papermate that had never run out since my grandfather gave it to me twenty years ago. I smiled as I told him that I had exactly what he needed and stabbed him through the eye. Fuck was that messy. It was quite hard to retrieve my pen as it was all slippy with some vitreous humour, fuck knows how you spell that but I remember cutting up an eye in the biology class and that was what the teacher called the inky black stuff that is in an eyeball. I reckoned that was the stuff that made folk gag when eating eyes in that Ant and Dec programme. Fuck. I said that to myself as fat twitchy baws was well, being fat and twitchy. I was lucky that there was no-one else on the bus. To be truthful, if they had been it wouldn’t have mattered as I was for him no matter what. But I thought that I had better get away. I don’t know if I wanted to escape…How Dick Barton is that? Or for you youngsters, Jason Bourne! Anyway, I walked through the maze of shit that is the housing scheme where I live. No fucker noticed that I was covered in blood and eye spray as there was no fucker there. It was only about two o clock, the residents of this particular scheme are all unemployed, unemployable or just twats who play fucking games into the early hours. Anyways I walked through this shit-hole of a place until I came to the main road. It didn’t bother me that I may be spotted covered in eye shit. I saw some silly old bastard with a long coat pulling her wee dog along. The poor wee soul only wanted to sniff some shit, as dogs do, but that wasn’t acceptable to her. I felt her embarrassment. She didn’t want her dog sniffing shit…How common! She annoyed me. I walked by her turned and admired her dog. She smiled and told me that he was a thoroughbred. That was the last words out her mouth. I grabbed the lead off her and wrapped it twice around her neck and pulled for dear life. Do you know what I remember about that…Peeping horns. Peolple driving by peeped their horns at me. That is when, I am embarrassed to say that I pissed myself. There is only so much laughter that can escape before the pish follows.
And that was how I was found. Two feet on her shoulders, pulling the lead into her neck and patting the dog. The wee dog didn’t even bark.
literally stories 
I don’t know what to call it, social justice or just a mad man having a moral compass. Anyway it’s a humourous piece, dark humour of course, and also a bit of fun in a slightly disturbing way. Good job as always with these stories I never would have even thought of.
ATVB my friend
Tobias
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Tobias, you are an inspiration. Your enthusiasm is as infectious as June’s and your skill will soon out-way many published authors. I am privileged that you comment on my work!!!
All the very best my friend.
Hugh
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Hi Hugh, I would say this is from one of your angry days. Twisted and a bit frightening because it has a certain reality you just can’t ignore.
James.
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I am not sure if my angry days are gone. All I need to do is put on the bloody telly and I am off and ranting. Who needs inspiration when we have got life?
I can’t thank you enough James for your continual interest in my stories, it means a lot to me.
All the very best my friend.
Hugh
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Hi Hugh. Nice social commentary. Why are psychopaths also dog lovers? We’ll never know. Well written, if a bit twisted. I liked the detail about the Cross pen. I used to have one myself. Good luck. Des
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Hi Des, the pen is still with me. All I need to do to honour my old grandfather is write with his pen, eat Liquorice Allsorts and drink a helluva lot of whisky.
Thanks as always, your comments are appreciated and insightful.
All the very best my friend.
Hugh
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Couldn’t tear my eyes away, Hugh! You do have a gift for these riviting tales! Best, June
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I am always happy to read your comments June. I keep telling you how infectious your enthusiasm is. Never let that change!!
All the very best.
Hugh
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How do you make a psychopath so believeable? Should we be worried? Great story as usual, Hugh. All the best. Vic.
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No need to worry Vic, I am not sane enough to be a psychopath!!
Thank you so much for your kind comments.
All the very best my friend.
Hugh
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I’m not sure what scares me more – this story or the fact that it was darkly funny enough to make me laugh! And people say my stories are dark 🙂 Nicely done Hugh.
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Hi Nik, at the moment, I can only do dark…So if I get a laugh out of it, that is a bonus!!
Thanks for all your encouragement and the suggestions that you have given me over my last couple of stories.
All the very best my friend.
Hugh
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