It’s like sitting in a cozy lamplit living room. A couch. A loveseat. Two cushioned chairs facing a mounted screen. Instead of a coffee table, though, a desk stands in the center, and instead of our favorite sitcom, we scroll through an electronic contract.
Funeral Agreement with Authorization to Prepare a Decedent for Burial
This is the opposite of a living room.
- The undersigned Guarantor agrees hereby to authorize, and does hereby authorize, The Funeral Home to take charge of and prepare the body of Karrie Black.
I struggle through this first point on the contract. It seems redundant, unnecessary, and wordy, and maybe I focus on that to avoid the part about “the body” and that it’s Mom’s name at the end of the sentence.
I know what I’m here to do, but I can’t understand it. Only two days ago, Mom had laughed so hard that tears shined down her cheeks as we watched people on TV fight to move a large couch up a small staircase. She giggled all the way to the bathroom, saying she was about to pee her pants, so we all laughed even louder.
The next morning, I hadn’t answered the call from the unknown number because I couldn’t leave my class of third graders. In the voicemail I listened to at lunch, a woman said to please call the hospital as soon as possible. She didn’t give any more information, making the seriousness of the situation clear.
The woman told me Mom hadn’t woken up. We still don’t know why.
- The undersigned Guarantor does hereby agree to pay to The Funeral Home the sum of $6,500 for funeral expenses, which is the correct total of the funeral expenses ordered and approved by me, such payment to be made on or before February 22.
I can barely decipher this rambling point either, but I see the glaring numerals: the price and its due date.
“How am I supposed to have $6,500 by tomorrow?” I ask Uncle Robert.
“I don’t know, Kiddo,” Uncle Robert says. “That’s a question you have to ask yourself. I mean, do you need all this stuff for Karrie?”
I tighten my lips and review the invoice.
Basic Services of Funeral Director and Staff
Preparation of the Body
- Embalming services – declined
- Bathing body $400
- Cosmetic/Beautician – declined
- Dressing/Casketing $600
- Refrigeration fee $1,000
Uncle Robert reads over my shoulder. He rubs the back of his neck.
“Does she really need to be bathed?” he says. “She’s being cremated anyway.”
His words spiral like a corkscrew into my temple.
“She needs to be bathed before Bess sees her–”
“Your sister will be fine–”
“No, she won’t…”
I need some wine, but I also need to stay sober for this.
“Mom deserves to be bathed before her family visits her one last time.”
Uncle Robert huffs, “It’s the most expensive bath I’ve ever heard of.”
My energy leaks, but I fight to keep it airtight.
“Maybe Mimi can help…”
“No,” he says, giving that corkscrew another twist into my brain. “Mimi doesn’t have the money–”
“She does.”
“No. She doesn’t need to take money from her savings for this.”
“This is what savings are for! This is her daughter we’re talking about!”
“I won’t let you take advantage of Mimi’s confusion to use her money for frivolous stuff. Don’t be selfish.”
“Getting my mother bathed one last time isn’t frivolous – or selfish! Mimi would want this! Let’s ask her.”
“We’re not burdening her with this. She’s upset enough as it is.”
Holding my breath, I continue reviewing the invoice, trying to work out how to pay for this.
Use of Facilities and Staff
- Rosary or prayer service – declined
- Viewing/Visitation (1 hour) $800
- Funeral service at funeral home $1,200
- Transportation (hearse, limousine, sedan, flower car) – declined
And I don’t know why it happens then, but as I read this, the devastating truth about my uncle hits me. I release a silent breath. He doesn’t want this money coming from Mimi’s savings account because he wants as much as possible for himself when she dies.
I let my eyes close for only a moment as I internalize this. I don’t have time to deal with him now.
Other Services
- Direct Cremation $2,500
Should it cost thousands of dollars for daughters to say good-bye to their mother?
Deep breath.
I sign my name on the electronic contract and click the submit button.
I agree that I have no choice but to figure this out.
Image: A mother’s funeral. A coffin being carried into a chapel. An arrangement of white flowers on the top. from dd
literally stories 
Hi Kayla,
Great to see you back!!
There is a difference from a well worn path to finding common ground for everyone. No matter who you are or where you are from there is a cost in one way or another to laying a loved-one to rest.
The reason I like this is it is that weird part of life that we all have to face but normally don’t face it until it happens.
The dignity of the deceased is something that, not so much them, but those left, grasp onto.
I don’t know if it’s the same in the States or England, but if you die in a nursing home here in Scotland, ‘Last Services’, I think that is what it’s called is when those who cared for you clean you up, then the Undertaker would take over.
The thing that I thought you did brilliantly here, was the MC’s turmoil which was counterbalanced with the uncles attitude. It shows that what we have to face and that what we have to put up with from others.
We’ve never paid into any of those ‘Disposal Schemes’, all we did was wait to fifty five, take out twenty five percent of our pensions and that is enough to cremate us.
It would be hysterical if that short-fall in pension caused death by starvation!!!!!!!!!
This is a subject that will resonate in some way or another with all of us!
Brilliant.
Hugh
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I think, Hugh that the ‘last services’ used to be carried out by nurses. Certainly we learned it back in the day when I was studying my home nursing course but now I think, in England, it is all done by the funeral director.
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I think you captured the sadness and actually the sort of helplessness very well. It has to be paid for and it’s pretty grim that it has to be faced at a time when this is not what you want to focus your thoughts on. Having said that – and yes I think sometimes people are taken advantage of, I have found and unfortunately have had to face it too often now, that funeral directors tend to be the loveliest of people and how they stay that way when they are surrounded by such sadness every day earns my admiration. Strangely during COVID when bodies couldn’t be washed that was just as horrible as having to pay for them to be prepared – in my experience. This was a sobering and melancholy read but well done. dd
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Kayla
Truly a big topic. My brother and I had to raise the money for my mother’s cremation at a very bad financial time for both of us, years ago. It is a hell of a thing to know you have to do that or just leave her at the morgue. It is an evil system that dumps that worry on top of the human situation.
Well done, once again.
Leila
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