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Week 538: The Mind of the STM

ireneallison12

Despite an amount of booster shots I can no longer recall (five, I think), I again came down with covid (thrice so far that I know of), a week ago Wednesday. This is by far the strongest one I have endured, and even though it has ruled the last week and a half, it certainly is not a killer. It spared me the last three days of my work career and has gotten retirement off to a somewhat foggy start.

Even though I have smoked since age nine, the respiratory phase of the disease has been minor. It exists, but it is not much of a bother. What annoyed me was a combination of fatigue and a mental haziness that made me a “Sitting There Machine” (from here, STM) for five, six days.

A STM thinks only about truly useless items until she forgets what the subject was to begin with, at which point she moves to another truly useless topic. Now that my mind is slowly pulling itself back into shape I am able to put together an example of what my experience as an STM was like.

My wall calendar states that (today) 21 June is “The King’s Birthday.” I have been alive since Elizabeth II was young and not once had I ever heard such a term until this year, let alone see it on a calendar. Being an American means nothing in this regard because we are strangely obsessed with the UK royal family.

The funny thing is it’s wrong. Last Saturday, 15 June, was The King’s Birthday (or so google says). But my calendar disagrees. I found that out when I googled the King’s Birthday. (Sadly, or otherwise, one is seldom too ill to google useless stuff.) Now, it turned out that a bunch of nations have the King’s Birthday (or Queen’s as it was for seventy years in the UK). Then on top of that there were people protesting the King’s Birthday in a land that has no King.

Hazed and confused I felt oddly left out. This did not seem like a new event, but how was it that I had never heard of it before? Am I slipping? Maybe I was a staunch King’s Birthday supporter but had forgotten. Are all male monarchs born in mid-June? A dark, irrational little fear formed in my heart. Everyone over the age of sixty fears dementia. Maybe this was what was happening to me. Still, I felt better when I compared what google told my phone to the black and white print on my calendar. Then I began to defend the calendar. I suggested that maybe it was the King of someplace else’s birthday and not the UK at all. This lasted until about noon, but I wouldn’t buy it–and good-googly-god-dammit, I ain’t buying it still…

…say, when does summer begin? I don’t see it–has it been changed? No one told me….

Anyway, that is what an STM does; at least when the machine was me. I know that I am getting better because my ability to say “I don’t care” when pressed by something I cannot figure out has returned.

But here I am, once again pushing forward with some sort of work project just like I did for half a century. The result might not be so keen, but regardless of my little mental collapse, this was a fine week at LS (as always). If you missed last weekend’s rerun Home Again by Keith LaFountaine, do yourself a favor and check it out along with the following five:

Ed Kratz returned Monday with Emily Follows the Elf. You might be surprised by how many revisionist fairy tales and myths we see. They seldom have the goods, but Ed got this one over with a modern charm that was irresistible.

Rachel Sievers is building quite an impressive list of successes with us. Included is Tuesday’s Steroids and Cottage Cheese. Normally Rachel casts a darker scene than this one, which makes the experience even more pleasurable.

Rarely does a comma mean as much as it does in the title of newcomer Jessica Nilsson’s story A Night, Out. That is one of the wonderful little things that story writing will do for you, and Jessica nailed this one perfectly. The line between what is told at the bar and what really happened is blurred and there was also a large situation brewing behind it all.

Slow Walking out of Babylon by Deborah Prum tells of a mind that is on the verge of falling over but hangs in there (a familiar theme). The brilliant thing here is Deborah presents both the bad and the hopeful with equal vision. The piece holds up and remains even, which results in a strong emotional payoff.

Kelly Hossaini closed the week with A Whale of a Time. Mark Twain would have loved this. The whirl of activity all around avoids the main question of the story. The characters’ reactions are perfect and you can see this sort of thing happening.

We thank our writers for another fine week. I am running out of energy and strange thoughts are edging in, so it is best to end with a list.

How to Spend (or Waste) the Rest of Your Life!

We have just sent another ill-prepared for life high school class into the real world. From roughly age thirteen on this bunch was raised in the Covid Era. These kids have been instilled with more than one delusion about their futures. Everyone (it seems) has advice. Some of it comes with a price and will eventually find a place in the “Lesson Learned” file of the victim’s mind. Some of it is free, but being such it is either useless or vague to the point of meaning anything. And although my advice is also gratis, it is pretty clear and is intended for those who (like me) have no idea that college was not just for the kids of rich people (hence advice one).

  • You can go to college, too. Still, maybe a year or three spent cleaning other people’s shit and being under the thumb of a Hitlerphile will give school a gleamier luster than it had.
  • Do not get drunk and decide to rent a large house with five other people. If you must, do not place the lease under your own name.
  • Don’t just protest. Do. Maybe do something wild, like join the Peace Corps. You will get a look at poverty overseas. I wish I had done that. Guess I still could. Hmmmm…
  • Start the band. It will fail, but not really.
  • Before you marry at nineteen, think about it long and hard. I’ve never been married, so I won’t advise you, but I can tell you that all but one of the early marriages I’ve known are quite dead today, even though all the ex-spouses are still with us. Strange…both Hugh and Diane are in very long term unions. The odds against that must be immense. Then again, I’m American…so, well, you never know. Not saying don’t, but I would advise you to give it more weight than what you shed when choosing your socks.
  • Beware people who always tell you that they are your friend. That sort of thing appears in lyrics written by strong minds such as Dylan and Cohen, and I do hope that the younger current artists are saying the same. People who constantly claim to be your friend are dangerous.
  • Consider the logic of buying a car you cannot afford or properly insure. Remember you have to park it somewhere, and if it is five pay grades above your neighborhood, bad things will happen to it.
  • It can be good to do stuff you hate to do for the money. Although it wears off, it makes a less hateful job feel much nicer down the road.
  • Children. Go ahead and have them. But do not make them somebody else’s problem. Someone brought the young people I see sleeping in doorways into the world. In fact the average age of the homeless population is much lower than mine.
  • Open for suggestions

Leila

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Published by ireneallison12

23 thoughts on “Week 538: The Mind of the STM”

  1. Hi Leila

    That’s rough getting Covid again. I’ve sort of put it on the back burner waiting for the “Herd immunity” to kick in.

    “Sitting There Machine,” that’s an apt phrase, lol. I’ve felt like that many times. I think it will catch on. Usually it’s after I eat with a dirty plate on my lap. And the next move seems impossible.

    I didn’t know the King’s birthday either. Weird to think Kings still exist. The word itself brings ire. No Kings! Except for Elvis.

    Good advice on the bullet points. Peace Corps instead of the machine gunner Corps would be good.

    Christopher

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  2. Thank you for struggling out of your sick bed to do this excellent post. As far as I know the celebration in June (often called Trooping the Colour) is the monarchs ‘official’ birthday and is chosen to be at a time when there is possibly better weather. Let’s face it bringing out all those bear skin hats and highly polished horses, not to mention the open carriages really needs some dry! I guess it’s not a birthday so much as a ‘aren’t you lucky to have me and I’ll let you gawp for an hour’. Although I freely admit I love the parade.

    I agree with your advice to the recently graduated though I feel a bit of a hypocrit about the marriage one as I did indeed marry at nineteen! I have been very lucky and it was right for us. However, I wonder these days why people do it at all really. Probably a lot of the time it’s more for the dress and the party and honestly, just have a new frock and a knees up. It does seem often that the bigger and more expensive the wedding the shorter the marriage!

    I would add learn to cook. Not fancy cordon bleu necessarily, but be able to produce a good wholesome meal from simply ingredients you won’t regret it.

    Thanks for this – dd

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    1. Hi Diane

      Yes! Cooking must be learned. I worked in fast food and full service restaurants, which is a good idea because they won’t let you starve.

      Never ever heard of Monarch’s Day before. And I appear to be the only one there!

      Thank you for the wellness wish. Today it has finally relaxed into something no worse than a cold. Thank jebus!

      Leila

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  3. Dear Leila, hi!
    I’m SO glad you’re feeling better now. And, I MUST point out that during that entire time when you were feeling so awful, you never once let your self-imposed duties at either Literally or Saragun Springs fall by the wayside, not to mention composing this column for today and I’m sure many other, if muted because of the sickness, creative pursuits that were also going on behind the scenes!
    So THAT would be my number one piece of advice to all those recent grads out there who are facing a bleak employment future and all kinds of other terrifying issues. COMMIT yourself to something creative you can really stand by and give your passion to, whether that for you is reading and writing, or some other form of self-expression that is NOT dictated by The System and The Machine. NEVER expect immediate results (like getting rich and famous by Tuesday), but always see it as a long-term, LIFELONG project in which your two main goals should be, in this order: ONE: what can I learn about myself from doing this? and TWO: what can I learn about the world and those around me by doing same? Number one is number one because one should always start with one’s self, since everything for us begins within the mind and maybe moves outward from there.
    And, I also want to add, Leila, that your ability to describe the MIND in “easy to read” terms, both your own idiosyncratic mind and the universal kind of mind we all share, is second to none, and Shakespearean at all levels. Your description of what it’s like to be ill and sick, when a normally very active mind can’t get its usual energy up, is exactly the way it is.
    Take care of yourself, National Treasure in Literature from the Pacific Northwest!
    Dale
    PS,
    Also to all the recent grads, be willing to work all the crap jobs they are sure to hand you on your plate; but also be willing to walk out the door without warning whenever necessary. Another crap job will turn up to take its place soon enough. Every single great writer from the past also had another job, from Johann Wolfgang von Goethe who was a full-time government administrator, to Shakespeare who was a full-time theater worker, to Miguel de Cervantes who was a tax collector on horseback plus a million other things including a slave and a soldier who got his hand mostly blown off, to Wallace Stevens who was an insurance lawyer, William Carlos Williams who was a pediatrician, Charles Bukowski who was a post office clerk etc etc etc…

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    1. Hello Dale

      As a father of two recent HS grads you know what you are talking about. The girls are lucky to have you in their corner. You also know the education system. But mainly, you care! So I see it working out well for you and especially yours.

      Thank you for the comments, I will try to be worthy of them!

      Leila

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  4. Dear Leila, hi!

    I’m SO glad you’re feeling better now. And, I MUST point out that during that entire time when you were feeling so awful, you never once let your self-imposed duties at either Literally or Saragun Springs fall by the wayside, not to mention composing this column for today and I’m sure many other, if muted because of the sickness, creative pursuits that were also going on behind the scenes!

    So THAT would be my number one piece of advice to all those recent grads out there who are facing a bleak employment future and all kinds of other terrifying issues. COMMIT yourself to something creative you can really stand by and give your passion to, whether that for you is reading and writing, or some other form of self-expression that is NOT dictated by The System and The Machine. NEVER expect immediate results (like getting rich and famous by Tuesday), but always see it as a long-term, LIFELONG project in which your two main goals should be, in this order: ONE: what can I learn about myself from doing this? and TWO: what can I learn about the world and those around me by doing same? Number one is number one because one should always start with one’s self, since everything for us begins within the mind and maybe moves outward from there.

    And, I also want to add, Leila, that your ability to describe the MIND in “easy to read” terms, both your own idiosyncratic mind and the universal kind of mind we all share, is second to none, and Shakespearean at all levels. Your description of what it’s like to be ill and sick, when a normally very active mind can’t get its usual energy up, is exactly the way it is.

    Take care of yourself, National Treasure in Literature from the Pacific Northwest!

    Dale

    PS,

    Also to all the recent grads, be willing to work all the crap jobs they are sure to hand you on your plate; but also be willing to walk out the door without warning whenever necessary. Another crap job will turn up to take its place soon enough. Every single great writer from the past also had another job, from Johann Wolfgang von Goethe who was a full-time government administrator, to Shakespeare who was a full-time theater worker, to Miguel de Cervantes who was a tax collector on horseback plus a million other things including a slave and a soldier who got his hand mostly blown off, to Wallace Stevens who was an insurance lawyer, William Carlos Williams who was a pediatrician, Charles Bukowski who was a post office clerk etc etc etc…

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  5. So sorry you’re feeling unwell, but covid certainly hasn’t dulled your creativity. Another excellent post as always. To the list of advice I’d add: 1) Adopt a rescue dog (or cat if you’re not allergic like me); 2) Strongly consider trade school instead of college. (Maybe if we had more plumbers and electricians, they wouldn’t be so expensive.)
    I see in your response to Diane you’re feeling better so hurrah for that! 

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  6. Hi Leila – As a 54.5 year veteran of marriage my observation is the bigger the wedding the shorter the marriage. We went to a JP (not a shotgun marriage, we are more of a childless cat people couple).
    Editor got covid but shows no long term effects, but a buddy from seventy years ago I tried to find was dead from covid.
    My story – drifted through college and graduate school to avoid work of any kind. Then taught college for a while and became an actuary (shows up sometimes in my stories). Math is for people who can’t deal with things or people.
    There’s probably more, but I don’t remember much – MIB. Keep on rocking rolling reading and riting in the free world.
    Do I get to mention the upcoming Saragun Springs featuring my favorite writer?

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  7. STM will have already caught on by now. But how sheer force of writing belies the bug! (Yes odd how each bout of it seems worse than the last.) But STM seems well gone! Your 10 points incisive & deeply wise – & so devoid of homily & Good Advice as to find favour with ACTUAL 19 year-olds. Aye, beware those who tell you they’re your friend or you’re theirs – as well as those who would Do Us Good. Beware too those who begin their sentences with “Well, as a Christian / Buddhist / Working Class Man/Woman . . . ” As it happens King Charles & co had a walkabout here in Lancaster just last week but am not sad to say I didn’t see him. Richly satisfying, again.
    Geraint

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    1. Thank you Geraint
      I am at the point of the day at which whatever the covid has left is having its small backend way.
      But your fine words and those by others make the experience easy to handle.
      Thank you once more!
      Leila

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  9. Hey Leila

    I was having trouble coming up with advice ideas, so I asked the AI thing in my computer. It said, “Invest in relationships.” Then added, “Save money.”

    We human’s are suckers for irony. We have no chance to avoid extinction. — Gerry

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    1. Hi Gerry

      Yes, save money is a good one. Still, when I began (and I know you can relate), I made something like two dollars and hour, which allowed for savings maybe in the 19th century.

      Thank you!

      Leila

      (also, I believe you will be appearing as the rerun this week!)

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  10. Hi Leila, I enjoyed your Covid rant and STM observations so much ! Although I am sorry you had to go thru that! And I’m glad you are on the mend.

    I am reminded of Baz Luhrmann’s “Everybody’s Free” Class of 1999’s advice – which is great but very long for this post – one of my favorites is:  “Do one thing every day that scares you.”

    And my personal request of young people graduating is:  Please consider a health care/ service/ teaching oriented job – nursing, working with people who are challenged, the elderly, children’s homes, day care, women’s health…etc. I think every country is experiencing shortages. It is work that is taxing, exhausting, hard at times and does not pay like a corporate job – but you may l feel good in the end.

    My best,

    Maria

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    1. Hello Maria
      Thank you for commenting! I wholly agree that healthcare needs workers. They should also be paid higher than people who make advertising campaigns and any baseball player. I have done it, it’s hard but counts for something!
      Leila

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  11. My twins graduate this year. In fact, one graduates tonight and the other walked the stage a few weeks ago. I’ve had lots of advice for them over the years in the hopes that some of it sinks in before it become retrospective wisdom. The most salient at this moment, as I ice a two-inch incision on my scalp, is “use sunscreen.”

    Also, “Remember plans are a tool and a suggestion, not a master and a command.”

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    1. Hi Thurman

      Congratulations on the twins graduating. Coincidentally, Dale Williams Barrigar has had the same happen this year with his twins. Amazing. Excellent advice!

      Hope the incision on your head doesn’t trouble you.

      Leila

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  12. Hi Leila,

    Thanks for stepping in at short notice, especially when you had The Plague. HAH! A Woke fucker of the 14th century would state that my phrasing there was insulting as I wouldn’t understand what it was like.

    I agree. But they could fuck off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Thanks again much appreciated!!!!

    Reading your post it occurred to me, I would never capitalise king unless I was writing about the singer who sung the brilliant ‘Love And Pride’

    I reckon I’m a professional STM. I used to have a gaffer who would ask, (After I’d been working for eighteen hours) ‘What are you doing?’ I’d state in a rather pissed off voice, ‘Staring at the fucking wall.’ At that time of night I was only there in-case someone killed themselves…That only happened a few times. It ruined my wall staring!!!

    Excellent post as always. My additions to your list would be: (The first one is universal though!)

    When drunk, anything that seems like a good idea, isn’t!

    It isn’t anyones right to have anything.

    Looking down on someone means that they can see what is up your nose.

    Talking behind someones back means you are talking to their arse.

    Any superiority complex can end up with a hard kick to the genitals and a punch to the face on the way down.

    Excellent as always and thanks yet again!!!!

    Hugh

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    1. Hi Hugh

      No problem filling in, gave me time away from the dirty plague.
      Excellent additions, especially the when drunk–ah, but we all have to learn about it first hand!
      Leila

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