Toys
During my decade at Goodwill I had many jobs. I recall one fondly: Toy evaluation. It involved going through the massive amount of donated toys and separating the trash from the saleable.
Place any human being in front of a big pile of toys and not much gets done in the first hour or so except for goofing off. I remain fascinated with toys, but nowadays I worry that they do not fire the imagination as much as they wow the beholder.
No, no, no–I am not going on another Back in My Day diatribe, but I have always believed that a toy should stimulate rather than stun.
In the sixties, I discovered dozens of uses for my brother’s discarded Lincoln logs and tinker toys–most evolved into crudely fashioned weapons. Despite the perhaps antisocial element in that, I did use my imagination.
But I was utterly flummoxed by an interactive toy T-Rex at Goodwill. It stood a foot tall and made load, roaring lunges at my every movement upon powering it up. Your basic plastic dinosaur from the 1960’s required your input to make it menacing. You had to supply the roaring. Damned near every toy I examined (aka, played with) that day was more gizmo than plaything. All the dolls spoke, including “Talking Tina,” a mouthy little witch whom I tossed in the refuse box after she threatened me. Alright, I made that up, using a rare non electronically enhanced doll, my imagination and memory of a Twilight Zone episode in which a Talking Tina doll showed a pre Kojak Telly Savalas who didn’t love him, baby.
The lunging Dinosaur did not fire my imagination because he hogged the surprises…
I guess this is a Back in My Day diatribe after all.
Don’t get me wrong, there was some really cool stuff in the pile amongst the broken, dirty crap people so graciously “donated.” But there were also automatic firing Nerf rifles, that, when you think about it, might send kids the wrong message. (Still, I must admit that I rather enjoyed shooting the passing forklift drivers with the foam rubber bullets.)
I was not surprised to see that most of the working stuff made irritating noises. There’s a glitter baton thing–maybe you’ve seen one–it goes zoop when flipped one way and zorp when turned the other. Nothing else. Just zoop and zorp. Never consecutive zoops or zorps. Always zoop then zorp. I would not last ten minutes in the same house with one.
Then it dawned on me that some things haven’t changed, despite the technology. Used to be when you wanted to annoy from afar you gave your target’s kid a drum or a cap gun. Usually, this was gifted by a grandparent as a means of gaining revenge for all the times that their children drove them crazy with similar objects acquired in a similar way. A “wait ‘til you have kids” prophecy fulfilled.
I looked at the T-Rex with new respect as I passed him along to the container of items to be priced. I could see his roaring getting on a parent’s nerves quickly; most likely the reason I was looking at him. I imagined a grandmother originally finding it at WalMart, and remembering all the times she had to shout “turn that shit down!” when the record player her mother gave the boys was blasting away in their room, giving her a headache, making her wish that goddam school was year round. I could imagine her devious, most un-grandmotherly smile as she dropped T Rex in her basket.
The Good Week
I am pleased to report that we have another week of six fine contributors and contributions to look back at.
Prolific essayist Dale Williams Barrigar again got over on Sunday with another one of his (what I call) fictional essays. Buk the Philosopher is another look at genius via Dale’s immersive and original style. Which is fitting. You need smarts and courage to describe someone like Charles Bukowski. Most of what you read about “Hank” is somewhat fawning, as it goes with genius, and a lot of it comes off as though the writer is a bit afraid of the Great Man. Dale takes on the legend on even ground. Dale does and knows the meaning of don’t try.
Life’s a Tin of Peaches by Leanne Simmons appeared on Monday. The world as seen through the eyes of a child on the day of a life changing accident, with a most ironic title that can be taken many ways. Such wonderful language brought to the shops and the streets. Effortless and naturalistic. Reminiscent of Joyce’s Dubliners.
Ted Gross made his third appearance with Adverse Possession on Tuesday. Ted excels at characters bewildered by life yet do not let that fact slip into the hands of friends and foes. This gives a unique continuity to seemingly unrelated events, especially in this tale, whose first “domino” is a couch.
Wednesday brought another story from one of our four site debut authors this week, Beyond the Bridges a Story, by Susan Jennifer Polese. This too is a wonderful exposition of naturalistic dialogue. Set in the hectic city, it is full of keen observations that lead to a beautiful and quiet moment of want and sorrow.
The Ring by Donna Slade is an intriguing work, which cuts into the heart of marriage and yanks it out like an Aztec cleric. But Donna did it artfully, much more cleanly by using the combined perceptions of two long time friends to arrive at the truth. Often friendships create knowing beings, autonomous only when the two halves are present.
The week closed with Fledgling by Tammy Komoff. Can’t say too much about this brief little gem without tipping it, but it is a perfect example of how to use an open ending.
It was another good week with heartfelt projects and human reactions. Sometimes such can be overstated, but not today. Hooray for them all.
Before we adjourn, I’m proud to announce, as I write this (I’m sure it has happened since) that Literally Stories has/will reach(ed) its millionth hit. Amazing how many of those were/are by perverts attracted by the prospect of seeing girls in leotards, but it is an accomplishment we are proud of nonetheless.
List Favorite Toys and Games
Monopoly (Loved it, but I always ended up with tons of debt. Unerring talent at landing on Park Place, which my brother always owned and invested heavily in–the bastard–he knew how to make someone mad enough to flip the board. I always got stuck with the boot token.)
Scrabble (Didn’t take up until I was fifteen or so; since then it has been my go to “death” sport; I tend to overreact when playing it. Not much of a good loser. You never know a person until you play Scrabble against her. I still claim that “Goddamntly” should be a word.)
Super Ball (Once watched a big kid hit one with a golf club. It might still be in orbit)
Marbles (Not to play but to keep like jewels; Cat’s Eyes were cool looking)
Croquet–( I was actually good at it, compared to the other kids; took special joy in knocking other kids’ balls into the neighbor’s garden–no way around making that sound dirty)
Frisbee Fetch-(With a Dog of course. Small sibling permissible if shy the Dog)
Balsa Airplanes-(As long as they are sent up with bottle rockets in them. Pretty lame otherwise. It was one of those toys seldom played with as intended)
Kites (Very windy on the Puget Sound, if you fail to fly a kite here, then you ain’t like to soar anywhere)
Slinky-(Never once saw one walk down stairs or perform as they did in the commercials. The damn things were the epitome of false advertising. But they made excellent weapons–weird metal nunchucks, hence their inclusion)
Not so Favorite
Rock Em Sock Em Robots (Overpriced pieces of shit that always got stuck)
Twister-(Never played; appeared to be designed for drunk teen perverts)
Game of Life- (Always lost, wound up with three trailers filled with nasty rugrats)
Yo-Yo- (I wanted to be good, but failed miserably; I had a cool lime green one for awhile, which I traded for a Seven-Up candy bar and a half dozen Bazooka Joes)
Operation-(Another that refused to work right. The buzzer would always go off for no reason or wouldn’t no matter how hard you hit it)
Jacks-(Perennial cheap stocking stuffer; been around since the Inquisition and was just as popular)
Pick Up Stix-(Always degraded into something like “52 Card Pickup,” much to Mom’s vexation)
All Dolls (From Baby dolls to Barbi and GI Joe–the plastic humans creeped me out–especially ventriloquist dummies–stuffed animals, however, remain awesome)
Goddam Army Men (Convinced that my brother left them lying about so I’d bury them into my feet)
Additions to both lists are always welcomed.
Now for a song that I just heard for the first time in years:
And, at this late moment, we say so long to yet another one of the Pretty Ones who was much more….
literally stories 
Another fun post. I can never resist tidying up the stuffed animals in baskets in shops, I like them sitting neatly with the outside ones leaning over the edges. I had a couple of dolls that I really liked when I was little. One was a Black one which makes me think my mum and dad were more open minded and free thinking that I realised. I had a gorgeous dolls pram and given that we were never well heeled it’s only now I realise how they must have sacrificed and saved to get us things like that. My brother had a train set and of course our son did many years later, complete with papier marche countryside and plastic people. I liked that I have to say. My daughter has always been anti doll they seem to give her the heebie jeebies. My husband was born at the end of the war and things were short everywhere and one present he was given was a pair of kitchen weighing scales and a packet of sweets to weigh. It was clever thinking because when he wasn’t using them they did great service in the kitchen. I still have them today and they are a bit special I have to say. I also have the complete sets of weights that came with them. I always lusted after a toy post office and one of those auto drawing thngs that made lines when you turned the nobs. Yeah, toys were better back then. they just were.
thanks for this trip down the bygone path. dd
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Hi Diane
My brother had a train set too. It really got quite involved with additions. I personalized my stuffed animals. I could bring myself to give some to charity or to other people, but never to the trash.Still have a Rabbit someone gave me forty years ago!
The sweets/scales was a great idea.
Thank you again!
Leila
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Entertaining and witty as always. So *you’re* the one who shot me with nerf bullets when I had that forklift job years ago! Your list of toys brought back memories of a few I’d forgotten about: pick up sticks, tinker toys, jacks … I had a basketball game with a ping-pong ball and little catapults that was my all time favorite. Two excellent videos.
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Hi David
Yes I confess! Blasting the guys with the Nerf was shamelessly addicting. There was actually an “automatic “- which really sends a bad message, but the thing was broken.
I recall that basketball toy! Also recall the football one that simply shook. Saw some boys playing it once and thought it lame.
Thank you!
Leila
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Monopoly, or, a death in my family.
Slinky, walked it down the stairs like a pro.
Twister, best played with olive oil.
Operation, much better playing very, very high with a salvaged board from yesteryear.
Yo-yo, Duncan Butterfly, a toy, a weapon, an obsession.
Goddamn Army Men met death in many ways at the hands of teenaged god-lets. Melting for favorite.
And… Lawn Darts, the perfect opportunity to murder your siblings and claim ignorance. “It’s only a game. They wouldn’t sell it if it wasn’t safe.”
Marco
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Marco
I was so mad when the Slinky would just fall over and/or get tangled. Yes, lawn darts! Lots of innocent “accidents. ”
Thank you!
Leila
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Leila
Thanks for talking about my Bukowski essay in such an awesome way not to mention publishing, and understanding, it.
You have an amazing memory and an ability to conjure up the past that feels uncanny. I remember all the toys you mentioned and I had the same reactions to most of them. I do have to admit to a fascination with “dolls” until I was around seven or so, not that I called them “dolls” in my mind, rather they were plastic cowboys and Indians with which I would wage and stage pitched battles under the dining room table; in my world the Indians always won, although I often sympathized with the cowboys as well. I was never a fan of G.I. Joe and remember attempting to turn him into an Indian one time. For me it was always the Indians and cowboys. To this day I collect finger puppets (a long-gone red-haired blue-eyed female friend got me started) from the Unemployed Philosopher’s Guild, everyone from Frida Kahlo and Zora Neale Hurston to Albert Einstein to Hemingway, Van Gogh, Virginia Woolf, Langston Hughes, Freud, Marx, Louis Armstrong, Whitman, Twain, Vonnegut, and Leonardo da Vinci, Picasso, etc. I was inspired by the Frida puppet to stop trimming my eyebrow/s and let nature take over. Very few people believe me when I tell them this and yet it’s very true. Stuffed animals also rock although they are instantly destroyed around here by Bucephalus if left around on the floor (Bucephalus being the full name of Boo).
God Bless, RIP, and So Long, Marianne! You were a fearless artist and explorer of life we can all learn from! Your late masterpiece “The Gypsy Faerie Queen” proves that your genius continued until “the end” (which is never the end)…Many don’t know that you were an inveterate, deep, and brilliant reader of classic literature as well as an actress who performed in Chekhov plays, etc.
“He which testifieth these things saith, Surely I come quickly. Amen.”
D.W.B.
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Hi Dale
I read that Einstein was a fan of TV cartoons. Beanie and Cecil. It makes sense because the stretching of reality was up toward his way of seeing things.
Marianne was able to break out of the “human doll” trap, unlike other 60’s sex symbols. B. Bardot comes to mind. Unfair as hell, but she was a willing player, but only for awhile.
Another who will be missed.
Thank you!
Leila
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Leila
I read an article that said Marianne broke out of the baby doll trap so utterly and completely that at one point she was sleeping in an alleyway (literally half the time) and couldn’t bend her arms because they were full of too many holes (from too much heroin). She spent her days, daydreaming, leaning against the wall and thinking of more ways to score “Horse” for many years in a row, according to the article. She says the same thing in her autobiography. The diehard junkie calls this lifestyle “walking with the king.” She made Bukowski look civilized and genteel (lol). She was also celibate (by her own admission) in the last decades of her life.
Dale
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Dale
Oh yes, heroin takes everything. It takes peculiar strength and a good dose of luck to survive it. Her second voice contrasted beautifully with her first.
Leila
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Kids and toys….in the thirties way up in the northern logging camps where she grew up my great aunt used to play with a piece of of cloth on a stick, called it a “doll.” Kids in some countries, all they need is a soccer ball. I also dug scrabble and monopoly and checkers….. sometimes the best games didn’t even need props like tag and kick the can… well, I guess a can was needed there. We liked to play table hockey, just needed two sets of chopsticks, a few marbles and a table. RIP Marianne Faithfull I had a feeling for her when I was about 8, and I didn’t know why, I think it was that vocal on “As Tears Go By.” Now it’s All Over Now, Baby Blue.
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Hi Harrison
Indeed the concept of toys is relative to era and surroundings. I recall my father telling us he got a shotgun on his twelfth birthday in the early 40’s!
Leila
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Family played pinochle, gin, yahtzie, monopoly. Handy Dad made train tracks on a plywood sheet. Wish we still had it. I remember making balsa planes. Sometime in my life had a helicopter thing and various other things. Had a blow up dinosaur (which sprang a leak) and still have a wind up Godzilla that takes three steps. Late sister played jacks and pick up sticks.
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Hello Doug
Oh yes, we played lots of gin and hearts on rainy days. Your blow up Dinosaur has nudged a memory from deep in the vault. I recall someone giving away inflatable Godzillas (with a purchase, but of course) in 1985, for a movie. Budweiser, maybe Coors. Saw a bunch of the cheap damn things in taverns.
All the best to you and the Ed.
Leila
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Hi Leila
Zoops and zorps that’s hilarious! I can just hear those zoops and zorps kind of like Luke’s Light Saber, (great onomatopoeia).
I’ve always wondered about the behind the scenes at Goodwill, and how much fun it would be to see all that stuff! I love finding a treasure!
That’s an excellent point of how toys do the work of the imagination these days. Not like when we had one yard dart to throw around then discovering it was a great murder weapon, lol. These new toys seem to be full of a slightly sinister life with an ulterior motive trying to further derail civilization. Maybe I’m taking it too seriously…
Christopher
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Hi Christopher,
Sorry for the interruption but your comment made me realise something.
…Ironically ‘Onomatopoeia’ (Three sodding times to spell that correctly!!! It became a battle of wills!!) sounds like nothing except ”Onomatopoeia’ (I copied it!!!!!!) so does it do it’s job or not????
Hope you are well my fine friend.
Hugh
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Hi Hugh
It’s definitely a crazy word. Makes me wonder about its word origin. It’s a bitch to spell. lol. I had to copy and paste it too. I think it does it’s job very well in the case of “soop and sorp.” I just learned through the easy magic of Googling (while it’s still legal) that there are four types of Onomatopoeia: mechanical, fast motion, musical, and fighting. Seems like animal sounds should be in there too.
I find it’s a hard device to use in writing fiction, but done well, it can really pull the reader in. But at the same time if you don;t know what you’re doing it might backfire. I’m in that group so I have to tread lightly.
“Bam!” that is almost cartoonish and cliche, but I’m sure it has its use–certainly in the comics. “Meow” and “Bark” are pretty standard. “Mrrp” for cat is something new. Like a little greeting. Purr I’ve never actually used that…
Where the trouble comes for me is when I have to make one up for a certain sound. Like I got stuck on the sound of a Zippo lighter opening. The metallic “shink” sound… I had to confer with my ex-wife. And now that sound whatever it was (exactly) is lost in some story–either doing its job or making the reader think that a cellar door is opening instead of lighter. I hope not…
Stephen King makes expert use of the onomatopoeia like “WHOOONK! for a blaring semi’s horn and many more. His Onomatopoeia sounds aren’t like Bugs bunny and Elmer Fudd. His are real and powerful.
Sometimes I try to google the sound of something before I use it in a story, or find a list of onomatopoeias. I think a writer has to have an ear for the right sound and spelling, like “zoops and zorps” to me that’s fine writing… it’s
like writing dialogue in a certain dialect, which is also hard. Guess I went on and on zzzzz.
Christopher
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Hi Christopher
You are right to worry about it! But there’s no need to take it too seriously. Nature tends to cull the herd when She has see enough.
Indeed, the new toys come with batteries and maybe with an agenda!
Thank you!
Leila
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Hi Leila,
You threw me into my past with this posting!!!
A couple of things. I did have our version of the boxing robots. They were called ‘Raving Bonkers’ and you were right, the red one could jam up the yellow one!!
Your mention of ‘Lincoln Logs’ made me think on one of the most poignant moments in ‘The Big Bang Theory’ – The character of Sheldon was finally explaining why he really hated christmas. And it was all to do with the year his grandfather died. He wished to Santa for his Grandfather still to be alive and I quote:
‘I got Lincoln Logs. You can build a lot of cool stuff with Lincoln Logs but ‘Pop-Pop’ isn’t one.’
Maybe it sounds stupid but I really did feel that!!
Okay onto favourite toys|:
-Kipper (Fuck knows where he disappeared to???) He was a wee figure and I think he was a wee green fox. Standing upright I might add. (For what fucking reason I told you that, I don’t know!!!)
-Matchbox Cars – Now this confuses me. I remember loving them as a kid but as an adult, I have hated driving. My licence should have been renewed three years back but I refuse to do it! There are enough weirdos and psychos on the road without me adding to them!!
HAH!!! The ‘Superball’ thing made me laugh. We had loads of them at Primary School where we played with them only once. We’d whack them off the concrete as hard as we could and they would end up on the roof. The Janny, once a year would check the roof and he’d bring down all the ‘Superballs’ that were weather perforated. They weren’t very ‘Super’ then. They just looked and acted like sheep shite.
Games I loved,
‘Shing-Shang’,
‘Othello’,
‘Backgammon’,
Card games – Scabby Aggie, Seven Card Brag (Simply add to the pot!), ‘Buying a card’ Pontoon’ (Idiots get fucked with this every sodding time!!’
Games I hate:
Cluedo – Surely anyone can see that it’s just a process of elimination!!
Clackers – Not sure if this was only a British thing but by fuck did those bastards smash up your knuckles!!!!!!!!!!!!
And I agree with you regarding the Yo-Yo. I couldn’t work them!!!
I enjoyed the biscuits though – The Toffee ones that is…I was never fond of mint unless it was in ‘Spiced Onions’
As Always you instigate brilliantly!!!!!
Hugh
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Hello Hugh
You are right about Matchbox cars. I thought (and still do think) they were way better looking than hot wheels. I recall lame Cluedo as well.
And that Lincoln logs line is truly poignant. You know whoever wrote it wrote it from experience.
I have given up driving too! Best to leave it to the suicidal young maniacs.
Thank you!
Leila
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My favourite of Marianne’s was her cover of Dr Hook’s ‘The Ballad of Lucy Jordan.’ She made you feel that she really knew and understood poor old Lucy. That’s a difficult trick. Great post, Leila. Thank you.
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Thank you, Mick
Some people have that gift. No matter her age, in her photos, she always appeared to be looking at you only.
Leila
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How to put it? You could make a parking-meter interesting, funny, absorbing. One just bounds along on the prose. A delight.
Geraint
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Thank you Geraint
I am humbled. And you reminded me of a funny parking meter story.
My friend Susan was dropping her husband off at work (who really is a nice guy) in downtown Seattle in the 80’s. They were having a little tiff about something, and as he got out of the car, he turned to get the last word and WHAMMO! He walked right into a parking meter (which were everywhere back then) and landed on his butt. You can imagine which one keeps that anecdote alive!
Leila
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Yep, I think I can guess the re-teller of that one!
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Great post and great week of stories. I’m pretty much in agreement with you on the toys and games list. In the UK we grew up with conkers as well, self-made toys which were a kind of chestnut, hardened, threaded on to a string, and then used to compete against other conkers. Loved them!
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Thank you Paul
The name “conkers” alone would have appealed to me when certain toys were used as weapons!
Leila
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