Still feeling a bit too gooey? Still have the urge to hug people? Don’t worry – we’re here for you. Literally Stories – Christmas Hellweek. Stories to counteract all that goodwill: Enjoy
An Introduction from David
ULTRA-BELFAST
If you’re the black sheep then any family event, gathering or occasion can feel like Ultra-Belfast. There’s a purgatorial feel to your day when you’re plucked from your home comforts and trappings and shipped back to a time and place when your independence and autonomy was restricted. I vaguely remember committing the first few sentences to the white page. I’d like to say it was during the Christmas before it was published here, that would be remarkably apt but it would also be horse piss. It almost certainly came after one of those events though. One where I looked around a table and saw variations of the same face looking back at me. A little older, a little worn down. The light behind their eyes, a little dimmer than it had been the previous year, or the one before that.
For anyone who doesn’t buy into it, the Northern Irish summer and in particular the 12th of July, is the ultimate purgatorial state. Twenty-first century living grinds to a halt so a minority of over intoxicated and under informed can lay claim to everything within their eyeline in the name of tradition. Loyal servants of the crown celebrating the victory of a Dutch King over the English Monarch. Celebrating the victory of a protestant king over a catholic king. Celebrating the victory of a protestant king, who led a largely catholic army, financed by the vatican. Trying to explain it could turn you mad.
The truth of the matter is, to be Northern Irish is to live in a permanent state of purgatory. Irish by geography, British by rule, your individual identity, independence and autonomy permanently in flux and controlled by calendar and tradition. I’m ten years older than the writer of this story. If I had to try, I don’t know if I could write it now, but I still relate to it because I’m still sitting at that card table waiting to go all-in.
Welcome to Ultra-Belfast…
Ultra-Belfast by Dave Louden – Adult Content
Image: Scary Christmas Baubles from www.freepik.com n.b. This is an AI generated image.
literally stories 
David
Growing up in the USA during the late sixties, the evening News was always heavy with discontent in the American streets, Vietnam and a place called Belfast (and another called “Londonderry” (sp)) were always attempting to be hells on earth.
What you have written, even with the appearances of Hitler and Stalin and the “You filthy damn ape” NRA man, underscores pain and unease. Brilliantly done.
Leila
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Well that one made me grimace and laugh in equal measure! A nice counterweight to the Xmas schmaltz.
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Hi Dave,
I have always adored your work.
And your spiel for this is something that I can totally understand.
….Sadly, that is, I can understand!!!!!
It’s a privilege to see this getting another day in the sunlight!!!!!!
Your stories on here have enhanced the site and I thank you for that!
I wish you and yours all the very best over the festivities.
Hugh
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Dave
Didn’t expect the Short Strand to take a bow in Ultra-Belfast, but I have some mixed memories. A great story altogether. Charlton deserved to be there with Hillter, et. al.
I hope the cards tumble your way. — Gerry
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Thanks everyone, Happy Hellweek!
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This was a great read – punchy, gritty, and funny. I need to read more of Dave’s work.
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