All Stories, christmas hellweek, Editor Picks, Short Fiction

Week 512: Ho Ho No!!!

ireneallison12

Ho ho humbuggery

I am tired of PC Christmas. I figure a grown up can endure the Christian God for about six weeks every year without becoming a whiny child about it. Most of us knew that Christmas was bullshit growing up, but I never turned down a present from Santa nor have I ever failed to drop a coin in the Salvation Army bucket.

What I am really tired of is Christmas (for and against) being used in politics. Somehow the common perception in America is the agnostics are left and the pretend and real Christians are right. It’s a bad idea that needs to be departed from. Pushing useless agendas against Christmas (and other traditions) leads to ugsome developments. In America it has helped to elect the same buffoon president twice. (And does anyone really believe he is a churchgoer?) Although a lot of shit went into that debacle, I cannot help feeling that he was elected out of spite for the pushy people bent on telling everyone what they are and how to live. Even if they are right, nobody likes to preached at. I say if you mean Merry Christmas, just say so. If you do not, well, smile and say nothing . If you want to raise an eyebrow wish “Happy Festivus.” (Anyone unfamiliar with Festivus will get a load upon googling it.)

(Of course by “you” I don’t mean any of you fine people, just the a-holes.)

Regardless, graciously accepting and wishing Merry Christmas won’t kill anyone; nor will it undermine progressive thinking and result in a theocracy. It’s not like were telling one another to fuck off and die. Besides, how often do people really mean it when we wish one another “Have a Nice Day?” There’s not an eleven month off season for that nonsense–so I think we can extend the hypocrisy a little further. So as Mother Mary and perhaps even Moms Mabley once said “let it be.” Also, I say be a Scrooge. People forget that old Ebeneezer was transformed into a fine person; we should remember him for that and not for his earlier, though more realistic, unfortunate attitude.

It’s in the darker spirit of the season that I am happy to introduce our upcoming Christmas Hellworld Hellweek, which begins on Monday when the clock strikes midnight somewhere in the middle of the Atlantic and runs through Saturday the 28th. We here at Literally Stories have chosen six uneasy reruns from the special sub-dungeon to give you a place to enjoy good old fashioned hellishness when all that smiling and jingle belling gets to be too much.

At the end, I shall dare to list the ghouls by their unhallowed names.

The Week of Giving

And while we are all in the generous spirit of giving, let’s hear it for the six original works that appeared on the site this week.

Six because Dale Williams Barrigar was up with a new what I call “fictional essay” on Sunday. As anyone who has written for us for the past few months knows, Dale is a tremendously enthusiastic supporter of writers and his knowledge on the art of the written word is boundless. He displays that beautifully in his Kafkaesque. Dale excels at intimate looks at writers often made distant by time and their own legends.

I was up on Monday. Nora in Five Acts. It celebrates the life of a real woman who died fifty years ago. My mother’s best friend. Although some (not many) liberties have been taken, I think I got her right. (Her real name was Nola.)

Chris Klassen made her second appearance on Tuesday with Notion. The story itself is a beautiful match for differing perceptions. What is special for one is nothing to another, and yet, as the one character says “we’re both right.” Truly subtle and you realize that what you’re waiting on was always with you as you read it.

The Promise by our first debut contributor Russell Fee is a brief piece that grows in the mind. The MC is either deluded or about to embark on a great journey, regardless he comes off sincere. The descriptions are stunning and yet you wonder what has happened?

Our other first time contributor, Martin McNeil brings home something that would be mere fantasy not that long ago. Are You Ready, Annie? is moving and disconcerting. Who’s to say when someone has lived long enough. And yet there are people who would like to do just that. Martin put a face on the concept, which is something anyone considering such should examine. First rate. And it is the rare piece in which something topical, though relevant is handled well; it has set a high standard for those who’d follow.

We closed Hellweek Eve Week with no one other than our own Hugh Cron. With hundreds of weekly wraps, thousands of comments and over a hundred and thirty stories, he is by far and away the holder of the record of most overall site appearances (Tom Sheehan still holds the perhaps unattainable story record, currently at 226). Magpie is Hugh’s latest look at our twisted world. At just a bit over 400-words it takes a good look into the heart of darkness. Hugh excels at reporting the harder things in living, with his own singular, clear, honest voice.

Speaking of hearts of darkness….

The Darkness Creeps Ever Closer

After a final bit of sanity is shared with the readers by Geraint Jonathan’s Sunday feature tomorrow, you will perhaps hear the shambling slither of dark approaches. Imagine how Cthulhu is when drunk and gets mouthy with Yog Soggoth, and you will understand the malignant clamor and uneasy chimes emanating from the towers.

By nameth the Legion is composed of:

Hellweek-Black Monday: Ultra Belfast by David Louden

Hellweek-Christless Eve Tuesday : Sewer by Noah Lessard

Hellweek-Christless Day Wednesday: Wishbone by Jennie Boyes

Hellweek-Boxing-Body Parts Day Thursday: Cockatrice by the ironically named Ryan Priest

Hellweek-Thank Baal it’s Friday: How to Build a Monster by L’Erin Ogle

Hellweek Finale Saturday: I Called My Friend Alcoholic Sad Satan by Ashlie Allen

If anyone survives, normal activities will resume the next day.

Merry freaked out Christmas to All!

I close with a picture I ran last year of my childhood friends, Fang and Rags. In this photo they plot the demise of that year’s Christmas Tree (circa 1972).

And let’s play this for the take of tradition as well!

Leila, Diane, Hugh, Nik

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Published by ireneallison12

24 thoughts on “Week 512: Ho Ho No!!!”

  1. A brilliant post Leila and a great set up/warning of what we have planned for our precious site friends.
    When I recall childhood and youth Christmases, the thing I remember mostly is the wonderful feeling of goodwill – all this politicizing has soured that I believe. You are absolutely right – no matter what the season, wish your fellow traveler all good things – why not. Happy Christmas dear friend and to one and all Joy and peace. x

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  2. Merry Christmas and enjoy the moment in your own way. I just smile and play along, I enjoy chocolate.
    One Christmas my daughters felt left out, under peer pressure, by not going to Christmas Eve Church service. I had never done so in the past and was not struck down by a sudden bolt of lightening. (although as a ten year I almost was (he missed) but ten cows in a nearby field died).
    The service was scheduled at 2230hrs (!). Wrapped in scarfs and coats we went along. The church was freezing and the minister was late. When he did turn up his opening words were; “Have you seen the time, whose bloody idea is this.” I think he was half-drunk.
    We sat/stood through one and half hours of a Ricky Fulton diatribe which was not funny. Thankfully, singing hymns gave us some relief from cramp and the minister as he castigated us for horrible sins. (some I had never heard of).
    Nothing was said when we got home and the idea of attending evening service was not on next year’s agenda.
    However you enjoy Christmas, keep writing and smiling.
    Best wishes to all
    James

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    1. Hi James
      Merry Christmas to you and yours.
      Yes, we should find our own paths of enjoying or at least surviving Christmas.
      My brother says if he sees one more mention of It’s a Wonderful Life on the net he will turn into Mr Potter and then people had best beware. Says that every year and has yet to develop an answer to “beware of what?” We all should have our holiday traditions!
      Leila

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  3. Looking forward to hell week … I think. We lost our beloved pet Annabelle this week so have been in a hell of our own. Sorry to be personal on a post, but it’s hard to think or feel about anything else.

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    1. David
      That is a horrible thing to get through. It’s the saddest part of loving creatures with such short lifespans. You know it will happen, but that doesn’t help.
      Take care and I hope it gets better soon.
      Leila

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    3. Dear David
      My condolences about your beloved animal. Many folks in this world don’t know (or understand) that the loss of an animal can be as hard, or harder, than the loss of a human for some of us (depending on the animal, and depending on the human). I’m sorry for your loss.
      Dale

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    4. Hi Dave,

      So sorry to hear about Annabelle!!

      I’ve cried more over pets than I ever did about my gran, and that was the one I liked!!

      They stay in your heart and will eventually make you smile when you choose to think on them.

      All my very best!

      Hugh

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  4. Leila Allison!!!!!!!!!!!
    Thanks for your ever-fresh points of view, perspectives, and accurate opinions, as well as a COOL pic of Fang and Rags who look like Rock Stars of the Canine World, and that song is now my official Holiday tune this year! I’ll say here, as well, that your cool head and ability to see and say the whole picture helped one starving artist lift himself out of a massive depression that hit right after the US presidential election this year…
    An unknown writer deserves credit for composing two of the most enduring flash fictions of all time. In one of these brief fictional tales, a rebellious, careless, wild and crazy young man hits his old dad up for a huge loan and takes off for the nearest big town, where he begins to run with a lot of fast women while also drinking all day and all night long, playing music nonstop and partying until his last shekel is gone. He spends it all until he’s totally knocked out loaded (drunk), and ends up with nothing but a job taking care of the pigs; he’s so hungover and starving that he ends up trying to eat the food the pigs do (but he can’t get it down). So he swallows his pride and heads home to dad, fully expecting the old man to curse him and laugh him right out of town again, but he tries it anyway. He never expected that dad would burst into tears, run over, hug him to his chest, and throw a big party in his honor to welcome him home, which is exactly what dad does. The other brother, the responsible one, the one who stayed behind (to watch over his own fortune), gets mad; dad tells the “good” brother to quit being such a useless hypocrite (aka a–hole) and come join the celebration. The reader/hearer of the tale is left wondering “who” the dad really is, and why he cares so much for his irresponsible, drunk son, and so little for money and “responsible” (money-grubbing) behavior.
    In the other story, a man gets mugged, and a wealthy priest, then a wealthy politician, both ignore him as he lays there knocked out and bloodied in the ditch. An illegal immigrant sees the man who has been mugged, goes over, takes care of him, puts him on his donkey, brings him to the doctor and gives him his last few shekels so he can take care of himself while he recovers from his wounds. The illegal immigrant asks nothing in return; and disappears.
    The person who wrote these short short stories used to bend down and write things in the sand with his finger that the people around him couldn’t see (and it left them wondering what it was he was writing there). He also told his stories aloud over and over to raucous crowds at drinking parties, knowing that someone would write it all down for him some day if he did so (a trick he learned from Socrates).
    His last words were, “Why have you forsaken me?”

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    2. Hi Dale
      Yes the deeper meanings and complexities of life are evident in our relationships. A poor person can win a bunch of money but will be happier spending it on a parent he/she may have not been close enough to. It is strange yet it feels right when we hit it.
      Raymond Carver was pretty good at that sort of thing. But it’s harder to find because it seems that most people don’t know how to read anymore –not in the illiterate sense but in the getting past the surface quality. Short fiction and poetry can do that for students whose education is greatly slanted toward making money for the machine rather than the enrichment of the experience.

      Merry Christmas to you, the twins Boo and all yours!
      Leila

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  5. Leila
    While my ugsome Christmas is all but assured, thanks for The Pogues and the New York Christmas memories. How the unsteady young men & women would line up in all stages of intoxication along the walls of the parish church for Midnight Mass hanging on to one another so as not to collapse in a drunken pile. How the NYPD Pipers, 25 guys named Finbar, rove the city looking for events to wale at. The Transit Workers under Mike Quill always went on strike during the holidays and unviable electric toys and careless cigarettes set half the town on fire but for our uncles in the Fire Department.
    Christmas always let us down.
    Once my daughter asked her mother for the truth about Santa. [She knew to avoid me]. When she left it ambiguous, the little brat said, “Mommy,” she let it sit there for a while with crocodile eyes. “You killed Santa Claus,” she declared. Later, she received a doll house, although her little heart was broken. — Gerry

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    2. Oh Gerry
      That is a powerful story. Yes, life ain’t no Hallmark movie. My mother was an orphan and ward of the Catholic Church in 1940’s Canada. She said a lot of the priests were pretty blasted by midnight mass.
      Glad you like the Pogues. Hard to believe Shane has been gone a year and Kirstie for nearly twenty five.
      All the best, Leila

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  7. Like a breath of fresh air into the festive surrounds, bullshit-free & without any signalling that it is so. Tinsel is, after all, only tinsel & wishing Merry Christmas is not the moral compromise some on the Left suppose it to be. In fact, reading Leila can be as bracing as reading Naomi Klein but Naomi Klein nowhere near as entertaining. And that point about the element of SPITE informing decisions made: seems as near to the heart of things as it gets. I think it may have been Owen Jones (left-of-centre but a friend of nuance) who once described the Brexit result as something like a massive “Up yours!” to those seen as the ‘liberal/progressive elite.’
    Certainly at this time of year the already stressed are made doubly so & it’s mostly women still bear the brunt of it. That’s not to be glib or slyly pious. Or I hope it’s not. ‘
    ‘Fictional essay’ is perfectly minted for Dale W. Barrigar’s style – from his Kafkaesque & Visiting Bill Burroughs to his Ghost of Van Gogh & Bard of the Old School.
    Hellweek sounds just the tonic.
    Have to say, soon as I saw title & author I knew this piece would carry a particular charge. Just happens to be the best ‘Christmas-themed’ piece I’ve read.
    Geraint

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  8. Hi Leila,

    Brilliant as usual!!!

    I like the idea that Christmas is more about giving. However, as we get older, it becomes more about the loss of imagination, innocence, reliability, dependency, normality and expectations. What we are left with is a sceptical outlook and a mistrust of everything. (Maybe that’s just me??)

    Politicians will use every opportunity to their advantage. Let’s not kid ourselves, they enjoy the perceived ‘Family Christmas’ just as much as an disaster as a self-promoting opportunity.

    Why millionaire (At the very least) folks are ever voted as the voice of the people will forever confuse and DISGUST me. Those who think their vote matters are so naive. They should consider who they are voting for…All sides!!! (Brewster’s Millions – ‘None Of The Above’ springs to mind.)

    Yep, I agree, you should never need to think. Just lean forward, shake a hand and wish folks ‘All the best’ at this time of year…Apart from those wankers you’d happily kill!!

    I’m so looking forward to ‘Hellworld Week’.Every story is an absolute belter!!!

    Years back I loved the auld horror movies that were shown on Christmas night on BBC2 so I appreciate these with a wee add of nostalgia!!

    Cheers Leila for your kind words about my story ‘Magpie’. Your enthusiasm for my stories is overwhelming.

    Fang and Rags look like legends!! To be fair all animals are and everyone should realise what a gift they are. My favourite quote is ‘Please let me be half the man that my dog believes me to be.’ Now cats on the other-hand, that quote might go somewhere else!!!!

    Shane – Legend!!

    Kirsty still puts a tear in my eye when I think on her demise. And anyone reading this, here’s a bonus piece of music. The writer, Billy Bragg’s version is superb but there is something about this that I adore!

    You instigate so much comment Leila, it inspires!!!!

    Hugh

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  9. Hi Hugh

    Thank you for the video. Never seen that before. I know she made a lot of money when Tracy Ullman covered a song she wrote. Such a shame, nearly a quarter century gone. But hers was a noble death, which few ever get.

    I love the Dog quote. I wish I could find it, but I have a book of “rejected” cartoons for the New Yorker. In one there are two Dogs, and one is wearing a cone and appears to be frustrated–and he says to his pal “Dude, I need a huge favor.”

    The season all comes down to people minding their manners! As you say a handshake. Too many people walk about today who are never wrong. And I agree about politicians. They stand for nothing except getting elected in an effort to put their creepy paws on the money.

    I also want to eat all know that you chose most of the Hellworlders this week and did a damn fine job. Diane did the set up and image and I thank you both. They look great.

    Merry Christmas!

    Leila

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  10. A hugely belated Merry Christmas to you all and apologies for my AWOL-ness over the last month. A combination of seeing families, buying a house, sorting out several other things (all good things that is) have kept me away, but now will begin catching up over the next week.

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