Sunday Whoever

Another long time friend of the site has been bludgeoned into telling us his innermost secrets. Oh well, maybe not that but he’s answered our silly questions. Ladies and Gentlemen Mr James McEwan:

The Questions

– Could you write a story with purple or lilac as the main story line?

Yes. I envisage Lilac and Purple as adopted foundlings with translucent skin. They yearn to be normal and free from constant intrusive medical examinations since they have a unique form of colour blindness. They see the world through rose coloured lenses. How can they escape the media curiosity?   Written in purple prose.         

– Bubble baths…Why?

Not a cocktail I have tried.  If you mean the idea of wallowing in a soapy perfumed soup for hours on end while pretending to meditate, and dreaming of a Barbados beach. Not for me.

– Best decade for music?

For me the 1960’s was a period of musical awareness with some epic songs from the Beach Boys, Bob Dylan, James Brown and The Monkeys.  I was not keen on Elvis, he was more 1950s, but the variety of other artists in the 60s, too many to mention, began their career in this period.

– Best decade for films?

My first excursion to the cinema was in the 60’s to watch “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid”. I would say 1970’s was a great decade for films, I enjoyed “Star Wars”. However, the series went on too long.

– What is the point of a point?

ET had a good point. A point is a statement where everyone agrees, otherwise the conversation falters to a full stop.

– ‘The Exorcist’ – Hilarious or scary?

First showing, bloody scary. I wouldn’t watch it again as the subject is ridiculous.

– Would you ever try a cheese and jam sandwich?? (Any red jam!)

In my childhood days, a cheese sandwich was the main course Sunday lunch. The raspberry jam sandwich was pudding.

– Why?

To combine them would be frowned on.

– Red or White?

Red, German Dornfelder or a Cabernet Sauvignon.

Somehow, I can taste the sulphur in white – yuk!

– What does a bird in the hand really do? (If he answers shite on your wrist, I’ll be very disappointed!)

A bird in/on the hand is worth two in the bush. I’ll go into the bush anytime.

– Best song you have heard from 1986?

Holding Back the Years – Simply Red.

– Greatest 1970’s Movie

“One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”, and “The Godfather Pt1 and Pt11”

– Trump, what does that mean?

What toddlers do instead of farting.              

– What topic(s) would you not take on

Politics, war and animal cruelty.

– What in your opinion is the best line you’ve written?

Perhaps not the best! “A brisk walk in the Botanic Gardens before breakfast stimulates the mind for a good murder”.

– Would you write what you would consider shite for money?

Already write shite, if only it could grow monetary roses.

– Will you ever go Woke with your writing and use pronoun / non-descript characters and explore sensitive issues in an understanding and sensitive way?

Sensitive issues? Ideally, fiction is to provoke and entertain the readers. Woke and gender pronouns are self-centric and expressed through a perspective of intolerance by inflated egos, it is a personality issue. Yes, I could write a woke character, without judging. The reader can decide what they interpret, and never speak to me again.

– Type something surprising.

At the point of no return, regrets take priority over the approaching impact on the pavement.

– Do you see something different in a mirror that others don’t when they look at you?

A blue flashing light freaks me out.

– The future – Bleak or hopeful?

On personal viewpoint, the future is an opportunity of hopeful adventures. From a world perceptive all the roses are turning black. All is not well in the Shires.

– What would you like to like as you hate that you hate it?

An intelligent conversation with knowledgeable intellectuals.

– Records? Tapes? Or CDs?

I have some records, but no player. I prefer CDs for the higher quality over tapes.

-What genre you don’t write in would you like to try?

Westerns, this would need lots of research.

-Bonus question (worth double points): What percentage of their time do Dogs spend thinking about food?

A lot less time than their human owners do.

-Who was your English teacher and did she know about your writing ambitions. 

He was called…I can’t recall his name. He was the first person I knew who must have been a communist. He sat with his feet up smoking a pipe with awful tobacco. His favourite subject was “Great Balls of Fire”, which he discussed to flatter the girls. Us boys were ignored. Boys sat on the left, girls in the right. He had no interest in teaching, in my opinion.

-How long after you left school was it before you wrote anything aimed at publication.

Left school early 70s and tried writing in 85/86, then lost energy.

-If you have an idea for a story in the middle of the supermarket, what action do you take?

Buy a large box of chocolates.  For inspiration and energy.

-Do you find ideas come to you randomly or only when you sit down to write.

Ideas are random and disappear just as quickly.

-Have you ever been on a writing retreat and if so, how was it?

No, sounds stressful.

– What is the worst film version of a book that you’ve seen?

Silence of the Lambs.

– What invention has been the downfall of the 20 / 21st century?

Has the downfall occurred? I missed it. From the point of view of direct human relationships, the internet and social media contributes mostly to idiotic influences.

– How do you get kids to read?

My two-year-old grandson loves books. Reading together with children creates curiosity and interest.

– If you had no bottle opener, how would you open a beer?

Kock the bottle top on a sharp edge or get the barman to serve a draft pint on tap.

– What topic(s) would you not take on?

Cooking, and food. Why do people watch ‘Master Chef,’ and ‘Bake off’?

– How many friends and family ask how your writing is going?

Friends can be annoying, are they sincere or else mocking.

-Has anything you have written told you something about yourself you did not know (good or bad)?

How I enjoyed the old money, florins and half-crowns as well as the tiny farthings. I just miss the horrible old days.

Do you regret having a certain item published?

I published ‘The Listener’ and ‘The Case of the Mahjong Dragon’ too early. Both produced some excellent learning experiences about editing and publishing.

I followed up with a full novel, ‘MISSING’, in 2019 which sold well, although with not too many reviews. I regret not having a solid marketing plan. MISSING is available on Amazon and in book stores like Waterstones. I gifted copies to the library system and was rewarded with Public Lending Right payments. 

-Do you have a work that has been repeatedly rejected that still means a lot to you?

Everything.

– What is your motto?

Fiction Illuminates the Truth

– What is the thing that you genuinely don’t give a fuck about?

Myopic religions – all sorts

– What is the weirdest thing that you enjoy?

Crawling through the narrow eaves between the house roof and the attic. Installing telephone and antennae cable

– What song are you embarrassed to like?

‘Satellite’ by Lena Meyer-Landrut. Eurovision Song winner 2010

-Green or Black olives?

Green.

– Name a book that most rave about that you hate.

Virgin Soldiers by Leslie Thomas.

– Who was the least interesting Beatle?

George Harrison

– Name a story that you have read on this site that you wish you had written.

‘Killing Frost’, by Sharon Frame Gay.

– What can you never have enough of?

Provocative women and hilarious company.

– What food / drink makes you grue?

Scrambled cheese and egg. Once a nurse in hospital force fed me, she was evil. I was only four years old and waiting to have my tonsils removed. I escaped from the ward and was chased around outside. They caught me and put me in a caged bed and stole my puzzle books. (1959)

Cheap Tequila (Mixto)

– Why do we eat a bull and not a panda?

Because we don’t live in China.

– Families, a blessing or a curse?

If only drowning witches and warlocks was still legal.

– Sugar or salt?

Salt for seasoning, sugar with Bramley apples.

– Most overrated writer ever?

Who am I to judge.

– Would the slaughter of the British royal family generate more, or less income.

I have met Princes Anne and Timothy Laurence, lined up with others (rent a crowd). She said very little. Personally, I reject their assumed privileged life, but slaughter is akin to Russian communism. The loss of British Royal Family would devalue the reputation of the UK and generate less income. In my view.