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Week 494: Mendacity; Come Home Rutherford B. Hayes; Cool Stories to Beat the Heat; Health Tonics

ireneallison12

Mendacity and RBH

Ostriches do not stick their heads in the sand to avoid the Awful Truth. That mendacity has been around since Roman times and should be purged from the metaphor store. Only people behave that way, and when an animal does the same, you can rest assured that she/he is only mocking you.

There are all kinds of mendacities (yes, it is my word of the week) directed at critters by humans as a means of reinforcing our own prejudices. For instance, old time cartoons cast the Cat as a useless, murderous, treacherous villain, who always got foiled by a tiny cloyingly cute rodent or bird. “Yakky Doodle,” a green and yellow Duckling who speaks like Donald Duck huffing airplane glue, is the most ugsome of the lot–although it’s a tossup whether I’d rather see him or Tweety rotating first on the spit. We are supposed to root for the smaller creature even though they are highly irritating; thus Sylvester and Tom got the shitty end of the storyboard for decades. Only “Top Cat” portrayed Cats as the good guys–but they were also presented as lazy and shiftless. (Interesting word shiftless–we know what it means and yet never ask why a description for a car with an automatic transmission should also mean sneaky and slothful.)

I have a theory about the origin of the Feline mendacity in cartoons. One word: misogyny. I can hear the naysayers now–”Damn it, Leila, Tom and Sylvester are male cats.” Are they? Is that an established fact or something that got in like the Ostrich with the head in the sand? Regardless, I have always sensed that women used to be identified more with Cats and men with Dogs in the old days. Nearly all cartoons were made by men. Case closed. Tear down the statues and defund the goddam Rodents and Ducks.

The previous paragraphs are my rambling interpretation of the political climate in the United States. Maturity and civility are archaic terms in a society in which Daisy Duke shorts are considered “iconic.” Thus utterly ridiculous stances are taken and “political discourse” is like kids screaming “I’m rubber and you’re glue…” Social media can be unplugged by an electromagnetic pulse; stone casting runs deeper. It causes me to mutter strange ideas and make sudden segues of thought.

Regardless of context, I find myself longing for the gentle anonymity of Rutherford B. Hayes, who was the American president from 1877-81, before the world was held in color and motion. Although no one smiled and there was more untended hair than in a 1970’s porno, there’s a laudanum tranquility in the faces captured by the portrait painters and photographers of the era.

There are no memorable Rutherford B. Hayes quotes to guide or annoy us, and he kept such a low profile that I doubt he has many statues to knock the noses from; I cannot see his memory stirring much passion up or down (although he was a poor president he was a staunch abolitionist and stepped down after one term, thus keeping a campaign promise). It takes rare talent to rise to the top and cast no impression at all. RBH proves you can run for president without making a lot of noise.

Here I must profess admiration for the UK political system, even if it is just as unruly. Except for Nixon, only death will rid us of a president prior to the minimum term of four years. Yet PM Truss was gone faster than the Johnnie Walker Blue at a Christmas party free bar; and she got in after the other guy “with the hair” quit. In some jobs rapid turnover is not necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes the Awful Truth is wise.

And with that in mind I can hear the Awful Truth say “Never blame the reader for disliking the book; never blame the voter for electing a fool; never falsely accuse an animal of human mendacity.”

As Walt Kelly’s “Pogo” once said: “We have met the enemy and he is us.” (For the record, Pogo was an Opossum who favored striped shirts.)

The Major Lift

We presented five great new things to read, for those of you reluctant to leave the AC. And we have a cool oddity, a second writer who is appearing for the second time with his first site story. Yes, time travel paradoxes are now available to examine on our site.

Wanying Zhang debuted on Monday with Project Nuwa. I await the day when humankind creates a Supreme Being to hug and squeeze and get smoted by (according to my machine, and possibly the rest of the human race, there’s no such word as “smoted.” Well it’s my post and I’ll be ignorant if I wanna). This tale is both imaginative and well thought out and presents disconcerting questions about belief and consciousness, and the wisdom of showing a Goddess an AI model of herself.

Sarah Macallister released the Birds on Tuesday. The irrepressible wit and charm of this piece are first rate. Everyone involved with “Uncle Neil” thought that there was something wrong with him. Little did they know it was the other way around.

Wednesday featured a different take on the feathered lot with The Universal Absorbent by Phoebe Reeves. It is a simple tale in which people are taught that the main cause of rottenness and evil is found in the mirror; and kindness is an honest action by people who do not call a press conference to further their “brand.”

On Thursday Terry Sanville showed us how Cold things can get in his tense CMT story. I was fooled by the ending, which is always satisfying when the denouement is honest, as it played out in this one. Excellent entertainment.

The Old Guitarist by Dale Williams Barrigar–who has rapidly become a tremendous source of encouragement for the writers on the site, is a beautiful piece of observation that forms a picture and tells a story. You sense that the MC is a true artist who will not let money ruin his music, therefore he is true to his art. The story has the same name as a fine Picasso–which I, coincidentally, have had a copy of on my wall for ages. Dale nailed the soul of that image and much more.

The time travel involves Dale contributing excellent work to the Sunday features; a piece centered on Bob Dylan preceded the Guitarist, and he has more to come! (Thurman Hart is the other writer who did the same–maybe a possibility for you to explore).

So let’s hear it for our contributors loud and clear as to encourage them to return to our stage. Also, let’s apologize to Ostriches and Cats for the mendacity–and beseech the Ghost of Rutherford B. Hayes to reconsider a political comeback of historic significance.

The No Minors Allowed Fall

August, in my opinion, is the dirtiest month. Around here (in the perennially dangerous Pacific Northwest, the breeding ground of serial killers and rich tech dorks), the sky gets scuzzy with burning forests, you can hear the disquieting, dusty click of Scotch broom pods, Yellow Jackets are everywhere and the stores are stocking the shelves with Halloween candy–to make room in back for the new Christmas swag which will begin to seep in, bit by bit, on the first day of fall. It would all be too much if not for certain beverages that can make life tolerable. Here’s my list of summer-ades (plus a little song), please add your own.

  • The Mai Thai
  • Jack and Coke and Jack solo when the soda gets in the way
  • Cold beer starting as soon as possible
  • Guinness ice cream sundae (for calcium and healthy bones)
  • Martinis (for vegetables)
  • Watermelon injected with two fifths of Smirnoff
  • Jager for the children’s table
  • The Flaming Moe
  • Daiquiri party (usually time to end when all that’s left to mulch are potatoes)
  • Open

Leila

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Published by ireneallison12

21 thoughts on “Week 494: Mendacity; Come Home Rutherford B. Hayes; Cool Stories to Beat the Heat; Health Tonics”

  1. Loved your weekend essay, Leila, as usual, but you missed the boat on RBH; his was a corrupt bargain, just the way that Nixon’s ascension to the throne was fostered by influencing N. Vietnam to NOT settle for peace in the runup to the 1968 election. In exchange for Hayes getting the nod as the chief executive, he agreed to end Reconstruction and thus introduce Jim Crow. He was a nasty piece of work. Regarding the potent potables, I espouse only cold, cold beer, and lots of us. The Breakfast of Champions, to quote Wheaties and Kurt Vonnegut. And Baby, my mean little cat, tells me you’re right: in the public eye, ALL cats are female..

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    1. Thank you Bill
      I think you have to look hard for a 19th century politician who was not corrupt. Saint Abe had one of the most ineffective before him and perhaps the most hated (back then) by Congress after him.
      William Henry Harrison is a better choice! He had the decency to die from typhoid one month into the job.
      Say hello to the Cat.
      Thank you!
      Leila

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  2. Dear Leila,
    As always, thanks so much for your wisdom, irony, and understanding. And the way you use words is James-Joycean, and Shakespearean: a re-readable joy, worthy of studying. You can write like Virginia Woolf. Or better.
    As for beverages, an old favorite of mine used to be any kind of tequila: poured down the throat straight without chaser. Repeat over and over again until the stories you’re telling blur into a single irrepressible narrative highly amusing to yourself if no one else in the bar. As Mark Twain said to a critical reader of his manuscript while writing “Huck Finn”: “I will like it, whether anybody else does or not.” Thanks again!
    Sincerely,
    Dale

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    1. Hi Dale
      Thank you thank you! You reminded me of the Tequila sunrise which opened many eyes in the 70’s.
      Poor Virginia wrote the most eloquent suicide note. Must be hell to know something is wrong, but cannot be fixed.
      Thank you again!
      Leila

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      1. Leila,

        You are as usual exactly right. Virginia’s suicide note has got to be one of the most gracious and grateful suicide notes ever penned. Her novel “Orlando” is also a much-overlooked masterpiece. Pure genius in almost every word (as is her essay-fiction about Shakespeare’s twin sister). (She also wrote about how most “witches” from past centuries were most likely misunderstood, unpublished novelists and poets at heart.) And she died in water, which she loved, returning herself to the sea, so to speak. I’m not an advocate of suicide by any means, but if you’re gonna do it, she definitely got it right. While she lived, she was amazing in every way, even during psychotic depressions. Also important to note that almost all her best work was self-published. Thanks again!!

        Dale

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  3. Entertaining post and good recap. Happy to be reminded of Top Cat. I fear that if Rutherford B. Hayes’ legacy somehow rose to prominence today, someone somewhere would knock the nose off his statue.

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    1. David
      Yes Top Cat was a favorite of mine.
      The Vatican engaged in Cadaver Synod centuries ago. Dug up a dead Pope and placed him in a courtroom. So, I guess statue wrecking is evolved in comparison to something.
      Thank you!
      Leila

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  4. Another entertaining Saturday posts and I think the cats will thank you for your insight. I don’t know about Presidents we have enough trouble with Prime Ministers one after the other, after the other, after the other let us down and screw the country and then scuttle away sniggering to sit in the Lords with a guaranteed income forever and book deals and such like as icing.

    As for the drinks – I like champagne – shoot me, I will make do most days with fizzy white because I have no class but the real stuff is a delight. I like beer of course and sherry in the winter. A sherry shandy is a thing that surprises with it’s anaesthetic qualities. When I was a youngster I used to drink port and cider. I don’t now!

    Thank you for this. Diane

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    2. Local to Porkland Origami – Wildroot distillery which make flavored vodkas, our fave is peach. We are big in craft beers – Black Butte Porter from Bend OR, many McMennamins, Terminator Stout is our fave. Local Pinot Noirs, and the old man whine Pinot Moir.

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  5. Leila,

    Lovely essay with dubious advice I will definitely take.

    Re. Summer Drinks & Health Tonics: here’s a trick my cousin and I dreamed up at a family party when we were 13. Poured ourselves beers from the keg, plopped in scoops of ice cream, then got blind drunk quite publicly. Our parents blamed “too many ice cream sodas.” The perfect crime — the ice cream provided both cover for our sins and took the blame for our deceits.

    There is a lesson there somewhere. Probably. Maybe.

    Gerry

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  6. Hi Leila,

    Maybe the word ‘Shiftless’ came from here. We use the word shift for ‘move’ As in, if someone was sitting on your chair you would say ‘Shift!!’ It’s a wee bit aggressive.

    I’ve mentioned this a few times but a good line should always be repeated.

    I think it was Frankie Boyle who said about dogs – If they can’t eat it or shag it, they piss on it.

    And the brilliant character of ‘Amy’ in ‘The Big Bang’ stated, ‘I love cats, they are the epitome of indifference.

    The main difference between Truss and the others is that Truss was a short term disaster, the rest were a lot longer.

    I loved ‘The Flaming Mo’ episode. Homer creating was inspired. Mmmmm, (See what I did there!) maybe he shouldn’t have said, ‘Fire made it good’ as that would lower the alcohol. I think it should have been ‘Cough syrup made it good.’ But that would have fucked up the title and the whole premise!!

    And to add to the drinks (I’ve also mentioned these) – Whisky Mac (Fir whit ails ye), Rusty Nail (Back to Homer – Honey made it good!!) and a Brandy and Babycham which makes twats question a man’s sexuality!!

    Great post as always and you always initiate so many great comments!

    Hugh

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    1. Hello Hugh
      Yes Cats are indeed the epitome of indifference! I think that Moe also invented the Forget Me Not thing for Homer, but ironically, I can’t recall it at the moment. I remember Homer thinking that Marge and Duff Man were cheating.
      The explanation for shiftless makes sense. I’ve never understood why people say it
      Thank you!
      Leila

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      2. Hi Doug
        So stick drivers are shifty and the rest are shiftless. Seems to be no flattering use of the word.
        Another S-word, now in vogue, but makes little sense literally is “sketchy.” If you think something/one is dubious or dangerous from one look I say they are well limned.

        Thank you and may you both enjoy the vodka. Loud thunder tonight; a bit rare.
        Leila

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