Television, in my humble opinion, is the form of storytelling that has changed most from what it was fifty years ago. Films already featured grittier affairs with Bonnie and Clyde, The Godfather and The French Connection. Hair was often played in the nude on Broadway, and books had long since broken taboos. But TV (at least American, but I imagine elsewhere) was drastically different in 1974.
This was due more to there being only three main network channels in the United States than anything else. Oh, there were the “Good Seal” codes and such, but the instant cable came along, and special effects got cheaper via computerization, it wasn’t long until big time foul language, realistic violence and faked sex made Showtime and HBO big hits. The first person I ever heard say “fuck” and “motherfucker” on TV was Richard Pryor–in fact he must have said every dirty word possible in ninety minutes–a friend had HBO and a live performance of his was aired (incidentally, he was very funny and the cursing was never the punchline).
Network TV pretended to be family friendly, but it has always been much more money friendly. Yet the rules were silly. Violence was fine, without gore, but husbands and wives slept in twin beds well into the 1960’s. It was so repressed that when a toilet was actually heard flushing on All in the Family in 1971 (the year network television began to grow up, slowly), the laughter was sustained for at least thirty seconds.
But to be fair, network seasons ran apace with the school year. Sitcoms had as many as thirty-six episodes to produce and the hour long programs were not that far behind them. They had to do stuff on the fly, and along with content prohibitions they did not have the luxury of “crafting” thirteen episodes, as we see today. This led to many basic storylines and plot contrivances making the rounds, especially in detective shows of the seventies, of which there were a zillion on the three channels.
One storyline I saw way too often on programs such as Cannon and Barnaby Jones involved the plot from the Spencer Tracy film “Bad Day at Black Rock.” Basically the PI would arrive alone in a small, secretive town to find the truth about the death of a pal who died in the town under unusual circumstances.
The townsfolk are mean and act guilty as hell. The so-called law and order is a murderous, corrupt sheriff usually played by Claude Akins. Bullies try to intimidate the hero, but to no avail. Even ol’ Barnaby ain’t afraid of no bully. They won’t even serve the hero fresh pie in the cafe. But one of the townsfolk is a good person who aids the detective. The truth comes out in the last five minutes as the State Police come in. There must have been fifty versions of this story between 1955 and 1980.
There were other common plots: You had the “so and so’s license is on the line” episode; the “framed for murder, and is on the run to prove his innocence” episode, etcetera etcetera. If it was used in a sleuth film of yore you’d eventually see it on McMillan and Wife.
Yet there was something comforting about old TV–although it was a product not much different in purpose than a Hostess Twinkee. It made you feel secure to know that despite it all, Perry Mason would win, Columbo would outfox someone who was a B film lead in the 40’s and that despite the action, husky William Conrad would not drop dead on camera. Life was as easy as shooting a bad guy in the trigger hand. (Tidy too, being that there’s never any blood.)
Late night retro television is as nostalgic as drinking highballs and smoking in a bar as dark as underwater. But every fifteen minutes the spell is broken by an incontinence ad, which causes you to think about death. The programming doesn’t help much in that situation because it is extremely rare to see a then middle aged or greater actor who’s still alive today.
(Very much alive Bill Shatner guested on all these shows–along with the late Whit Bisslell; Captain Kirk and Barnaby’s Lee Meriwether are often the only living links to those days of phone booths and courtesy matchbooks.)
Hemingway, I think, wrote “all true stories end with death.” I disagree. I say “All true stories end with adult diapers.” Regardless of the Awful Truth it is encouraging to see since stilled faces keeping on half a century later. It gives people a strange immortality, regardless of the underwhelming writing.
Still, the poor abused writers shouldn’t take the blame. It was the producer who told them what to write. There’s a lesson there: if you write something you hate for short term profit it might make someone’s face turn sour in 2074.
Segue Time
This is another six pack week beginning with, once again, a welcomed turn by Tom Sheehan (who was already publishing for twenty years before the seventies). Swan River Daisy was rerun and it is one of Tom’s earliest site contributions (of which he now totals 222). He weaves words and you get a sense that his effortlessness is the result of endless revisions.
Astonishingly, Tom is over eighty years older than Monday’s author, Mason Koa, who made his second site appearance. Dissecting Angels is brilliant and makes me a little bit jealous of Mason. There’s a level of wit and humour here that one shouldn’t expect from a teen–but there it is. It’s good to see hope for the future.
Remember Veera Laitinen? You should, Veera made her site debut last week and was already back for a second with Solar Storm 2012 on Tuesday. It takes the right touch to get this familiar topic over, and Veera has it. Like Mason, we hope to see her third soon.
Sexual obsession and all its creepy minions appeared Wednesday. Always Winona by Hannah Richardson is brilliantly laid out with an outstanding reveal toward the end. Told from the POV of the obsessed, a tremendous sense of foreboding climbs to the finish.
A bit of delightful whimsy stole Thursday. Carrot Season by newcomer Alex Maciockay is a winning piece that shows no matter how absurd the mission, it is the tale of the journey that will always carry the day.
JD Clapp returned with Patsy’s Last Gig to close the week. The world JD creates is immersive and you root for the MC even though you know he is as unfairly considered as washed up as the era of smoky lounges and Jazz clubs on the strip. A requiem for a past that really shouldn’t have died alone.
There they are, six winners. And if you would like the taste of victory, we recommend that you write a feature about a book or an author that you are fond of. Unless you really botch it up, odds are that it will land well. (Please include a Spoiler Alert if you tell the denouement–fancy word of the week–for persons who have yet to read your selection.)
Archeological MeTV
I close this latest site dig with a list of “comfort shows” that usually ended with a chipper little get-together of the main cast–no matter how much death and pain went on for the previous hour (actually forty-three minutes). Please add your own–UK shows and all are welcome. (Also happy 55th birthday to all the first stuff the fellas left on the Moon!)
1.) Star Trek (I must figure out how many times an episode wrapped with the McCoy being whimsically slighted by Mr. Ears)
2.) Barnaby Jones
3.) Cannon (usually involved good food and wine)
4.) Mannix (in a surprisingly good mood after all the gunshot wounds and skull fractures)
5.) Perry Mason (it’s interesting to wonder who got burlier over the nine years, Raymond Burr or William Hopper)
6.) Hawaii Five-O (not always chipper, but nine times in ten you’d hear “Book ‘em Dan-O.” I recall thinking that just once it would be cool for Dan-O to ask McGarret if his fucking arms were painted on or what.
7.) The Waltons (For some reason I really doubt that “Goodnight, Hugh.” “Goodnight, Gramma,” were heard at the end of the day in the Cron household of yore.
8.) Highway Patrol–Broderick Crawford took all the killing he did as seriously as some people choose between fries and onion rings for lunch. Ten-four.
9.) Dragnet (1967-70 version)–The most under-rated unintentional sitcom ever. I’d list the moments, but if unfamiliar, you ought to check it out on YouTube. My favorite laugh riot featured “Mr. Daniel Loomis.” (I will add a clip at the end, which we have arrived at, now that I think of it.)
- I leave it to you
literally stories 
Hmmm, WordPress considers three pulled posts a good match for this one. Passive Aggressive is the cornerstone of WP.
Leila
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Well WP explain yourself!?
This was a really fun post. We were the last in our street and the last in my class at school to have a television. My dad didn’t want to have one because he said reading and conversation were better. He probably had a point but it was an inexorable flood and we were all taken over eventually. We used to go to my gran’s on a Sunday for Sunday lunch (dinner at midday really because we were from Yorkshire) and then we would have a bath. Her bath was in the kitchen under a folding work top we didn’t have hot running water at home so it was the tub in front of the fire (don’t knock it until you’ve tried it) or the public baths – ‘More hot in number four please!” . After the bath we would be allowed to watch Champion the Wonder Horse – fast as an arrow shooting from a bow!
Of course later we had the American detective series and seeing them all named now was really nostalgic and actually rather lovely. I used to lie on the floor on a Friday night watching Doctor Kildare – madly in love with Richard Chamberlain. I think the first English police thing was Dixon of Dock Green – ‘Evenin’ all’. Maybe it was less exciting and less gory but we were enthralled, weren’t we? Super post – gave me quite the stroll down the memory channel. thank you – Diane
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Thank you Diane
I remember Kildare. Richard Chamberlain was certainly pretty–I recall him in The Thorn Birds as well.
The success Kildare brought a swarm of medical shows including Ben Casey. Your Dad was probably right, but it was an uphill battle the way the medium took over.
Thanks again!
Leila
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Excellent post. I loved the walk down Nostalgia Lane. To the list I’d add Gunsmoke, Have Gun Will Travel, Green Acres … so many!
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Hello David
Oh yes the West thrived back then. I love the opening theme to The Virginian. Green Acres had the best sitcom song.
Thank you!
Leila
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Great post!
The only US series I remember from the 1950s in the UK is Perry Mason. There was always a bit of business at the end, back at the office, between Perry, his secretary (Della, strange name I thought) and his private eye (Paul, strange hair). Della would say: ‘What I don’t understand, Perry, is how you knew that the murder was really…’
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Hi Mick
You got that right! For some reason she would always ask something she probably should have already known. Either her or “Paul.” Or once in a while the person he had won the acquittal for. That show was all formula, but it was successful. Thank you!
Leila
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Hi Leila,
Your Saturday Postings are as complex as your stories.
All you need to do is look at the comments and you will see what you have instigated. That shows talent, perception and understanding!!
‘Bad Day At Black Rock’ is a film that blew me away when I first saw it. The simplicity but complexity was something that I hadn’t realised before. (HAH! Then I read your stories!!!!)
You mentioned common plots and I have to throw in the cop shows, ‘I’ll give you twenty four hours’!!
Adverts are the devil’s vomit. I promise myself that I will punch anyone I ever meet who states they are in TV advertising.
‘Goodnight Hugh’ would be met with, ‘Fuck off! I’ve seen your ponytail in ‘It’!!’
Dragnet – Well I’m sure you know that I hate Tom Hanks but I’ve done the ‘Goat Dance’ that was in the film with Dan Arkroyd more times than is healthy – Especially at weddings – And funerals – But I didn’t like my Granny.
Comfort TV, well I watch over and over (When I’m eight haufs in) ‘The Scotts’, ‘Two Doors Down’, ‘Still Game’, ‘Nesbitt’, ‘Only Fools..’, ‘The Big Bang’, and ‘Police Squad’. (The episode where Drebon does a turn and he is compared to Sinatra and all the greats is hysterical!!!!!’)
Excellent Leila, you involve who reads and you tweak their interest!!!!
Hugh
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Thank you Hugh
Oh I would love to see that Goat dance! Ackroyd is hell funny, I don’t understand why he is obscure nowadays.
The Police Squad series needed to be left on longer–but it did result in the successful movie series. It shows how dumb network execs were and probably still are.
Thanks again!
Leila
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Dear Leila,
It’s comforting to think that there may be a form of eternal consequences for lame, sell-out writing, like the sour expressions of 2074. Thanks for much sparkling wit and intuitive understanding of story-telling methods in the big picture and on the small screen, as well as in the more literary modes of James Joyce, Herman Melville, Flannery O’Connor, Williams S. Burroughs (etc.). I also frequently like to remind myself that most of Shakespeare’s plays contain endless, absurd amounts of sword fighting and other hijinks, as played on the boards over the centuries. A huge reason why it’s probably more interesting to read his works these days instead. Thanks again!
Dale
PS,
For me, John Belushi is one of the most lasting things about ’70s TV, hands down and for sure. Also: The Johnny Cash Show.
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Thank you Dale
I once read a Vonnegut opinion on how to write a story. He showed the common models we see over and again then compared them to Hamlet, which simply tells the truth. Now of course you can often see Hamlet and Richard III as templates for modern works. Well if you’re gonna “borrow” go to the best.
Thank you again and I too fondly recalled the Cash Show and his eclectic guests from folk, country and rock. I also remember the Glen Campbell Goodtime Hour and Heehaw was all right because of the high end Buckaroos and guests. But the humor was even too dumb for the nine-year-old I was.
Thank you again!
Leila
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Leila,
I used to watch “Hee Haw” with my grandfather in Detroit (his choice). I too was often, or mostly, left scratching my head about the so-called humor. Thanks!
Dale
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Old person here. Radio my mother listened to during my youth. Inner Sanctum (horror?), some FBI story, Ma Perkins, The Shadow (Orson Wells), Fibber McGee and Molly, something about a woman from a small mining town in Colorado, Gunsmoke starring Cannon, Arthur Godfrey, Jack Benny.
Possible most famous Portland guy, Mel Blanc was on Benny as well as a zillion cartoon credits.
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Hi Doug
Thank you. I know a bit about radio, and ol William “Cannon” Conrad had a perfect voice for it. I believe he was the voice of Matt Dillon on the radio, among others.
Thank you!
Leila
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You’ve already mentioned many times my all-time favorite show, Perry Mason which, incidentally, play exactly the way the 80 or 90 Erle Stanley Gardner travels read. Some of my favorites from my youth were Saturday morning shows, like Sky King, The Real McCoys (with Walter Brennan), The Adventures of Zorro, Cheyenne, Sugarfoot, Roy Rogers & Dale Evans, and Super Car. And don’t forget Dr. Who. bill
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Hi Bill
Thank you! I remember Walter in The Guns of Will Sonnet and I believe he won something like three or four Oscars. I also recall Perry coming back in the 80’s with Della, while, sadly Collins, Hopper and Talman had gone to that great arraignment in the sky.
Thank you!
Leila
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“Okay, Mom, ya gotta remember, it’s one woof for no, and two barks for yes.”
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Hi Marco
Ha! That girl in the clip is no one other than Jill “Spider Baby” Banner, who was one of Marlon Brando’s girlfriends. Doubt they met at acting class.
Thank you!
Leila
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Very interesting how TV has changed and when I was a kid there were just 3 channels and none of them worked after midnight. The funny thing is I was thinking on this because I’m currently back in the UK and have been in hotels channel surfing. Just last night a couple of channels apart were The Godfather (which I should have watched) and dating show called Naked Attraction (which I really, really should not have watched). Naked Attraction is basically Blind Date based on nudity – the person looking for a match has possible dates revealed by an upwards sliding panel, revealing first the bottom half, then the whole body with head covered, then the head, and throughout all this penises, vaginas, body bits in general are discussed and none of the suitors gets to speak until the end. It’s woeful, and like a car crash, hard to look away from. I promise when I switch on the TV later, I stick with whatever 70s stuff I find.
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Hi Paul
Sometimes when I see what we do with our “advanced” ideas, I wonder how this species is able to go forward. I believe there is a show like that on MTV. I forgot to mention that MTV has sucked for at least twenty years–and I don’t believe I ever watched much else than MTV in the 80’s.
Even though I have much of the Godfather memorized, it never lets you down.
Thank you!
Leila
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