Week 464: Happily Never After and Antisocial People Have Feelings Too

Happily Never After

I cannot help but knock feel good fiction. It reminds me of Heaven, which no one has ever described to my satisfaction. From what I have seen, Heaven looks like an eternal installment of Songs of Praise (I thought the USA had a monopoly in the department of hokey religious programming, but the UK has once again exposed my ignorance).

The three major categories of feel good fiction are Christmas, Disney and Romance. And even though the plots are always the same, when done correctly, there is a great deal of money to be found in the feel good industry. Especially when translated from the page to film.

The unalloyed avarice and cynicism of the business makes me take a swing at it every chance I get. The practitioners of this sort of “story telling” are low serpents that spit Velveeta and molt from one slimy skin to the next.

For instance, Christmas “lesson” films rely on sentimentality over logic. I often entertain myself imagining what happened, later on, in It’s a Wonderful Life‘s Bedford Falls, on a wet January Tuesday, when a barfly at Martini’s, who’s a little short, says “I sure wish I hadn’t given my money to that asshole George Bailey.”

And Disney is even easier to “re-evaluate.”

See, it seems to me that Snow White and Cinderella married the same dude. I can envision Prince Charming lying low in the trailer park with his two wives and those Seven weirdos he can’t shake. The ostracized Prince plans a comeback as soon as the unwholesome publicity of his bigamy scandal (which included two ladies whose combined age stood below thirty) blows over. He keeps boasting that someday he will be King Charming and everything will be happy ever after–like the girls ain’t heard that one before.

Little does he know that Cindy and Snow fell in love during a night of endless wine and to the mad music of a Goat-footed pan-flutist. Nor has the royal acknowledged that all the children in this mixed marriage are unnaturally short and feature one dominant personality trait each.

Then you have Hollywood romance films. The Happy Ever Aftermostiest nonsense ever concocted, and yet it continues to sell. “Forever” is an awfully long time to spend together. And although I cannot prove it, I think that traveling toward eternity attached to someone like Adam Sandler or the demanding “J-Lo” would be like a reverse mortgage in Hell; damnation before the fact of one’s demise.

I was once inspired by fiction, but for me its staying power was nothing against the jerks in real life. The wistful sentiment “Everytime a bell rings means an Angel has got her wings” dies instantly when some son of a bitch cuts me off on the highway.

Intentionally inspiring fiction fails for the same reason designed humour usually sinks. It is self conscious and that ruins the timing. Actions that show strength and wit in a story are inspiring. In The Scarlet Letter, Hester and Reverend Dimsdale stand on the pillory, late at night, when the village is sleeping, with their “love child” daughter, Pearl. Though a child Pearl asks her secret father to stand on the pillory by her in the daytime to the expected non-result. I find that special and have never forgotten it. Pearl understood the fallacy of happiness unrelenting.

Ain’t much happy before, during or after to find in blundering segues; but at least this one ends in a good place. This week we had another run of good stories that were the results of honest inspiration.

The Week of Inspiration

This week we have the return of the only person who can claim appearing in wraps every year since we began in 2014, a fellow riding a hot streak, a second appearance and two first time contributors. No matter the specifics each writer has avoided the pitfalls of the once upon a time sales pitch.

Only our own Hugh Cron has appeared every year since 2014 (Tom Sheehan, Fred Foote and yours truly came on board a year later). Hugh excels at creating, well, “challenged” men who are often frightful, but always interesting and funny in their own twisted sorts of ways. Although this fella is gentle and dapper, I can see all the guys in Hugh’s titles, such as Monday’s Ian getting together in the same pub and fomenting a rebellion of some kind. Against what? It won’t matter!

Michael Bloor continued an extremely creative period this Tuesday with Searching For Unicorns. The voice of the story itself is absolutely pitch perfect and could have so easily gone wrong.

The Little Red Who Survived by newcomer Aleks McHugh shows that survival doesn’t necessarily mean a happy ending. If the victim is to fully recover she will have to defeat an endless procession of hells that want nothing more than to destroy her.

Hartshead Moor Services-Westbound is Matthew Roy Davey‘s second Site appearance. It brings back the memory of a terrible historical event. People are usually in a hurry to bury memories that cannot be resolved; thus “ancient history” keeps showing up on the step at unexpected moments. It also underscores the helpless reaction of a witness to the event, which has burdened him for years.

Laura Shell closed the week with her fanciful Swirls. It is also Laura’s first LS appearance, and it is indeed as magical as the MC who delights in her new, special powers. Still, the MC is somewhat of a sociopath, but a charming one at least.

I now beat the drum. I want to encourage all in their writing, but not to the point of being stingy with their praise of other writers. Sometimes I get the impression that we tend to view one another as “the competition.” That may very well be true, yet why let mindless evolution get in the way of good manners?

Nerve Getter On-ers

It is a strange and fickle world in which both our objects of affection and disdain do not forever make us swoon or cringe. Quite often what we like today will be detested tomorrow and what we currently loathe will experience a rise in esteem. Still, for me, there are certain personalities in life that I find “challenging.” These are not at all universal, but they certainly apply to yours truly. Please add your own to the list, if so inclined.

Overkind Drivers: This is the person who has time to turn thrice yet insists on waiting until you cross the street. I try my best to be an anonymous pedestrian, but this waiting on me makes me feel conspicuous and grates my nerves.

This is also the person you meet at a four way stop when you are driving and waves you to go first when she has the right of way. After so much hand signalling to the contrary you give up and go, but discover that the Overkind Driver has changed her mind. (Results range from abrupt braking and exchange of obscene gestures to the cops and exchange of insurance information.)

Chatty Clerks: There is a friendly clerk at a local store who is either always high on life or something that comes to him via slouchy shape in the dark. This guy is never low and every time I see him, I (a more than slightly moody person) regret that he is the only checker working. It’s not his cheer I object to as much as his need to make comments on my purchases “Wow, I bet the fur-babies love you.” You can also count on a very long wait when there are similarly inclined chatty customers ahead of you in line.

Skinny Minnie “friends” who order incredibly healthy vegan stuff and make you look like a Pig in public. When I go out to eat, I expect plenty of calories for the dollar. But inevitably I will be with a friend on a health kick. One friend (who shall go nameless but it rhymes with “Bennifer”), will order a goddam garden of somehow Woke foods, while nearly everything on my plate can be traced back to livestock and grease. She gets a little superior sneer on her face when the stuff arrives. I don’t let it bother me. I will dig into my spare ribs and ask, “How’s that yummy radish?”

Too Good to Be Truers–nice Churchy folk that you don’t swear or act like yourself around. Gotta manager at work who’s all Debbie Boone and s’mores on a Saturday night. All that politeness and language watching is hard on my gizzard.

Chicken-Eyed Non-Smokers–Only a tiny percentage of non-smokers are of the Chicken-eyed variety. But they are attracted to me and feel it their duty to share their opinion on my vice when I am engaged in it out of doors.

Chicken-Eyed non-smoker: “Hey, you’ll live longer if you quit.”

Me (smiling through my blue haze) “Right?”

And now some inspiration!

Leila