“Don’t Worry, We Got You” by Adam Kluger

Billy Marston felt like a toy slinky walking down the stairs. Gaining momentum on his way to an inevitable crash.

Billy was a spectacle.

His family and friends worried about him. He was so close yet so far. Smart but stupid. Funny but not haha funny. He didn’t know how to do the simplest things and he felt that history would not be kind.

His family would call him a kind soul without the stomach for success. A loser. His friends would recall humorous tales. But Billy had lost his way. He knew what he was doing when he did it but didn’t know what to do with himself when he wasn’t.

He felt his tired act was wearing on his most ardent supporters and only the folks who wanted something from him would text him without relent. Like the bill collectors. He had no defining talent and he questioned his courage and grit.

He woke up at night in a pool of sweat and to the sound of buses outside his window. They would hummm and rumble as Billy looked out the window and wondered why it had gotten so dark so quickly. Billy didn’t understand daylight savings or how to program his cellphone or how to manage his bills and business. He was vulnerable and his fight to survive seemed not to matter to anybody. That’s when he decided that it was time to return home. It was time. Earth just wasn’t working out so great so he slipped out of his human suit and jumped in the shower as the cold water pelted his skeletal body washing off the gelatinous goop that quickly stopped up the shower drain. No big deal. I’m not going to be in this shitty rundown apartment much longer.

The night ride to the Moons of Moople wasn’t for a while. Billy still had some time before he blew this fucking popsicle stand. He never really could relate to any of his circle of human friends and family- they were obsessed with vapid, untalented reality stars on TV and wars and something called money that a few people had and something that everybody else was after.

“Glipernada dentromalama tricodomdum” a coded message that was registering in his cerebral receptors letting him know that his re-uptake to the universe was set for the following Earth day.

Ring ring Rinnnnng!

“Hello?”

“Hello is this mister Billy Marston.”

“This is he.”

“This is Spectrum client services. We wanted to discuss a matter of an overdue cable bill.”

“Yes, how can I help you?”

“Would you like to pay your current balance or your total balance?

“What’s the difference?”

“About 249 dollars”

Billy could visualize the bill collector’s physiognomy. A neat extraterrestrial parlor trick.

“Hey listen pal- I’m not going to be able to pay that right now. I’m about to head out of town on a long vacation. A leave of absence if you will”

“Did you want to pay your current balance then?”

“No my friend… such matters no longer concern me for I am going back to a place where I will be a monster roaming the galaxy —hopping from planet to planet in search of – I don’t know – something.”

“Would you like to speak with our Billings department and explain your situation-perhaps work out a payment plan?”

“You don’t understand — I’m out of here. I’m done. I can’t find what I’m searching for here.”

“There are all sorts of cable packages for you and your entire family – Netflix, HBO Max and Hulu.”

“I’m going to hang up now but please know that climate change is real.” 

“Yes sir, Mr. Marston have a good night.”

Billy tossed the phone against the wall with inhuman strength that sprayed bits of plastic and colored wires across the wood paneled floor in a small galaxy of broken parts.

Well, might as well rub one last one out before assuming a gaseous state of being —set free —to explore.

But who?

Who would Billy think about.

Fantasize over. His last earthly explosion. Pearlescent fluid. Filled with the seed to life. Actress Jenna Ortega is pretty hot these days— she does that trippy Wednesday Adams dance trend on TikTok. Nah. Miley Cyrus? Nah. Dua Lipa? Hmmm. There you go!

Ring Ring Rinnng (iPhone).

“Hello”

“Hello Mr. Marston just providing a courtesy sales call to see if you are happy with your life insurance”

“You know – that’s a very personal question. Good night.”

“Click”

Back to the topic at hand. Using his hand one last time. As Billy looked at his arm and hand he was able to visualize the blue blood and colored veins and he felt the body electric.

The deed done. It was time for a snack before the night flight.

His table in the kitchen was awash in fluorescent light with strange figures in weird uniforms moving about in slow motion. Suddenly he felt nauseous and not hungry. The area around Billy started vibrating and emitting strange sounds and bright colored lights. It was the strangest feeling ever.

“He’s coming to.”

“Yeah, his eyelids are fluttering”

“Mr. Marston can you hear me”

Dazedly, Billy replied, ”yes… is this the night flight?”

“You passed out on the Reservoir path”

“Huh?”

“Don’t worry, we got you.”

Adam Kluger

Image: Pixabay.com