Short Fiction

Week 223 – First Words, Useful Tips And Ruining Lives

Here we are at Week 223.

Another seven days have came and went.

I read this week that a kid’s first word was ‘Alexa’ – The parents were so proud and thought it was a bit of a laugh. I think it’s sad.

Alexa can’t handle a Scottish accent so fuck knows how it would cope with baby-speak. I hate kids with a passion and I really do hate those hip new-born parents, who think that they have done the world a favour by drowning it in their offspring. Any parent who uses phrases such as ‘fluid’, ‘non-gender’, ‘freedom of expression’ and ‘unlimited choice’ about their kids should be flogged, neutered and tattooed across their forehead with ‘DO NOT SHAG’ just in case the neutering didn’t work.

But even with those fuckwits, surely having a kid is about a human experience? The kid being influenced by a computer is wrong in so many levels.

That got me thinking about other kids and their first words.

Around here, if a kid is being fed when it decides to utter its first word, it would stare at the spoon and say, ‘Burnt.’

Frankenstein’s baby would say, ‘I better have a dick’

The new royal leech would ask, ‘Why are all those folks who have fuck all to do with one and are kidding themselves that their misguided love matters, alive and breathing the same air as one?’

A Kardashian baby would state, ‘I’m a Media Whore – Take my picture!’

And Bieber’s kid would say, ‘For fuck sake, stop letting dad sing me a lullaby.’

I do think that some household items can be useful when rearing a child.

Tie the wee fuckers to a whirligig for some exercise.

Litter trays don’t just need to be for cats.

Cling-film can be used as one of those ridiculous cocoon wrappy things.

Gin can be used as a sleep aid.

And the internet can be used to sell any children that you are disappointed with. (Even your own)

That all may sound a bit cruel but if you stick some Disney images on everything you will be fine. Social Workers are suckers for Cartoon Characters and a sing-a-long mobile.

I had a few Goofy Gin’s in my early years and it was a very acceptable replacement for nutrition as well as making me sleep like my gran who stayed with us until she woke up dead.

Now onto this week’s stories.

We had two of our most prolific contributors and three new writers for your reading pleasure.

Topics this week include; musings, a birth, life ripples, literal characters and a cull

As always our initial comments follow.

First up we had the delightful Leila Allison.

This is Leila’s forty ninth story for us. Only one to go for the big ‘Five O’ and that is just around the corner!

The Renfield / Tom Tom Ghost Debacle‘ started off the week.

‘What can you say – Really – What can you? – What an imagination!!’

‘To write a story around writing a story where your past characters play a part with terms and conditions regarding new characters is bonkers and makes my head hurt in such a satisfying way!

‘I love the description of the slipper and one eye shut balance.’

Our first new author was published on Tuesday.

We welcome Ryan Priest.

Cockatrice‘ was next up.

‘This is excellent. It is well thought out and the observations are there for all to see if they can drag themselves away from the very entertaining horror.’

‘Ryan really captured the mood.’

‘The final twist was a belter.’

Sun And Sediment‘ was our story on Wednesday.

Martin Toman was another new writer to the site.

We extend the same welcome and hope that they all enjoy their time with us.

‘The melancholy and no over the top emotion really suits this.’

‘The scene setting was excellent.’

‘The tone was spot on and the writing was very proficient.’

The legendary Tom Sheehan was next up. I loose count everytime I try to tote up his stories but I think Fall Out From a Workshop Where Words Rise is his seventy sixth!!

‘This was so hypnotic you just went along with it. An absolute delight.’

Everytime I write something about Tom’s work I find myself saying ‘Wonderful writing’ This is no different!’

‘It was like listening to an instrumental piece of music.’

And we finished off the week with our last new writer.

Same welcome once more and we hope that they all continue to send us their work.

Ferguson Williams had her story, ‘Martin Gets A Letter’ published on Friday.

‘I liked the guy’s attitude.’

‘The ending was terribly sad.’

‘The missing daughter was a neat little twist.’

Well that’s us for another week folks.

The usual reminders.

Keep the comments coming. We see that there have been some new people this week and we thank you one and all!

The Sunday Re-Run is a chance for you to write a spiel about an older story that you have enjoyed. You can also add a couple of questions in it if you like. We will publish whatever you send us.

I normally finish off with some idea or comment that is completely stupid but as I am writing this I think I have just heard the most stupid thing that I’ve come across for a while.

So to end with, I would like to mention the forward thinking of Alabama.

I wonder what other laws they are considering. Maybe things like compulsory marriage to fathers who are shagging their daughters – Well you couldn’t bring the kid up as a bastard, could you?

Parental rights for rapists – Surely a father has rights too, no matter how they fathered.

And of course, prison for those women who have legal abortions due to a pregnancy that would have killed them.

Those puritanical, nazi decision makers are in the fucking dark ages. I hope they contract the plague!


Image by Niran Kasri from Pixabay

4 thoughts on “Week 223 – First Words, Useful Tips And Ruining Lives”

  1. “Alexa” is the perfect metaphor for this passive, cowed society, You can say anything to “it,” and it will reply without emotion because it knows that you are nothing but another udder on the never-ending cash cow milking machine. Sooner or later, you’ll come around.

    Then again, must you believe and behave as though this is true? Must you always risk a drag off the pillory every time you dare say something at odds with the non-gendered majority? Must you silently sit by as passive-aggressive morons rewrite history in a cynical effort to make more money in the now? This sort of thing has been going on since before the toga, and yet we fall for the old gag every time. I don’t know all that much, but I do know that an extra billion or three man-bun sporting, hipster-dufuses can’t be a good thing.


    1. Hi Leila,
      Thanks as always.
      I was worrying about evolving AI as my Alexa wasn’t passive aggressive, it was very aggressive.
      I ask for ‘Rob Zombi’e and it told me to ‘fuck off’ and played Bieber. After a bar of his pishness I asked for some of ‘The The’ but it sneered and played me ‘Kanye West.’
      I shouldn’t have worried about AI. I found that it is no match for a blow torch and a three iron!
      It’s always a pleasure reading your thoughts so thanks again for commenting on my nonsense!


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