I’ve began far too many of these posts with this type of comment:
All of us at Literally Stories send our thoughts to those affected by the atrocity in Manchester.
Our football season is coming to an end and that is normally a sign of summer finally turning up. Only in our country does it make sense to play sport in the rain and snow.
Anyhow back to the summer, we don’t handle those three days in June very well. As soon as it’s bright we put on our Speedos and head to the beach. The men don’t dress much better.
Unfortunately a bright day doesn’t necessarily constitute heat here in Scotland but our NHS services are wonderful and on that bright day they are well geared up with survival blankets and hot soup.
It gets even worse when the heat does arrive. We all believe that the sun is a ‘pussybawz’ and it isn’t hard enough to affect us. We gather at an Island called Millport, ‘Get foo ae it’, compare the redness of our bodies and the quantity of skin that we can peel off.
Again the NHS comes to the rescue with ice baths and psychosis medication for the sun stroke madness that follows.
I once worked with a girl and she was a pale strawberry blonde. Debbie was a sun worshipper and also liked a wee drink. She roasted herself yearly and normally had a couple of days off whilst she itched and twitched. The work got fed up and began to dock her wages due to this being self-inflicted.
One lovely Sunday she took exception and decided to stay in the shade. Unfortunately the shade was the inside of a pub. She stayed there all day. Debbie managed to get to her work the next morning but was a bit worse for wear. She was sent home.
I spoke to her the next day and she stated in a rather defiant voice:
‘The only way that I knew that I’d even been at my work was when I woke up lying in a half eaten family size M&S trifle. I had half my uniform on, fuck knows where the rest of it is! Shit the trifle! I think I stole it!’
I miss Debbie!
There is a point to all this. Maybe not the story about Debbie but what the hell!!
I think all of us who write love to play watching games. From there scenarios begin to form and these become full blown inspiration.
But now-a-days, one part of watching games that I was very interested in is missing. If you walked down a beach or a park on any sunny day it was very interesting to look at the person and what they were reading. Kindles have bombed that out. There are no covers to see, only black soulless pieces of plastic!
So all those burly guys can now read a Mills And Boon without me thinking about a brickie who wants to be wooed.
The wee mousy women can read their splatter porn and I won’t even consider them wearing a pair of nipple clamps whilst skinning a Minister. Although that is a kink that both would enjoy!
And a ninja could read their kindle and I wouldn’t even know that is what they were doing!
OK, onto this week’s stories!
Topics include, a second chance, recognisable characters, female family relationships, science fiction and revenge.
We are pleased to tell you that we continue to attract new writers. We have three for you this week, as well as a returning author and a writer who has sent us more words than anyone else.
As always our initial comments follow.
The first of the week was the first for Steve O’ Connor. We welcome him, hope he has fun on site and ask him to send more of his work. ‘A Literary Evening‘ was published on Monday.
‘This left me feeling hopeful.’
‘The relationship seemed real and well drawn.’
‘This struck just the right balance between being being sad and hopeful.’
It was a pleasure to publish Mary Breen’s second story on Tuesday. ‘Shelter‘ was our next offering.
‘I was completely hooked.’
‘This shone such a bright light on our ‘Don’t interfere mentality.’
‘The ending was superb and so sadly accurate.’
Our next new author was ‘Massimo Sartor’. We send Massimo the same welcome and wishes as we did to Steve. ‘The Fly‘ broke the back of the week on Wednesday.
‘A sparse but informative piece of writing.’
‘I enjoyed the crux of the story being about a relationship.’
‘By bookending the piece it made this a complete story.’
If anyone has ever had a look through the site they will be very familiar with the talent that is Tom Sheehan. His brilliance continued on Thursday with ‘The Innocence Of A Lakeside Interruption.’
‘This was nastier and more blatant than we normally get from Tom but it was just as excellent!’
‘Gripping and ever so well constructed.’
This brought us to Friday and our last story and last new writer. (Bookending again!)
Merry Mercurial finished off the week. Again, the same welcomes and wishes!
The wonderfully titled ‘A Solution For Camels‘ finished off the week.
‘Not an easy read but very good!’
‘No choices in these circumstances.’
‘Sad, haunting and beautifully written.’
That’s this weeks round up rounded up!
Within my summer ramblings I should have mentioned two of my biggest hates.
Firstly are barbecues, this is just a license for an idiot who can’t cook to burn chops.
And gardening. I hate it!
No offence folks but if you enjoy gardening you are a pervert.
You like sprinkling shit, you root your rhubarb and you love spreading your seed.
5 thoughts on “Week 125 – Speedos, Trifles And Rooting Rhubarb.”
Great fun to read as a reader – I’ve just come in from excercising my perversion – sorry – gardening – well if you can call it that – it’s more like taming the jungle. Thanks for another fun read Hugh. Great image Nik I like a bit of mucky rhubarb !!!
I’ll let you into a secret. The phrase ‘rooting rhubarb’ was a comment of a first time activity from a young lady to a young gentleman!! (It was the young gentleman who made the comment…Ouch!)
Thanks as always!
We here in America play the world’s version of football during the summer. A few years back Man U manhandled our Seattle side 7-0. Rooney played ten minutes and had a hat trick. We are bad sports who invent incomprehensible games to be bestat. Great weekly as always.
There’s an old saying:
If you need to light a candle, ask a Catholic.
If you need to cook something, ask a Frenchman.
If you want sarcasm, ask a Scotsman.
And if you want someone to catch a ball, ask an American!
We all have our talents!!