Short Fiction

Week 75 – Splish Splash…My Eggs Are Poached And My Hair Is Torn.


Hi there folks,

Before we start I have a plea from our very own, lovely Diane Dickson who isn’t looking quite as lovely this week. Diane is the kind lady who is setting up all your wonderful stories. I hate to report that some of our writers, hopefully without realising, are the cause of this. Miss Diane, is at this very moment looking for a wig due to some self initiated hair removal. Yep the poor soul has been tearing her locks out due to tabbing!! Please folks, when submitting do not use them anywhere in your story. Same with indented paragraphs. We know that is a classic writing discipline but when setting up electronically, it can cause problems.

Diane is a wise wee wumin and she has also asked me to give any of you who are thinking on self-publishing a piece of advice. Again, keep the tabs out as the Kindle Converter hates them just as much as Diane with her now purple nylon hair.

Onto this week. I really enjoy all forms of urban myths and wondered if I could start one. All those generic stories that are manipulated towards a locality shows intelligence, imagination and respect of an area. I have wondered about some of the snippets I have picked up along the years.

Are there still men who have hooks instead of hands? Did Bobby Darin write the lyrics to ‘Splish Splash I was Taking A Bath’ for a bet? Was there ever a lady enjoying herself with a crustacean? Was Elvis Presley’s ‘Heartbreak Hotel’ inspired by the line ‘Tonight I walk a lonely street’ which came from a suicide note? Can paper cuts be infected by maggots? Was 10cc named after the volume capacity at the end of a condom? And how many male Rock Stars have had ribs removed, to, well, use your imagination.  We will never know. We could look up Wikipedia but as I said, we will never know.

The reason for my inane drivel is due to me clearing out a cupboard last Tuesday. There were the usual array of all things that I believed would come in handy and they didn’t, photo’s which made me sad, enough plastic carrier bags that could choke the planet and lots of books. One specific book got me thinking. It was ‘The Bad Place’ by Dean Koontz. Now if you have read it, then hopefully you will understand. I think that Mr Koontz wrote this as a bet. I truly believe that he was with some pals one night and just like Bobby Darin’s friend, they challenged Dean to write a book about; hermaphrodites, telekinesis, space travel, incest with ones self and poached eggs. And he did. And it was very entertaining – especially the poached egg line which still makes me chuckle.

So I hope that I have started an urban legend regarding ‘The Bad Place’. Either that or I will state that if you stare into a mirror and say your postcode then ‘Bloody-Candy-Mary-Man’ fourteen times and your phone rings, you will be sent some crap from Ebay and you will be implored to put into an already full cupboard.

Here we have a round-up of this weeks wonderful stories. (Comments included) As usual we have quite a selection. A cowgirl and a mystery. Lets be honest, a little twat that we all have had experience of, scary elves, a rebel and a fathers thought’s are a fair old mix of topics.

We never tire of seeing the name Tom Sheehan. He was first up on Monday with a total curve ball of a story, ‘Last Look’

‘Left us with a wonderful wondering.’

‘I swear this man is a gift to short fiction.’

‘A beautiful story and such an odd setting’

On Tuesday we had a new writer, we welcome Cameron Vanderwerf. His thought provoking tale was entitled ‘Sleep’

‘The character was very endearing.’

‘Poignant ending.’

‘Even though there was bleakness, the ending showed hope.’

Another old friend popped up on Wednesday. We can honestly say that we never know where Fred Foote’s imagination is going to take us. This time his offering was ‘Elves’.

‘Not in a million years would I have predicted this one.’

‘Disney would need to use a helluva lot of metaphoric fairy dust to make a film of Mr Fred’s story.’

‘Loved this’

The infectious and multi-talented Adam Kluger gave us his story ‘The Freelancer’ on Thursday.

‘Well written and enthralling’

‘This had some style to it – Some very good lines.’

‘Him not getting his comeuppance is sadly realistic.’

On Friday, we had an emotional story that made us remember some very brave acts of defiance. It was a privilege to publish Phil Temples second offering, ‘Scollay Square’.

‘I love a rebel’

‘I need to say YES’

‘I love that girl’

‘A nod to Boston’

Well guys as Freddie once nearly sang, ‘Another week bites the dust’.

Please remember and only use Tab as a drink while dieting!

We have had fun, tantrums, hair removal, cracking stories and I think it is now time for a wee snack of poached eggs.



2 thoughts on “Week 75 – Splish Splash…My Eggs Are Poached And My Hair Is Torn.”

  1. Poor Ms. Dickson. Still, writers usually cause pains in other parts of the anatomy. We sometimes run large tabs we cannot pay, and I, for instance, operated for years on the mistaken assumption that Bobby Darrin sang about “Mack the Knight,” and not about the edgier title.
    L. Allison


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